<p>One of our children has expressed interest in boarding school, so we've started the process of looking, but we've made no promises that she can go.</p>
<p>We have a couple of major concerns. First, we have eleven children. Nine of them currently live at home, and we have triplets who are still in arms, so traveling far isn't really a viable option. Second, our interested child has a twin, who only expressed interest after the other one brought it up, and Twin #2 doesn't sound nearly as enthusiastic about it as Twin #1, even though she insists that she wants to go.</p>
<p>Our questions are:</p>
<p>1) Does anyone here have any insight about having a large family, and having kids in boarding school? How do the younger children react?</p>
<p>2) Does anyone have twins in boarding school? Do they go to the same school? Did you have a similar situation as we have with our two?</p>
<p>One of my children goes to BS with a set of twins. They each have different roommates but live in the same building and play on the same sports team.
I met a family with twins in a waiting room during a school tour last year. They were applying to the same schools. I also made friends with a fellow CCer parent and they had twins, boy & girl. They applied to different schools.</p>
<p>We had only 4 kids to deal with . Our oldest went to public school . Our next son went to private schools because of his heavy dance schedule . Our last 2 attended Jewish Day Schools . Every child has different needs . I know many families where kids attend private and public schools . Decide what each child needs and don’t worry how the others feel . They won’t notice , if each child feels they are special in some way .</p>
<p>Wow…before college there’s that whole “twins” vibe thing that I’m not sure I’d want to break up. Sure, they can do their own thing, but separating them for high school seems like it *could<a href="–%20note%20the%20italics,%20please">/I</a> push aside something that’s very special that they share. I’d be crazy to presume to know anything about what’s right for you. muf123’s post speaks to the fact that there’s no right or wrong path. I assume the parents she refers to knew what they were doing. I assume that you do, too. You just have this special consideration that comes into the equation. One that you’re uniquely qualified to assess. With 11 kids to my two, you’re far more qualified and expert at this than I am. In fact, I’m coming to you with all my questions from now on!</p>
<p>Wish we could give advice…but above posts make it clear that it is really a unique decision based on your family and personality of the kids.</p>
<p>At my D’s school, there are twins who happily co-exist. One is pure sports and the other pure arts. So nice to see that each has their own universe to excel.</p>
<p>There was also one of a set of triplets. Each triplet went to a different boarding school. Have no idea of how those parents pulled that off! However, it was well known that each kid was a superstar at their own respective school. Sports Team Captain/Tops Academically–the whole package! Again, nice that each had their own domain in which to shine.</p>
<p>As far as impact on other kids, our youngest cried every night for a month when our oldest left for boarding school. Totally caught us off guard. Spent more time “nursing” those feelings that the kid who was having a ball in boarding school.</p>
<p>I think coming from such a large family would make your children’s applications stand out from the rest. Very, very few children in 2011 must share everything with 10 siblings.</p>
<p>I know there are twins at my daughter’s school who have done very well.</p>
<p>We have one twin in BS and one at home, plus a younger sibling. </p>
<p>The one twin actually wanted and needed independence from his twin brother, and BS was the best way we could all come up with to achieve that. The second twin also knew he would benefit from the separation, and I think he has in his own way. So in our case, the idea of separating for high school came from the one twin. The one at home had absolutely no interest in going to BS, although he is kind of jealous of the small classes and new friends that his brother has. Still, he is a homebody.</p>
<p>What really matters to us is that the one who wanted to go away is doing great so far! He is really happy at BS, has made lots of friends, and from what we see on the progress reports, is doing well academically. We all think this was the best decision we ever made. Not one we ever envisioned, and indeed one we are kind of sad about, but this was the right thing for this kid.</p>
<p>Oh–the younger sibling really misses the one who is away and can’t wait to see him, but is dealing with it. Not so much crying, but just, “I miss my brother!” Writing letters and speaking on the phone helps.</p>
<p>Feel free to PM (private message) me if you would like to talk more.</p>
<p>I was thinking about your question this morning as I was driving to work. The one thing I want to say is that having one child from a very large family leave the family to go to boarding school could end up being very detrimental both to the child and to the family - but especially to the child. The child could end up feeling isolated and outside of the family. I have a very small family (2 kids). One child went to boarding school and one did not. The one that went to boarding school has had problems with feeling alienated and no longer a part of the family. The one who stayed home through high school is now in her second year of college and doing extremely well and does not have this feeling of alienation even though she is now also away from home. It seems that separating from the family at the college age is more of the natural progression of things and she is doing so much better than her sister is.</p>
<p>That was just my thought that I wanted to pass on to you. Ultimately only you can make this decision but it is something to think about.</p>
<p>What’s confusing me is that, going by everything I’ve read about boarding schools, the not-so-keen twin is the one who would do better in boarding school. She tends to be the more socially-outgoing, independent one, whereas her sister (the gung-ho one) tends to be more shy and reserved.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the only boarding schools in our state are the two partially state-funded “governor’s schools” (one for arts and humanities, one for math and sciences). We know a few kids who attend/have attended one or the other, and loved it. But the girls aren’t old enough for the schools (both schools start in eleventh grade), and I’m not sure they’d be interested at all in either.</p>
<p>I suppose my biggest fear in all this (besides the letting go part) is that this is just a phase, and she’ll want to go home as soon as we get her to the campus.</p>
<p>The more I read about it, the more I honestly think boarding school could be a great experience for both of them (and for the rest of our family), but I don’t want to force them into anything. Or make them feel like I’m trying to push them away from the family, because that is certainly not what I want.</p>
<p>Not everyone at boarding school has a “hail fellow, well met” personality. That would be disastrous if everyone was like that! Now, understand that I’m distinguishing “shy and reserved” from “insular and unapproachable.” The latter probably doesn’t work for boarding school. But shy people abound. Same for reserved. Not in the crippling sense of those terms, but in the frequently found well-adjusted sense of those terms. In fact, I think those people might have the best time of all because there’s definitely a place for shy and reserved. Those qualities are admired and appreciated in a boarding school (or college prep day school) . In other settings – particularly in environments where social-climbing and clothing choices are the main preoccupation during the school day – “shy” and “reserved” are often viewed as flaws and defects. Even by the teachers.</p>
<p>I think in a smaller boarding school – where it’s impossible for a shy person to drop off the radar – being shy and reserved would be refreshing because you wouldn’t have people driving home the idea that you need to change and be more outgoing and more vocal and do things with more flair and, generally, take on a personality that would be at odds with who you are. It’s possible that your shy and reserved child has sensed this and realizes that a boarding school might be a place where she can be herself and appreciated for who she is, and no longer have to deal with (if this is even true) admonitions “to be more outgoing like your sister!”</p>