Hey guys. I’m currently attending a university, but I’m trying to finish my pre-reqs for nursing school. This is my last semester. I’m taking A&P 2 and Microbiology. This has been the most stressful semester ever for me. I’m trying my best to make As in both classes.
Here’s the problem… My Microbiology professor put me in a group with 3 other girls. One of them is only taking one class and has no job. She has it easy. She’s actually 41 years old (I’m 24). She has no children. She has all the time in the world to study, but chooses not to. She befriended me at the beginning of the semester. We exchanged contact information. Ever since she found out I have the highest grade average, she’s been bugging me. She texts me and asks me to meet with her before class. She’ll find me at the tutoring lab and sit next to me. She’ll innocently ask “Hey uh did you finish pre-lab #5? I want to compare our answers…” I let her get away with it at first. But I’ve caught on to what she does… she’ll only do the first page of her assignment to make it look like she made an effort, but she’ll leave everything else blank so she can just copy off of me.
I have been studying my butt off this semester. I have an exam tomorrow and I have to start studying for a practical right after I’m done with that exam. This girl texted me 30 minutes ago and asked me if I did the work that’s due on Monday. I blocked her and I plan on avoiding her outside of class, but I still have to see her in our lab group. Should I just confront her and tell her to suck it up and do her own work? Because that’s what I really want to do.
By the way, my professor won’t do anything about it. He’s too lazy to move me to a different group.
Tell your lab partner how you feel and that you will no longer share your work with her. Don’t expect her to be happy about it. Your relationship will likely end.
NorthernMom61, That’s the problem. I have to see her and interact with her during lab. It’s not like I need her help, because she never makes an effort during our lab assignments, but it’s awkward dealing with someone after you’ve confronted them like that.
intparent, I let her copy lab assignments since she’s my lab partner. The professor told us we must help our group members out with lab assignments, so I did. But now she’s asking me to let her copy my homework. She’s basically getting comfortable with me and thinking she can use me as a crutch.
She’s just sponging off of you because you let her. Once you cut her off, she’ll go latch onto someone else in your group (bummer for them!) and leave you alone. Or she’ll drop because she can’t hack it on her own.
One of my favorite phrases with spongers is “that’s not going to work for me.”
“Can I copy your homework?”
“That’s not going to work for me.”
“You’re supposed to help me.”
“You’re going to have to take that up with the professor.”
“You’re being mean to me.”
“That’s too bad.”
All of these replies discourage further sponging without you having to apologize (because women like to do that when they feel like they’re hurting other people.)
My younger kid really loathes being firm with people and setting boundaries because she perceives it as “being mean”. I keep telling her the only person you’re really being mean to is yourself, because you’re making yourself miserable dealing with all these spongers and broken puppies sucking energy off of you that you need to do your own work.
Also, it’s not your prof’s job to manage personality conflicts-my goodness, they’d never have time to teach if they were doing that. It’s up to you to protect your own work and happiness.
Welcome to LIFE. You will find people like that throughout your career, so treat this as a “teaching moment.”
In your case –
IF the grade you receive is based on a group effort (i.e., if by not helping her you’re also hurting yourself) I’d suck it up and let her copy your work.
I would NOT be available for her in any way outside the classroom. No answering to texts/phone calls, no study groups with her, nada. You only have contact during lab, and that’s it. And I would make sure she is never a lab partner in any other class ever again.
If your own grade is not affected by her completion/quality of homework, I’d tell her very clearly, “I’m sorry. I’m up to my eyballs in work and study. It seems to me patently unfair of you to be asking ME for help. If you need assistance, there are tutors and TAs.”
The “I’m sorry” is a method of softening a statement as the OP has to work with this person.
“Oh, gosh, I am so busy I haven’t gotten very far. Can I see what you have done before I start?”
“Labmate…I notice that you are constantly asking me for my work. You aren’t going to learn if you just copy from me. If you have the entire pre-lab done I will be happy to take a quick look at yours.”
“I see you often have questions. Have you talked to the TA yet? They get paid to help out, where as I don’t.”
or use the same statement over and over “Haven’t started it, busy with other stuff. Don’t know when I will get it done. See you in class.”