Learning to deal with mistakes

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hello. I feel stupid. Sigh…</p>

<p>As a note, if you are stressed about grades and school, please read this carefully because I don't want to aggravate those feelings further.</p>

<p>No, I’m not stupid. I’m just not up to my own standards. Or maybe I am stupid? In school, getting a high A in class was always the goal I reached the large majority of time. For me, it was just a game of wits to win, which I enjoyed and took pride in. However, in high school, I didn’t know what options were available to me to continue my education. I was also dealing with family and emotional issues I thought I didn’t need help for, which was a mistake.</p>

<p>So once I entered college, I learned it wasn’t too late for me. I could transfer to a wonderful, high-standards school and feel proud of myself. I could spend the rest of my life accomplishing important tasks that I enjoyed. At least that’s what I thought. And as the semesters rolled on, I was clearly headed in that direction. A 4.0 was easy for me to attain, despite my former doubts. I felt like I could absorb a ton of information and became the smart, thoughtful person I’d wanted to be that I was too nervous to become on my own.</p>

<p>Then something happened. I think I took some classes I didn’t like, because I stopped caring about myself. My old doubts started creeping back in as well. </p>

<p>So I lost my chance to go to prestigious university, even though I still have the chance to attend a good one. I won’t transfer with a bad GPA… Just not a spectacular one.</p>

<p>I’m so upset with myself right now, and I need to learn to put these feelings behind me if I want to succeed, at least partially. I won’t be able to attend a highly-coveted university because of my grades. I’ll need to take extra time to make up for them. Worst of all, I have proven that I couldn’t overcome my challenges during these times. That I’m not so smart/hardworking/thoughtful/careful/studious/etc. </p>

<p>But so many dreams have been shattered. Was it wrong of me to build up so much of my self-esteem on proving myself, or is this normal?</p>

<p>Is there some advice you could give about life, such as grades and intelligence won’t make you happy? I’m trying to come to terms with this. I feel like my former insecurities are only more evidence of my stupidity. How could I think going to a prestigious university and being important would make me happy on its own? I’m just so unhappy I couldn’t at least live up to the task, whether it was right or not.</p>

<p>Also, if I did made these mistakes earning my associates, is it still possible to make it up for it when working towards a bachelors at a university (although not prestigious)? Or should I no longer be worrying about trying to "be the best." I know I’m still early in my education. Are people who have attended prestigious universities more or less happy than those who haven't?</p>

<p>Please don’t restrict your answers by trying to be nice. I’ll try to be understanding. I didn't want to admit I was feeling this way, but I think it's for the best I work through these irrational thoughts.</p>

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<p>Just take a deep breath and a step back. You are clearly intelligent, hardworking, and sincere in your pursuits of your dreams. You just slipped up; it happens to everyone, whether it’s in a college course, the workplace, interactions with other people, whatever. We are human; we make mistakes and we are not perfect.</p>

<p>Moreover, you aren’t stupid for tying your self-worth to your academic success and achievements. It’s the way of this culture. A lot of high-achievers have had to face the frustration, shame, and sense of worthlessness that you’ve gone through; you definitely aren’t alone. </p>

<p>The way I see it, the relentless pursuit of perfection can either end in failure or self-destruction. In a sense, I’m glad you’re at this point, because top schools can be very competitive and grades-oriented. If you don’t have a strong sense of self and an ability to relax and accept mistakes, you could end up like many of those poor Ivy students we hear about in the news having mental breakdowns or committing suicide. It’s really not worth it.</p>

<p>I can’t tell you not to mourn your fallen GPA, because truthfully, your future might be different from how you hoped it would be. But take comfort in two things:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>You already know, but grades and intelligence don’t matter at all. They don’t guarantee you a job. They don’t guarantee you friends. They don’t guarantee you happiness. Even if you made it to Harvard, the pressures wouldn’t stop, and the doubts would still come back. Actually, grades don’t even guarantee you acceptance to prestigious schools given how selective they are.</p></li>
<li><p>Now that your dreams have been “shattered” (and your GPA is still “not bad,” so who knows for sure?), you’ll get to experience the unique opportunity to craft a new path to your desired future that will bring you happiness and be 100% attainable. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Moving forward, you can definitely “make up” for your “mistakes” in any university. And then you’ll make some more in that university. And then in your job. And you will survive. Please don’t worry about being “the best.” Just enjoy your college experience one day at a time, and you’ll find a niche where you are extraordinarily skilled and valued by the people around you. </p>

<p>Also, find people you can talk to, now and in college, about the issues you’re facing before, not during or after, you go through them. Maybe see a counselor now, and then when you go off to school, be open and honest with your professors and the campus counseling center (if there is one) so that you can get the help you need before depression or anxiety affects your performance. </p>

<p>But for right now, know that getting into a top college is not the highest achievement or the best measure of success; it’s looking inside yourself for direction and not at the world, taking a path that might be scary or unheard of, and learning to love yourself all and not just some of the time. Best of luck!</p>

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<p>Thanks OnMyWay2013.I can see your points very clearly; you knew exactly what to say. Have you gone through this situation before? </p>

<p>Thank you for the compliments. Although when I first began to do poorly in college, I had tried to take it as a sign that things need to change and to make the best of it. However, the irrational thoughts lingered. I think I just really wanted a confirmation from someone else that it wasn’t something to break my future chances.</p>

<p>Some points really hit home. I can see how making mistakes now could better me for the future. After all, I can’t always just beat myself up after making large mistakes like these. I have to learn to move on, and think of myself more.</p>

<p>Even if I don’t make the cut for an Ivy League school, it may be for the better. After all, everyone can’t just be Ivy League students. Maybe I’m one who isn’t, and I think deep down I’m okay with that. As you said, the pressures wouldn’t stop. I don’t think I’d be in the right frame of mind to attend one of those schools if my current anxieties are present. It would be much better to go to a school that has just enough pressure and competitiveness to push me without breaking me.</p>

<p>Although it’s on my mind, I wasn’t so worried about guaranteeing a job, but you do make a good point on that as well. I think finding a niche in which I can be valued is what is most important to me, so I’m glad you brought that up. For me, I suppose being accepted as a person is a large part of it, but not everyone always wants a super well-rounded person who knows a lot, but someone who can be helpful. I’d be more than happy to be that sort of person. I’m not afraid to play second fiddle as well, if need be. :slight_smile: :bz </p>

<p>I’ll take your advice to speak more with my school counselors and professors as well. I’ll try to focus more on learning and enjoying my time than simply achieving anything. Take care.</p>