Here is one that I think we can blame on the government: your expected family contribution is what you should expect your family to pay.
Even on this forum I think “Financial Aid and Scholarships” should be called “Paying for College”.
How about the term “Expected Family Contribution”! A misnomer if I’ve ever seen one.
Yes, more like “Unexpected Family Contribution.” One of my favorite stories about whether college is the best four years of one’s life or not was told to me by the president of a small liberal arts college. They had identified a quite elderly alumna, who had great financial success after leaving the college. So they were attempting to arrange for a donation from her. The college president personally took her on a tour of the college, showing off many of its best current features. The tour culminated in a drive to the top of a nearby hill, which offered a great vista of the college. The college president noticed that the woman was in tears–as he first thought, with nostalgia about her great college years. Then she said, “How I hated this place!”
Because it is? I’m almost 60 and have had a very satisfying life, but college? Just magical. I’m hoping heaven is as good.
YMMV.
My college experience was okay. Not bad (fun a lot) but also not incredible.
I’m more of a family guy than a friend guy. First couple years were rough since I had no close friends. Eventually moved into a good housemate situation where I shared a suite with 3 other guys and we all got along and became like a family and that was nice. Also made a few good friends by the last couple years and that was good.
Parenthood has been a lot of fun for me. Kids haven’t been easy but they’ve brought a lot of joy. I think I’d rate parenthood above college from my perspective on the fun factor. But again, I’m more of a family guy than a friend guy.
I did think the books and learning were a lot of fun, especially the upper level classes.
Senior year was a bit stressful when I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to grad school for a few years but they say hindsight is 20/20.
Emphasis on the YMMV. If someone’s not having a “magical” college experience – look at all the depressed, lonely, or otherwise discouraged students posting here every single semester – then “your life will never be better than it is now!” sounds like “I know your current life sucks and it’s ONLY DOWNHILL FROM HERE.”
And you don’t know whether the student you’re blithely quipping this to is happy in college or not. They might smile happily and think yeah, life is pretty great. Or they might smile politely and think, you’re saying I’m never going to be happy again?
This discussion comes at an interesting time for me. I just got an email from a college rep from my alma mater wanting to meet with me to discuss my college experiences. I’m sure she’s looking for blurbs about how wonderful my days were on campus so that she can use them in advertising. I toyed with the idea of meeting with her for about a minute, then realized that she would probably be disappointed if I were to be completely honest.
Don’t get me wrong. I did have some wonderful times. I had great friends and experiences, and I learned so much about so many things. But there were some not-so-great moments that I can’t separate out (for example, multiple incidences of sexual harassment by male professors). I have a feeling she wouldn’t want to hear the whole truth.
@Belle315 Why not tell her the truth? For all you know, your remarks will spark a discussion of how college has changed for the better for young women.
I thought I’d already died and gone to heaven. 
I can see this, but CC is a bit of a bubble. I’m guessing there is a disproportionate number of sad and depressed college students posting on CC about their unhappiness as compared to super happy kids having a magical experience.
I’m also guessing at least some of those having a tough time may be due to a less than optimal fit. It’s not always easy to find a good fit when you have to work within more limited parameters than others. These might include cost of attendance, inability to afford visits before attending (if they’re able to afford to go away at all), distance from home (too far or too close), and/or parents who make the choice for them.
I remember one student who felt her state flagship of UVA was the perfect fit for her. She loved everything about it and she wanted to be closer to home, but was being forced to attend Berkeley by an immigrant father who was willing to pay OOS costs for bragging rights with his family because Berkeley is considered more prestigious in his home country. I remember another post about a year ago by a guy who had been homeless and living in a car for part of HS and was now in his first year Harvard, but somewhat disillusioned. At least one parent said if he couldn’t be happy at Harvard, it was his problem and not the school’s, but even the most amazing opportunities aren’t always a good fit and it doesn’t make the student’s feelings any less real.
