<p>S, who is a junior at a small LAC, spent his fall semester living in Istanbul and studying there. He is so completely enamored with living the Turkish life, that he has arranged for the semester abroad to become a full year abroad-- he was just not ready to come back yet. Academics were disappointing for a variety of reasons, but he was willing to put up with this deficiency because everything else was so amazing. </p>
<p>He is currently home for a brief visit before returning tomorrow to Turkey. Over the past weekend, he visited his college for an overnight, staying with friends, and came home the following day ranting and raving about how terrible everything was: nothing to do there, people are immature, food is awful, town is worse, etc. Kept repeating that next year he is going to be "really, really depressed" about completing his senior year (which we have made clear, is not optional!) Undoubtedly, some of this is due to the still raw quality of his culture shock at being back after a long absence and some of it is due to his tendency to be dramatic, but I am concerned. Have others had experience with their children's re-entry following a year or semester abroad? How have they (and you) dealt with it?</p>
<p>I haven’t studied abroad, but as an immigrant I’m really curious as to why he thinks people (I’m assuming he’s talking about college students) are immature.</p>
<p>My son had a wonderful experience abroad Junior year. He went spring semester, so he had a couple of months at home during the summer before going back to school. Maybe that helped re-entry, I don’t know. He had no problems going back to Pomona and found his classmates just as smart and engaging as they were before he left. </p>
<p>I definitely recommend a semester abroad, or at least a summer abroad experience, for students who have any interest at all.</p>
<p>A friend is a professor/administrator at an LAC and says this happens often to students at small schools who return after a year abroad. He says that, yes, that final senior year often seems like a let-down. </p>
<p>He says that sweet LAC, which seemed so cozy and nurturing for an incoming freshman, appears limited, out-of-the-way and smothering for a young man/woman returning from a year abroad. </p>
<p>This same professor did not encourage his daughters to attend an LAC: he says, students grow OUT of small LACs and grow INTO large universities. That’s especially the case for young people who, as juniors, faced and thrived in a challenging and exotic overseas environments.</p>
<p>I think this is pretty normal behavior. A lot of people at my small-ish LAC had “social shake-ups” after coming back from a year abroad. Friends they were really close with for first year and sophomore year suddenly didn’t seem that relatable and new friends made during study abroad or after returning suddenly became firm fixtures. Old social habits gave way to new behaviors and subjects you were once passionate about gave way to new interests. That’s part of the point of going abroad, to learn more about yourself and hopefully then make some changes based on what you learn. I frankly would be more worried if he didn’t seem affected at all by his semester abroad. </p>
<p>Keep in mind that he’ll have all summer to detox after his year abroad, so he’ll have time to adjust his attitude. Just keep reminding him that he needs to finish and you understand it’s tought but a year goes by very fast. Also, remember that by the end of a full year in a foreign culture he may not be quite so enamored with it as he is after the first few months, and he may be ready to go back to his old environment, even if he is now a new person.</p>
<p>^^
“by the end of a full year in a foreign culture he may not be quite so enamored with it as he is after the first few months, and he may be ready to go back to his old environment”</p>
<p>– very good point, Smithie. I totally agree.</p>
<p>Actually, he will not have the whole summer to readjust to life back here, since he is planning to travel until August, when he will finally come home. He is already scheming about how to go back after graduation, so I think this is not just a passing infatuation-- in fact, he has been obsessed with all things Turkish since high school.</p>
<p>Just hoping that the acute “I can’t stand this place anymore” (his college) is a reaction that softens over time. When he returned from his weekend visit, he was definitely in that mode of casting it as all bad.</p>
<p>You say that your son has been obsessed with “all things Turkish since high school.” That probably is a big factor in your particular case!</p>
<p>In my son’s case, his six months in South Africa broadened his outlook and stretched him, but it also helped him appreciate his own country and environment more rather than less. It encouraged his interest in public service and policy, increased his confidence, but didn’t diminish his interest and commitment to making a difference here at home.</p>
<p>Are you Turkish-American by any chance?
I agree that perhaps he did not get over his “honeymoon period” in Turkey, and that his attitude may shift a bit second semester.
But, it is normal to have “reverse culture shock” upon return, and you may be able to provide some anticipatory guidance about how this is normal, and ask him how he plans to cope with this.
