<p>
</p>
<p>This is very true. I was on probation for a car accident during the end of my junior and most of my senior year in high school… Would go once a month and they breathalyzed me more than once. They asked me if I had drank anything in the past two days… My answer was of course not, I have school every day and I drove here from school! But you never know…</p>
<p>Kids at DD’s (inner city) HS start drinking in the a.m.</p>
<p>While I generally agree that pot is relatively benign, genuinely UNBIASED research has yet to be done. And I often wonder why smokers are not concerned about the pesticides often sprayed on pot? That stuff is polluting groundwater; surely ingesting it can’t be good for one’s body. And not everyone is smoking medical grade MJ sold at reputable dispensaries. . . .Illicit drugs carry additional risks than from the putative drugs themselves.</p>
<p>For those who say pot is harmless: Friend’s teen DD tried pot for the first time by eating TWO magic brownies. Made the beginner’s mistake of not waiting long enough after eating the first. Was at an outdoor concert so probably was also dehydrated. She passed out; vitals very depressed. Barely made it to ER in time to be given fluids and have her stomach pumped. Friend shakes her head and says that with DD’s luck, the first time she has sex she will probably get pregnant.</p>
<p>As to the OP: Getting caught multiple times raises a red flag for me. However, since strictness may be a geographically based thing, I guess it is possibly bad luck versus so much use that it is impairing judgment and indicates self-medication.</p>
<p>I have found it interesting and enlightening to read the range of responses here. I have no doubt that DD who is still in HS will experiment in college; she has pretty much indicated that. I don’t think she drinks or uses drugs now. Last year she had to take a drug test for her summer job, and this year she has to as well although they initially said she wouldn’t.</p>
<p>“This may be out of context, but for me, the heart-breaking element of this thread is the undeniable fact that no matter how much we love our children, no matter how much we are good parents, no matter how carefully we have tried to instill in them good values so they’ll make good choices – at some point – they are out of our control, and all you can do is be their advocate and minimize the damage to their life and yours.”</p>
<p>This is so true. No matter how much guidance and good advice you give them, so many times kids just need to learn from their own mistakes. They think things will be different for them. It’s hard to let it/watch it happen. It’s much more difficult to see your child experience something challenging or heartbreaking than it is to experience such things yourself. I remember when DS broke up with his long time girl friend…I probably cried more than he did because I knew how much pain he was in. 
Fortunately, in most cases they get through the hardship and grow/mature because of it.</p>
<p>IBfootballer…Pot will ruin your relationships with family, friends and employers. It will because parents do not want it in their house and when a stupid kid brings it into the home it causes problems. Employers do not want their employees smoking pot and given the choice between hiring someone who smokes and someone who doesn’t they will NOT hire the pot smoker. It really is that simple. It ruins relationships not because the drug itself causes huge long term effects but rather because of how it is viewed by the law. When I was presented with the problem of this being in my home, and my kid could not understand the risk they were putting me in, I knew that kid could not live in this home. Not even my own kid will ever put me in a position to ruin my good reputation. It is just not accepted by mainstream standards even though most of our generation smoked ourselves at some point. If pot were legal, as is alcohol, than I would feel different about it. My feelings are strictly based on the fact that smoking pot will damage someones chances of gaining specific employment, entering many graduate programs and professional careers. For this reason alone I detest the idea of pot smoking. Nothing in my opinion is ever worth risking a persons reputation or future.</p>
<p>Marijuana is NOT a harmless drug. Besides the obvious illegal problems, it has 5x more tar/carcinogenic chemicals that cigaretes do. One joint exposes the body to more than 400 chemical componds. Marijuna can be very addictive to some people. About 14 to 20 % become addicted with terrible withdrawal symptoms, but no one knows if they will become addicted until they start smoking. THose with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety etc risk more serious mental health problems. Marijuana can trigger the onset of schizophrenia for those who have a certain gene. But how does one know if one has this gene before smoking? Just google pot and schizophrenia to find article on this. Pot impairs the immune system,causes decreased functioning of brain activitiy in the frontal cortex.etc.<br>
[“Drugs</a>, Brains, and Behavior - The Science of Addiction” - Drugs and the Brain](<a href=“http://www.nida.nih.gov/scienceofaddiction/brain.html]"Drugs”>Drugs, Brains, and Behavior: The Science of Addiction: Preface | NIDA) . Also see Addiction Inbox- a good resource.
