@SevenDad I actually really enjoy all of your posts. As someone that comes from outside the NE area, I had no idea about any school. I applied to some HADES, but I also took “cast a wide net” to heart, and not to just someplace like Lawrenceville (I use this as it is also VERY competitive, and I have heard people say, well I did cast a wide net and applied to Milton…or some such school) . Now, I can’t guarantee anything, but I feel that I have a good shot at attending BS next year, at least I feel like I made it possible, and in my search there are sooo many good schools that people don’t usually look at. It does help that I am fullpay also, but I’m glad you tell it straight. I have never felt that you were mean or condescending - some adults on this board really are. It’s also good to know there are some intangibles that can make or break you - like not just stats, but something that draws a school to you, and sometimes it is just having the right AO at the right time. ANYWAY, I wanted to pipe in and say that I really like your posts 
I’ve been on this board for a while, but I started out a complete know-nothing. Everything I know about BS that I didn’t learn firsthand from Choate, I learned here. I’ve made some great friends along the way, and I’m grateful for that. Very grateful. Like @SevenDad, I’ve taken a hard line here and there and have probably offended a few, but I’ve also tried to inject some humor when we seemed to be taking ourselves way too seriously. But I must say, even I have been frightened away a few times in recent months, and the change in tone along with our departure from the BS world last June, makes me less sad about moving on. I continue to peek in because, for me, this board is like an accident–it’s hard to look away. But, it’s no longer a comfy couch. I don’t spontaneously jump in, and I take way too much time (re)wording/editing my posts to avoid ambush. It’s just not as fun as it used to be.
I’m glad to see other Choate parents becoming regulars here. I think I’ve held on as long as I have because I seemed to be the only parent voice for the school during our son’s years there (deluded and naive as I’ve been accused of being). So, here’s to you @mexusa and @itcannotbetrue! Carry on, and I’ll continue to come round once in a while to see if anyone needs to lighten up.
I’m another who knew nothing before I started here. I’ve mentioned before that I wasn’t entirely sure Andover and Exeter were different schools…well, they both have Phillips in their name. I’m very grateful to those who were here before me (and to some who were gone before I started but left invaluable traces, like the well-known Exie). I hope I can occasionally help newer forum participants the way so many have helped me. @Albion , I hope you won’t stay away long. Your public needs you.
@ChoatieMom–don’t go away! We need your levity and perspective! Plus, I for one love to hear the ChoatieCadet stories. :-*
This morning I suddenly felt very pessimistic about SculptorKid’s M10 prospect and it was suffocating. I would have felt better if I posted on the chance forum and hear some encouraging comment. So there. The chance forum isn’t useless. And no, they don’t need a bucket of cold water.
@SculptorDad Bring it on I’ll chance you!
My conscious prohibits me. Beside, I am better now.
Echoing @ChoatieMom, I have been paying attention to how I should frame my responses because I know that while it’s an anoymous board there are real people out there receiving my responses. I don’t see it a liability but the way things should be. Obviously, we sometimes offend others despite our effort in trying not to, but I think we, especially long time posters who have developed some “authority” on this board have the responsibility to try to make this board more welcoming and helpful to new posters.
Some of the “wrong ways” of posting I have observed are: 1) being dismissive - “do your own research”, “go look yourself”, “you are asking the wrong question”… 2) being polarizing - an example of which is to promote one school or one type of schools by stereotyping or even demonizing other schools. 3) mocking and sarcastic - on an Internet board, sometimes it’s difficult to tell if a poster is joking or not, lighthearted or harsh. It can make this board intimidating to those new on here. 4) going after posters instead of taking on issues/opinions: “why should we believe you? Are you student or alum”? “What is your qualification to talk about BS”? “In another post, you said you were what what, thus you cannot have the knowledge about this subject…” 5) dominating a subject by claiming authority. Note that it’s okay to relate to your experience but it’s not to say you are the one and only correct answer. 6) change positions to posters. If it’s a “friend”, whatever they say I’d respond positively. If it’s from an “enemy”, even it’s the same position, sorry the best you get is silence.
Add your to the list.
Boarding School Parent Chance Me
Hello. We have a child applying to BS this year and can barely sleep wondering if DH and I will be accepted as BS parents. I know, I know, get a life already, but I’m dying here and need someone to look at our stats and tell us what our chances are:
SES: Upper middle class but definitely need FA. No way we can pay full freight. We drive old cars, never take vacations, haven’t seen the inside of a restaurant (without a playscape) in years, and most of our clothes are made of burlap.
LOCATION: I don’t think our state technically should be considered New England and used the parent statement to explain why.
