<p>So like the sweats on campus, or polos and sundresses, or jeans or not in church or nice clothes for a sit down dinner chatting with grocery store clerks and other patrons in line might be a local/regional thing. “When in Rome” works well in all cases. To merge the 2 topics . . . last week I was checking out my groceries and the woman behind me had the CUTEST skirt - a coral colored slightly A line perfect length skirt. I went ahead and told her that I loved her skirt. She just lit up and told me where she got it (Land’s End last year) detailed the great features about it (fabric, narrowness of waist band, etc) and we had a great, friendly chat about it. We didn’t slow down the line and everyone left smiling. She was thrilled that I’d noticed her skirt and thrilled to chat about it. It ended with a friendly, “Have a great rest of the day!” and I can’t argue with that. :)</p>
<p>cromette-they call what you experienced the Seattle freeze. I know exactly what you’re talking about, but I really haven’t seen it as much recently as I did when I first moved here 15 years ago. Maybe it’s because so many outsiders are moving in (a sore point with some old timers, I know). </p>
<p>I wonder if some of this chat/non-chat is more a factor of how we grew up than location? My mother never met a stranger that wasn’t a potential friend-in fact two of her best friends were people she once just struck up conversations with. My father was a pharmacy owner back when the local corner drugstore sold everything from umbrellas to custom-mixed medications. It wasn’t uncommon for him to bring home one of the kids who worked for him for dinner or to invite said kid’s family to a pool party. Sometimes it was the salesmen and THEIR families. There were many Christmases that some single person one of my parents knew joined us at the table. </p>
<p>I’m pretty shy by nature but it wouldn’t occur to me to NOT be friendly and personal with people in the stores where I shop or get services. The place where I get my hair cut is owned by a Vietnamese family and when I went in for a trim yesterday THEY asked where my D was and how she was doing in school-and the owner wasn’t even the one who cut my hair. I’m glad it wasn’t all get in, get out, see you later. </p>
<p>Saintfan-I’ve had fun conversations like that in line too. It can really put a bounce in your step.</p>
<p>I am “from here” and that is how we’ve always done it. In fact my mom could be counted as one of those who sometimes doesn’t know when to say when ;)</p>
<p>I chitchat with strangers all the time. Mostly in bars. For sure at a B&B. Generally not on public transportation. And I just do not like to talk to people when I’m buying my groceries. I think you can be the sort of person who delights in chance encounters with interesting strangers (which I do) and at the same time not want to talk with people who bag your groceries. It’s just a thing with me. It doesn’t have to say anything about where I’m from or how I was raised. In the main, I don’t much like talking to cabdrivers, either.</p>
<p>One’s personal preferences may but needn’t have anything to do with how he or she was raised or from whence he or she hails. </p>
<p>As it happens, I am a Chicagoan born and bred who delights in chance encounters with strangers. It’s just one of my things that I do not like to talk with the people who check and bag my groceries. It has nothing to do with whether I’m a friendly person. I’m just not in the mood to chat when I’m at the Jewel or wherever. I talk with strangers all the time. Just try to stop me when I’m at a bar. Or at a B&B. There are just times when I prefer not to engage in idle chitchat. I’m unlikely to strike up a conversation with someone on the El, for example (that may be regional; people would likely think you were crazy for doing that; even when I see someone I know on the train I keep to myself). In the main, I also do not like to talk to cabdrivers.</p>
<p>When I had horses and one had a stone bruise, I would often buy the combination of mineral oil, epsom salts, rubber gloves, disposable diapers and duct tape. I sometimes wanted the cashier to ask what the heck I had going on rather than speculating.</p>
<p>sseamom - that would be my MIL who has (as we call it) the talking gene. She talks just to hear herself talk and doesn’t reallly care who is listening (or not!) My mom actually is more introverted and makes a concerted effort to be gracious and welcoming. She once described forcing herself to go up to people at church and introducer herself and draw them out even though it’s not always her thing just because it is important to reach out to people and be open and amiable. She really does like to make those connections even though she isn’t naturally extroverted. I admire her for it, but now and then . . .</p>
<p>“For example, just a few days ago I bought a lot of milk at a nearby store. The checker, a young woman I’d never met, commented (in a very pleasant voice), “You like to drink a lot of milk, don’t you?” I told her that our family drinks milk at all meals, and she asked about my children, where they were in school, etc. She continued to scan groceries very efficiently while we talked”</p>
<p>I hate when checkers comment on what you’ve bought. I would have said, “Yep!” in a cheery voice that would have given no more fodder for conversation.</p>
<p>"In any case, I would say one’s preferences about talking to grocery store clerks is very much a personal matter. I really don’t like idle chitchat in the grocery store checkout line. This is not to say I am not friendly to or open to conversations with strangers. I see the same people at my local supermarkets, too. I smile at them and thank them. I do not want to talk about my kid with them. Really, I don’t. "</p>