I am speaking from experience. My child did not smoke in hs. but started freshman year in college and became addicted… could not stop. We withdrew him from school second semester and he is in a recovery program now. 50 days clean and sober.<br>
You need to get your son into therapy with an experienced addiction therapist or a recovery program. This is serious.</p>
<p>With all of this stuff in his room and the previous legal troubles with school, the law, I would not believe for a minute that he is only smoking/ drinkning a couple of times a month. These are red flags! google Recovery Resource Center for help.</p>
<p>Just to give some info here, My son worked for a national chain that did drug test prior to hire but it was a simple quickie test that really was not a big deal unless the person was a heavy user and using within the week. Employment papers made it clear that all employees were subject to unannounced testing and to refuse the test was dismissal for cause as was a positive on the test. You had to sign off on that to get hired. However, in his several years with the firm, there was only one test and everyone was told well in advance. They really did not want anyone to be caught. </p>
<p>Until, the company went under. Then, everyone was invited to a meeting regarding what was happening, was going to happen, benefits both from the company and unemployment compensation. Everyone had to get drug tested at the meeting and if you so requested a second blind test was available then and there with medical personale equipped to do a blood draw to be an independent reading. The company saved quite a bit money as did the government since anyone who came up positive was fired for cause which meant no benefits. Several people did sue, even get attorneys but they were shut down quickly. The government means business when it comes to their attention that you are using illegal drugs. You can lose financial aid, government jobs and benefits when you test positive. </p>
<p>So companies, schools, people don’t care until it comes to their attention. You get jailed for drug use, thrown out of school or lose a drug, you do become a pariah of sorts. It is a shame to get caught using illegal drugs. So when I hear and read how harmless it is and how few people get in trouble, I can only shake my head. I think some of those saying this are smoking too much of their stuff.</p>
<p>Fleurdemere, I agree with you. I don’t think this kid is just smoking and drinking a bit here and there. Not with that story.</p>
<p>^^One of my massage therapists often mentioned pot is a harmless drug. Guess what, she missed 2 of my appointments and I fired her on the spot. It does not seem so harmless afterall especially when one cannot show up for work.</p>
<p>Mini, it depends on the circumstances under which they are caught. Here in my area, to be caught in possession of pot if it’s considered in the amount that falls under personal use, you get a citation which is like a traffic ticket. I guess it would show up under a thorough background search, but it is not something that you have to address in most forms even for top security clearances. But get caught with more than that and if the feds are involved…that’s a whole other story. You can go to jail. You can get convicted of a misdemeanor. At best it can mean going to court many times, paying a lawyer, having to meet with drug rehab for a year or so, and getting reported to DMV if it involves any motor vehicle. The DMV here is especially hard on any alcohol and drug reports EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT CONVICTED IN COURT. It’s a whole other process. </p>
<p>The thing is, it can quash your chances for a number opportunities if you get caught. When you are a young adult, you don’t know what you want to do in future years, and you don’t know what kind of background check it entails and how they will look at any drug use issues. Whether they think you are just plain stupid for getting caught or feel that any of these issues are serious enough to gatekeep offenders doesn’t make any difference. You don’t get the opportunity. Also these days with computer technology, it isn’t as easy to bury one’s transgressions. In the next few years, I expect things will be fined tuned so that even allegations are going to pop up–it’s happening now, and if you are associated with those, it can be a big problem.</p>
<p>Recruiters for the Armed Forces have been frustrated at the number of kids that need exemptions and waivers for stupid transgressions that in the past would never even come up on background checks. I know that for a fact, because I’ve been told so. A kid gets caught holding a beer can, and the cops might pick him up and book him. Many kids have junk on their records now that need to be addressed, a lot of which are petty things that should never have been on there and would not have been at one time. We jail more people than any country in the world, and boy does that show when doing background checks on young people. So if a kid can truly be nailed as having an issue in that area, yes, doors can close and these days getting some of these opportunities is difficult enough.</p>