We often hear “you grow or bloom where you are planted,” but I don’t know how often that’s the case. Some plants thrive in direct sunlight or shade, while others whither in the same environment. Some do better in small planter boxes while others need large beds where their roots can spread.
College exceeded my already high expectations going in, but I attribute part of it to luck that my intuition was correct, part to being fortunate enough to have more options available to me than many (if not most) have, and part to having parents who allowed me the independence to make choices I felt were the right for me even if they didn’t always understand them or agree at the time.
@ChoatieMom , as a long time reader of your posts, I am guessing you can relate to that last part. 
Yes, probably. I’m also probably more aware of that particular viewpoint because I was/am one of those students. 
Even if the person you’re saying it to is perfectly happy, though, it’s still a sad statement. Everything gets worse from here!
I went to the wrong college, so took lots of extra classes and was out in 3 years. I enjoyed grad school much more. Internship was my favorite of the long process. It was really nice to not have a thesis over my head, but lots of short reports.
However, building up the expectations too high may have a detrimental effect.
a. The student may get too picky and decide that too few colleges are good fits, and feel disappointed if his/her only affordable choices in May end up being merely acceptable fits.
b. After enrolling in college, the student may find that it is not the magical experience that people told him/her about, resulting in the disappointment that leads to those disappointment threads.
Remember, most students are substantially limited by affordability and other concerns, but still manage to complete their degrees at whatever college they can get into and afford (often the local commuter-based college). The “magical” experience at a state flagship or high end private is probably found by only a minority of college students.
@bodangles I have not picked that up from your posts, so you do a good job of faking it. Have you thought of a career in acting? 
While I said college exceeded my already high expectations, I also don’t think I went into it with unrealistic expectations like feeling my roommate and I needed to be friends, let alone best friends, or that I’d love all my classes. I knew there would be better and worse times and that I’d face unexpected trials and tribulations, but that’s life.
I always get a little paranoid when things go too well for too long because I know they have to go downhill at some point, and they do. During the rougher times, I tell myself they have to get better, and they do. I hated grad school in its entirety, so that was a long stretch of misery, but soon enough I was able to get out there and blaze my own trail, and you will too.
Life is a roller coaster and it’s all part of the ride. Just hang on.
Someone told me on my wedding day that that was “the happiest day of (my) life.” I think I burst out laughing and said I hope not. I woke up with a migraine and was late to my own ceremony. I don’t think college is “the best” either; I don’t think there can be a “best.” When my parents were living, that was good, but to go back to then would mean not seeing the amazing adults my children are turning out to be.
I think one of the worst misconceptions involves how much money is out there for good students, especially low income ones. It’s heartbreaking to read stories from families who’ve been led to believe that aid will pour in so their kid can go anywhere and are now realizing that it’s just not true.
Here’s an exaggeration: work-study jobs abound. That’s not always true, and many of the available jobs are crappy. One job I remember “interviewing” for involved moving boxes around for a couple of academics. Literally. But it was advertised as “Research Assistant”. Their room was 80% boxes of paper. They got tired of moving the boxes around when they couldn’t navigate the room, so they wanted to hire a student to do it. I guess a job is a job when you desperately need money for college expenses.
@“Yalie 2011”
Seems that you are conflating some terms, such as “minority” with “underprivileged” and “high achiever/affluent” with “Asians and Caucasians.” Did you intend to do that? Because this is what the @sseamom wrote:
See, no mention of achievement or SES.
I hoped I’d date a lot in college. Nope. Also in grad school; zero dates despite being in a mostly female program. Married 20 years, though. As long as college prepares you to move forward career wise you probably got your parents’ money’s worth.
That’s a good idea.
The OP presents statements that seem to be common myths that die hard, and cause a lot of pain for some.
But there are those kids who do get into every school they want, get the money to pay for the school they want by scholarships, financial aid, or however, and have those blessed four best years of their life.
There will always be people at the extremes and everywhere between. Because of that, the myths persist.
I am very sure it will work like this in 20 or so years (all schools access all kids anonymous data and can select you for admit or further review/interview). The current process is a joke.