<p>Sharpener: Seems like the conversation has taken a turn more in the direction that you were looking for. Thank you for adding some more details to the conversation. I’m sorry if I misread your initial motives, but if you reread your earlier posts, you’ll probably see why we went down that road. </p>
<p>I’ll just reiterate what others have here, that it seems that your daughter may have found that life-changing, transformative experience in boarding school that you found in HYPSM. Many have also suggested that the network of boarding school peers has been more valuable in the future than the HYP connection. So one approach would be to consciously invest there and save money down the road with a merit scholarship to a “lesser” school. They are entirely possible, even for ORM’s with B’s, from boarding school, at least from what I’ve seen. Again, a call to the college counseling office before you make your final decision might well open some options you’re not seeing right now. Our kids do live in a very different world, college-wise, than we did, and in my experience the college counselors have a better grasp on both the limitations and the possibilities than we do.</p>
<p>I think your perspective about who gets in to Ivies from BS is right on (FWIW, your child’s alumni hook is not insignificant coming from boarding school). I also believe you when you say that there are lots of hidden HYPSM junkies out there in the boarding school world. In fact, my kid is a senior, and I know that that’s true. The point I was trying to make is that, as you and I both know, the Ivies go to the kids who are either absolute top of the class or have one of the hooks your mention. So those Ivy admit numbers that look so enticing are very deceptive; shouldn’t we, on this board, be doing our best to let people know that before they make a very costly mistake? </p>
<p>Finally, I also agree with the others that if you are really going to pull your child out, I’d focus on finances as the primary reason–and somehow convince her that you’d pull her out even if she was getting straight A’s. Avoid at all costs (if it’s not too late) having her associate her B’s or even your concern about her health with your decision.</p>
<p>Question: When are you going to let the school know about this decision? Or are you hoping no one notices she’s in self- preservation mode until April when contracts are due?</p>
<p>Leaving emotions aside for a moment I believe that in terms of HYPSM admissions it would make little difference if you decided to have your daughter return to her home country to finish high school. If one assumes that she is able to perform at the same level academically after she moves then the admission committee will be able to see that and not hold the change in schools against her. If she is deeply involved in an EC that she is passionate about and she could not do after her move that would be a minus. On the other hand if she continued an EC after moving to another country that would be a plus and could be used for a great essay topic for her applications.</p>
<p>Her standardized test scores are very important for admissions. At a BS one would expect great test prep but this can also be achieved by using a private tutor. Likewise by using her alumni hook in the ED/SCEA round her chance of admission could be as high as 30%, but this is independent of where she goes to high school.</p>
<p>If you think that her grades would suffer as a result of the move or that she would be unable to continue a beloved EC then I would not move her. In addition I would also check to make sure she could easily continue with her coursework without major changes or interruptions. Lastly also realize that the move could impact your career. To be fair to her if you move her back home then you should be ready to spend time with her and to go to most of her high school events. Try to make every play and every sporting event. I believe that if you do this the long term emotional effect on her will be minimal. You may not be able to work as much and this could impact your career. Consider this “cost” when you are making your decision.</p>
<p>What does your daughter have to get demoralized about? You sent her away to get top grades so she could get accepted at the colleges YOU wanted and now that she’s settled, making friends, participating in her environment, working very hard, and enjoying her life you want to take that all away from her because she’s not performing well enough to live up to your goals.</p>
<p>I have to wonder, if you’re willing to pull your daughter out of BS for not getting top grades, would you pull her out of an ivy for the same reason? I would expect the top jobs to go to the graduates who performed the best, so wouldn’t getting B’s at an ivy be a total waste of money too? Or not, because it’s an ivy?</p>
<p>What are your daughter’s goals? I don’t think I’ve seen any mention of her hopes for her future here. Maybe start there. If you were willing to spend that kind of money in hopes she can get into an ivy, why not consider it an investment that may give her an edge at many highly selective schools? The US has a lot to choose from, you know.</p>
<p>And just a little caveat: an alumni hook definitely does not increase your admission chances at HYPMS by 30%, even with ED, unless you’ve somehow contributed substantially to the school (it used to be true, but no longer). Also, kids applying from schools in Asia are essentially put in a different pool than those in American boarding schools-- and also looked at differently for FA. Finally, in reference to an earlier post, there is NO WAY these schools won’t look at freshman and sophomore grades (although they’ll be more accepting of lower freshman grades)–which is NOT to say they’ll require straight A’s from a BS. I’m not trying to be a downer-- just saying you have to be realistic when making decisions. On the other hand, as I’ve tried to make clear, I’m definitely in the “there-are-lots-of-great-schools” camp, and it seems like this girl is doing quite well and is likely to get into a good school. I’m just saying, don’t raise false hopes, if the major goal remains HYPMS.</p>