<p>I think ALL smoking is harmful. It does the lungs no good at all, and second hand smoke is harmful not just to the person smoking it. There is a fire risk, and the odor is offensive to many others, not to mention those down right allergic to it. I have two family members who are on full time oxygen right now and my mother has COPD and may end up that way in time. I don’t care if it’s pot, cigarettes or lemongrass being smoked. It’s not allowed in my house. We are campaigning to eliminate as much cigarette smoking as we can, and at the same time legalizing marijuana? Really think that does the lungs any good? That it is illegal and not readily available from machines and drugstores everywhere keeps the usage down. If legalized, usage is sure to go up, and we’ll see how harmless it is to the lungs and body.</p>
<p>I’m not qualified to give advice in this area, but want to add that for some government agencies, you can’t get security clearance even if you haven’t had an arrest. My kid was interested in one agency and checked its website.(Kid was just checking the pre-employment questionnaire and saw the questions re drug use and mentioned them to me.) You are asked if you have used pot more than 15 times within the previous seven years. </p>
<p>Now, that’s a pretty arbitrary cut off, but that’s the standard for this agency. You not only are required to answer the question on the application form under penalty of perjury, you have to pass a polygraph. </p>
<p>Now, I realize that there may be only a few kids who would want to take a job that requires a relatively high level of security clearance, but still…</p>
<p>Yep, you never can tell what you want to do once that young adult madness subsides. My DH went for a job with the NSA. I remember we laughed till we cried, because an investigator came for the addresses of all of his former roommates. A number of them were living in a house that you could smell blocks away any weekend night. </p>
<p>I have been contacted regarding neighbor kids and others that were in groups with my older kids for job security clearances. It’s not just drug use, you gotta watch, but manners and people relations when it comes to some jobs.</p>
<p>Defining a recreational user as one who “just takes a hit when it is passed at a party” is so 70’s or 80’s. Pot is VERY expensive and if you get to share in some it is expected you will also provide it too. Gone are the days where out of the blue at a concert- here comes a joint passed down the row. Too expensive and way to strong, and the possibilities of an other additive is great. Thus, one has to know what they are smoking.</p>
<p>Also, I think many recreational users have a small pipe- easy to use and can smoke small amounts. So having a pipe, a baggy, papers or such does not mean the kid has passed into a serious problem. And not having them does not mean your kid does not smoke or only smokes it at a party when someone else provides it. </p>
<p>It has been true for a long time- it is easier for kids under 18 to buy pot than it is for them to buy beer. Also, easier to store and carry undetected. So, sometimes pot is used because it is just more available. No other reason. </p>
<p>However, I must say I lived in terror that my senior honors college bound son was going to be pulled over at night with a group of friends and someone or everyone had smoked or had some on them. Our city cops would ALWAYS throw the book. I was so happy when he cleared graduation day!.</p>
<p>P.S. What I learned was that bongs and vapes (had togoogle that one at the time, love google as a parent) are sometimes held as a Co-op, and in this town they hid the group stash in some poor parents dog kennel. So check your dog kennels! </p>
<p>OP, your freshman seems to have gone crazy, as is often the case when off on their own to college- just like the freshman 15. Soph. year may bring back the son you sent to college. Hold the line, keep you eyes open, but don’t over react. I always regret it when I do.</p>
<p>Olympiclady, it happened to my friend’s D. She was driving a carful of fellow students, and there was all sorts of contraband. She got into a lot of trouble, lost her driver’s license and had some criminal charges filed as well. Honors kid who never got in trouble in high school. This happened in college, so no one is out of the woods. It’s the same as drinking and driving–don’t do it because many cops will throw the book on you as it comes under the DWI category, and the consequences can be severe. In NY, you can lose your car over something like that, on top of all of the other things, and somehow they separate the charges, so you have to deal with such issues on multiple fronts.</p>
<p>I guess the elected heads of our governemnt are exempted from the drug related security clearances.</p>
<p>Very good point about weed not just getting passed around for free anymore. However, you suggest that its likely to be based. Honestly this if far rarer of an occurrence than people seem to think. I’ve never heard of a single one of my friends ever encountering laced weed. Its a financial loss to the dealer (other drugs are expensive, and they lose customers quickly if they lace their product) so they have little to no incentive to do it.</p>
