<p>I go to one of the few colleges in the nation that has a policy of not permitting sophomores to live off campus. I had my mind set on moving out after freshman year ended for a multitude of reasons; however, finding out my school's policy dashed my hopes.</p>
<p>I need help persuading the housing coordinator to make an exception. Here's the situation: I'm a very conservative Catholic so I knew going to college would be a rude awakening, but it is much worse than I could have anticipated. Sexual promiscuity and marijuana run rampant throughout the dorms. Alcohol is a virtual staple of every night. I distanced myself from these people, and took the attitude of "let them have their fun." However, their rowdiness has often caused me to leave the room late at night because noise prevented me from concentrating on any work. Being a light sleeper, I am frequently awoken around 2 or 3 am when many students return to their rooms, slam doors, talk, or play loud music. The living situation has been both detrimental to my health and school work. Do you think the housing coordinator will make an exception? Is there anything else I can tell her to change her mind?</p>
<p>On a final note, I really enjoy going here (aside from dorm life). The professors are wonderful people, and I've found several extracurriculars to occupy much of my time. I just don't want dorm life to mar an otherwise good college experience.</p>
<p>um earplugs?
I use them quite a bit- my husband snores- when I go to rock concerts- to take a nap on the train....
I have to have absolute quiet to go to sleep and since our neighborhood can be fairly noisy at times even without household noise they have been great- any drug store should have them.</p>
<p>NONE of the dorms have a better atmosphere? They are all chockfull of crazed rowdy freshmen? There are no 'program dorms' or 'substance-free' dorms?</p>
<p>I might try exploring on-campus options with the housing coordinator -- and if no solution can be found, then maybe she can see her way to an exception. And -- if there <em>is</em> an on-campus solution, perhaps it can be implemented now, during spring semester, (i.e. a room transfer).</p>
<p>First of all, most colleges have "quiet living" floors or special interest housing that would attract more studious types. After one week at your school, you know where those places are. </p>
<p>Second, I find this to be the typical millenial response (and the note from the doc is something a hovering parent would suggest). "I deserve a special situation" or "I need to get away". No, you don't. What you need to do is be and adult and speak up. Instead of quaking in your room or running away, stick your head out the door and ask people in a nice way to keep it down.</p>
<p>I was a resident director before being an admission officer and there was always a segment of the students who were afraid of confrontation. This is a KEY SKILL that you need to learn now. I'm sure you know at least one kid on the hall who has no trouble telling people to shut up when they're trying to study or the hot, new episode of The OC is on...do people rise up and get louder when that person asks for them to ease up? Probably not. Channel that person for a second the next time people start getting crazy. </p>
<p>Next year, at the first floor meeting of the year, tell people how you feel. You'll find that a) there are others who feel the same way and b) that most kids want to be liked and will try and be agreeable.</p>
<p>I have to say my son found the same thing when he was in a dorm, and no offense sugaree but his resident director did nothing about the problems, including a roomate who brought alcohol into the room, and my son is dead against alcohol and drugs. sometimes parents have to hover, because nobody else will help. I believe that for the amount of money you pay for those ridiculous tiny little dorm rooms you should be afforded the ability to do your school work and sleep. My son was sleep deprived perpetually because of the noise in the dorms at all hours, and again, where was the resident director or whoever is responsible for keeping a decent living arrangement? I must say it probably is a shock for a strict catholic person to be indoctrinated into the world this way, just as it would be for an amish person or strict muslim etc. the world out there exists, true, but when we rent apartments, live in houses etc, we still have a right to have quiet at night, and to be able to live our lives. I don't see the difference when somebody is at college.</p>
<p>Well, at least for the noise part, I can testify that earplugs definitely help me. You can get a pack of 10 foam pairs for $3 at Wal-Mart. I've been using them since after winter break and I've been sleeping a LOT better...you can definitely still hear the fire alarm if it goes off in the middle of the night or your alarm to wake up, but it cuts out most of the noise in the hall. There's girls in my hall that like to scream and run up and down in the middle of the night (the RA is pretty much ineffective and has threatened them but it doesn't help). I've told them to shut up a couple times, such as when they decided to have a pillow fight at 3 am during finals week when it was supposed to be quiet all day and night...but it hasn't helped in general, because they still do it.</p>
<p>I do agree that considering how much I pay to live here, I should have a right to peace and quiet, but then again, I don't think it's fair to entirely impede on others' fun, whether that takes the form of alcohol use, etc. So I've learned to adapt in my own way...and that's buying earplugs, which pretty much has solved the problem. There's only a little over two months left to live on this hall anyway, so I think I can deal with it.</p>
<p>I also think that things would probably be better in an upperclassman dorm for you (at least in my school, the freshmen live in separate dorms). By sophomore year, people have sort of calmed down a bit, I'd think.</p>
<p>First off, the first person to whom a person with roommate troubles should speak is their roommate(s). Second, there are Resident Assistants, other students who live on the floors. They should be spoken to about the overall floor environment. If nothing changes, the Resident Director, the administrator responsible for the building, should be contacted. </p>
<p>If the resident staff is not effective, it's time to move up the ladder. Email the Assistant Director in Res Life that handles your area. You can find all the needed info on your school's website.</p>
<p>Resident staff is tasked to create a positive living and learning environment. Just because your RA hasn't done something doesn't mean you throw up your hands and walk away. Be persistent! </p>