<p>One thing I would like to point out is that your kid maybe “penalized” when her new school converts her BS grades, a B will be a B, not an A just because it came from a highly selective US BS. It happened to D2 when she moved to the international school. She didn’t have any Bs, but her private school didn’t offer honors or APs before junior year because they considered all of their courses as honors. Whereas her international school had different tracks to accommodate different level of students, and they weighted their grades. We worked very hard with D2’s new school to properly convert her grades. When D2 applied to colleges in the US from overseas, only one transcript was sent with normalized grades and GPa. With a lot of Bs, even from a selective BS, may put your D very low in the ranking at her new school.</p>
<p>Okay, I’ll answer my question: The school already knows. They know OP dropped this on his kid and put her on a plane back to school with absolutely no safeguards in place or even the courtesy of a heads up. And all you guys want to talk about is Ivy, grades or some other nonsense. I’ve never read more convoluted pap in my entire life.</p>
<p>While the school is rallying around OP’s daughter, he sits here trying to justify pulling the rug. Perfect. Good luck.</p>
<p>PhotographerMom - do you think it would have been better for OP to not allow D to return to school so OP could be supportive of the D in person? Should OP decline the contract then let D know she is not returning next year when she is home for the summer in order not to ruin her last semester? I don’t think OP has made the decision yet, that’s why he/she is posting. I don’t know why OP should let the school know before the decision is made.</p>
<p>The school knows nothing because the decision has not been made yet. Presumably the OP will notify the school shortly before next years contracts are due.</p>
<p>PhotographerMom - you are projecting and I don’t think it is helpful. So let me ask you, how would you have handled this situation? At which point would you have this discussion with your kid if you were in OP’s position?</p>
<p>The good news is smart kids will be successful wherever they land. I don’t feel as critical as some toward the OP. In the end, I believe s/he has the student’s best interest at heart. I applaud the OP’s decision to do something, rather than wait for their student and or parents to be disappointed at the end of four years, because the student was potentially in the “wrong” place or a place where they potentially could not do their best scholastically. Maybe they couldn’t handle the independence, maybe academically their in over their head. The BS decision did not turn out as anticipated, and I applaud the OP again for having the courage to decide to reevaluate and act midstream. Whenever I have done this, it has been extremely beneficial. I wish you and your daughter all the best, and I know her future is bright.</p>
<p>Sharpener, I actually can understand where you are coming from. Every family sends their child to BS for reasons unique to that family and child. Because your family’s goal differs from that of those on this board, does not make it any less important to you or any less concerning if the goal is not being met. Many families who post on CC send their children to BS for personal growth and all the other good stuff that goes along with it. Perhaps if that wasn’t happening for our own children, we might find ourselves contemplating bringing them home as well. The bottom line is that if a family’s goal is not being met, irrespective of what that goal is, it is understandable that one might think about switching gears.</p>
<p>Having said that I do think it is important that you focus on what your daughter’s understanding was going into BS. If she agrees that the original goal is not being met, and understands the financial challenges that you are currently facing, then I think she will accept the decision without any fallout. But you do want to be certain that she will not view this as a vote of no confidence. As a full pay family I know how easily the scales in our mind can tip when we hit bumps in the road.</p>
<p>@Photomom Are you getting intel into BS internal social network? Are you hearing that there is a kid meltdown b/c she has to leave due to her B grades? Are you hearing BS-wide outrage? If yes, that’s truly disturbing.
I think this story will go down in history in BS Hall of Infamy with… I can’t think of any other story to fill the Hall yet.
For me, if my kid was in a tippy top school getting Bs, I’ll do happy dance. Cs as well. Those will build character.</p>
<p>No, payn4ward. Obviously some people don’t understand what close knit communities these schools truly are. Even a school with 800 kids can be small in ways some people can’t even imagine. Thank God most schools are caring places, too. I’m surprised you don’t know that. In fact, I’m surprised it was even questioned.</p>
<p>Maybe not all kids have a big mouth. My kid never told anyone we were moving until last 2 weeks of school. The school we were at was so close, D2 was invited back for their junior prom and she was welcome to come back any time. </p>
<p>I would bet on that OP is probably more caring about the D and has her best interest at heart than her BS. Don’t know why, but that’s my gut feeling.</p>
<p>PhotoMom I think we’re all concerned for the child! I can’t imagine how she’s functioning with this hanging over her head. But I know that teens are capable of keeping BIG secrets, and maybe she’s internalizing this until she has a definitive answer. (Although I agree that OP has made the decision, and it’s done. I think we’re trying to change his or her mind.) let’s hope the whole school doesn’t know, but if she’s told her best friends, then you’re right, everyone knows. </p>
<p>Saying that she can keep up with her friends over social media is BS, and I don’t mean boarding school. Watching her friends on Instagram and FB will be like pouring salt into her wounds every day.</p>
It would only be BS if people perceive BS to be a better life. Who is to say that the D wouldn’t be happier at home with her family and make new friends back home. My kid cried for 2 months in the beginning, but she soon found a different life she loved. She actually felt sorry for her friends at her old prep school because they were so sheltered and so focused on getting into college. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.</p>
<p>A good friend of mine from Singapore was sent to a boarding school in UK when she was 12. Later in life she confronted her mother about why she was sent away when all she wanted to be was at home. She felt she was abandoned by her mother. Her mother called her ungrateful because it was a great sacrifice for the family to send her to UK.</p>