Hey. I am graduating this year! I will be going to UMD College Park and studying CS. I live in the Northern VA area, so like 45 minutes to 1.5 hours depending on how shitty 495 is.
My family and I are close. But I have always had my independence. I would really like to visit home every two weeks or so, mainly because of my younger sister. She is only 10, and not being in each other’s lives for months at a time would really hurt us both. I’ve heard so many things about how this is unhealthy, and that somehow I won’t grow up. I, for one, believe in the importance of family and keeping them in my lives. Things like talking to my mom, or visiting home, shows that I make time for them in my life, not out of dependency but because they are important. I’m also really social and I know myself well enough that I won’t come home every weekend on a whim - I have to grow up and I have to study and make my way. But visiting home every two weeks or so to reconnect, get some work done, and hang out with my sister doesn’t seem so immature.
I feel like I’m being a dumbass because they’re like, 20 miles away. I am not afraid to leave, I just want to make them a part of my life still.
You’re not being a dumbass. I wouldn’t set a specific timetable like every 2 weeks, but just take it as it comes and do what feels right for you. Since you’re so close, you can do that pretty easily without a lot of advanced planning. There’s also facetime, skype, etc. You might even invite little sis to spend the day with you here and there at college.
I had an uncle who was 6 years older than me. Still is (LOL) but I mean he was in college when I wasn’t much older than your sis. My grandparents lived about 4 hours away so we visited them mostly on holidays, but there were a couple of occasions when we visited while college classes were in session. He commuted and would take me with him when I was there. Sometimes I’d actually go to class with him, he’d introduce me to people, etc. One time he took me to a some campus demonstration and then to a house party after. I thought it was the coolest thing EVER to hang out with all the college kids.
Maybe you can also bring friends from college home. My best friend in college lived about an hour away and was similarly close to his little sis. The first time he took me home with him, she tied me to a chair with yarn and then tied ribbons in my hair. Ha! We’d also go to her Christmas shows at school, etc. Lots of fun.
You are not being a “dumbass” at all, you are simply close with your family. I would advise a few things…
–Don’t set any timetable as to when you will come home. Things will constantly come up at college (social activities, busy academic times, football games, or anything else) and you don’t want to feel like you have this ongoing obligation to not disappoint your family. Even an every other week obligation will likely start to feel oppressive/intrusive over time and you could start to resent it and your family – the opposite of how you want to feel.
– Recognize that you will be home a good bit even with no special trips-- usually colleges have a fall break in Oct, Thanksgiving in November and then a big break between semesters. And often there is a parents day at the college in the fall.
–You don’t have to physically go home to show your family that you love them. These days there are many ways to stay in touch without leaving campus (ex. text, phone calls, Skype etc.). You can even try to arrange some private time to Skype your sister now and then.
@happy1 But what if I get SO busy that I don’t make time to see them? I was thinking a regular schedule would keep me from going to see them TOO much and also give me something to look forward to. Is it weird for me to just like, go home to study sometimes and come back the next morning if I just don’t feel like I can work in a dorm environment?
I just suggesting that: 1) it is best not to lock yourself into any set schedule and 2) there are ways to stay in clise touch without going home. In the end it is your life and your decision.
Skype. Show Sis how to use it. Don’t make the equation so much about getting home that you forget the college part. Nor about hours skyping or on the phone, pushing work and new friendships aside.
How can you project being too busy, with all the breaks available? But remember why you’re going to college. And why you didn’t choose a cc where you could live at home.
You will learn that strong family bonds stay strong.
Mine called, sometimes en route to a next class. We texted. Or emailed. We visited them, they were home on breaks.
I agree with @happy1 and @lookingforward . You should not set a schedule. You will be very busy in college and you have to prirotize work and grades. There will be times when you are so busy that you will barely have time to eat, nevermind going home. My daughter was not able to do anything the Saturday night before finals week because she had to be disciplined and get work done. She still has a lot of fun, but she prioritizes the reasons she is at college, and you should too. Just imagine how much stress and guilt you will feel if you tell the family you are coming home and then realize you really can’t. Your family will understand, but you will beat yourself up twice. Don’t put yourself in that position.
It’s alwo been shown that students who go home frequently may have a much tougher time adjusting to college life and may be more likely to have fewer friends, get lower grades, and leave college. This is because they don’t allow themselves to detach from home and develop insecurities, guilt, and the like. Of course that may not happen to you, but it’s in your best interest to allow yourself to enjoy being at college and partake of the activities and social opportunities you will find. You are allowed to enjoy yourself at college and you have earned it:-)
You are sweet to think of your family, and while you will have to adjust, you also have to have realistic expectations. Your young sister is going to miss you, but with Skype and the like, you can still keep in touch. Going to college does not mean you love your family less. The old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is so true. You can’t do anything about the age gap between you and your sis. She will always be in your life, you will always be in hers. This does mean you won’t be in each other’s lives physically as much as before, but that’s okay. Your sister will appreciate it so much more when you are home. She will probably learn to love the dying art of letter writing. I can tell you that my daughter and I have rediscovered the joy of waiting for the mailman. I love sending her cards and letters.
Your relationship with your family will remain strong and intact because you will make an effort to ensure that happens. I can sense your worry over this. Please believe me when I say that if anything, your bonds with your family will strengthen when you start college, but if you are already planning how often you can go home, that’s not going to benefit you in the long run.
I agree with the previous posters that setting a schedule will lead to disappointment because opportunities will come up at school that you shouldn’t pass up.
I would not start college coming home every two weeks…you need to make a friend base and you can only do this by being there. However, you can use facetime to communicate with your sister often.
Agree with everyone. You are sweet and it is wonderful that you care about maintaining the family relations. Do not plan a specific schedule or set expectations of frequency. Better to wait and see. Better to plan on investing in your college experience by spending time at school on weekends, making friends and connections and exploring opportunities. In reality, THOSE potentially wonderful, lifelong and life-changing relationships are the ones that could be at risk if you don’t invest in them. You only have 4 years to develop those relationships and, in reality, the first few months at school are the most important. Your sister will always be there in your life, even if you don’t physically spend time with her every few weeks while you’re in college.
We are in a new world of communications. In my day (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), we had to limit long distance phone calls because they were very expensive and rely mostly on hand-written letters sent by snail mail. Now you have texting, e-mail, Facebook and, most importantly, Facetime / Skype! My son has a long distance girlfriend and still can see her and talk to her daily! There will be plenty of opportunities to stay in touch with your sister and your family without physically returning home on a frequent basis.
I am very close to my mom and younger sister. I go home as often as I can and I am 3 hours away. It’s not dependence. It’s being in close relationship with people you love. My sister and I are very close. We’re not that far apart in age either. I just turned 20 and she is about to turn 18. We text or call each other every day, even if it is nothing more than saying hi and I miss you. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to stay close to your family. I don’t know what I would do without mine. I miss them so much. If you could see the tears :(( dripping off my chin right now, you’d know how much.
D (our only) is about an hour away. My H and I are close with her and made a pact to see her at least once a month. Sometimes she will come home, sometimes one or both of us goes up on a weekend day to see her (have lunch, mooch around campus/surrounding area). Between visits, weekly phone calls, and texting especially, we feel she is not so far away. There were a couple of weekends she came home, not because she was majorly homesick or stressed - she just wanted to sleep in her old bed and see our dog (and us).
One of D’s roommates lives about the same distance away and hasn’t been home other than for Thanksgiving, winter and spring breaks. We consider ourselves lucky to have this relationship with our kid.
