<p>I had chosen to ignore this thread, but after getting a very well-thought and helpful message, I decided to get back to it. This will be a long one, so if you decide not to read it as many of you have done and still posted, please reserve your opinions/judgments. If you read it and still want to comment, I appreciate it.</p>
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Just as inciting to riot does not excuse the subsequent riot, feeling disrespected and humiliated does not justify lashing out.
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<p>Maybe so. I've shown respect to everybody that has commented on this thread until the attacks. I have no respect for people that decide to do that though and could really careless what their opinion is anymore... (go on, bring the immature issue again people).</p>
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You've received some good advice and in more areas than perhaps you're willing to admit.
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<p>I don't know if you've seen where I've said multiple times "thanks for the comments" or "thanks for the insights, it will be much considered" or anything of that nature. I have thought of/considered everything said here whether I agree with it or not.</p>
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[quote]
Espec to Opie: Financial matters were introduced into this thread not initially raised by the OP, who has stuck to his initial point of distance and security and sought advice from other parents in his parents' generation... You seized upon the financials with a tone that is arrogant, condescending and would leave me feeling mighty beaten up, if I were in my 20's.
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<p>good to see my point did get across, at least to some... with so many arrogant responses regarding the financial issue, I had to make sure I re-read my OP to be sure I didn't mention $$ being a problem and to my surprise, I was right.</p>
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[quote]
Which now, many postings later, it looks to me like OP has already been living most of the compromise I suggested or at least a good part of it (attending local CC for more than a year?) I still wonder, OP, though -- how is the FA search at Cali school going or are you stuck in a FAFSA loop right now? From other threads, it sounds to me like it's may be hard to get meaningful aid at a lot of Cali schools (probably because anywhere in CAli is like a lot of Colorado schools--they don't offer much because they are "destination" schools, have no trouble filling spots because kids love the scenery, weather & amenities of the locale.) While waiting for FA ruling from Cali, maybe you could search similar but closer locales, matching as much criteria as possible?
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<p>I have lived @ home for almost 2 years and attended a CC 2 years... as far as the fafsa/aid stuff, I have looked at schools that have good programs for my major and cover the highest % of demonstrated need. I have included/looked at schools regardless of where they are or what their names are as long as they have a good program for my major and they cover the highest need. USC turned out to be my top choice due to the fact that it meets the criteria I'm looking for and then some more. Nonetheless, I'm still looking at other schools (about 7ish/8ish I think) in case USC doesn't come through. I'm praying for the best, but prepared for the worse.</p>
<p>sybbie719: I liked your post with the comparison of the two schools. I agree with you on the issue you brought up. You brought up the "hardship" issue and i should state here, that EFC is only for my dad's income. My mother hasn't been working as of late (due to a surgery). </p>
<p>I haven't been able to work because of my immigration status. I was considered a "foreign exchange student" and therefore had no working papers. All the money I have saved up and said I was going to contribute with is from a "trust fund" (don't exactly know much about it, just that it' there) my grandparents gave each of their grandchildren. I have a working permit now though and will get to start working pretty soon and hopefully take some more heat off of them financially.</p>
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Have you read his posts? When I started responding it was with the thought that the parents actually had some money to present for college. They really don't so I did spank him a bit. He needs to realize what's being offered. Especially if this respresents progress over last year.
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<p>again, what do you or anybody else know of my family's financial issues right now ?. I NEVER brought the financial issue up, yet you keep and keep and keep and keep bringing it up. it's getting pretty boring and tiring. Your not my daddy to "spank" me, thanks. If you can contribute to the issues I have, I'll appreciate it, else there's no need to spam this thread with things I have said 100 times are not an issue!!. I do appreciate what they are offering, and again the relationship between my parents and I regarding financial issues is none of your business and I have asked a gazillion times for it not to be discussed, yet you and others keep bringing it up.</p>
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They should not be offering anything. I'm in the retirement business and maybe you are too? You then know the score.. it's either time or money. Guessing by what little is there now, they haven't been making a 6 figure wage.