AGE: Old enough to know that we should have started planning for this gig when kid was in utero, young enough to blend in fashionably on campus in our (burlap) sweater sets and ascots.
EMPLOYMENT: DH is an investment banker who doesn’t bring home a lot of money because of the high cost of living in our area and the fact that he is “away” at the moment contemplating his role in the 2008 meltdown. I am a stay-at-home mom because someone has to help the children with their prep school applications and keep up with CC. It’s really a full-time job. I explained this in the parent statement, too.
ECs: Golf (use two-year-old clubs and last year’s cart), fund-raising (have lettered in this sport), homeroom parent, PTA (missed presidency by a very slim margin the year DH took his “sabbatical”).
WHY WE WANT TO SEND OUR KIDS TO BS: We feel that our children would benefit from being exposed to others bound for Ivy League schools as well as poor children. We think that boarding school really makes a kid think about how nice he might have had it at home and, maybe if he had behaved just a little bit better, his room would not be advertised for rent.
Sorry for the length and all this detail and thanks for reading this far. I know we probably don’t have a great chance of getting an Andover or Exeter sticker for our SUVs, but we’ll settle for Choate or even Deerfield.
Please, what do you think? Be honest. Will chance you back.
I was joking (above).
I’m starting a petition to never let @ChoatieMom leave CC. I’m not joking.
Ha. It’s late. I really need to stop wasting time on the Interwebs and get to bed.
Wow, @ChoatieMom, that was great. Now that GG is a senior, I’m thinking I could have used that for her CSS profile… But I wanted to chime in and say that I, too, have become a lurker rather than a poster. I checked in this evening because a prospective student PM’ed me with a question about Emma Willard (you know, that slacker school GG will graduate from in June, for which she turned down PEA). So while I checked in and replied to the PM, I took a look at some of the other threads. It was gratifying to know that someone has been keeping up with the boards and keeping the parent resources up-to-date. Still not sure I have much more to contribute than what I’ve already done in old posts, except for school-specific info. And happy to reassure tense parents. It’s a tough process and not getting any less so. Best of luck to all of you parents who are in this year’s cycle, and may you have good news on March 10.
Thanks for stopping by, @girlgeekmom! So nice to see old friends. Wishing your daughter all the best in her college quest.
I’m glad I don’t read the chances threads. I don’t need more drama in my life.
It’s hard to wait. It’s harder to wait when it feels as if people are keeping secrets from you. It helps if you find something to do which does not involve chances threads.
Getting into or not getting into a boarding school is not a judgement on a student’s potential or worth. It is not a judgement on that child’s parenting. It could mean that a child does not seem ready yet to experienced adults not connected to the family to leave home for extended periods. Or that the family has chosen to apply to schools at which the child would not thrive. Or that the family chose schools which had many more applicants than openings for new students. That may be a mistake in judgement, usually the product of a lack of experience. It can be a learning experience, not a tragedy.
By the way–very seriously–how your child reacts to March 10th news depends 90% on your reaction. It’s ok if you are angry at the school–but take great care that your child not think that you are angry at her, nor that you are disappointed in her. Children are resilient, particularly when it comes to the judgement of adults they barely know. Your judgement, however, is important to your children.
To while away the time until March 10th, I highly recommend With Love and Prayers,http://www.amazon.com/Love-Prayers-Headmaster-Speaks-Generation/dp/1567922333/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1455684729&sr=8-1&keywords=with+love+and+prayers, by the Rev. Tony Jarvis, longtime head of Roxbury Latin. He has said in the past, “I don’t know who is luckier in life, the people who get what they want or the ones who don’t.” Many of the essays, which were originally given as addresses to the school body, deal with expectations, disappointment, ambition and growth through tough times, such as applying to colleges.
Thanks, @ChoatieMom – I thought you were going to bed! I know I am… here on the east coast…making it an early night (you know, before 2 am)…
Well said Periwinkle: we have told all of our children that everything happens for a reason. Our paths are not set in stone and we have no idea what wondrous experiences and people lie around the corner of a particular path. It is our attitude toward, and resilience to, a perceived set back that makes someone a person who can succeed on any path.
Thanks for the great book suggestion, @Periwinkle! I think our entire family could benefit from reading these inspirational talks.
To make my point more explicitly, the “wrong ways of posting” as I presented in post #67 are all effective ways to thin the active poster crowd, scare off new posters and silence the board. Occasionally, some of the very vocal posters who resort to those ways can actually make the board noisier, but only with overwhelming majority singing the same tone and dominating the discussions with one voice, which is probably not the kind of “active” that is most helpful.
SculptorDad,
That’s not a bad idea (disabling comments on threads that have been inactive for a given period of time). It would also require less of the moderator’s time.