<p>I’m troubled by KMPete’s son not showing remorse or contrition when caught. Illegal is illegal and one can’t shrug off the risks and consequences. </p>
<p>Having said that, I think everyone deserves ONE second chance. So, for the rest of the summer, I’d have a zero tolerance policy for possession and consumption under my roof. I’d have inspections. If he violates the zero tolerance policy, then he’ll be subject to pre-defined consequences. </p>
<p>I happen to be in favor of legalized pot. But, until that passes, a crime is a crime. </p>
<p>Best of luck, KMPete. Oh, and to answer your original question, I think my kid has smoked pot. But I’m not 100% sure about that. If he has, I have no idea how much or how often. It might have been one of several factors (6 at last count) that contributed to a very bad spring semester.</p>
<p>Roxsox, yes, he should have pitched the stuff. I also think that the fact that Pot and alcohol are illegal for someone makes it a risk to be buying, stashing and transporting the stuff. I know many kids who had your attitude until they were caught with a wee bit too much of the stuff in the car, for instance, and those bad cops did not look at things the way you are. You can do hard time and lose financial aid eligibility, get kicked out of school, have to go to rehab whether you are hooked or not, loose job opportunities since you may have to answer “yes” to having been convicted of a misdemeanor, not to mention dragging your folks in the mess if you have to get an attorney, post bail and go to court over all of this. Many heartsick parents,hurt beyond hurt and having to go through the ordeal of court and lawyers and meeting with the school because their stupid kids were carrying around contaband. It is illegal. The consequences can be severe. Yes, there is a chance you just get your wrist slapped, but, man, get unlucky and the wrong cop, wrong DA gets you, and you can be hung to dry and your parents with you in terms of distress.</p>
<p>Do you really want to do this to those you love? When you have your own money and contacts to bail you out of trouble, take what you want to your hearts content. Right now as a student, your parents end up dragged into this mess when YOU get caught with this stupidity. And every year some dumbo gets caught and made into an example. If the contraband is that important to you to risk all that and hurting your folks, then you have a drug/drink problem.</p>
<p>^Me? No. I don’t drive with anything illegal in the car (I take a bus from school to home and stow it in my luggage) or anything like that. Do you have cops searching your home? The only time I take it out is in my personal residence (note: not my parents’ house) and it’s essentially impossible to be caught there, it’s a college “party apartment building”. It’s in storage at my parents’ house, I’m not using it or taking it out so there’s no way it could be found there. It is stupid to drive with it or to carry it around and I don’t do that (except in my college town where the cops don’t care about such things). If that is what the OP’s son is doing, then he deserves whatever consequences befall him. The truth of the matter is that it is very hard to get caught if you are not stupid about it. </p>
<p>I recognize there are risks, but there are also risks to driving or whatever else. For every person that gets caught (almost always as a result of stupidity) there are thousands more who conduct themselves in a responsible manner and don’t get caught.</p>
<p>Yes, the cops will search your home if a low life drug dealer who just sold you the stuff gets caught and is squeezed to give out some names. I’ve seen it happen. The OP’s son has already been caught with it which puts him in the “stupid” category, I guess, or unlucky. I agree that that there may be thousands, maybe millions more who don’t get caught, but to get caught means a lot of trouble not just for you , but for your parents. If your own need or wants for the contraband are so great that you want to put your parents who have chosen to avoid that risk entirely into the situation where it could happen, that is truly selfish or you need that stuff too much. </p>
<p>And many busts are at college “party apartment buildings”. I would be incensed if anyone, my kids, my friends, anyone was storing contraband on my property. A rude, dirtbag thing to do do.</p>
<p>My son was caught because he was stupid enough to smoke outside behind his dorm. Someone smelled it and 3 hours later (at 2:00 am) the cops were knocking at his door. This is what really concerns me…that he got caught and was stupid enough to get caught (by university authorities) with alcohol twice AFTER being arrested for possession. I don’t know if he was alone or with someone when he was smoking. It was late on a Sunday night, which also has me concerned. Does a casual user smoke alone? I wouldn’t think so. If it were a Friday or Saturday it wouldn’t bother me as much, but who parties on a Sunday at 11:30 pm? </p>
<p>When the heck is he going to learn from what happened? And then, somehow he got a hold of pot again and somehow transported it to my home. I probably never would have found it/looked for it had it not been for the letter from the county courthouse asking for $ for his court fees.</p>
<p>I’d like to believe its something he’s experimenting with and it will pass…but how can he be so careless. He is a smart kid, it’s hard to understand how he can be so stupid about this.</p>
<p>Still waiting for his final grades to see if they’ve been affected.</p>
