<p>I agree with oldfort. The sanctimony is a bit much. I am 55 and I have been through adversity including alcoholism and recovery of myself and family members, loss of employment, caring for ill parents and their subsequent deaths, and my own serious illnesses. But I still remember how hard I took rejection in college admissions - my first serious rejection at anything. I would never judge another person on their level of sadness and disappointment at something unless it really was something entirely silly. I don’t believe any participants on this website consider college admissions so trivial.</p>
<p>BTW- the.OP said adversity, not tragedy. This entire tangential discussion reminds me of that Woody Allen line about the miserable vs the horrible.</p>
<p>It might be helpful to realize that the source of the original poster’s son’s angst was his own and his parents’ expectation over the years of his young life, that he would attend school #1. Both his parents went there and clearly, by the Dad’s own admission, they envisioned their son on that campus.</p>
<p>This particular form of “adversity” could have been easily avoided by raising the son without those expectations or pressure.</p>
<p>i appreciate dadtimesthree’s post and think it is a timely one!! there will be quite a few kids headed off to college in the next few weeks, that didnt get to the school they thought they would… my son was one of those kids 2 years ago. it is great that dadX3 took the time to tell of his experiences. congrats to you and your son .</p>
<p>other than that…lighten up a bit people :).</p>
<p>^^^ what she said. :)</p>
<p>I will admit that when I first opened this thread, I expected something other than a story of not getting into a first choice school when it was a foregone conclusion (in today’s admissions process, we should learn there is no such thing for the very vast majority of us). But I did not take offense. I read a story of a father’s pride that his son sucked it up, dusted himself off and moved on to better things. We can not dismiss that being rejected from a strong first choice requires a healing process. The OP’s son went through the process and thrived. Isn’t that the thing we ask of our kids. Whether it is adverse or not compared to others is not the issue for the purpose of sharing the OP’s pride in his son.</p>
<p>I too thought it was a bit hyperbolic to categorize not getting into one’s top choice as adversity, especially as I have seen my own D grow up through real adversity. In her sophomore year of college (about a year and a half ago), I received a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer. Seeing her personal growth through this nightmare has been one of the few bright spots for me. She is now writing for a cancer website as part of her summer internship. I am deeply proud of what she has accomplished in spite of (or maybe to spite?) this adversity.</p>
<p>I also admit that I scratched my head in wonder when I opened this thread and found out that settling for a second choice college somehow counted as “adversity.” I think another title for the thread would have worked much better. Then again, as the parent of a child with what used to be called classic autism, who has not responded well to treatment, I often get impatient when parents of children with Asperger’s describe their children as autistic, so…</p>
<p>But, fwiw, I have seen adults who can still get angry over a college rejection decades in the past. I also see parents who have overcome what most would call serious adversity in their lives still get stuck when their child does not get into a first choice college, often quite some time after the child has actually moved on, so I really have no quibble with the thread topic or any attempts to trivialize the real angst of realization that some outcomes are beyond an individual’s control, no matter how hard they work or want the goal, or how good a fit they would be.</p>
<p>Well said Bartokrules - I agree totally.
