BTW, you know your new friend is a new best friend when she is not only well versed in sci-fi and fandom, but also a cat lover.
“She read all 60 books of the Warriors like I have, and she loves cats. She has a million books and she’s read so many of the books I have. She’s well versed in TNR research. We had an extensive conversation on the effects of TNR.”
Daughter had extensive academic research and wrote her final research paper for her college English class on TNR. So the new friend’s knowledge must be quite impressive. The extensive conversation on serious matters is exactly what she wanted from BS experience.
I must admit, that I did worry a bit about her making deeply connecting friends in Grier instead of a top tier school. Especially during the first week when dd said she was eating alone because she has problem connecting with some girls only interested in boys and celebs. But I had faith that she will eventually find her people.
“I must admit, that I did worry a bit about her making deeply connecting friends in Grier instead of a top tier school. Especially during the first week when dd said she was eating alone because she has problem connecting with some girls only interested in boys and celebs”
Sorry to burst anyone’s bubbles but there are girls at top tier schools who love spending time talking about boys and celebs, as well. There is some universal commonality in those subjects.
^^ But hopefully aren’t there less of Justin Bieber’s reproduction partners and more of recent changes of female characters’ rolls in movies, for our future’s sake? Also, I am guessing that boys at coed schools also talk less about girls and celebs, and more about realistic space travel technology, if not caring stray cats.
Trap-Neuter-Release program for stray cats. Daughter initially started with pro-TNR. But after extensive research and some emotional outburst, ended up writing an against-TNR paper.
Even better is that this is a group of several girls that is now her lunch group. Her roommate is a very nice girl but eats with her Varsity team. And she had been eating alone for nearly two weeks.
Never heard a stray cat discussion so I think the fates aligned to unite your daughter with her new BFF.
Oh, plenty of intellectual discussions take place in and out of the classroom, but there is still time to talk sports, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, etc. Stay away from a guys’ dorm the night of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show unless you want to order in some pizza and join the viewing party.
Teens are teens, hormones are hormones, regardless of drive and intelligence.
@mass2020mom Having gone through something similar during college my heart goes out to her. I applaud you for listening to your daughter and supporting her decision. It’s so important for our children to trust their “gut” and to advocate their needs. It sounds like she made a courageous and thoughtful decision. This perfectly illustrates resilience and she will be stronger for it. Virtual hugs!
Trying to think back 5 years to my first year of BS, I have to say that, in general, the conversations between boys or girls at a boarding school will not be on a higher intellectual plane than conversations between students at the LPS.
@mass2020mom , I give you a lot of credit. I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have responded so supportively/quickly, esp with the $$ on the line. You did a great thing, and I thing we all learned something from your example. WIsh you and your daughter the best.
RE: eating alone for 2 weeks…this breaks my heart and makes me very happy that our school has family style meals with assigned tables. Takes a lot of the stress out of mealtime and finding people to sit with. At least at lunches and mandatory dinners, anyway… And helps with meeting new people quickly.
@hellomaisy Thanks for your kind concern. Eating alone was more of dd’s choice though, because she often didn’t like subject of conversation, and didn’t mind eating alone too much as she has long been on local community college campus. She really couldn’t stand listening to who Justin Bieber had sex with last time, or silly hierarchical structure of a few Korean girls.
She said, “I don’t really mind since I have been in solitude in most of my life anyway and I am used to it.”
She did have teen get togethers 1~2 times per week while homeschooling. She just needed more of them. And now she has them.
alas… my boys will have to stay a mile away from ScuptorDaughter as they are allergic to cats and people who were near cats. =((
Very glad to hear that SculptorD found her people. :x
@mass2020mom we were in a similar position with our oldest his freshman year of college. We also moved him into his dorm and moved him out less than 2 weeks later. At the time, it was a rough descion for us to accept. Our son, like your daughter was 100% certain that it was not the place for him. We accepted his descion and let him come home and take a gap year. He went on to apply and attend a different college that is a perfect fit for him. So happy we listened to him. Good for you for doing the same. Good luck to you and your daughter! I cannot imagine what would have happened had we not supported him with his choice.
I was going to say the same thing as Hellomaisy about seated lunches and dinners. That was one of the things we looked at when school shopping a few years ago.
I have talked daughter about eating dinner alone (no dinner group!) and spending a lot time alone in dorm room.
Her point was that she still spends 3/4 of a day with people, which she likes but is still energy consuming for an introvert like her. So she is not only comfortable with but needs alone time. She wouldn’t mind sitting with people when a subject is in her interest. But is fine alone otherwise. And she appreciates her roommate in a varsity team and very outgoing, as it gives her more alone time.
She has a point. Maybe she is very introvert. Maybe she is adjusting slowly from 8 years of homeschooling as a single child. Either way, she is content then I am content. This is the last week of the first marking period. Soon I will see how well she is doing academically as well.
Extroverts get energy from being with others. Introverts are drained of energy by being with others. When and how introverts preserve energy and recharge can be a challenge at BS. If your DD has people she is friendly with and if she is not upset when she’s alone, it’s probably fine. She will need to push herself to be more social, and I would guess she is being supported in that effort. It’s important not to make her feel bad, though, for being who she is.
@SculptorDad It’s mature of your daughter to know who she is and realize what works for her. Many introverts need that time alone to recharge after being with others all day.
I was surprised to learn in this thread that someone’s child left BS. I wonder how common this is? I must admit we had a few discussions where I was a little concerned (it seems to have blown over but I was a wreck for a week). It had me thinking about attrition from year to year and the reasons why.
There are a variety of reasons for attrition. And some schools have more than others. Some kids are asked to leave for disciplinary reasons, or not invited to return for the following year ( poor behavior, grades). Sometimes family situations change, finances change. Sometimes it is for health reasons. Kids sometimes find that it is simply not the right fit, or there are too many rules, or the academics too challenging, or they miss their family and friends at home, or want more free time that is unscheduled. There are as many reasons as there are kids who leave. Boarding school is a big adjustment for most kids, and is not the right choice for everyone.
There is some universal commonality in those subjects.
Also, I am guessing that boys at coed schools also talk less about girls and celebs, and more about realistic space travel technology, if not caring stray cats.