<p>I'm the mother of a high school senior looking for advice about the college selection process. I know I need to stop worrying about this but I can't help myself. Bear with me as this story is a tad long. My son has about a 3.9 GPA and a good ACT score and has lots of community service hours. He really wants to go to a fairly expensive in-state public university that is known for offering very little in the way of aid or scholarships. It's the place everyone wants to go - my son included. I have been saving for college all his life but haven't been able to save much - about $100 a month total for both of my two sons. I was single much of their childhoods and am newly remarried to a man who will not help with their college at all as he was not planning for kids and wants to retire soon. His income, however, will limit my ability to get aid for them. Their dad is remarried also and their family will submit the FAFSA as they have lower income and more kids in college. But he also says he has no money for the boys' college. So, it's all up to me financially - but I don't feel I have any say in the process. I can't get my son to even consider a school other than the expensive one he has his heart set on. I will probably have to co-sign for tens of thousands in loans. He also wants to go to med school - and I think he should not rack up debt in undergrad if he can at all avoid it. With the money I've saved, he could go to a less prestigious state college with very little debt after four years. It has also had good success with med school acceptance. But my son won't even consider that. I think he will only face reality when he has no one willing to co-sign loans and by then his options will be limited. It's so hard for me to sit back and let this unfold. It doesn't help that his dad's new wife will be runnning the show when it comes to FAFSA, applications, etc. Any thoughts would be much appreciated (we have only visited the school he wants to attend - he refuses to go to any other)</p>
<p>welcome!!! if the fafsa paperwork is submitted and as you say lower income with kids in college (father) you may actually receive more need based aid than you think you will. have you tried a fafsa calculator to see?. sometimes you can get a pleasant surprise.
however if no need based aid, and it is a public state university have you checked if he will qualify for any merit based aid? some schools have automatic and you can determine what he would receive right now.
i realize you say you have checked that but sometimes you have to dig a bit on the websites to find programs available ie department scholarships.</p>
<p>other than that, it comes down to tell him you cant do it! i am in the same position right now with my son. His heart is set on schools he can not attend. he on one hand says he understands but his comments about the realistic list lead me to believe differently. I feel very guilty that we cant do it, but would feel more guilty in the long run with 220K debt for undergrad (he also wants phd or md/phd) and as we are slightly older than the average parents of an 18 year old, those debts whether cosigned by us or not…will be his to finish paying for. we just had a fight last night over it, and i’m very sure there will be more fights, wish it was all happiness and light but its not going to be. we told him early what we could pay, any difference had to be made up by the cost of the school itself or merit aid.</p>
<p>I suggest a bit of tough love. Simply tell him what you can afford, tell him he must also consider his younger brother and refuse to co-sign any loans in excess of what seems reasonable, which I feel is in the $15-20k range.</p>
<p>You do know that you can’t just choose who files FAFSA. If your son lives with you then FAFSA has to be filed using your (and your spouse) financial information.</p>
<p>You do have a say in this. I think you need to tell your son flat out that if he goes to the more expensive school you will pay only the amount you can afford and that any additional costs will be his. Sit down and go over the costs with him. Show him what you feel you can contribute and see what will still need to be covered. He will be eligible for Stafford loans of $5500 as a freshman even if there is no financial need. They do not require a cosigner. Once the max Stafford loans have been applied see what still needs to be paid. Ask him how he plans to pay for it. Make it quite clear what you can afford and that you will not be able to come up with more. </p>
<p>To be honest, I am not willing to cosign for loans. Cosigning loans is such a risky business. You are as responsible for the debt as if it was in your own debt and have less control over it. Any late payments etc can affect your credit rating before you are even aware they have happened. And should your son not repay the loan the lenders can come after you and your assets. My daughter did a consumer finance course her sophomore year (she is a science major with no interest in finance but it taught her a lot) and when she learned about the risks and responsibilities of cosigning a loan said she would never do it or ask anyone to do it for her. If I were willing to take the risk of being ultimately responsible for a debt i would prefer the debt to be in my own name with the hope the person would repay me, but also with the understanding that I might ultimately be stuck with the debt. So it would never be more than I could afford to lose (which is very little).</p>
