Not sure if I’m looking for advice here since I am experienced with this, just looking to vent and maybe commiserate with people who relate I guess. I just moved back into my apartment to start my senior year of college today, after being at home for 2 months, and I’m already feeling super homesick and sad. I have friends here and I’m very busy most of the time but something about being at home just makes me feel more comfortable and happy than anything I’ve found at school. I miss my parents, my sister, my girlfriend (who goes to another school), and just everything about my comfy life at home compared to my dingy apartment and lifestyle here. I just feel so lonely and out of place and sad, but I also feel pathetic because I’m 21 and have been doing this for three years and I’m still on the verge of tears because I miss my parents. My friends are all excited to hang out and party and do exciting young people things and I just feel like there’s something wrong with me because all I want to do is drive back home.
Has anyone else experienced homesickness even after several years of homesickness? How did you deal (besides just powering through)? I guess I just need to hear that I’m not super weird for still feeling this way as an adult and that there are people out there who’ve been in similar situations. Thanks in advance!
You are not weird. You are loved. And you miss those people who love you and the world that your parents created for you. There’s nothing wrong with that. Rather than fight it and tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel this way at your age, acknowledge and accept how you feel. Growing up and learning to live independently and away from your family to a process and not a discrete event. You’ve made it to senior year, congratulations, only two more semesters to go to earn your degree, stay the course. FaceTime or Skype with your family and girlfriend. You can get through this.
I find your post very sweet and honestly, uplifting. What is says to me is that you have wonderful parents, family and home life. That is such a beautiful thing when we often hear otherwise. It also says to me that you make lasting connections which you are sensitive to. You are a loyal person. All good qualities.
I don’t really have any advice. You’ve been dealing with it and employing lot’s of strategies I’m sure. Great news - you are a senior and hopefully you can land a job at or near home. Good luck and hang in there!
You said you were looking to commiserate and oh boy do I feel this. I felt homesick a lot all the way through college. I had good friends, an incredible boyfriend, and still there were days that all I wanted was a hug from my parents. I’m assuming you’re a guy based solely on the fact you say you have a girlfriend, but either way, I will say that it’s OK to cry and it’s OK to do it in front of other people, especially people you are close to. Sometimes that’s what you need–I spent about four hours sitting on the floor of an empty, beautiful little apartment crying because I was so overwhelmed and homesick. But then I felt better and got to work making it home. Be sure to keep in touch with all those people you miss. FaceTime and Skype are great for compressing that distance between you. Remember that missing someone means you love them and they love you and that’s a great feeling in a weird way; would you rather be someone who can’t wait to leave home because you hate being there? Another strategy, if your family is big on home cooking and you have a kitchen: get your family recipes for your favorite dishes, or find out what cookbook they come from, then make those foods wherever you are. It’s hard to beat the feeling of eating the same food you grew up eating. The part of the brain that processes smell is actually very closely connected with one of the main memory areas, so smells and tastes are really good for bringing back memories.
@redandtheblack, our American norm that young people leave home at 18 and rarely return home to live (nor to live near parents) is not the norm worldwide. In many places it is still assumed that people will live with thier families of origen at least until they marry, and often after marriage as well!
Extended families living in compounds together or at least in the same town has been th norm through most of human history. So there’s nothing odd about your feelings. Our current Western, emphasis on independence/individuality is a pretty recent thing and an experiment, at that! It’s good to learn how to live and thrive on your own and to embrace new experiences, but there’s nothing wrong at all about preferring to stay close to home and loved ones. Is your home town/city a place you will likely want to return to? Is it likely you will be able to work there?
I volunteered for an international student exchange program for many years, helping to place students from many countries with local families. I always marveled at the families from all over the world who allowed their teenagers to leave home to live in the U.S. for a year. I often thought that I wouldn’t be able to be so selfless as to miss a year of my daughter’s life at age fifteen or sixteen. Then I came to realize that so many of these students would be eventually returning home to attend universities in or near their home cities, and many would live at home or in the same communities as their parents when they became adults (including some from very modern European countries). So, no, you are probably more in step with the rest of the world than not!
Hang in there…you’ve made it this far, and graduation is really just around the corner. I love the advice about cooking some recipes from home or doing other things to recreate that cozy feeling. Oh, and let your parent and other family members know how much you appreciate them!
Maybe ask someone from your family to come help you set up your apartment so it seems less dingy. A nice decorating trip might be helpful!
I am going to take a slightly different take. As long as your feelings of homesickness subside and don’t interfere with your studies etc. But if you still have these feelings like 3 weeks from now I would talk to a counselor at school to learn new ways to cope with this. If it’s just a few days to week sure not an issue to me.
Funny thing is my daughter just got back from an overseas trip from a grant from school. Also a senior. With us a week and can’t wait to go back to school. Same loving family, but just different personality type. Everyone’s different that’s all.
Have a successful senior year. ?
Bravo @inthegarden for expressing the point that there is nothing wrong with staying close to your roots. So many of my family members were sent off to college in far away places, and have not returned, even after graduation. It has significantly changed our family dynamic - and not for the better. I have always felt that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be close to family and loved ones, and feel we actually do our children a disservice by separating from them at age 18. As I write this, I am preparing to send my first born off to college. We are in the Northeast and he will be living about 2 hours away. I will not drop him off at the curb and say that I will see him at Thanksgiving. I’ve told him to check in frequently and that he is welcome to come home for the weekend when he needs to reconnect with friends and family. Separation of children from their families does and should happen - gradually and naturally. Unfortunately, we seem to push it hard these days, and as a result, families have become scattered, as is mine. @redandtheblack don’t feel weird for being homesick - you are still very young and you need your family. There is nothing wrong with that!