I agree about down time, and my kids had a lot of it during elementary and middle school. However, in high school they really liked being busy and it was not really me anymore who set the tone. Still, my joke was that for an out of school kind of EC, that involved payment or driving, they needed to want it so bad they were willing to beg : )
Another joke in our house is that they rebelled by being ambitious!
I don’t think colleges really like to see too many activities. Doing things with depth is more important for the kid and for the college- and doing things with depth will require choices.
The onus and joys transfer naturally, no worries, but clearly you are a thoughtful and supportive parent who will be there to guide silently (or not) and listen as she struggles with priorities. I think of it as surfing wave. It is their wave, but we can kind of help them catch it when advice (or money) is needed. Sometimes invisibly.
Be assured that it will become clear quickly when conflicts are too much, time commitments are too much, and corrections are needed. One good piece of advice is to start with fewer and add, rather than starting with a lot and subtracting.
ps there is a lot more to dance than ballet…and summer programs can be helpful- if she grieves the loss…but sounds like she is okay with not dancing for now
I’ll pretty much be reiterating what others have said, some activities are more time consuming than others, and it’s quite variable by school. I think some of those long lists include stuff that really isn’t much of an activity. And of course some things may have seasons.
My older son’s list:
Academic Team - one afternoon and Saturday tournaments about once a month
Science Olympiad - met afterschool about once a week until the panic before each event when suddenly they spent hours on it. There were usually one or two invitational tournaments in the fall, the local tournament in January, and the state level tournament in March. Nothing after March
Senior Center volunteering - just a summer activity he helped out in the computer lab and wrote some programs to help organize bus scheduling
Computer programming - various volunteer and for pay things over the year - this was where he spent the bulk of his time. By his senior year he’d gotten an award for game mod from a gaming magzine, had done work for a Med School professor and was acknowledged in a published paper, and had done a bunch of work for pay for a software company that does a lot of database work and interactive websites. His main essay was about programming.
Younger son’s list:
Two school orchestras - one met zero period and the other during the day, concerts three or four times a year
Science Olympiad - see above
Literary Magazine - once a week, maybe a little more when an issue was getting put together. He did this just because it was fun
Senior Center - just a summer activity - he gave violin concerts, taught origami classes and helped serve lunch
Volunteer/Civic - about once a week on weekends starting spring junior year he helped make pdfs of the neighborhood association archives - this actually became the basis of one of his better essays
Origami earrings - this started as a lark and a way to keep awake during AP Bio. He ended up making origami earrings that he sold at local galleries. This also ended up being the subject of his main essay.
Both my kids had plenty of time to get good grades, play way too many computer games and get eight hours of sleep every night. Not doing a sport helped. The older one is still a bit of a couch potato. The younger one is going into the Navy and works out regularly and runs.
A couple of things to keep in mind:
• The students on College Confidential are not representative to HS students as a whole.
• Not all chance/results posts are 100% accurate
Having said the above, many of the earlier posters have given good advice. The ability to juggle many EC’s is often dependent upon the flexibility of the school/coach/moderator. Some EC’s are usually more flexible than others. Track is usually flexible; band usually is not. So in some instances, decisions may need to be made about what EC’s are most important.
More is not the same as better. The Common App has “only” 10 spots to list EC’s, but there is no requirement that all 10 need to be filled in. Quality is more important than quantity.
hi there – @inthegarden . My college freshman daughter went through much of this – between band, dance, winterguard & etc. Like someone said above, things can change each year! I’d look carefully into what guard means & the hours & commitments, and compare that to music times and if they both match up. Then let her chose and see what she likes.
My D16 did lots of dance through 8th grade. when HS started, she joined the guard team rather than playing her sax. The guard team was intensive (& expensive); and she had to quit dance because of evening practice commitments. Guard went July through APRIL. They went to two out of state competitions and many instate for winterguard. She liked it. BUT . . . . she really missed her music and playing her instrument; couldnt do both at her school. So 10th grd year she quit guard, played in marching band and jazz band. And then used her dance skills in the school musical as a dance captain - and that’s how it all played out her last two years as well.
S20 did XC and band this year. It was a disaster for him the first 6 weeks. He’s dropping band. AND – I agree completely with @eastcoascrazy – directors have different theories on working with 2 sports at a time. That makes such a difference. He dropped club soccer to do XC and band. Next year – it’ll be different - not sure if he’ll take up club soccer again or not in conjunction with XC.
one thing we noticed though; it’s so much cheaper to do things through school rather than on your own. If you drop something, sock away that payment that you’re used to paying and use it for college expenses.
It is hard as they begin to have conflicts, and can’t do all the things they enjoy doing. But when they get to college, both my children also found they couldn’t doing activities they had previously enjoyed, due to time constraints. Having to choose/prioritize and scale back activities in HS will be a useful skill as they get older.
Love the origami earrings, @mathmom. who could have anticipated that???
Right now DD’s little newly-discovered “craft” is French-braiding hair. That’s the closest she gets to visual arts, lol!
