Hi everyone. I am 18F.
I’m a first year at UCI. I kinda just want to vent a bit and let this off my chest… For anyone who wants to give any sort of advice I would appreciate it.
I feel like this year has not been at all what I expected it to be. Everyone always told me college is hard work (it is) but also fun and exciting and new and a time where your life changes and you are making tons of friends and everything wonderful is happening to you in your first year.
My first quarter was great. I got great grades and made the Dean’s list. But slowly, things started to change. It got so much harder. And I fell into this rabbit hole of procrastination and laziness and disorganization. I got a C in my second quarter and I was so devastated. Now I am wondering if I’ll ever be able to go to grad school. I tried to so hard in that class and it was just… yeah not good. Now I am in my third quarter, facing a possible F in one of my GE classes. I am confident if I study my butt off I can pass it, and I have applied to change the grading option to Pass/no pass so it does not negatively affect my gpa, which is sadly at 3.55 right now. I just thought I would do so much better than this and I am honestly so disappointed in myself.
In general I just feel lost. I have barely made any friends other than the ones in a club I have joined. Everyone in my dorm keeps to themselves. UCI seems to be a dead campus, though very very gorgeous and safe. But everyone goes home on the weekends. I haven’t been to one party and that kind of makes me feel like a loser. I haven’t felt myself change in any wonderful way like everyone told me would happen. I have not found myself or my soul like you are apparently supposed to…
Instead I feel lost more than ever and completely unsure of what path I want to take in college and with my career. I change my mind every day, while everyone else around me seems to set with their computer science, engineering, biology, nursing majors that will set them up for life apparently. I have never been good at math or science so I chose English for my major with the intention of going to law school. Then I realized every lawyer I have met looks sad and depressed and way too serious, and their whole lives are consumed by paper work and more sadness. That’s not what I want. So now I think I might be more interested in possibly being a therapist, because I love to help people. But again I just feel lost and confused every and disorganized and so far behind in my school work and I am procrastinating on everything like crazy. I have a research paper due in two weeks and I have never been more afraid.
I feel in general lost as a human being. I thought my freshman year of college was going to be the best year ever, It’s been mediocre at best and I just can’t wait to go home for summer.
Thanks for reading this.
College is a crazy time and it forces you to grow at an insane rate. Again, see a counselor and talk about your feelings. I promise that it will help tremendously.