Just need to make sure this isn't way too informal?

<p>I'm working on my Caltech app right now, and I'm completely unsure about this essay. The prompt says: </p>

<p>Interest in math, science, or engineering manifests itself in many forms. Caltech professor and Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman(1918-1988) explained, 'I'd make a motor, I'd make a gadget that would go off when something passed a photocell, I'd play around with selenium'; he was exploring his interest in science, as he put it, by 'piddling around all the time.' In a page, more or less, tell the Admissions Committee how you express your interest, curiosity, or excitement about math, science or engineering.</p>

<p>Perfect prompt to show my personality in, but I'm afraid I've done it a little bit too informally. It's only a short little thing, PM me if you'd like to help :)
Also, to those who edit, tell me if I should take out the last bit? And is it okay to have an essay way shorter than what's asked for (funny considering that I was killing myself trying to fit my other essays into the word maximums earlier today)
No Caltech 2014-ers please, unless you've already submitted your app</p>

<p>Bump!
Help please, any input would be greatly appreciated…</p>