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Sweats fall into that category, and big shoulder pads.</p>
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<p>I wore a double-D bra by the time I was 15. For the next 20 years, I was on the receiving end of wolf whistles and sexual comments from strangers, and I hated it every time. I often wore the frumpiest, loosest clothes I could find – and then I got rude comments of another type. But those comments were less hurtful because I had chosen to look that way. I did not choose to have an overly curvy body.</p>
<p>Later in life, I gained a lot of weight, and recently, I lost most of it. I look fairly good. But I also look old. I deliberately don’t dye my hair so that no one will think I’m young, even from a distance. I prefer to be old. No more wolf whistles.</p>
<p>Just do not go in underwear, anything else is OK.</p>
<p>“I honestly think it’s less about not caring than about what really matters-food, shelter, that you have clothes at all. But that’s probably lost on people who rely on stores, magazines and price tags to dictate how they look.”</p>
<p>I’m not sure I understand this, but if I understand it correctly, it might be exactly what I have in mind. There are many overlapping ideas being shared here, but to me, the point is not about whether it is right or wrong to care about how you look, or whether it is right or wrong to spend time, effort, or money on it. It is about recognizing that it DOES say something about you, even if it’s “I don’t care”. In the example above, the person is saying it is all I can do to survive. Other examples might be “it’s all I can do to get my kids here”. When I see depressed patients, how they are dressed tells me something about their level of function. </p>
<p>Also, patients often share what they think of how I am dressed, especially the kids! </p>
<p>Those of you who say you don’t notice what others wear, how certain can you be? What if it’s subtle? I would probably say I don’t notice. I don’t conciously notice a lot of things, until someone points it out to me. But I also say I am not influenced by drug reps and free mugs, and research suggests that probably isn’t true. </p>
<p>What I notice is, when I want the right kind of attention, at Nordstom’s, or a fancy restaurant, how I look matters, so I work it when I can. When I don’t mind being followed like a potential shoplifter, I dress one way. When I want folks to ask if there is something they can do to help, I dress differently.</p>
<p>I know I could shop and eat elswhere.</p>
<p>I wasn’t wearing sweats because I was fat. I wore a size 6 and was very fit. I was at school to get an education not to be a fashionista. I far prefer my mode of dress compared to my sibling’s sorority sister, who got up an hour early every morning so she could change her nail polish to match her outfit. Of course, she was just there for to get an M.R.S.</p>
<p>Do not pay attention to others comments. They are reflection on person who is making the comments, not you. Paying attention to them is their goal. Why do you want to be positive force in meannies goals? IGNORE, IGNORE, and ignore and never ever give then slightest hint that you pay any attention. Double D or smallest A, who cares?</p>
<p>Not everyone wants to dress sexy. I developed at a very young age and got all sorts of unwanted attention. I had a model body and a decent face to go along with it. I purposely dressed down because I HATED the attention that I got. I wore baggy clothes to hide my figure. Even now, tight clothes bug me. I have zero interest in dressing up sexy because that’s not my personality. I don’t need clothes to make me feel good. And if clothes make YOU feel good, then more power to you . My sister is one of those people who is happiest in nice clothes and with loads of attention. But I hardly think everyone in shape feels the need to show off. </p>
<p>I’m in good shape and I feel good about myself. I am back at a very healthy weight. I don’t need to show that off to anyone else. I’ve never lacked for a date or relationship, so I can’t be doing too poorly. And really, I wouldn’t be attracted to a guy who wanted me to dress up nicely. If you are, then great! But I prefer to be in relationships where we put in effort in other ways. That’s not a sign of depression or anything else- it’s just my personality. In fact, when I went through my bouts of depression, I dressed up. I wore the tight clothes and nice shoes. I thought that if other people wanted me, that would make me happier. It didn’t. </p>
<p>Also, with guys my age, I think I could attract a lot more them wearing a gamer t-shirt and baggy jeans than I could with a tight top and cute shoes lol. I wonder how many even notice what kind of shoes girls wear… hmmm… maybe that should be a research project lol.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap: I agree that in a professional or social situation, one is often sized up by their appearance. But we’re discussing college, where if, news reports are to be believed, some students in Tennessee have been shoving alcohol up their bums to get drunk. I’m sure fashion is unimportant to most students.</p>
<p>My daughter recently graduated, and had to ask for letters of recommendation. It is reassuring to think that those teachers would not be influenced by her appearance, if she had worn sweats for four years. Not saying she did, but it’s interesting to think that all else being equal, it wouldn’t matter. Relatedly, it is probably rare that all else IS equal, and so some of us may need more “appearance” points than others.</p>
<p>It just doesn’t seem that hard to care about what you wear AND care about all those other things in your life that you already care about. Maybe it is harder than I realize.</p>
<p>Bay, it’s fine to care what you wear. I also think it’s fine to not care so much. If others are clean and covered - why would I care or be offended by what they wear? Especially if it seems to be fairly normal - i.e. sweats on campus.</p>
<p>Bay, I can think of times when it was much harder for me than it is now. It’s not just pulling the clothes on. It is also shopping for them ( a HUGE ordeal for me, as I find shopping for clothes a huge PITA, and incredibly boring), and caring for them (some require attention to how they are washed, or need to be ironed, or laid flat, or hung up, but NO WIRE HANGERS), and keeping them ready to go in a hurry. And having toddlers at your ankles makes EVERYTHING take a long time.</p>
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<p>I don’t know why you would or wouldn’t care. I would care if my boyfriend wore sloppy sweats or pajamas out to dinner with my parents, to a wedding, out shopping with me, or on campus. This is because I believe that people should be considerate of others by selecting appropriate clothing for the day. I understand that some people don’t agree with me.</p>
<p>The entire point of this thread is whether sweats are appropriate attire for class. Some say yes, others say no. Sweats are not “normal” attire on some campuses.</p>
<p>*
It just doesn’t seem that hard to care about what you wear AND care about all those other things in your life that you already care about. Maybe it is harder than I realize.*</p>
<p>Probably.