<p>Agreed. I also don’t talk much to the woman who cuts/highlights my hair. Vs he knows that some weeks, the only “me time” I have is right then and I tell her I’m going to veg out with a magazine. We engage in some chitchat, and sometimes I am more chatty, but I like my own bubble and I like to determine when I am going to come out of it.</p>
<p>I catch myself explaining items to the cashiers, especially at Trader Joe’s. We love over an hour away so only make the trip every 1-2 months. Naturally, we like to take advantage of the selection of cheap wine. We must look crazy to them stocking up on wine and jars of curry. </p>
<p>My DH regularly goes to CVS to buy his hemorrhoid cream. He would be mortified if the clerk pointed out that particular purchase :)</p>
<p>I was a supermarket checker in high school.</p>
<p>I had absolutely zero interest in what customers were buying or why. I just wanted to get them through the line quickly so my boss wouldn’t get on my case. And I didn’t chat (this was in the New York metropolitan area, so efficiency was valued over friendliness).</p>
<p>Years later, when I moved to a place outside the New York metropolitan area (and no longer worked in a supermarket myself), it took a long time for me to get used to checkers who chatted. I felt that they were invading my privacy. And if one of them ever commented on what I was buying, I would make a point of avoiding his/her line in the future. There’s a certain checker at my neighborhood Safeway whom I’ve been making a point of avoiding for fourteen years because she asks intrusive questions. I absolutely cannot stand this woman.</p>
<p>The Giant in my area now has a self-service checkout. I love it.</p>
<p>MizzBee, when I worked at my father’s drugstore, some of the crazy things we saw and heard-oh my. We were taught to be the models of discretion. Certain things you just don’t mention, you go blind as you do the check out.</p>
<p>I did have a discussion at the grocery store this morning when I ran in to buy some “healthy” snack chip things and the checker asked if I’d found that they got stale quickly.</p>
<p>I found the discussion about the desire to chat with the grocery store clerk, or not, interesting. My oldest has worked for a high end grocery chain for over four years, spending his first few as a cashier. They are trained within an inch of their life. I asked him about this. He said they are actually required to speak to customers while checking. They are watched very closely on their speed (items per minute) so chatting does not slow them down. He said they are obviously very respectful and take the customers lead, but saying nothing while ringing a customer up is viewed as ignoring them and not acceptable. So, the next time your cashier talks to you it may not be because they are trying to be intrusive, it may actually be part of their job depending on where they work.</p>
<p>I don’t mind when cashiers chitchat with me, actually I quite enjoy it, but I draw the line at discussing my stuff. I had a bad experience with this last summer (summer of 11). I was in a conservative smallish town here in MI and the cashier felt the need to quite openly judge me because of one of my purchases. Her remark, “shouldn’t your boyfriend be buying those?” I was speechless. No one had ever commented on my items before, let alone in a negative or judgmental manner and I have been grocery shopping since I was 15. I had been to this store many times before and never had anything but friendly encounters. But apparently this midnight checker was a little sour. I much prefer self checkout :).</p>
<p>Blueiguana you are entirely correct. I know at my local Whole Foods they are trained to greet and talk to the customer. So I will go one step further and say the next time a checker talks to you, it may not be because they WANT to. I am sure it gets very tedious for them as well!</p>
<p>Romani - I can totally appreciate feeling intruded upon with an interaction like that. Not all places train well, and not all employees do this well all the time, or should do it at all. </p>
<p>I specifically asked my son what he might talk about. The first thing they always ask is “Did you find everything you needed today?”. This sometimes opens a conversation with a customer who will say “Yes, thank you…” and follow on with something else. He might ask about a product but ONLY something along the lines of when he can tell they are cooking something specific (they have a lot of specialty items). There are most certainly areas that are off limits and not appropriate to ask about. There are also a certain number of people he actually knows. He’s grown up here, we have three children, my husband has coached several sports, and I’ve served on a few boards, so he gets people that actually know him. I do understand and fully appreciate that some people just aren’t chatty when they are picking up their groceries.</p>
<p>One of the cashiers at our local Safeway has an annoying habit of commenting on the cost of items. She’ll say something like, “I’ve always to try that but it’s just too expensive.” or “That had better be good since it costs so much.” I find myself wanting to justify my purchase.</p>
<p>I have been off the computer for several days and will have to find time to go back and read all the posts, but just wanted to say:</p>
<p>Because of this thread I was really excited to go to a dinner party at which I knew a bunch of professors would be present and ask “sweatpants to class, yes or no?”</p>
<p>Imagine my surprise at this white-tablecloth & silver dinner to find a professor in sweatpants! And they weren’t even expensive & cute ones! They were bright green with that awful elastic at the cuffs and the waist. And she wore them with a tucked-in tee shirt and sneakers, which had never been expensive or cute - some sort of keds knock-off and now so old they were pretty much coming apart.</p>
<p>Under the circumstances, I decided just to keep quiet.</p>