<p>I keep thinking that the OP wants to pull her child so they will have time together. But if the removal from school causes a relationship rift (potentially permanent), then how is it a good idea to take her out? The HYMPS (or whatever) needs to be taken out of the decision altogether. The issue here seems to be that the parent is missing the child. OP: I am here to tell you 99.99% of us feel that way. But, when we made the decision to let them go away, I think that allowing them to finish is part and parcel of that choice. Having said all of this, none of us can tell you what is best for your family. I doubt you are the first family to have doubts, but at least heed the advice given here and talk to the school. Let them give you some reassurance, telling you what you can expect in future or, at a minimum, they can help you see that your child is doing well and why she should be allowed to finish what she started. To a lesser extent, if you pull your child out, you are teaching her that if a decision made is tough going, then itâs not worth completing. Good luck with your decision! Please let us know how it goesâŠ</p>
<p>I completely agree with SevenDad #13 when he wrote: âThis thread underscores the risk of sending a child to BS (âtopâ or otherwise) with the primary goal of HYPSM admission.â</p>
<p>A common theme on this forum is the importance of finding a boarding school that is the right fit for the student and to avoid the obsession with HADES schools. For some reason, this wisdom is overlooked when it comes to college selection. The goal is not HPYMS, it is again about FIT. Take the time to determine goals, interests, location, finances and come up with a list of reaches (and they may, of course, includes ives), matches, and safeties (including FINANCIAL safeties).</p>
<p>I am reminded that i havenât visited these forums for some time because of the intense obsession with ives.</p>
<p>^Ditto everyone else. </p>
<p>A month or so ago, Choate admissions connected me with a prospective parent whose daughter is applying to only four selective schools. Conversation was moving along pleasantly until parent started indicating how he thought the switch to BS academics might not pose quite the challenge to his DD as it does for some based on the rigor of her current school to which I asked, âIf she is satisfied with the challenge at her current school, why is she considering BS?â His response, and I quote, âPerhaps youâre not familiar with the college placement at these schools <really?>, but I want her to go to HarvardâŠâ His actual words. I gently tried to give him a more realistic view, but he was having none of it. Even as a third-year parent at a school he covets for his daughter (ÂJFK went there, you knowÂ), he thought I didnÂt have a handle on the serious boost in college admissions Âthese schools would give her and that is the sole reason she is applying.</really?></p>
<p>The sad thing is that the reason he wanted to be connected to a BS parent was so he could ask a few questions that he didnÂt want to ask admissions outright. His formerly all-A daughter is struggling to maintain a 3.0 at her Âvery rigorous charter school, and he wanted reassurance that selective BS would understand her grades in context and would they see that she was an all-A student until this new school and consider that as well. He added that he thought she would do much better at BS because, from what he could see, BS students only have five classes and his daughter has nine. I used his concern to suggest that she might find herself in exactly the same position at BS and, in four years, heÂd be hoping that Harvard would consider the strength of her BS to overlook her lower grades and class rank. I asked him how confident he felt that DD could be in the very top of an uber-competitive BS class comprising outstanding students from all over the world if she was struggling at her charter school, and I told him not to underestimate the measly five-class load and schedule that most BS students have, etc.</p>
<p>After almost an hour and a half of this conversation, I had lost all credibility with this parent even though I offered to send him some information (including a link to a quote from the Andover admissions office repeating my same points so he didnÂt have to take it from me), but he just thanked me for my time and hung up. Clearly, he and his daughter are plowing ahead toward almost certain disappointment.</p>
<p>IÂm sharing this story because I see this parent in SharpenerÂs position should his daughter gain admission to one of the schools he has selected for her. I gave this parent the benefit of my experience at one of the schools he respects and a synthesis of my time on CC. (I pointed him to CC, and I hope he is reading this, but IÂm sure he is not.) I thought my facts and experience would be enough to at least give him pause, but he chose to cling to his misguided position. So, even laying out the facts for a Sharpener-to-be well in time to avoid a duplicate of this thread, probably had no effect.</p>
