Local Public High or More Remote Regional Magnet?

Parents Forum
1

<p>It's time to choose a HS and we would welcome help. Our nearby local school, even the honors program, is mediocre and a bit rough. </p>

<p>Eighter grade S was just admitted to the region's top public school-- a magnet program about a 1/2 hour drive away. The kids come from all over, work very hard, and do very well. </p>

<p>For my D, a socially confident and discliplined student, choosing the remote high school choice was an easy decision. She is graduating this year.</p>

<p>S, on the other hand, is anxious and has a harder time making friends. He is just as good of a student as D, but happiest when he is not rushed and has down time. He would like to go to the local school, but worries about the mediocre curriculum. I think that feeling comfortable with the social side of school may be the most important factor in deciding his HS. My H, on the other hand, worries about the quality of our local school.</p>

<p>Have any of you face similar issues? For a bright, but anxious kid, what is better: a stimulating environment-- or one that gives him more downtime and easier access to friends? We are both really torn on this.</p>

2

<p>I would vote for the magnet school. I think he's more likely to find friends there, and I can't imagine that he'd be well-served by a mediocre high school (from which the best students have been removed to the magnet school, I take it?) Or is the issue that he doesn't want to leave friends he already has, who will be at the local school?</p>

3

<p>Well, I can't advise as to your son. But.. when faced with a similar decision, way back when, we told our child, "Do not close doors you cannot reopen." This was our way of saying leave your options open. I would suggest to your son: go to the magnet while you have the chance, if you want to leave later on, the local school will have to take you. The magnet will not be available to you if you pick the local school and hate it.</p>

4

<p>I think it's likely that your son will rise to meet the requirements of the magnet. Letting him choose a school that will be easier and more comfortable socially is probably not a lesson you want to teach as he grows up. Taking the easy/comfortable route will often not get you where you want to go.</p>

5

<p>Yeah, you all may be right. (LOUND SIGH). Part of me wonders, however, why we always seem to take the hard path.
Our local HS is a short walk away. Other people send their kids there and they don't seem too scathed. I know that the remote high school is far superior, but I keep trying to weigh this against the commute to the remote magnet and the distance from friends--especially for a kid who is less comfortable socially. (ANOTHER LOUD SIGH).</p>

6

<p>As one whose D is taking the hard path (the public magnet versus the mediocre local high school), I can empathize. It was a great school for my S, now a college freshman, but it's kicking D's butt and I sometimes wonder if we made a mistake. Still, she has great friends there and a real sense of community. I would vote for your S to try the public magnet, and agree with others that he will likely rise to the occasion. As a teacher, I always say choose the best education you can get for your kids; they are usually quite adaptable to whatever the expectations are. As a parent, though, it is hard to watch them struggle with those expecations.</p>

7

<p>living in a city- I wouldn't call 30 minutes to get to school "remote"- it could only be 7 miles away!
Neither of my Ds have ever attended a school that took less than 20 minutes to get there- sometimes more.( and we are talking personal car- and knowing all the tricks to get around teh city)
Younger D is now attending a magnet public school that she begged to go to- because of her friends and because of the program- unfortunately winter break of soph year- she and her two closest friends had a fight and neither side is motivated or knows how to patch it up-so friends do change- especially when they get to high school and they get more latitude to persue their interests.
I would also vote to try the magnet school- he can always transfer back- but the reverse opportunity may be more difficult</p>

8

<p>Thank you all for the comments. You are helping me sort out something that is really hard.</p>

<p>Just for clarity, I don't assume that S would have trouble academically at the remote HS. I just think he would have an easier and more comfortable time socially at our local school. The remote school also requires carpools and such -- but the local school is an easy walk. So he could visit friends easier.</p>

9

<p>I will be the contrarian voice here (so what else is new?:))</p>

<p>Our choice was either the mediocre local hs--an easy walk away, or some sort of private school (out of town). We don't have that public magnet choice, but some of the top students leave for privates.</p>

<p>Both of my kids would have none of that, and we wouldn't force them. They did Honors classes at the local, stayed with the same friends they've known since kindergarten. I worried about this when college app time came--result? My D graduated Phi Beta Kappa from a top ten LAC, and my S has a 3.6 GPA at an Ivy. It's true that they didn't get to these schools with the same background as most of the other students, and are/were in some cases playing catch up, but I also think they had experiences in the local high which could not be duplicated at a magnet/private. Definitely a different kind of education, but ultimately one that did not hold them back.</p>

<p>If we'd had a public magnet as an opportunity, I'm sure I would have urged them to consider it, but I definitely would not have insisted. And I don't think that in the end, any doors were closed to them.</p>

10

<p>Well, garland brings up a good point. I forgot to say that our public magnet is in town and all of D's good friends from elementary/middle attend it, so socially it's a non-issue and actually a huge plus. This was not the case for S, four years ago, however. It was a brand new school and he entered knowing nobody. He is an independent and adventurous person, though introverted and had a difficult time making friends in middle school. The school is so close-knit though that once he did make friends (after the first year), the bond was as strong as any I ever had at my mediocre neighborhood public. He chose the exact opposite atmosphere for college (a huge campus) and he's doing well there. My guess is that your S will make new friends and socially will do fine. There will be lots of new kids to make friends with the first couple years. If he hates it after a year, I would let him transfer back (though I would NOT go into it with that attitude). I think the quality of education should trump social considerations most of the time (there are always exceptions, but I don't think you made a case for one here, in my humble opinion :) ).</p>

11

<p>I think something that I would consider is how anxious is he- and how strong are his friendships?
I would have loved to have attended a different high school than my peers.
By the time I was in high school, I was ready to be a different person than my friends knew me to be, but it is very hard to make new friends if you already have a group around you, and very hard to be a new person when your friends see you as you have always been.
Just like looking at colleges- I would make a list of weighted criteria to help make the decision- there must have been something that motivated him to apply to other more distant school</p>