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<p>again, who are you to say what they should be offering and what they shouldn't ?. They're my parents, they love me that's why they're putting money forth my education. i appreciate it tremendously and i'm doing everything I can to take the heat off of them financially... I think you're in the wrong thread/website though buddy, you went on a rant about money and retirement just 'cause you're in the retirement business.. ?. (oh and btw you're a really smart retirement guy to know they haven't been making 6 figures...)</p>
<p>Can I get somebody in the police/security and traveling businesses then ? maybe he/she'll help with the safety and distance issues presented in the original post...</p>
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I don't know where the financials came from but yes, they did significantly change my pov about the poster. He shouldn't be complianing about anything they are offerring because honestly, they are offering the food from their mouths down the road for him today. His daddy may not understand him and his desire to attend USC, but his daddy loves him.
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<p>FIND ME 1 POST IN WHICH I HAVE COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR CONTRIBUTION TO MY EDUCATION, 1 POST. I HAVE NEVER, EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR CONTRIBUTION. By the way, did you post ANYTHING insightful in post #81 Mr. Opie ?. Your entire thread is about financial issues, and what according to you my parents should and shouldn't do, you are contributing 0 value to this thread, and it's quite annoying.</p>
<p>Ohh and btw (by the way) me being in an "unsafe" college won't take anything away from their mouths when retirement rolls around. I'd thought you'd know that since you're the retirement guru... maybe you're just confusing two very different issues here ??</p>
<p>I know they are sacrificing themselves by helping me, just like I will (and my brother is doing as of now) when I get out of school and have a regular income. but again, that's none of your business. You don't know the story of my family or why we're in the financial state that we're in, so keep your opinions to yourself regarding that topic as they only pollute this thread... My dad is a big boy, he knows what to do and he knows in what situation the family's in, he's not stupid... </p>
<p>I didn't know I had to confess myself to the "CC authorities" and tell all my life story and create a CIA/FBI-like profile, before asking for help in a simple thread. </p>
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I am truly sorry you find some great harm in what I've posted, but I must ask...Is it a lie? or just an uncomfortable truth?
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<p>I frankly don't know what it is, nor I care. One thing I know though, it is not an uncomfortable truth. You not only judge me and go off on issues that are of no interest to you, but you also come here and pretend like you know what my father should do and shouldn't do regarding the family. I can see you have very different values than my parents do. They're worried about me enough to give me their aid regardless of the financial issues they have. I'm glad as hell I don't have a father like yourself that would just abandon their kids just because they don't have enough money to sit on your fat ass all day in the next couple of years... trust me i will repay them quite a bit of money once I have a regular income and it's time for them to retire. Again, financial issues aren't and won't be a problem.</p>
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[quote]
But the bottom line is that it is OUR business if we decide to give to our son's future, NOT yours! To be blunt: judging his parents' decision is simply none of your business! I think OP has actually shown remarkable maturity in pointing out to you that you have butted in where your 'advice' was not asked for. He has also shown COURAGE in standing up to you.
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<p>Exactly my point. Some family issues are best left to that, the family. That's the main reason I got upset the first time, nobody has the right here to get involved in issues they are not asked to, ESPECIALLY if it has been asked multiple times already to stop discussing it. Yet, many hard heads here don't lose the opportunity to discuss matters they shouldn't be involved with due to the moral/respect/value factor. I guess i was mistaken in expecting everybody here to have some of that and not just a few, my mistake.</p>
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[quote]
I still feel that the OP should take to heart the message that if his attitude is inciting random strangers to such virulent responses, he might want to rethink his approach. And again, I do not intend any disrespect. I admire him greatly for pursuing his education despite financial obstacles and I wish him well.
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<p>none taken, and thank you. How should i change my "approach" then ?. I posted the issues I needed help with in the first post and people haven't lost an opportunity here to offer advice where it's not needed, invade matters they are not asked to, judge what is right or wrong in my family, tell me what college I should attend, and even told my parents how they should manage the family.... I think the problem is not always the post, but some of the posters.</p>
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I think it's important for everyone including the OP to realize that if you post concerns on a message board with anonyomous strangers, you get whatever those strangers deem appropriate. This includes getting responses that you may view as off topic or intrusive.