<p>All the paraphernalia indicate that he probably smokes more often than he has alluded to. Most casual smokers use other people’s bongs, vapes, papers, etc, so having his own is not a good sign, so I’d trash all the paraphernalia.</p>
<p>I agree with FailSafe. He’s got too many accessories to be considered a social user. I would be very surprised if he has managed to keep his grades up.</p>
<p>your son sounds like the average college student. the only difference is that he’s had the misfortune of getting caught. Marijuana use and underage alcohol consumption are routine at college. you may feel disappointed that your son has chosen to do these things, but if you believe that you’ve raised him to be a responsible and thinking individual, this should not be cause for too much worry.</p>
<p>pot really, really is medically harmless. where I go to school, being caught with less than an ounce is a civil offence with a $150 fine, meaning that it’s basically like a parking ticket. you have grounds to be worried what effect it will have on his future, but not what effects it will have on his health.</p>
<p>I say this as someone who has never smoked pot, and does not intend to because of a) the fact that I’m looking to work in areas that require a security clearance and don’t want a drug test causing complications, and b) it’s not my sort of thing to do. I also do not binge drink, and have never felt compelled to do so.</p>
<p>“Still waiting for his final grades to see if they’ve been affected.”</p>
<p>It’s very possible that they are not adversely affected at all. I know a whole lot of people who do all sorts of more ill-advised things (heavy drinking, harder drug use, etc.) and who are top-performing students. This isn’t to say that one should be doing those things, but still…</p>
<p>Your son seems to be spending a portion of his free time–the time allotted for relaxation and not working–doing things like drinking and being high. If he manages his time effectively and does not let these things overtake his life, he can still be a strong academic performer. </p>
<p>Hell, your son may even use pot beyond a recreational level. honestly, that’s still totally fine. If he spends the time he has responsibly allocated to relaxation getting high, I honestly don’t see much of a problem.</p>
<p>“I’m troubled by KMPete’s son not showing remorse or contrition when caught. Illegal is illegal and one can’t shrug off the risks and consequences.”</p>
<p>Remorse and contrition require a recognition that one’s actions were morally wrong. The kid likely does not believe that they were, and has little basis to conclude that they were. Sure, he might regret getting caught, but what basis does he have to conclude that his actions were sinful?</p>
<p>At least the kid is showing some integrity by not giving the standard empty “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I’m going to use this as a learning experience, become a better person, and give back to make up for what I did” BS just so his mom will get off his back. It greatly frustrates me to hear such obvious lies from kids who were caught cheating in school and people in the public eye who were caught doing something bad.</p>
<p>“Remorse and contrition require a recognition that one’s actions were morally wrong. The kid likely does not believe that they were, and has little basis to conclude that they were. Sure, he might regret getting caught, but what basis does he have to conclude that his actions were sinful?”</p>
<p>You are probably right. To him it’s no big deal (even though it’s illegal) because he sees a lot of people doing at college. I didn’t ask him, but he probably believes it should be legal. Plus he reads all the stuff on the internet at sites like cannibas.com, which are promoting marijuana use and refuting all the stuff put out there by the government websites. I really don’t know where the FACTUAL information is. It’s all spin to please the targeted reader. Having no personal experience with pot, I can only rely on what others tell me. I have no desire to try it.</p>
<p>If the student is living or attending school in a state which has legalized marijuana for medical use that may have contributed to his laissez faire attitude, however both marijuana and alcohol are illegal for him & since his job depends on his being able to pass a drug test he seems to be letting substances interfere with his life which is a danger signal ( as are the violations)</p>
<p>KMPete: You will be extremely hard-pressed to find a single instance of someone overdosing on marijuana. It has the potential to cause undesirable side-effects from long-term heavy use, but so do the artificial substances we consume every day in our food.</p>
<p>The consequences from pot use are largely centred around the fact that it is illegal. I personally believe that there is no compelling reason for it to be illegal. </p>
<p>Pot will not turn your son into a monster. It may turn him into a lazy slob, but so will video games and TV. </p>
<p>You are right to be concerned that your son’s conduct is irresponsible, in that it will make it complicated for him to get a job. Moreover, you are right to be worried that pot consumption may lead to him becoming lazy and unproductive (just like it’s more fun to sit around and watch tv or play video games than to do something productive like wage-earning labour or schoolwork, it’s more fun to be high than to do those things). But your son is hardly the first person to drink and smoke pot in college, and the vast, vast majority of people who do end up perfectly okay. You have grounds to be worried and disappointed that your son is engaging in ill-advised behaviour, but I don’t see basis to worry that he’s headed down a damning path. This is based strictly on what I’ve read, so if there’s other factors indicating a dangerous trend in his behaviour, you ought consider them.</p>