12

<p>Garland,
My closing doors comment wasn't meant to mean doors to the 'future'. I meant that by A. picking door #1, door #2 remains available, but B. picking door #2 eliminates door #1 as an option. My vote is to keep as many options open as long as possible.</p>

13

<p>My son was faced with a similar choice. He is quiet, slightly nerdy, not very socially skilled, etc. The magnet program worked well for him. I believe he had better choices and was surrounded by a higher caliber of student in his magnet classes, which had an overall positive effect on him.</p>

<p>My daughter, on the other hand, while an excellent student and more social, finds interaction with the neighborhood students at the magnet school program difficult. Although she is happy with her magnet classes and magnet classmates, the neighborhood students at her magnet school are quite unruly, making lunch period and the co-ed gym class difficult for her (In my opinion, coed gym is ridiculous). For an example, the gym teacher appears to have lost control of the class and the boys swear at and ridicule my daughter and other girls because of their poor athletic performance. The students at her school earn twice as many visits to the principals office as the average for middle schools in our county. After meeting with the principal, some of the issues have been addressed, but the damage has been done in my daughters eyes. My son was somehow better equipped to ignore the behavior and actions of others immediately around him. My daughter is very unhappy attending the magnet school.</p>

<p>I didn't expect my daughter to respond in the way that she has, so it is probably difficult to predict with accuracy how any student will do, until they actually get into the situation.</p>

14

<p>If there is a strong public high school near by, I normally DON'T recommend attending a magnet school. The reason is that many top schools only take a limited number of students from each school. Attending a magnet schools certainly magnfies the competition, if you would pardon the pun.</p>

<p>However, there is one exception to this rule. If your home school is mediocre or has some dangerous kids there, I would ABSOLUTELY recommend that your son attends the magnet school.</p>

15

<p>Similar situation here, and we chose the magnet high school and have not regretted it one bit. While obviously every child is different, our son's experience has been that the kids at the magnet school are socially very approachable and also socially more "mature" than those at the local high seem to be. Having a sibling proceed, successfully, at a high school has intangible advantages for the one coming behind. As for the "downtime" issue--this is the time in life for your child to be challenged and learn to negotiate those challenges successfully--while they are still in the nest. Much better to have that process occur now, than when they are in college (perhaps many miles away) and dealing with lots of other issues (and a sizeable tuition that could hang in the balance). He will learn the study habits and skills now that will make his first year of college a much easier transition and more likely a successful one. My suggestion is to go with the magnet</p>

16

<p>I was faced with this decision at the end of tenth grade, but I chose to stay at my mediocre high school instead of going to the public residential math and science school about 4 hours away. My reasoning was that I didn't want "college" two years before I was ready for it.</p>

<p>My school isn't much good at all, but eleventh grade was okay because I had great AP teachers (with the exception of one who, in my opinion, was so incompetent that it drove me insane and my classmates and I wrote a letter to the principal)....even though I enjoyed my year I felt like I had missed out on a chance to go to a school where I could have LEARNED a lot more</p>

<p>BUT-----I have an interesting twist to my story. Usually, the door to attend that school would have been closed forever (you enter that school as a junior). But after Hurricane Katrina (my senior year), they started accepting certain qualified students from affected areas. Since my school would be closed for more than a month, I went to see what I had missed out on.</p>

<p>The school was amazing. I never knew that school could give someone so much joy instead of feeling like a prison. It had a very free atmosphere as it was designed to imitate college life; you have each class only two or three times a week...there was a community feeling and the students were so inspiring to me and to each other...in that short amount of time I was there, I made so many friends that were more like me than I could have ever found at my low-quality school...the only possible drawbacks were distraction from living with your friends and a heavy courseload. But I think that, as a result, the school prepares it students for college very well, The teachers there mostly had PhDs and were very passionate and engaging, knowledgable in their fields, which is much more than I could say about my old school.</p>

<p>I wished that I had at least TRIED the school, because I could have come back to the mediocre school if I wanted. Now, this might sound stupid to you, but: I decided to return to my mediocre school after it opened back up. I almost didn't, but when I made one last visit to tell everyone there that I was staying at the math and science school, I felt like it wasn't the right thing. I felt obligated to a lot of my ec's, especially as a yearbook editor....and bringing my school back to normalcy after the storm. Plus, I could not obtain any impressive ec's at the math and science school because those in my class were there for their second year and had already established their positions. I am positive I have made the right decision, especially in that I would have been competing against those amazing students for college admissions. Here at my mediocre school, I at least have my ecs that I have worked hard over the years to obtain, as well as no real competition in applying to schools. I've even gotten accepted to Duke so far, so I don't think my mediocre school has held me back in that sense. It just means I will have to play lots of catch-up, which I have confidence that I can do.</p>

<p>I don't think this helped much, but maybe it shows that there are pluses and minuses to everything...you will have to weigh those according to your own standards...but I agree with the advice my counselor gave me when I was trying to decide...as long as you stay on the right track and remain focused with academics and extracurriculars, you'll really be successful no matter where you go. I haven't had the best of high school educations, but at least I know how to take a textbook and teach myself. That's how I've survived, and I'm sure I'll catch up in college.</p>

17

<p>Great story When... really does show what a difference a school can make.</p>

<p>My HS D went the magnet route. Agree with many of the comments regarding other students, especially maturity and desire to learn. My D also became an expert at finishing large portions of homework during the commute :)</p>

18

<p>You all are wonderful. I will print out your remarks and study them with my husband. Thank you again.</p>