<p>Parents, this is one of those "teachable moments" that you need to let your kids have. Yes, you are paying $x,xxx for that room, but part of the college experience is learning to handle things without calling Mom and Dad. Encourage your kids to act when they call to complain. Resist the urge to fix everything for them. With some reassuring words from you, your child might find that they are pretty good at being the catalyst for change...it might lead to greater confidence, assertiveness and happiness in school and later on.</p>
<p>FWIW, I was the conservative Catholic school girl who had to figure out how to deal with the craziness that came with living in the halls. I definitely called my mother more than once to complain, but I knew I'd get the same response: "Did you talk to your roommate about the drinking?" (when dear roommie came home with alcohol poisoning), "What did your RA do when you told her?" (complaining about the state of bathrooms on Sunday morning), and so on.</p>
<p>I learned to confront people in a firm, but non-threatening way. It's a skill that has helped me tremendously since.</p>
<p>"First of all, most colleges have "quiet living" floors or special interest housing that would attract more studious types. After one week at your school, you know where those places are."</p>
<p>I tried to request that during the initial room application. However, my school has no substance free dorms. I just feel if my parents are paying 8-10k a year for a cubicle, I should at least be able to do my work and sleep. I have asked people to be quiet, but they tone it down for awhile and 20 minutes later it's as noisy as ever. Like Juba2jive, I don't want to be the dorm "bad guy" who is always requesting that people be more quiet and in a sense stop having fun the way they want to.</p>
<p>Sugaree--Roland did not go to his parents expecting them to solve a problem. He came up with a reasonable alternative for his situation; now he's looking for advice as to how he can make it work.</p>
<p>I work at a small college; many of my students tell me horror stories about dorm situations. They always get the same party line from the residence life people--talk to your RA, go up the chain, speak up. It all sounds nice, but in reality, the only help they get is--learn to live with others, it's your fault, you're too sensitive, fix it yourself. </p>
<p>Roland is not trying to change other people; as he says, that's not appropriate, and really, who wants to be "that guy?" </p>
<p>My own kids had mostly good dorm experiences; on the other hand, I had a psychotic (literally) roommate who'd checked herself out of the institution she'd been put in for paranoid schizophrenia after she attacked someone. The RA staff was solely interested in protecting her from being found out. They wanted me to be more sensitive, as she was threatening others with a knife.</p>
<p>I don't have advice for Roland in his quest to be allowed to move, but it's the "you fix it" attitude of res life people that leads to this kind of situation. </p>
<p>In real life, you can choose who you want to live with. Dorms can be a wonderful growth experience for many people, but mandating them seems to me to be just a power play.</p>
<p>I wonder--if it is bad for your health (I mean, eventually losing sleep consistently night after night is not good), could your doctor help you find a way to get out of the dorms?</p>
<p>I talked to a person on the committee who decides if people can move off-campus. He said there is no precedent for allowing sophomores to live off-campus unless they have a doctor's note. He all but said get a doctor's note if you want to live off-campus cause the committee would not approve my case. This isn't the approach I would be proud to take, and I was disappointed he didn't have another solution.</p>
<p>I asked him if they have any substance free or quiet housing for the upcoming year and was told that it does not exist. There is also no special interest housing. Basically the identities of the houses change from year to year so I can't exactly say that building x was quiet last year and thus should be next year.</p>
<p>Many of you have suggested talking to my RA. That really doesn't help because he's the one that supplies much of the alcohol.</p>
<p>Basically I have two options: Hope I pick into a dorm that is quieter or get a doctor's note. Neither one of them is appealing. </p>
<p>Many of my older friends from high school weren't particularly fond of their living situation and moved off-campus for their sophomore year. They say it's the best decision they made. It just doesn't seem right for the college to call it's students adults and then say oh wait you aren't allowed to make an informed decision to live off-campus. It's a shame the school cares more about making money than insuring it's students have the best time they possibly can.</p>
<p>Anyone have another alternative? I would feel really uncomfortable using a doctor's note.</p>
<p>What college is this? I can't believe the housing we're talking about "does not exist". </p>
<p>Honestly, I want to know the name of this school and the person who said that. Some of my former colleagues in housing would be very interested in hearing this story.</p>
<p>"Uncomfortable or cannot obtain? Me thinks you cannot say the words necessary."</p>
<p>Hazmat: I have not yet attempted to obtain one so it remains to be seen if I can or cannot. However, seeing that some doctors will write up notes for whatever as long as they get paid, I doubt it would be that hard to obtain one.</p>
<p>SUGAR there really are other places that have the same type of rules and no other housing options - all housing is considered same and equal.</p>
<p>I would probably bet that this school could be a smaller LAC - of which having a 2 year on-campus housing requirement is not that unusual.</p>
<p>My question to the OP would be - when did you become aware of this rule - it is something you should have been aware of when you decided to attend there?? If this rule was in place at that time - then you have made a committment to the school to remain in the dorms thru out the first 2 years - with the only exceptions being usually a doctors note - or family in the area with which one would/could live.</p>
<p>The only suggestion I would have would be to accept your situation - BUT maybe work with the housing folks there to a positive end - maybe it would be a good idea to have a corner room - away from stairs/elevator - and maybe even as to go as far as requesting a single - tho be it will be more expensive - some schools are willing to work with you as long as you are personable and don't take whine with the cheese.</p>