Level of Parent Input On College Choice

One more thought: What requirements would your son have to meet to keep his scholarship for all four years at the other schools? And would he be able to do it? If he loses his scholarship because he can’t earn a high enough GPA, then what?

It sounds like he plans to major in engineering – a major known for relatively low GPAs. And you say that the schools in your area are not the best, so he may not be as well prepared as his potential college classmates. If there’s a good chance that he might lose his scholarship because he can’t meet the GPA standard at the other schools, it might be cheaper in the long run for him to go to the state flagship.

Can you afford the higher price tag? If not, you need to say so, especially if he was expecting more aid than he got. If you can afford it, but don’t think the state U is worth it, that’s a different discussion, but you still need to have it.

Are the other schools that he got into far from home? This might just be a case of him getting nervous about leaving home.

Substitute “son” for “daughter” and I could have written the OP. I think a lot of people have touched on possible reasons. I think for my D17 she is definitely getting nervous. Our flagship is much closer to home, and she is also well about the average stats. I think she is starting to wonder if some of the more selective schools she applied to may be too hard (for her liking - combined with all the other “hard” stuff living away from home brings)

Also - 9 months ago the idea to going to school with tons of kids from her HS/city was horrible to her…but now I think she sees it as comforting. She knows there are people like her there that are doing ok.

I am pretty sure there is not a boy involved…but I know with her that could definitely sway her decision as well.

I don’t think the flagship is a good fit for her because I think she would do better in a smaller school. But I think she likes the idea that she can “hide” at a big school (which I see as a negative). She also is not interested in the Honors college options (although just today we got an email saying it isn’t too late to apply - so if your son is interested make sure to check into it)

It is also our most expensive option so far. Right now we have an agreement to not discuss colleges AT ALL until the last few decisions are in (mid march hopefully). I am crossing my fingers that in the end we can come to an agreement that both her and her dad and I will be comfortable with.

Since this is a total change from what he originally wanted, I would ask him to explain how the safety school that was near the bottom of his list rose to the top. Once you have an idea as to why he’s chosen the state U you’ll be better able to discuss it with him. We did not put any financial restrictions on my daughter when she chose her college, but after she had whittled down her list and was deciding between the last two schools (one of which was over $100K more over 4 years), I did ask her to at least consider that price difference and determine if the more expensive school was worth that much more to her.

I would also insist that he visit the school before making a final decision.

If he’s going into the Navy, they won’t care where he went as long as it’s ABET accredited.

Any chance it is program related? One of the advantages OSU has is that engineering students don’t declare until end of sophomore year which gives them a healthy window to see if engineering is right for them and to adjust if needed either within the major or to a different direction. If he wants grad school the lower stress environment there could be a far better fit for some for higher gpa success and grad school plans.

We know several recent engineering grads from OSU who were employed almost immediately.

It may not be a girl. My S who adamantly refused to apply to our outstanding flagship (UW) and out most of his eggs in east coast baskets is starting to freak out about being so far away and has regrets about not applying to UDub.

He may want to keep being a big fish and not a little fish. Lots of reasons.

Just talk to him, or listen when he’s ready to talk. Schedule a tour and he might open up without asking.

Note, however, that entrance to an engineering major at Oregon State requires more than just good academic standing and passing the prerequisites. However, the college GPA minimums for guaranteed admission are not especially high, according to http://engineering.oregonstate.edu/apply-engineering-professional-program-summer15-later (e.g. 2.400 for nuclear engineering, 2.900 for computer science).

Excellent thoughts CC community. I think I will suggest that he do the overnight visit without parents. The program is ABET, so that will be OK academically - more so concerned about class sizes. That is, turning down full ride private small class size for big budget challenged school…if he visits some of those classes and feels good, then I can feel good about the situation. It may be an issue or crises of confidence. In any case, I do need to understand the 360. College is a big change and I want him to be happy. It is right to push a sound selection process - that is visit the school - but way wrong to push a particular selection. He was really ambitious in terms of test scores APs etc., so its quite possible he is just freaking out and wants to be in a spot where he feels he can kill it. Thanks all.

FWIW, our D1 got in to her dream school on the East Coast (we live in CA). I was ready for “snarky summer” as many posters have referred to it, but she was quite pleasant. Continued to be excited, but in a relatively subdued manner. My anxiety was racheting up, as I thought about all of the things that we habitually helped her with (e.g. medical history and appts, etc) that she would be tackling alone in a giant city with no family or friends. A YEAR later, she said that she spent the summer planning and visualizing how she was going to be a successful independent adult. She said that it too all summer to be ready to leave CA and be confident. Maybe your son is verbalizing that anxiety in the only way he knows how at the moment. One of my best parenting techniques is to remind my kids of times they killed it in similar situations. For example, “It sounds like you are worried about x, but I know that you can do it, because you have done it before. Remember when a,b,c? I know that this is new, and you still are figuring it out, but you have a history of doing similar things successfully. You’ll figure it out!”