<p>again, I’m saying this as someone who has never consumed pot and has never been drunk, but is in an environment in college where such behaviour (in moderation) is quite frequent and does not bring catastrohpic consequences.</p>
<p>The simple fact here is that smoking pot is illegal. If people are aware of what getting arrested for pot could do their lives than they are naive. Pot smokers with a record will not be considered for many jobs and the careers that these kids are in school studying for are basically shot if they have a marajuana arrest on their record. When I discovered that my kid was transporting pot (very small ammount) I knew that I was reaching the point that it was time for that kid to be living elsewhere. It took time but the transition has happened. It is now up to that kid to decide how life is to be lived. Alcohol is not illegal and the simple truth is that unless a person is driving while under the influence of alcohol they will not get arrested if they are 21plus. </p>
<p>Our generation unfortunately probably smoked more pot than todays college students but the reality is that many did not make it out because they went on to other drugs. I hate pot…I hate pot because it can ruin your life, not because I see it as dangerous but because a record could prevent a kid from gaining entrance to grad school, med school, law school, and teaching. I have obviously only named a few of the careers that will be forever altered because of a stupid weed that allows a person to feel altered for a short period of time. Alchohol which is probably more dangerous will not prevent people from persuing any of the above careers. Should all college students just drink? College students need to be smart. They need to consider that what they do today could and will effect tomorrow. My generation might have done it all and most came out ok but there were many casualties and many who floundered for a long time or had to take jobs that were beneath their capabilties. </p>
<p>When kids can’t see that pot is stopping them from having successful relationships with parents, friends, family members, and success in college than they have a problem. That is the concern with pot smoking and any illegal drug. When pot was found in my home and my reputation was at risk and my child was willing to risk my criminal record I knew the time was coming to say it is you or me. If you can’t stop this than you can’t live here and I meant it. Kids need to know what is acceptable and what is not and it needs to be said in a clear rational way that is not left up to interpretation. I am happy that my pot smoking kid is not here. I chose to believe that because I have cut off all support this kid is now working far too hard to go out and purchase it and drive with it in the car. Of course, I could be wrong and I probably am but at least it is not in my home.</p>
<p>There was a thread not too long ago about a CC parent’s son’s roommate who was caught smoking pot in the dorm. 1 term suspension and almost lost his scholarship…Why would anyone want to jeopardize college?</p>
<p>To answer your question, I don’t think my kid has smoked pot. But I’m not 100% sure about that. How can anyone be 100% sure?</p>
<p>Your kid may be a recreational user, but from what you’ve written, it sounds like he’s doing a lot of recreating…</p>
<p>m-3: does the same issue apply to people who are drinking under age 21? </p>
<p>“When kids can’t see that pot is stopping them from having successful relationships with parents, friends, family members, and success in college than they have a problem.”</p>
<p>This seems to be demonising pot beyond the effects of its illegality. Pot will not ruin your relationships with your friends, family, and parents. Being undisciplined in how frequently one consumes it can lead to one being a lazy bum, which can have a host of consequences. But pot itself will not change you, as could other more serious drugs.</p>
<p>Consuming pot is a bad idea in a state where possessing even a small amount is a serious offence. Consuming pot and alcohol while underage while being easily able to be caught is even more unwise. But that’s what it is; unwise. Not hazardous. Moreover, unless you’re driving with it in your car or smoking in a manner where you can easily get caught, you are not going to be caught with it. I think m-3 is seriously exaggerating the threat which her kid’s pot possession poses to her clean criminal record.</p>
<p>What concerns me is all the paraphernalia. He may be really into it. Personally I think it should be legalized, and I think alcohol is a bigger culprit than marijuana. But the fact remains that it is still an illegal substance and he is compromising his future with it. I think you are completely justified in setting boundaries but I think your son will probably be just fine. He sounds like he has a good parent who cares very much.:)</p>
<p>A kid I know had someone in the dorm say something, had his room searched, charged by the local PD (NOT campus police) with intent to sell (not sure how much he had, but not a scandalous mount by 70’s standards), and ended up leaving the school in his senior year. His mom is a lawyer.</p>