You may also ask him some thought provoking questions about how certain things are handled in Turkey as opposed to the U.S…</p>
<p>Nope, no Turkish heritage in the family at all. So far, I am feeling like this experience has deepened his commitment to becoming as Turkish as possible himself… I think his predominant plan for dealing with the culture shock of returning to the US is to figure out how to go back to Istanbul as soon as is feasible!</p>
<p>Haven’t experienced this personally, but as a teacher, I have a student who sounds very similar to the OP’s son. This fellow originally intended to spend a semester in Japan, got there and loved it, made (rather expensive) arrangements to extend his study abroad experience for another semester and came home for classes this fall as a senior.</p>
<p>The experience has deepened an already-interesting student remarkably and his contributions in class were on an entirely different level than those of his less adventurous classmates. Often, I could see him reining himself in and backing off in frustration…but I think he also was able to recognize that as a senior, he only had to remain in a less-than-perfect-fit environment for a few more months in order to get that degree.</p>
<p>Not to diminish the culture shock…I wonder if some of the hostility may also be a defense mechanism? While he legitimately feels that the food is terrible and the people immature, there might be a part of him that subconsciously likes the idea of returning to that life…but knowing that he’s committed to going back to Turkey, he “needs” to denigrate it? (Disclaimer: my psychological qualifications pretty much consist of having seen a photo of Freud once, so feel free to dismiss this as nonsense!)</p>
<p>In year-long high school exchange programs, parents and students are told that it is very common for students in the latter half of their exchange to have real feelings of ambivalence or discomfort in coming back to the US, and that their interests in certain activities or friends that had been very important before going on exchange may well change when they come back.</p>
<p>Your son sounds like he is rather thoroughly in that mode at the moment. </p>
<p>Here’s some info from AFS on returnees; while it is intended for high school/immediately post high school students, you might find some of it useful:</p>
<p>You might check with the SA office at your son’s school. My D went abroad last year to 2 different countries. Her school had all kinds of info they gave to parents of SA students, and re-entry problems/suggestions for parents on how to deal/help. Mine didn’t have any difficulties, but I’m sure they gave out the info because there can be problems.</p>
<p>WOW–exact same story here! Our daughter left her small LAC to study at the University of Sydney and absolutely loves it there. She is also home for 5 weeks before returning for a second semester there. And she also just got back from visiting her LAC and really has doubts about returning there for her final year. (She wants to stay in Sydney and transfer to the university.) We told her that finishing at her LAC was non-negotiable, and reminded her that she is on the 4-year college plan. She’ll only have a year to go and hopefully she readjusts.</p>
<p>We visited her in Sydney and can see why she loves it so very much. I would move there in a heartbeat (if I could afford the high cost of living).</p>
<p>I’m so glad you brought this up–I’ve been wondering about this, too. DD spent first semester in Switzerland and had a wonderful time. Her experience was focused on biomedical research rather than classes, so it was more like having a full-time job. She found a group of friends–all slightly older, and none of them American. She felt so comfortable with their values. She felt they were less materialistic, more environmentally focused, and–a key fact–not obsessed with drinking to get drunk. She lived in an apartment, loved using public transportation, and loved traveling every weekend. Now…she’s back at her LAC, feeling like a fish out of water, and considering returning to Europe for grad school. Ugh. I hate it when one of my children feels unsettled!</p>
<p>It was a long time ago, but I remember that feeling coming back after junior year abroad. Fortunately it only lasted a short time and then I was immersed in my capstone project, and the last year just flew by but I remember my feelings about college and who I was and the experience that I felt before and after foreign study were very different. The experience of foreign study was life changing. I think just emphasize that the time is short and then he will be free to do and go as he pleases but that it is important to finish up this short period of time.</p>
<p>Yes, we have been stressing to him: 1.) the short-term nature of his return to school here in the fall and 2.) that Turkey will still be there when he graduates. </p>
<p>Martharap, it sounds like my S’s experience is very, very similar to your D’s. He has met a wide range of people through various activities, many of them older than he is, and by comparison, college friends here seem limited. We also visited him over Thanksgiving and immediately understood what attracted him to this culture, which is incredibly vibrant and diverse. I can’t say that I blame him for being upset about finishing up senior year back here, but he will somehow have to grit his teeth and get it done.</p>
<p>I realize all these readjustments/resistances on his part are completely normal-- just so difficult to watch and listen to him grouse about how horrible he is sure it will be…</p>
<p>S is a senior at an LAC who spent spring of junior year in Barcelona. His experience differed quite a bit from those listed here.</p>
<p>He was actually disappointed with the kids in his program in Barcelona - they were Americans from all over the USA, but he said most of them were more interested in going out every night, getting drunk, and shopping than in learning. They did travel and explore quite a bit, but academically he felt most kids had no interest in putting in any effort and many did not appear to have an understanding of what he felt were basic concepts (for example, the difference between communism and fascism). Perhaps this was because for most of them, their grades in Barcelona would not carry over to their GPA at home. S’s college, on the other hand, does count grades earned in study abroad.</p>
<p>S managed to travel all around Europe and loved that part of his trip. But as for friends and maturity, he felt his friends at his LAC were much more mature and focused than the kids in his SA program. Maybe because Barcelona is known for nightlife, it attracted that type of crowd? Or maybe if he had done more of an “immersion” program rather than a program designed for and populated by Americans, it would have been different.</p>
<p>His SA program sent a letter to parents about 2 weeks before the program ended, warning that “re-entry” is often difficult for students who have been abroad - in some cases, the re-adjustment to home is more difficult than the initial adjustment to their SA culture. So perhaps the experiences of this thread are not unique.</p>
<p>^^I just heard yesterday about the GPA not transferring; had never heard that before but it happened to be from parents whose kids were in Barcelona as well…I think that makes a huge difference…</p>
<p>I would imagine that those living in the cities of Europe would have a hard time adjusting to being back…culturally and socially…</p>
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