When you are dealing with large issues, that can seem overwhelming- not enough sleep, not enough money, not enough time, physical/mental illness of family members…, pretty hard to give a %#*+ about if your shirt is tucked in.</p>
<p>The issue of whether sweats are appropriate or not may also depend on the geographic location of the school. The west coast tends to be more casual.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap,
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t get the impression that you “don’t care” about your appearance, rather that at times you found it difficult to attend to your appearance. Those are two different things.</p>
<p>“I would care if my boyfriend wore sloppy sweats or pajamas out to dinner with my parents, to a wedding, out shopping with me, or on campus.”</p>
<p>Well, as I stated - yes, to dinner with parents, to a wedding - those are places where sweats would NOT be appropriate, and I wouldn’t just be offended - I would not go with him.</p>
<p>Shopping (depending on where) or on campus - no big deal.</p>
<p>I understand that you are saying that sweats are not “normal” on some campuses. I have just yet to see such campuses. I agree with you, if you’re saying that you should sort of “match” what the norm is. On every campus I’ve been on, there are kids going to class in athletic wear, basketball shorts, sweats - it’s considered everyday casual wear, normal, common - no big deal. Same thing in the malls, in casual restaurants, in grocery stores, etc.</p>
<p>Not in a high end restaurant or boutique - but as you stated, this was a sweats on campus thread. And yes, every campus I’ve been on - sweats were “suitable”.</p>
<p>As to what I wear, my DH would have a canary if I came home with chic Tory Burch flats and $100 jeans. Sooooo not our MO for spending priorities. I found two dresses for S1’s wedding
(civil ceremony and next summer’s reception) for under $50 each – 70% markdown. DH gets some good stuff because he often has to appear as a speaker/in court/etc. But when he’s in the office with no external meetings, he wears his old khakis which I have rehemmed several times as the bottoms fray because he thinks he can get another season of wear out of them. And yes, he is very senior at his agency. His staff still loves him. 
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<p>Neither of my kids care about labels. But they sure clean up nicely. S1 learned to love suits when he did the science fair circuits senior year. S2 likes to look sharp and has a good sense of color. This does not have to cost lots of $$ and does not require labels.</p>
<p>"Shrinkrap,
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t get the impression that you “don’t care” about your appearance, rather that at times you found it difficult to attend to your appearance. Those are two different things. "</p>
<p>I would say there were times when clothing did not make it on to my list of priorities. </p>
<p>There were times when I, and others I have known, had about 50 things that ranked higher in priority for expenditure of time, physical and emotional effort, and money. I am not sure that is different than not caring. As recently as about three years ago, I had holes in the soles of my shoes. Can you imagine your psychiatrist having holes in the soles of her shoes?</p>
<p>There are also times when I am LOOKING for things to put time and energy into, and think “hey! How about ME!”. That could be excercise, eating well, pleasant activites, or aspects of my appearance like clothing. During a recent vacation in Jamaica ( my first vacation in another country in maybe 25 years,) I had a mani-pedi!!! I have always thought that was a collosal waste of EVERYTHING, but I was in a totally different frame of mind at that point. </p>
<p>I STILL LOATH shopping, but if someone were to shop for me, I would gladly wear it.</p>
<p>Bay, you mentioned that people notice what other people where, whether they care or not. Of course! I’m a writer–I try to notice everything about what people do and the choices, or nonchoices, they make–what others care about, what they don’t. It’s endlessly fascinating to me.</p>
<p>Plenty personas on this thread would make terrific characters to write about, as a matter of fact–what gets people going.</p>
<p>But noticing, and judging, are two different things. I note what others wear, say, do, etc. but what they wear is not something I have reason to judge. Say or do, yeah, sometimes, depending on who might be getting hurt. But what they wear, nah. Just seems silly.</p>