Leaving for College

I really could just use some advice at this point. I am 20 years old and I am going 2 hours away to a college where I will be rooming with my best friend of 7 years. I have already completed 2 years at community college while living at home with my family. I literally didn’t plan on moving away to college at all and didn’t even know if I would go for my Bachelors. However, thanks to God, everything completely fell into place for me to attend this school I have wanted to go to since I graduated highschool. My ENTIRE friend group attends and I know that this is the right place for me. I am just so. terrified. I am INCREDIBLY close with my family and especially my mom. Every time I think about leaving them I instantly burst into tears. I leave in 2 days and I am a mess. I’m also terrified because I’m pursuing my dream of majoring in music so that I can live the unconventional musicians lifestyle after college and not be bound to one specific job title. It’s my dream but everyone really freaks me out with all the talk about music being an unreliable, and essentially dumb, major. And all the articles I’ve been reading about majoring in music being extremely difficult and BUSY and I guess deep down I’m just scared. What if I can’t make it? I could just use any advice that anyone has to offer me right now. Thanks.

Breathe!..

Just take it one day at a time. It’s normal to be scared. The unexpected can be that way. The good thing is you have people you know already on campus. But remember to try to meet others so your not perceived to be in a cliche.

Talk to professors and Professionals and your schools resource center about job prospects. Yes, any job in the arts is tough. Maybe have a minor as a fall back?

2 hours is also a quick car drive. My daughter was 1.5 hours away. The cool thing with that is we were able to come see all her theater designs (costume /stage but transfered as a junior and went towards a different degree,). We could drive up and go to the farmers market with her then to lunch.

One or the best things you can do is get involved with school and clubs etc. Sure it will be a challenge during these times but not impossible. Say hi to everyone you meet. Try to get to know people…

Also congratulations on everything working out. Working Hard does that!

It’s normal to have these emotion, and the transitional stage of leaving home can last a few months. You will be homesick and sometimes doubt what you are doing. I promise you that by the end of the semester, you will feel at home at your university. It is wonderful that you already have friends there, and they can anchor you at this hard time. I think young people feel pressured to be 100% excited and happy when the emotional situation is so much more complicated.

As for majoring in music, don’t worry about a backup. Music majors are respected in a number of fields. In fact I once read (some years ago) that they had the highest rate of admission to med school. Many musicians have a “day job” or work in the gig economy in order to practice their art.

Are you getting a BA or BM? What is your instrument? If we knew a little more about your musical goals and experiences we might be able to offer encouragement.

I have a kid who majored in music who also did some internships with an orchestra, learned some technical skills as well as the kinds of website design, donor support, and fundraising transferable to any non-profit. There is also teaching.

I hope you can enjoy studying what you love for these two years, and also have a happy social and emotional life. Your family is not far away- can be done in a day trip. If it helps to go home for some weekends at first, do that. Whatever helps.

Good luck. You can do it!

ps I knew a young person so anxious about leaving home that they got her some medication. She ended up thriving and is a college professor now.

Your reaction is fear of the unknown. Your mom will always be in your life. Going away to college will NEVER weaken the love that exists between a parent and child. Do you plan to live at home forever?

Why not change your thinking? What if this is the best decision you will ever make? What if you have an amazing experience? What if the bond between you and your family grows even stronger when you go to college, as it did for my daughter and me? What if you graduate and enjoy a fulfilling career? What if going to college finally gives you the independence you didn’t realize you need? What if you don’t go, and then regret basing your decision on temporary jitters?

I think you will benefit immensely by being two hours away from home. Two hours is no time at all. It’s close enough to go home if you NEED to, but not so close that parents will unexpectedly pop in to say hello. I mean this kindly, but it seems to me that, at the age of 20, you will benefit from the maturity that going to college will help you get. Give college a chance before deciding you can’t handle it.

You might want to read this: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html

Oh my goodness…that’s a lot of anxiety. So that creates catastrophizing about the future. You can continue down that path OR you can work to manage your worries/anxieties.

Remember: the only way to eat a huge elephant is one bite at a time. The first bite is to move to school. That’s it. Just move and work on enjoying that one step. Get used to talking with your mom on the phone. My D and I are very close…and yes, the physical change was “different” but it didn’t change our relationship at all.

There’s a say that goes:
To live in the past is to know regret.
To live in the future is to know FEAR.
Only in the present is there peace.

So if you have to pack for school “just pack”. Try not to think about “what packing means” as that is not necessary and not helping you to enjoy life. When you drive to school, just “drive”, look out the window…that’s all.

And…no Bachelor’s degree is “dumb”. Just take it “one day/step” at a time. You’ll be fine. And if not, ask for help. I’m sure your mother will be there for you if needed.

Believe in this,

— everything completely fell into place for me to attend this school I have wanted to go to since I graduated high school —

There is a reason why this pass is just right front of you at this time. Stepping forward needs a big courage. It is very normal to feel scared and I am glad that you are seeking supports here.

My son is music performance major. No back-up plans in his mind. He can’t switch his interest to something he never been passionated about. Reality is, no “job” promises in any majors / fields. Study and pursue what you love the most. Then, there will be chances to grab for those hard-working people.

Two more days, hang out with your family and mom and enjoy every minutes at home. Your new life is just 2 hours away surrounded by great friends and music.

Zoom and Facetime help!!!