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<p>I asked multiple times if we could stick to the point of the thread (hence, we're in the 7th page of it and STILL discussing matters that I never even dreamed would be discussed), yet people keep giving their opinion on matters they shouldn't; including you... I also asked if you have nothing to contribute to this thread, please don't spam it as I created this to get some help/thoughts/insights on the issues I asked for. I didn't ask to see Mr. Opie's talents with the retirement business or his opinion on how my parents should manage my family, or your own opinions of what college I should or shouldn't attend...</p>
<p>If you have the right values and morals and have some respect for others, you shouldn't be asked to stay out of personal issues or not to judge others to actually do it (which none of those individuals have done). </p>
<p>THe last time I checked, this board was created to get help and exchange ideas on college/education-related matters, not to judge an entire family, or their decisions on what college to attend and how to pay for it as well as other personal matters. Yet, many people here including you, deem this as appropriate and respectful; what a shame people like that would consider themselves college-educated people living in the 21st century...</p>
<p>
[quote]
This can happen even when you ask friends and relatives for advice, they may give additional information that wasn't asked for. That info that seems off topic may actually be helpful because sometimes a person can't see the entire expanse of their concerns or how things that seem unrelated really are connected to those concerns.
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<p>It hasn't happened to me. The people I have contact with on a regular basis are actually respectful and don't make my family's issues a matter of public opinion and publish it somewhere for over 2,600 people to know about it and discuss... Besides I asked multiple times for those issues to not be discussed anymore and everybody seems to be discussing them still (why we're up to page 7 now in this thread)</p>
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Any time you ask for advice, however, you can choose to ignore it and do as you please. No need to be rude about getting advice that you asked for, but don't agree with. After all, even if people's advice seems wrong, they still took the time to offer it, which was an attempt at a favor even though you may not like the advice or feel appreciative about their taking time to give suggestions.
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<p>THAT'S THE THING YOU AS WELL AS OTHERS DON'T UNDERSTAND, I NEVER ASKED FOR ANYBODY TO GET INVOLVED IN THE FINANCIAL ISSUES. I NEVER MENTIONED THE FINANCIAL SIDE OF THIS TO BE DISCUSSED, YET IT HAS BEEN FOR THE LAST 6 1/2 PAGES!!!!</p>
<p>Have you even read all my posts ?. Either you haven't read them or you just can't comprehend what I've been meaning to say since post one (which is pretty sad, since I can't seem to explain it any better)...</p>
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A little guilt helps once in awhile. Especially when he is being critical of his parents and their offer in their situation. We all sacrifice for our children or we wouldn't have met up here.
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</p>
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What I've taken exception to is the apparent lack of appreication especially in the situation the folks are in. I'm sorry I will never support an "is that all" kid. They turn my stomach.
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<p>Again, find me 1 single post where I have been critical of my parents giving me money for my education. I have been critical about my dad not listening to what I have to say regarding SAFETY issues, NEVER have I questioned/complained about them giving me money for my college education. You are getting two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT issues pretty mixed up here... that makes ME turn my stomach...</p>
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That was not the vibe here, with this poster. If it was, you wouldn't have to write and be so mad at me. Read his tone about his dad.
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<p>first you question how my dad is managing the family and what he should or shouldn't give me for college, then you feel sorry for him and defend him against "my tone" about my dad ?. whoa, you seem to change minds pretty quickly.... Yes, I am upset and am critical of him FOR NOT LISTENING TO ME AND WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND FOR MAKING DECISIONS ON WHERE I SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T GO, NOT BECAUSE OF THE AMOUNT OF $$ HE IS PUTTING DOWN FOR MY EDUCATION!!!!!! </p>
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I hope that your child appreicates your efforts. I just don't think from reading this kids posts that he does appreicate what his parents are willing to do at a time when they would be justified not to do anything.
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<p>That's your opinion and since I have never said anything about not being appreciative of my parents, it is rather a pretty stupid, non-based one... As I have already said, I am critical of him not listening and making decisions that will affect my future. I have never been critical of them giving me X amount of money for college, learn to distinguish 2 different issues.</p>
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I started to see a real lack of appreication of his parents and after learning more, I did take exception to it. I've seen too many kids fail to appricate their parents efforts. I don't care for the "Is that all" type of kid. They need to be on their own.