<p>I had to think carefully about whether or not to de-brief the admissions office about this conversation as this parent is exactly the parent who will be a major PITA come college counseling time. I decided to let it go for two reasons: 1) DD doesnÂt sound like a competitive applicant and 2) BS would be such an amazing experience for her, that I hope sheÂll get in and get to experience the ride of her life. I never considered that her parent might want to pull her mid-ride.</p>
<p>Sharpener: Iâm curious. If you had had all the wisdom of CC prior to the pursuit of BS would you have avoided this situation? I know this is hypothetical, but IÂm wondering if you had been the parent I talked with, would it have made any difference?</p>
<p>This is a little off topic, but I just got back from the Andover open house. During the student panel, a mom asked what kind of PSAT prep there is and pretty much how to be a national merit scholar. As I left, I heard an admissions officer telling her that itâs just a test, and she and her kid shouldnât be looking at Andover solely for good test scores.</p>
<p>ChoatieMom, you were so kind to spend all that time and effort conversing with that parent. I donât know that I could have been as patient with someone as condescending and obtuse.</p>
<p>Stargirl3, and that parent just let the cat out of the bag and I am sure it was noted. Those are the people that the schools try to avoid because there is an ulterior motive. In a very indirect way, they are saying to the school " I am trying to determine how I can use you to get what I want in a college admission." As Choatiemom indicated, this parent will become a PITA during college counseling.</p>
<p>So what was your impression of the Andover open house?</p>
<p>@firstgen Yup. I kind of feel bad for the kid, who I feel was dragged into it.</p>
<p>Open house? I didnât learn much more about Andover (Iâve probably memorized half the website :D), but I had a good time meeting some teachers, students, and young alumni. The talent show was amazing. It started snowing, and it was beautiful. Oh, the food wasnât bad either, even though I wish I couldâve seen Paresky Commons. Also, my mom kept wondering where the students were. She chose to wear socks with her comfy Tevas and we were joking that the AOs were taking note of the locals who didnât bring umbrellas and wouldnât even bother reading my application. 
I also wish there werenât so many people there, but I can hold on until revisits. :)</p>
<p>Firstly, thanks for all the input. I have been lurking on CC ever since we embarked on this boarding school endeavor over two years ago. As you can deduce by my struggles, this is a SIGNIFICANT financial sacrifice for my family and not an endeavor I would have undertaken without thorough research first.</p>
<p>That being said, nearly all the points brought up have been seriously considered â childâs resentment, explaining discontinuity in HS record, ultimate impact on college admissions, potential for improvement of Junior/Senior year grades, âotherâ benefits of benefit boarding school besides HYPSM.</p>
<p>And I fully expected the flaming on the HYPSM objective. I was COMPLETELY aware that BS was not a golden ticket to HYPSM, in fact there isnât one. I know this. But if I want to try to put the odds a bit more into DCâs favor the only angle I could think of as a supportive parent was BS. The only reason I wanted BS was to better the odds for HYPSM. To me the âotherâ benefits of BS are just not worth the $300K and missing out on 4 years of DCâs life.</p>
<p>And I did seriously consider âfitâ for DC as evidenced by how much she LOVES her school and is motivated to do well. But she knows why she is there.</p>
<p>I have carefully read the ~50 posts. I have a thick skin, particularly with the cloak of anonymity ;-). The overwhelming majority of posters think I am crazy, and because itâs such a struggle for me too I wanted to elicit the experiences of unbiased 3rd parties. And while I have gotten a lot criticism and âpoints to considerâ what I would find more helpful areâŠ</p>
<p>Anecdotes (either direct or indirect) of anyone who pulled a reluctant child out of boarding school who was in good standing?</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your D.</p>
<p>Sharpener: I think weâd all be interested in hearing those anecdotes. I just think if one even exists, itâs so rare, it wonât come from anyone strolling through here.</p>