@bgbg4us , fortunately for us, our high school the color guard (the one that that performs with the marching band in fall) is separate from winter guard (though some students do both). It is possible then to play your instrument in the marching band, then participate in after-school and weekend guard practice Jan-May, since concert band and jazz bands meet as in-school classes. Of course, the year-round guard students generally become more skilled at that, but I think DDs life-long dance training should compensate a good deal. Right now (unless she drops band, which is unlikely) it seems her biggest decisions will be about winter guard/vs a sport vs. something else entirely/vs. more down time. But I think her love of performance movement will prevail and, as long as she likes the social group will likely do guard. She has a few friends urging her to try junior guard this winter, so we’ll see how it goes!
We will have a brand new high school building about a mile from out house in 1 1/2 years! Whoo-Hoo! Right now our H.S. building is the oldest in the state…ceiling tiles falling, coal burner failing and computers crashing right and left! Looking forward to new adventures in a shiny new school.
@inthegarden - after you submit a post, you have 15 minutes to edit it. If you hover over the top right corner of your post, you should see a gear icon and Options, select “Edit”.
Our kid wanted to take an anatomy physiology/EMT course. The EMT practicals were on Sunday. So was pre college orchestra. She had to choose. She chose orchestra.
Kid wanted to take drivers ed, and that met after school at her school. She also,wanted to be on the track team...which met after school. She had to choose. She picked drivers ed.
Kid was taking dance lessons...twice a week. Got into a great auditioned children's chorus...same rehearsal time. Had to choose. Chose the chorus.
Kid was taking private instrument lessons twice a week...two different instruments. Tennis team practice changed from right after school to 4-6. He couldn't be in two places at once. He dropped tennis.
Point being…your kid will need to make some choices at some point. They can’t do it all. And if the ECs conflict in terms of time…and commitment…a choice will NEED to be made.
OP- also want to add to the fine posts here that HS kids vary tremendously in how much sleep they need; how much energy they have on the weekends after a draining week at school, etc. I had one kid who thrived on very little sleep (throughout childhood, puberty, and now into adulthood) and one who was off-kilter if there was even a small reduction in sleep over the course of a week. Some kids can function at a high level of productivity after wolfing down a sandwich and a salad after an entire afternoon and early evening of practice, rehearsal, etc. and have the focus to do a few hours of homework. Some need a full on dinner with time to unwind before tackling homework.
My point- other than physiology often derails the most ambitious plans- is not to get too caught up in looking forward figuring out what your D can handle. What she can manage now might be more, less than, or significantly less than what she can handle down the road.
Thanks @blossom, mine is one who definitely gets cranky without sleep and down time. Along with the driving issue, that’s the other reason we (both) decided to veer away from the stringent ballet path. Daughter was constantly exhausted last year yet her main ballet teacher thought she was slacking. (We know one 13-year-old who wants to be a professional ballet dancer already doing 30-hours of ballet per week (apart from rehearsal time.) The main alarm bell went off for me this summer during a ballet intensive when said teacher (who had traveled to the intensive with several of our studio’s dancers and parents) got mad at me when I and another parent decided to pull our daughters from a side-trip to a big amusement park. They had an exhausting dance schedule then would not get back from the park until nearly midnight, and then get up early to be at the barre again. This teacher gave me a nearly screaming lecture in a public place that these kids learn to rise to the occasion, and that I’m teaching my daughter to be weak, putting the idea into her head that she is that tired. Wow! This woman is an extreme type-A who needs to be moving all the time, but can not recognize that there are genuine differences between people? I knew from that moment on that she would carry this judgement of my daughter in casting any role at that studio…and I knew it was no longer a safe or healthy place to be.
@inthegarden To answer your question above, my son competed with his team. He and his debate partner finished 2nd on the state championship (losing a 3-2 judges decision). At that time there was also a statewide competition involving individuals, sponsored by a major newspaper – after the state high school championship was over in February. He won that individual championship. In the season, though we live in MI, his team also traveled to other states for a few tournaments in Illinois, NC, and MA. His coach was a former national policy debate champion, and is now coaching at the college level.
Debate is a good activity in part b/c the kids learn to do research, to organize arguments, to work in teams. I can’t say they are good for “speaking,” in part because the exceedingly high speed of speech in policy debate. Over his career, my son had to learn to slow down when speaking.
Journalism is a good activity. I’m not quite sure the column was as frequently as weekly. But there were a lot of them. He could write very quickly and virtually without needing rewriting, once he had done his research and had his “ideas” organized in his head. That’s a skill that carried over to college and beyond.
Thanks for describing your son’s experience, @mackinaw, If a student takes to it, I think debate would benefit any student going into any career (though I suppose having that background could make it even more frustrating to find oneself working under someone irrational with a big ego :0 , but then, again, that’s where some gentle persuasion could come into play. ) I would think the skills developed could be transferrable to almost any path in life. I really like the idea of a girl doing it (not to knock boys, BTW !)…I just think the controlled assertiveness learned could take a girl through many hurdles where she might otherwise not be taken seriously. My daughter, though outgoing within her own friendship groups, has always been a tad shy and conforming, and I think debate could stretch her in very useful ways. She was recently chosen VP in a U.S. history class, in which the students simulated positions in the major branches of government, discussed policy positions and voted … no formal debate ensued, but it piqued her interest enough to be attracted to debate as an EC. Even if she doesn’t stand out in state championships, she would still develop transferrable skills. I’ll certainly support it if she decides to pursue it over other things, though I still think for her, band will be EC #1.
So interesting to hear what others students chose, and what they got out of their activities.