I too opened the thread expecting to read about ‘real’ adversity but was quickly able to put it into context. If it was a physical injury OP’s son didn’t just skin his knee, he took a deep cut - one that required care and healing - if he had been in a sport it would have made him change the sport his was in but he didn’t have his leg amputated or is not in a wheel chair because of it. But nonetheless it was adversity in the context of his life and it changed the anticipated outcome of his life.</p>
<p>I don’t see adversity as a contest. I think I have suffered ‘real’ adversity - much more so than anyone I personally know but there is much worse out there. This I know, Nor do I dismiss the real pain my kids felt at rejection from their first choice schools - I didn’t say well your suffering is less than mine and dismiss their pain. I knew it was the first real hurt they had suffered and felt that pain.</p>
<p>Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning springs to mind here. Suffering must be taken in context. OP’s son made lemonade out of lemons - awesome!</p>
<p>I think that if the OP had titled this something like “Dealing with disappointment,” the posts on here would be entirely different. I do not believe that what the son has gone through is “adversity,” but I applaud him and his family for dealing well with the situation they had. What a difference a word makes.</p>
<p>“What a difference a word makes.” - Mostly just in the world of CC over-sensitivity. While understanding that some are hurting due to serious problems such as life-threatening illnesses, I am stunned by all the posts discussing one word.</p>
<p>oops - meant (#28) that I would not trivialize OP’s S’s angst. I agree that OP should be proud both of how his S worked hard his last years of high school to achieve his initial goal, then rallied when after all his work, this particular goal eluded him. I am glad he shared his story.</p>
<p>Time for morning coffee…</p>
<p>To compmom–I’m sorry for the issues you have had which have caused you to react as you have to the title of my post, but those issues do not give you the right to make up things about my family or its dynamics. I did not “admit” in the original post that my wife and I envisioned our son at our alma mater–I said that he envisioned himself there. In point of fact, we always thought he would be better off at choice two and said so repeatedly. And how dare you criticize the way my wife and I raised our child, or suggest that we caused my son angst by imposing undue expectations or pressure–you don’t know us or our family or our situation. </p>
<p>I made a post which never demeaned anyone. You’ve deliberately demeaned my wife, myself and our parenting style without a scintilla of knowledge in an attempt to get “even” for my choice of words in the title. That’s unwarranted and wrong.</p>
<p>I was trying to draw out a constructive conclusion, which was that we would all perhaps do well to avoid our kids fixing on one particular school, and perhaps that would require actively compensating in conversations in a case where both parents had graduated from that particular school.</p>
<p>I do apologize for language that would seem to imply inappropriate pressure. My post was a sincere enough effort to prevent other kids from going through the same thing, but I can understand your reaction, when I read it over.</p>
<p>I see that although both parents are alumni, it was the son who “envisioned” himself there for many years, not the parents. I would only suggest to others who are just starting to go down the college application road, that that type of fixation can be nipped in the bud early so as to save pain later.</p>
<p>Examples might be downplaying one’s own experience there, talking up other schools, emphasizing how low the chances are these days as opposed to when the parents were admitted, presenting the application as a “what the heck” reach but focusing on match schools, and so on. </p>
<p>I had let the whole 'adversity" issue go quickly, but had the stray thought this morning that this kind of situation could be avoided for future applicants if they read your post and then understood that it might be harmful to hope too much for one school, and, secondarily, thought of how parents might help with this.</p>
<p>Again, apologies for the impression I left of criticism and I wish your son continued happiness at his current school. I am personally staying away from this thread now because I don’t want any more personal animosity, for which I take partial responsiblity, through careless wording.</p>
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<p>I clicked on the Interspecies Sex thread and was severely disappointed.</p>
<p>Compmom, no worries. Best wishes to you and your family going forward.</p>
<p>Not to mention my confusion about the thread titled “15% at half.com”! Shouldn’t it be 50% off?</p>
<p>Lol - I noticed that one too tptshorty 
- someone should start a thread about confusing thread titles - I know I too felt a bitter disappointment when checking out the interspecies sex thread!</p>
<p>I think it’s fine to use the word adversity. Some colleges/graduate schools use it in essay prompts. My son answered a question that directly asked how he had faced adversity and the lessons learned in a med school application. I cannot believe that the school expects every applicant to have gone through something terrible and yet they ask the question. I can only assume that they are looking for something that an applicant struggled with and how they handled something that was personally difficult. Some people are devastated by a silver medal in the Olympics and work for years to get the gold. For them, that’s adversity. For me a silver medal would be unattainable in the first place:)</p>
<p>dadtimesthree–Your story is an excellent one for those families just starting on the whole college application process. There are so many posts at CC in the spring when applicants are rejected from their top choice of college. So wonderful to read your account of what can happen next when faced with such disappointment, rejection, dare I say adversity. Thank you!</p>