Spoke with GC. Definitely a case of DS becoming a bit anxious now that the reality of college is much closer. That is, it is not as if he visited State U. and came home in love with the campus and classes. So, we’ve suggested he give his dream school a year. Pointing out that he can easily transfer to State U. If he is unhappy. But, he won’t be able to transfer in to dream school as a Sophomore as its a high demand school. The dream school has an impeccable freshman retention and satisfaction rate. And, I reminded him that they wouldn’t have admitted him if he wasn’t qualified and a good fit - they have enough applicants. We also stressed that it is OK to transfer and that he shouldn’t have the stress of somehow making the perfect call for the next 4 or 5 years. Finally, I do not mean to disrespect State U. But financially strapped schools have challenges - and there are implications for students. Going there must be a true active choice, not a place to hide out from new challenges.

Sounds like a great solution as long as S is comfortably on board. Why didn’t I think of that?!

I now remember setting a similar stage with my D’s application process to boarding school, where she harbored some reluctance, although I felt strongly it was just what she needed. Her knowing that she could come back home after one year if she didn’t like it made her OK with this new major enterprise, 2,000 miles away at age 14. It didn’t even take 6 months for her to feel she’d died & gone to heaven.

I don’t disagree with having him start at the dream school if that’s what he wants, but I know a huge number of kids who started at LACs and OOS schools and immediately transferred back to the flagship. It’s not a disaster but I think some of those kids always feel a step behind. At this flagship, sophomores and up rarely live in the dorms so the transfers don’t get those freshmen seminar type courses (often in a dorm or the honors college), don’t participate in the big Greek rush (more important for girls than boys), don’t go to orientation,etc.

If he’s unsure, then do the dream. If he’s leaning toward the state school, have him fully investigate it now. You still have 2 months to make the decision.

Are there any statistics to backup this commonly repeated anecdotal scaremongering?

I can just as easily say I don’t know **any ** students who have left LACs or OOS U’s to come home to the state flagship.

@jade100 I am still confused by the comment that state U’s are limiting merit money - are you saying this is happening in Oregon? At which school? Are we talking OSU? I am confused by OP referring to flagship which would imply UO. That isn’t the case for several students I know accepted as in or out of state that got considerable merit money from UO. My peers aren’t familiar with this phenomenon either, so perhaps you can shed more light on those statements? Also application to UO honors program is closed as far as we know and you mentioned it still being open. So I am assuming OSU is the other school as @ucbalumus implied. Are there merit issues there?

Is the school he is going to try for a year a lot smaller? That may have been a big concern for him - I have one with a full tuition offer but they cannot get over the size even though it is in a great location. They don’t want it to feel like just a big high school. Not enough diversity there in many regards. So while it seems like the better choice, I have let it go. From many experiences around me, I know when it comes down to two schools, and the parent is the one that ends up really making the choice between them, it can be a bumpy ride ahead.

Can we assume, then, that your family can afford State U and that it would not be a financial hardship for the family if he chose that school (either as a freshman or a transfer)?

If it would be a hardship, perhaps he should be told that so that he can take it into consideration. If the situation is something like “Yes, we can pay for State U, but if you go there, Mom won’t be able to replace her old car that’s on it’s last legs and will have to commute to work by bus, which means three transfers and a two-hour trip each way,” maybe he should know.

(By the way, I’m not discouraging state universities. My husband and son are both graduates of their flagship state universities – the University of Connecticut for one and the University of Maryland at College Park for the other – and I think both of them made college choices that were very appropriate for them. They’ve done well in their careers, too.)

Ah the parenting tool of guilt. Works every time.

Some clarification. I am not naming my state by choice. I don’t want my anxiety about our state budget difficulties and possible higher education implications to discourage anyone from attending university here. It scares me but that is an emotion, not a fact that can concretely be evaluated in the college selection process. Looking at state merit - limited is incorrect. It is nice and calibrated to keep the Buckeyes from snatching good students I would say. Other schools do have a higher percentage of seats allotted to Honors, however. So, maybe limited relatively in that sense. Moot for us because DS did not apply because he was never,ever,ever, think Taylor Swift, ever going to get together with State U. On money, straight up cost going into freshman year is one thing. If I were to model the expected cost, accounting for risk of losing scholarship, State U would then be most affordable I think. On transfers, shouldn’t happen on a whim. But when we know students commit suicide because they can’t endure their situation and feel they have no choices - I want my son to know he does have choices, and I’ll drive my jalopy - too funny how someone guessed that.