<p>Even the most top secret clearances allow leeway for youthful indescretions. But getting caught and having a criminal record is a whole other thing. Actually it has only been in recent years that some top dogs are admitting to drug use. I still remember Clinton’s “but I didn’t inhale” explanation. What a liar that guy is. I don’t think Bush directly answered questions about his illegal drug use.</p>
<p>“OP, your freshman seems to have gone crazy, as is often the case when off on their own to college- just like the freshman 15. Soph. year may bring back the son you sent to college. Hold the line, keep you eyes open, but don’t over react. I always regret it when I do.”</p>
<p>I think this is the best way to approach this. Some on this forum are saying my son has a serious problem with pot and alcohol. Here are the facts: he was arrested for possession in Oct. 2010, he and his roommate were caught with alcohol in their room in Nov. 2010, his roommate was caught with alcohol in the room in April 2011 and my son was implicated by association (while it sounds fishy, after much investigation on my part, it appears more true than not), and I found alcohol, pot and paraphernalia in my son’s room.</p>
<p>Ever since he’s been back for the summer he’s been well mannered, helpful and part of the family. He’s been happy and spends time with other family members, watching movies, golfing, eating dinner. He’s respectful and actually is up and showered everyday by 9 or 10 am. (A lot of teens I know sleep until noon.) He’s doing jobs around the house (extra big jobs I’m paying him to do until he hopefully starts his real job). He cleans up after himself in the kitchen and is even keeping his room picked up and clean (last summer he was a slob!). </p>
<p>SO–because of this, I don’t think I have an addict on my hands. It’s possible he had that stuff in his room for a “party” planned in the near future, I don’t know. I don’t get the impression that he’s drinking and smoking alone. </p>
<p>I’m not naive and I’m not in denial. There are some very serious issues here. I’m dealing with them. At this point, however, I don’t believe my son is smoking and drinking on a regular basis. Given his behavior and his state of being when I seem him after being out with his friends (seems perfectly sober and straight), he’s not giving me cause to think he’s doing anything illegal.</p>
<p>Glad to hear he seems to be doing well! Honestly all the times he has been caught sound like they could very easily have just been a result of a momentary lapse of thinking, not realizing that the likelihood of a room being searched, being a little too careless with who knew he had alcohol etc. None of them really point to him over partying etc.</p>
<p>Think of it this way. Say he was 3 years older, and 21. Would you be concerned if you came to his apartment, and on 3 occasions found alcohol? I’m guessing not, since a lot of adults keep it in their home. The fact that he has started keeping alcohol around before the law fully sanctions his possession really isn’t indicative of a problem. Especially considering that his behavior is viewed as completely acceptable by the vast majority of his peer group.
Especially amongst young people, weed is viewed much the same as alcohol. The vast majority of college students who engage in it engage don’t have a problem, and never will.
It sounds like your being a great parent, and have done an excellent job not over-reacting, but at the same time not completely ignoring the situation.</p>
<p>Yeah, if he is being social and productive I wouldn’t worry too much. Mind sharing what school (or what kind of school) he goes to? It could also be that his school is just highly strict - while mine is extremely lax, I lived in a strict dorm, and several of my friends were written up several times for alcohol, the RAs would literally listen at your door to see if you were talking about drinking and then knock. Because of the permissiveness of the school, nothing happened to them, but I know some schools are super strict about that, and they could have been being as responsible and discreet as possible but had an RA listening, or something similar.</p>
<p>I also second the fact about these days, a recreational user of weed will most likely purchase and have a small stash on hand, as well as a small pipe. Weed’s not free anymore, and while there are some parties where you can get in on the circle, it’s pretty rare in all honesty unless you know the people. Signs that it’s more than recreational use might be the presence of a bong or bubbler, or a large stash and/or the presence of a scale/baggies (for selling), or obviously being high all the time. A lot of people who smoke heavily will buy large quantities and sell a bunch of it to their friends, and it’s not really considered being a “drug dealer,” though I suppose it is legally. Weed is also almost never, ever laced. That is not profitable and there’s no real reason to do it, since there are not a lot of drugs that are smokeable that could be possible additives, unlike, say a pill, which is often laced because of the higher price of the drugs you want and the lower price of orally active alternatives. Furthermore most people try to get good weed, it’s not hard to find and it will be very pure - there are many different strains and I would compare it to how people discern over different wines. It’s almost exactly like how there are all different wines.</p>