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<p>So, when did you start seeing that lack of appreciation ?. Is appreciation, not listening to me ?, I should be appreciative of him doing that ?. Cause THAT IS the matter I complained about, again I never complained about their financial contribution. All I said, was he didn't listen to what I had to say regarding safety/distance issues, YOU brought up the "me being ungrateful" comments regarding financial issues. I NEVER, (yes, spelled N-E-V-E-R) complained about their contribution to my education... If that's how you treat your kids and how you "listen" to them, I feel sorry for them (that's if you have any).</p>
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The girl at my d school who was extremely bitter that the BMW her parents bought her for college was a year old, not new....they need a flick on the ear. This poster is coming off the same way minus a couple of zeros.
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<p>HAHAHAHHAHA, first of all, since when $6k can buy a beemer ? and second of all, when have I said "ohh, they should give me more money to attend USC" ? or anything of that nature ?. I have said many times they will contribute the same amount of $$ REGARDLESS of where I go. If I want to go to X school I have to come up with the rest of the money... you're WAAAAYYY off on your assessment of this thread, my attitude and my issues.</p>
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They are making a sacrifice for him, they deserve better than "dad doesn't want me to go to USC".
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<p>Yeah, they don't want me to go to USC BECAUSE OF SAFETY/DISTANCE ISSUES, NOT BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL ISSUES !!!. They label a school unsafe even though they basically know nothing about it, and even though I'm trying to show them the facts, they don't listen to them. THAT"S THE ISSUE AT HAND< FOR THE GAZILLIONTH TIME !!.. your arguments are extremely off topic and weak.</p>
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. He had decided to take time off from college after his sophomore year - and I had made it clear that I would not support him financially if he were not in school -- so he went out and got a full time job.
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<p>If I have to do that to pay for college, I will, I have no problem doing so. But again financial issues are not a problem right now, everybody makes it seem like it is, but they aren't.</p>
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Obviously, since my son is now attending an in-state public, this is not a neat little story where the kid ends up at his dream school. He has had to make some compromises along the way. But the point is
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<p>I know I will have to compromise something most likely. but the issue is them having an idea that the college is not safe just because it's in LA, even though there's plenty of reports and statistics that show the contrary and which they won't listen to.</p>
<p>Lealdragon: You get a grasp of everything I say. You don't mistake/confuse the issues I have presented for discussion like others do. Thanks for the comments and ideas!.</p>
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[quote]
In addition, none of us knows the full story. We only have before us the OP's interpretation. We don't know what his parents said or feel about what's going on.
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<p>If you're implying I fabricated the story or what happened, I didn't. I have no reason to anyways. I don't see how I would benefit from twisting the scenario and get responses that wouldn't be useful to me... Unfortunately I don't read minds, so I have to go by what they say is bothering them. They mentioned safety and distance issues as their concern, not economic issues.</p>
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[quote]
I also have noticed that the OP continues to cling to the idea that at age 20, he can't send himself to college, which isn't true. I've given him a long list of ways he could do this. Others also have given him examples, but he hasn't responded to those.
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<p>There's different issues here:
1.- My parents don't want me to take a year off to save up $$ and return to school because they fear something might get in the way and I won't ever return.
2.- They also don't want me to work while I study because they feel that it will take away from my performance at school and if we're going to spend all that money in education, it might as well be worth it.
3.- I told them, regardless of the money they put down for my education, I will repay them and then help them on top of that since they've taken care of me for years.</p>
<p>Again, this issue of whether or not I can support myself is nonsense, since even my parents don't agree with it. Yet, it's being discussed by the "new authorities of what's right and wrong" of CC.</p>
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[quote]
. The OP appears to see things in a narrow way, which would make it difficult for him to compromise. For instance, seems to me that he's putting all of his emphasis on going to USC, while not looking at other alternatives to getting out of Miss., a state that he apparently wants to leave.
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<p>I can pretty much assume then you haven't read any of my posts since I have said I'm not looking to make USC my only choice. In fact, I have a list of about 7 colleges or so I'm looking into and applying, but USC is my absolute priority. I know I will end up going to whichever school is the best value. But they are shooting down that school because of erroneous and biased issues, THAT is what I'm trying to fix here.</p>
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[quote]
I also notice that he seems to think it's OK to lash out at people when he feels misunderstood or hurt. I realize that some parents here apparently think that this is normal and acceptable behavior from 20-year-old people whom those adults regard as "kids."
