I started dating my husband in high school and we were separated throughout undergrad, plus a year masters for him then together a few years, and then separated again for half of my grad. program. We dated 9 years, with 6.5 years of that in a long distance relationship before iphones and when long distance phone calls were expensive. We’ve been married for almost 30 years. I suspect we were the lucky ones and several life changing events brought us closer (the loss of both our moms early in college).
Here are my answers to your questions:
Would the protection level of the relationship change at all? If the BF/GF would act a little more protective of each other?
Well clearly this is dependant on personalities as well as comfort level. I would say that we survived our separation mainly due to respect and trust. I don’t believe we would have survived if one of us had become territorial or possessive. We went through ups and downs and gave each other space during those downs. But we respected one another enough to discuss what was going on. Possessiveness is an imbalance in a relationship and implies a lack of trust to me.
Would the relationship be more of an distraction rather than if you dated someone who went to your college?
One of the great benefits I think was that just the opposite occurred. I was less distracted than my friends who were dating a lot, had more break-ups, were in and out of love multiple times etc. My life was school, work, and in spare time having fun with friends. I didn’t have the additional demands of a in-town relationship and finding time for that as well. In a turbulent time in my family life, my boyfriend was my family. Our relationship brought me great strength, comfort and continuity.
Do you see the possibility of a negative reaction happening if a breakup occurred? Now, this all depends on how people deal with breakups?
There is always the possibility of a negative reaction with break-ups, whether you are in the same town or not. At least if far away you don’t have to run into the person all the time if it is painful!
Don’t feel that the relationship has to end, just because you are heading to different colleges. But don’t stay together just because you have been together. You have to ask yourself if you are growing together, if you bring out the best in each other, if you genuinely respect and enjoy being with the other, if you are willing to experiece some heartache being apart because the alternative is worse, if you have similar goals and interests. Do you trust the other, do you trust yourself to be honest in the relationship? If your answer to these is yes, you aren’t committing to four years apart. You are just committing to stay together for now. They key is communication and honesty in the relationship.