<p>Seniors in HS do not have a realistic idea of the costs of college or the ramifications of debt. Now is a good time to talk to him about it and back it up with facts and figures. make it quite clear what you will or will not do as far as finances are concerned. If he still refuses to even consider applying elsewhere even as a backup plan then you have done the best you can. But stick to your guns and don’t be guilted into doing more than you can afford.</p>
<p>Be straightforward with him. This school will cost $xxxx. I can afford $yyyy. You can get $5500 in Stafford loans without a cosigner. That leaves $nnnn a year. How are you going to pay for that son?</p>
<p>Does your son live with you or his father? If he lives with you 51% or more of the time, then his father cannot legally file FAFSA for him.</p>
<p>Is there really that much of a difference between the top state school and what you have saved for the less prestigious state college? One approach, since you say you can pay for the less prestigious state college, is to be upfront with your son and tell him he needs to work to make up the difference. Summer jobs, jobs during the school year, work study, applying for every local and national scholarship possible - these are ways to earn the thousands of dollars that might make the difference between son’s dream school and the less appealing state college. That puts the choice on the son, really, and it seems right that the son have a lot of skin in this game if he’s going to be inflexible.</p>
<p>It would be easy to feel guilty about being realistic with your son about what level of financial support you can provide – Don’t! My oldest daughter had her heart set on going to USC – dream school – about $50,000 per year all in. It was all that she wanted in a school – but not affordable. We told her early on what we could do to help financially – and that if she got in, she would have to cover the rest. She did get in – she did decide that she wanted to go there enough to take out the loans to cover what we couldn’t. She graduated last year and doesn’t regret in any way her decision. It was the right place for her. But we certainly know of many others who made a different decision – ultimately selecting a more affordable school so they didn’t have to be saddled with college loans. Once your son knows what the situation is, it will give him the opportunity to more realistically consider his options.</p>
<p>Thanks much for the replies! To respond to a couple of the points made - my ex and I have the kids exactly 50/50 - they are at both households the same amount of time. We each report one of the boys on our tax return. That said, using the FAFSA estimator with the dad’s income I found that my son would still need about $7,000/year in loans that would have to be co-signed. On top of the $8,000 or so in Stafford and Perkins loans that he would be paying back on his loan. So, $15,000 in debt a year for four years - $60,000. And he wants to go to med school after that. I agree with those who said he needs to grow up and face reality. He has been spoiled, I think, his whole life. Has the classic entitlement mentality of many kids these days. His dad always paid for ski racing fees, clothes, equipment, etc - and I knew he would have nothing for college. Son has always said I am negative because I don’t just “find a way.” (In other words, pay for what he wants) So, now we have a spoiled son set on a college no one has saved for. As for merit based aid, the school he wants to attend has high acceptance standards and he is in the middle of the acceptance range. I’m sure he will be accepted but he won’t be a stand-out as the students there are all high achievers. One other thing re FAFSA - their dad’s new wife wants to report both kids on their tax return in the future so they can apply for aid for both of them. My husband isn’t happy about that as we will lose the tax deduction and I am the one doing the college saving. Plus, it’s not legal as they spend their time 50/50. Aaargh! It all gives me a headache. But, I will not give in - I just need to find other ways to occupy my mind until the day comes when son realizes he is not going to the expensive school.</p>
<p>Make sure he applies for all scholarships and chooses several schools that have guaranteed scholarships for certain test scores/gpa’s where you can afford the tuition. After that, let him spread his net far and wide with reach and financial reach schools - especially those that meet 100% of need or who have good merit scholarships. As one poster mentioned, some universities have departmental scholarships that are hard to find on the websites; sometimes you just find out about them when your kid receives one! Your son should be able to contribute $3000 from summer earnings, $2000 from work during the school year, and you will realize a “savings” in him not eating/washing/living at home (at least $3000 a year, much more if you had been insuring him in a car and he won’t need to at college, or if you were paying for social life or EC’s at home which you won’t need to at college…). That’s total $8000, plus his Stafford loans of $5500 = $13,500 towards his college expenses. If he has a car - sell it, and take him off your insurance; major savings there! You may find it more affordable than you think; I know that we did.</p>
<p>Reporting dependents on tax returns has nothing to do with who files FAFSA. Many divorce settlements include a clause stating who can claim the children on taxes; filing as head of household with at least one dependent is definitely advantageous over filing as single. Can you compromise and claim one son and your ex claim the other?</p>
<p>Since your son splits his time, with one extra day per year at the Ex’s house the Ex could legitimately file FAFSA for him. Since you say that their income is lower and they will have more kids in college, why not just let this one go and let the Ex file FAFSA? They won’t need to know anything about your financial situation, and it may in fact work out better for your son.</p>
