Just a Vent...Advice is Helpful

Hiya,

I’m transferring away from home to a state school after two years at a private university. It’s a big change for me, especially considering that I’m physically disabled.

Now, I’ve been feeling incredible anxious lately. A shift like this would provoke that kind of sentiment, but not to this degree, I don’t think. I’m unsure about my major (education) for a variety of reasons, but that I’m not physically/emotionally cut out for such a taxing job is one. But, I don’t know what else I would possibly do. So, I’m stuck.

Another thing is that, in the past two years, my college experience was…not ideal. I’ve had anxiety/depression issues since at least high school, and college made them rear their ugly heads. I did well, but I wasn’t mentally okay at all. I was always doing work. It wasn’t that I was doing more than I had to, I was merely doing what my courses required. My friends thought I was crazy, but I was simply
overwhelmed all time. And I was taking the minimum amount of credits to be a full time student! I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I genuinely feel as though I’m not cut out for this sometimes. I wish I could go into a trade or something, but that’s not an option. I lie awake at night thinking about my future, how I’m going to provide for myself, etc. and I’m straight up terrified. I think I need to talk to someone. Sorry if this incoherent, I just wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere.

Can you take a semester or a year off? You need to get your mental health completely under control so that you aren’t anxious all the time. You also will have time to get more specific career advice, and to shadow some classroom teachers so that you can have a better sense of what their work is like.

@happymomof1 Oh, God, my parents would kill me, especially with all the work they did to help me transfer. I’m worried if I leave, I’ll never go back. But, God, I hate college. it’s done nothing for me but make my mental health worse. I just want to be happy, and have a stable job with benefits that I enjoy doing.

IDK it really sounds like you could use some time off to figure stuff out. Can you take a year off and work maybe?

@philbegas I’d love to work. I’d love to make money and have a purpose. My parents would be so disappointed in me, though. They don’t really believe in mental illness. They’re very big on the “get over it” mentality. Besides that, I have a brother who’s in a trade program but I honestly don’t see him working, he’s got a lot of behavioral issues and little motivation. I’m worried about him, too, and having to provide for him when I’m older. Everything is worry, worry, worry. I want to be able to just take what life throws at me. Why can’t I do that?

What’s the physical disability that’s got you down? Surely they’d understand that it takes a mental toll.

@philbegas Cerebral Palsy. I’m on crutches. Supposedly anxiety and depression are common amongst people like me. But, I’m a high functioning person, always have been. I’m smart. I’m expected to be able to handle college, and I’ve proven that I can…I guess. I’ve just destroyed my mental health in the process.

Can you maybe organize a meeting with a therapist and your parents so you can try to talk to them about your struggles in a safe environment?

@philbegas I don’t think so. My parents would have to pay, and they probably would find it pointless anyway. I’ll probably go when I’m at school because it’s free and confidential, but now? Not likely. I’m gonna talk to my cousin in the meantime, because I feel awful. I trust her, and she’s gone through something similar.

Are you at least 18 years old? Then your medical records are private. Your own medical team should be able to give you a referral. There also should be some community services that you can access for free or for very cheap. Take a look around your area and see what you can find.

@happymomof1 There’s no way I could do that without them knowing, I don’t drive. I’m at a loss. I’m currently up because my mind is racing when I should be asleep.

It seems like having a different career focus might help you. See if you can get a copy of The Book of Majors (your college counseling office may have it, or local library). It is published by CollegeBoard. Go through with some post-it’s and flag things that look interesting. It might help you identify some new directions you haven’t thought of. In addition, plan to spend some time in the career office and with your academic advisor this fall sorting out your major options.

Also, let your parents worry about your brother. You have enough stress without taking on that responsibility.

Your parents may be tough on you because they want you to be resilient and resourceful. They could be overdoing it, though.

@intparent i’ve done so much research. I have a hard time envisioning myself in any career because of my disability as well as anxiety and depression. I have a friend that is an assistant manager at CVS. Didn’t go to college. She makes great money, granted, had to work her way up, but why does that sound so appealing to me? I want to work. But what about benefits, you know? 401ks? I’m probably going to have some medical issues down the line as my body wears down. I’m rambling, I’m sorry. But this is what goes through my head every single day.

What about some kind of desk job? There are lots of jobs in places like insurance companies, banks, etc that are back office jobs that don’t require a lot of physical mobility.

@intparent Like a secretary? I don’t know, I don’t think that would pay too well…how in the world people with disabilities support themselves, I’ll never know.

I know people who work in computer administration or programmer jobs, business analysts, claims processors (desk job types for insurance), medical records coders, project coordinators, tax specialists, product managers, marketing specialists, training or communication coordinators – that is just off the top of my head. All are jobs that require smarts, have a reasonable salary and benefits, and don’t require a lot of mobility.

@intparent I appreciate your suggestions, but none of these things appeal to me. I have no motivation, no interests, seemingly…and my mental state is deteriorating. Not a fun time.

I have to tell you, most people have jobs that aren’t their first/foremost interest in life. There are literally hundreds of different types of office jobs that aren’t secretaries or admin assistants – those were just the ones I could think of in 60 seconds during my lunch break. People who work for businesses, in fact, tend to make more money and have a more secure livelihood that people doing jobs that are obvious to everyday people. You know what a fireman, a teacher, a bank teller, or a doctor does because you interact with them regularly. But there are tons of jobs you’ve never even heard of out there, and many could be suitable for you. So… you can wallow in the idea that there is nothing for you. Or you could start exploring options besides the major you think you aren’t cut out for.