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<p>It's not misunderstood, it's about respect. I have no respect for people that don't respect me. if I had not respected people here to start with, it'd be another story, but I was disrespected first and those individuals didn't seem to care, why should I ?... ohh right, I'm the "kid" and I will come through as immature...</p>
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[quote]
I also wonder whether a person who'd justify going off on people on a message board would also do the same with their own parents. People who are near and dear have much more opportunity to get on our nerves than do strangers on an Internet board.
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<p>actually it's not that way. I have the utmost respect for them, they don't judge me, they don't disrespect me and though they do get on my nerves just like every other parent gets on their child's, they never disrespect me... One thing is to "get on somebody's nerves" (how can you define that anyways ? what can be considered as getting into somebody's nerves ?) and another completely one is to disrespect and judge people; they have never done that.</p>
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[quote]
A suggestion to the OP: Undoubtedly, your college has a counseling center. Using that service to get the support and advice you desire now probably would be more productive than posting here. The trained professionals at the counseling center would know you in person and likely would be able to give you better assistance than can the many well meaning strangers here.
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<p>Best help you've offered, thanks. And I don't think that saying that "teens like me should be on their own" and things that have been said classify as a "well meaning stranger"...</p>
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I didn't sense an appreication, I sensed an expectation. There's a difference.
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<p>my appreciation and expectation from them are on 2 different issues. i do appreciate them doing what they do for me, but I also expect them to listen to me and what I have to say before making totalitarian decisions that will affect me the most.</p>
<p>I don't appreciate them not listening to me, nor do I expect them to give me more money than they can afford.</p>
<p>However, you seem to mix these two concepts as if I wasn't appreciative of what they give me and as if I expected more than they can give. Don't mix these two up, I know I haven't. They're pretty clear in my head...</p>
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[quote]
Assuming that he gets into a college that expects him to only pay his EFC, his EFC is very doable for him to pay by taking out very reasonable loans (a total of far lower than the average students' which is $20 k for a total of 4 years), and working during summers and the school year. He also could join ROTC or do Americorps after graduation, earning up to $9,000 total in $ to repay college loans. Plus he'd get a stipend of $200 a week.
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<p>Colleges give you loans on top of your EFC. The EFC is your obligation to come up with whether it's through loans or savings, or income. Their package to you can include grants, scholarships as well as loans on top of the loans you'd already have to cover the EFC. So again, I will have to take out loans more than likely so don't say I don't plan to not contribute, cause I do plan on doing it.</p>
<p>And ROTC is not a viable option since they don't accept it either... I'm not sure if you thought about that comment, but they don't want me to go to college in LA, but they'd agree with me joining the army reserves ? lol, nice thought...</p>
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[quote]
Unless I've missed something, the OP also has had lots of time to have earned $ over the summers and school years to have helped with his expenses going to the kind of 4-year college that he desires. Unless he says otherwise, it is very hard for me to imagine that he'd have needed to use most of his work earnings to pay for community college. Seems he's probably living at home and also should be getting merit aid.
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<p>Yes you have missed something. Until recently I was considered a foreign exchange student and thus wasn't considered for a working permit. That has changed though and so has the financial picture.</p>
<p>We have paid a mere amount for the CC, mid-hundreds probably, so it's not like I haven't saved my parents any money either. If I indeed didn't care about their finances I would have hold on to the idea of going to a 4-yr university and not care about their financial status, but that's clearly not the case.</p>
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[quote]
I continue to think that if he wants the best advice, he should use his college's counseling office.
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</p>
<p>As lealdragon noted, they can help with college-related and financial issues, but not with how to talk to my dad... you seem to stick so hard to the financial side of this issue that you fail to really distinguish what's being asked to discussed. And that's something that can't be solved with a college counseling office. </p>
<p>I know better than to ask help concerning financial and college-admission related topics in a Parent Forum. I came to a Parent forum (or so I thought) to get ideas/comments on how to better effectively communicate with parents going through this regarding the issues of safety and distance...</p>
<h2>lealdragon: You're right. colleges don't care how you come up with the EFC, they are going to give you loans on top of that anyways. As I wrote a couple of lines above, the EFC is your responsibility, regardless of how you come up with it, on top of that schools will throw you additional loans.</h2>
<p>As I said, thanks to everybody that has contributed positively to this thread and my problems. I will consider all options stated... Unfortunately I don't see any more ground for discussion since this thread has gone completely off topic thanks to some, 5/6 pages ago...</p>