I come from an Eastern European country. My mother didn’t go to school and didn’t know how to read and write. My father didn’t go to school either. He couldn’t even write my name. We lived in an apartment like 99% of the people in my country. There were 14 families living in the building including our family. The women in this apartment would meet weekly to talk, gossip and socialize. My mom was a quiet woman. I was the start of my school in elemantary school, middle school and high school but she really didn’t know that.
There was a woman living in the same building we lived. Her son was 5 years older than I was. He was accepted to one of the Top 5 colleges in my country. The only criteria in my country is an SAT like test where each question has its own value based on how many students answered the question right in the real test. This test was administered once a year and more than 1 million high school seniors took the test each year at the same day and time. If you missed the test, you had to wait for 1 year to take it again.
So although more than 1 million high school students took the same test at the same day and time each student was ranked from 1 to 1 million depending on their score.
This woman’s son was ranked as the 357th student out of 1 million student. She bragged about her every single year. Year after year. She loved to brag about her son’s success. My mom would always give this student to me as an example. I am being 100% honest. My mom didn’t even know how to read and write and she didn’t know how successful I was.
5 years passed.
I took the same test.
I ranked 52nd out of 1.1 million students. I was accepted to top college.
Everyone in our building cheered for my mom. That woman had to move out of the apartment.
True story.
PS: I apologize for my bad English. I am not a native. Also a little buzzed since tomorrow is no work day thanks to Nor’easter in New Jersey.
@ArdenNJ love your story and enjoy the storm!
Thank god they don’t do that here.
I have found that sometimes the “perfect” child turns out to be a hot mess and the troubled bully goes threw a metamorphosis and becomes a good person, accelerates in school and becomes a doctor or something. it happens. of course mostly jerks stay jerks but a lot of “perfect” children crash and burn. (IMO)
My mother had very low expectations of us (graduate high school and learn to swim) so she had 6 kids who exceeded her expectations (we could ride bicycles too! - another skill she wanted us to have but didn’t want to put too much pressure on us)
@Oldfort, it is a very different situation when 5 of the cousins are top performers in school or sports or careers, and there is one not only not getting accepted to Stanford or JHU, but struggling to get out of high school, or in trouble with the law, or suffering from a mental illness. It is very hard to cheer for the ‘C’ in general math while the cousin is getting an A+ in Calc B/C without it sounding fake praise for the C.
My daughter who was a micro preemie doesn’t look any different than other kids (except for the 15" scar on her back from surgery) but has always been 3 steps behind her sister, cousin, and peers. For her the C in general math is a big accomplishment. She’s not going to Stanford, she’s not going to an elite LAC because she could never, will never, score high on a math test. It really is their loss because she’s cleaver and, IMO, quite gifted in humanities and art. She’s fun. She’s kind. She’s just about the happiest kid you’ll ever meet, so what more can I ask for?
We’re hoping she marries someone who can do math.
sometimes the only way insecure people can raise their own level of self esteem is to tear down others.
I love the snarky comments. FIL once proclaimed, “this is a house, not a home” (when he visited). DW was upset. I guess he thinks a house becomes a “home” when everyone is yelling at each other, the father is beating his wife and kids, and people are wondering what to do when XYZ is gets released from jail.
Of course, the attitude miraculously changes when they come to us, hat in hand.
In my heart, I used to feel competitive with other parents, although I never said anything, and kept my mouth shut when the bragging started. Of course I brag on this site, but you don’t know me! 
But as the years have passed and my children have dealt with disappointments, losses, and mental illness, as well as high scores and accomplishments, I’ve come to realize that every life is complicated. Even the golden child has some corrosion somewhere, and it’s counterproductive to envy the shiny side you’re allowed to see.
Oh, and it totally helps to have a core group of friends with whom you can be honest, bragging and lamenting together in a safe space.
I guess you two basic choices OP. Fight back or ignore it.
The right answer depends, I suppose, on your personality and how badly your friend wants to push it (or how much you decide to tolerate it). My wife and I, for example, have completely different personalities on issues like this (and oddly on parenting). She would basically ignore any snarky comments pretty much forever without blinking an eye. I probably would draw a line in the sand and pretty much count down until that line was crossed and be ready to return fire.
Being compared to others, and competition, is part of life. It is inevitable. My attitude is you have to keep up or get left behind. As far as parenting goes, that means I tell my kids to work hard to achieve their potential. Anything else is laziness and that isn’t going to be tolerated. That doesn’t mean I expect perfection but just hanging around being average isn’t going to cut it like it or not. I have to be the bad cop in my house.
My kids are very much compared to a relative who was born 8 months older. It is unfortunate in some ways but you can’t back down from it. You have to rise to the challenge. I virtually never brag about my kids in social settings. I don’t think the other parents involved are snarky but i do think they have had some challenges with their child and feel some sense of jealousy which is hard for them to deal with. I try to be nice and supportive without apologizing for whatever good things my kids are doing.