<p>Iâm sure youâve read my post on the [post=14478203]The Sanity and Morality of Spending $200K on High School[/post]. I do hear you about the cost, but I now consider the decision irrevocably made. I donât mean to sound harsh but, for me, pulling ChoatieKid out of BS would be a form of child abuse.</p>
<p>As with all parenting choices, itâs an intensely personal issue. I may not agree with you, Sharpener, but I donât think youâre crazy. I can hear that you are struggling to make a decision that is right for your family.<br>
Having said that⊠I have to agree with ChoatieMom. Seeing how happy, fulfilled and challenged my kid is at her school, I would sell any possessions of value and get a third job rather than pull her out. She is a freshman⊠And she is looking forward to it being her second home for the next few years. I imagine that the effect on a student about to start her junior year would be quite traumatic. I wish the best for you and your daughter. She sounds like a great kid who is thriving at school.</p>
<p>@sharpener: If you have access to Naviance, you might be able to see if in the âColleges That Have Accepted Students Like Youâ tool if her HYPSM chances are actually higher than the general rate"âŠeven with a few Bs in the mix.</p>
<p>If youâve done a thorough research on CC, youâd have known that her chances to HYPSM would be lowered by going to a âtopâ BS. While âstrategizingâ to reach A from B, which a lot of people seem to think of the educational path these days, you came up with one risky strategy. Youâve taken a risk on the chance that she would pull straight As in the âtopâ BS while becoming the student president, leading science team, and mastering bassoon. Why not take another chance that she would pull better grades during next two years? It seems that youâve already resigned that she is going to a non-HYPSM Ivy. Now you are in damage control mode and want to minimize the loss.<br>
Iâm sure there must be anecdotes, just as many anecdotes as people in BS, but I donât think the statistics will help you as the personal stories behind anecdotes canât be analyzed into a coherent strategy.</p>
<p>@payn4ward: Despite many voices to the contrary, I still think many kids/parents who come through CC during the BS app process think of it as a conduit to HYPSM glory. And there are of plenty of voices for the âWho are you to tell a parent that their kid shouldnât aspire to HADES/HYPSM?â (Note, sharpener, this last bit is NOT directed to youâŠIâm still licking my wounds from some arguments earlier this application season.)</p>
<p>âThe only reason I wanted BS was to better the odds for HYPSMâ</p>
<p>So, Sharpener, you have made a mistake from the outset because BS does not improve those odds. </p>
<p>And we are all curious why HYPSM is so important to YOU. You indicate you would choose to pull your successful daughter hysterically out of the school she loves, giving her a clear message of failure, because of your misguided obsession with HYPSM?</p>
<p>Some parents are suggesting contacting college counseling. I suggest just plain counseling, if you cannot see how inhuman your expectation of your daughter is.</p>
<p>âThe only reason I wanted BS was to better the odds for HYPSM.â</p>
<p>There you go.</p>
<p>Ah, now I get it! The OP has buyers remorse and the child may have to suffer for it.</p>
<p>Child abuser?!?! Psychological counseling?!?!</p>
<p>After I chimed back in, the direction of the thread deteriorated even further!!!</p>
<p>SevenDad: I REALLY appreciate you trying to see my point (even though I know you dont agree with me). But the skewering I am getting is much worse than any you have gotten advising against BS for HYSM admission. In fact, I cant recall any poster with my view has even appeared on this board in the last year. And I dont recall anyone resorting to calling you names.</p>
<p>The HYPSM crazed dont even bother posting here because immediately they are criticized for being misguided, ignorant, and BAD parents!!! Through my off-line interactions with other BS parents, I know the HYPSM crazed exist. But they dont post here. Why would they, they will only be told they are WRONG!</p>
<p>The HYPSM crazed donât post here? Thatâs absurd.</p>
<p>I think this thread has run itâs course. Sharpener you will obviously do whatever you feel is right as a parent. But you wouldnât have posed the question here if you didnât already know you were feeling uncertain.</p>
<p>And BTW- YOU are HYPSM crazed. You proved that in your OP.</p>
<p>If it was my child, she would be looking to hire emancipation lawyer or trying to get married. Luck you, you seem to have her well in control.<br>
There were two sane advices here. 1) Have it resolved as soon as possible. Donât drag on. Either way donât look back. 2) Tell her that itâs all financial reasons, that you were hiding it before but itâs true that there is absolutely no money.</p>