<p>I would recommend sharing EFCs with the ex: ask the ex to complete one of the more recent calculators online, tell you what the EFC is, compare it to yours, and go from there.</p>
<p>^^totally agree with the posters above who indicate that you need to go over the finances, piece by piece, with your son, that he should know exactly how much you can contribute to his education, and that you should be firm about NOT co-signing for loans. </p>
<p>Community college for the first two years can signficantly cut down on the costs of a four-year-degree and if he is serious about the sciences it will not make a whit of difference to ad coms for graduate or medical school. They will be interested in his undergrad GPA and his GRE/MCAT scores, not in where he did his first two years of college.</p>
<p>Like others on this thread, I’m surprised to learn of really expensive in-state publics. And I agree that very very few HS students have a clear understanding of what it costs to go to college. It is part of growing up that they learn that the world does not revolve around them. </p>
<p>Congrats on your son’s good grades and scores and community service hours: they will give him choices he might not have otherwise.</p>
As far as FAFSA is concerned it does not matter who claims them as dependents on the tax return. So just say no to that!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I am afraid you may be being a little optimistic in assuming he will get a Perkins loan. All students are eligible for Stafford loans. However Perkins loans are *very *difficult to get as each school has only a very limited amount of Perkins funding. Some do not have it at all. It is usually given to those with the most need and the lowest EFC. </p>
Just put the ball firmly in his court. Tell him you have done your part for the school you can afford. Now it is up to him to just “find a way” to pay the difference.</p>
<p>Wow, great responses. I do need to look into the lack of connection between who files FAFSA and who reports them on taxes. It’ s the first big dispute the two families have had. Anyway, I have a lot to go on here.</p>
<p>Are you sure about that? Is there anything in the custody agreement about tuition? I believe that in most states, neither parent is required to pay college costs but check your state.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You do not have to do anything, especially co-sign for a loan. You need to figure out if you can afford to pay this loan back should your son wind up in a position where he cannot…and owing 60K on ones undergrad while going onto medical school is an excellent way for him to find himself in that position.</p>
<p>I would take medical school completely out of the equation right now. The number of kids who say they want to go into medicine, and the number who actually do are very different. Focus on the best undergraduate education you and he can afford…</p>
<p>It sounds like your son has alot of smarts but is not using much common sense. If I were you I would just lay it on the line to him. You have X amt of money and that will allow him to go to schools X and Y. That is it, period the end.<br>
I told my son, who is now a sophomore in college that he should choose one of the schools we could afford for his undergrad degree and then if he chose to go to grad school, he could apply for a TA or an RA–and the world was open to him.<br>
You son can get his pre-med completed at any of the smaller, more affordable schools in Colorado. And of that there are plenty.</p>
<p>Quote: "I can’t get my son to even consider a school other than the expensive one he has his heart set on.</p>
<p>Quote: “As for merit based aid, the school he wants to attend has high acceptance standards and he is in the middle of the acceptance range. I’m sure he will be accepted but he won’t be a stand-out as the students there are all high achievers.”</p>
<p>A couple of thoughts on the quotes above -
Your son needs to seriously think about, find, and apply for other options. No one should put their eggs in one basket, especially when in the middle of the acceptance range – that is no guaranteed admission. A true “safety” would have you above the 75th percentile of the acceptance range. If he doesn’t broaden his view of possible colleges he may have bigger problems than financial affordability.</p>
<p>but for some like my son when does the common sense kick in? i thought we had it down, but maybe i am just frustrated after the “fight” last night. he just isnt embracing the ones that are realistic in the same way as his “dream” . i think part of the problem is, i said take them off the list, dont even think about them, but his father felt that if he wanted to apply that was fine, “he knows he cant go but maybe he needs to know he could have been accepted.” H has even suggested we go and visit, which i am strongly objecting to, i think it is a waste of time and money and contributes to him not accepting the reality.<br>
after our discussion of how much money we could put in i tried to help find some schools that would work for his “intended” major, with good rep and merit aid, we have discussed them, gone to visit quite a few and he liked them and i thought he was happy with the list, have asked numerous times if he has found any others he likes or wants to add or visit and he hasnt , and now suddenly it has become MY list not his??!! is this just normal teenager anxiety about this decision or should i tell him, OK scrap that list come up with one totally “your own” and have at it, if its affordable you can go, if not too bad</p>