<p>My girl and I are going to be going to different colleges this upcoming fall..she'll be at UC Davis and I'll be at UC Berkeley. This is a girl I love dearly and I honestly cannot see myself with anyone else. Even though its only a 1.5 or so hour drive, I'm afraid of what this distance will cause. We trust each other immensely, but still, we are not used to this kind of separation. I've recently thought about it and am seriously considering going to Davis and changing my major to some sort of bio/premed to compensate for not going to Berkeley's engineering. However, my parents would not understand and I know many people would think it's stupid to go to a "lower tiered" college for a girl. </p>
<p>I just want to be with her, even after college and the rest of my life, and 4 years is a very long time. I know we could visit each other on weekends, but its unrealistic to expect visits every weekend and it just crushes me that I won't see her often. Maybe she could transfer over to UCB after a year? (or whatever the requirement is) I already turned in my SIR, SLR, housing stuff for Berkeley, and I'm just going crazy thinking about it.</p>
<p>I know that if we are together we won't break up..we've been best friends for 3 years and this friendship turned out to be something more and this is why I know that this is the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I know I'm going to miss the human contact and seeing her everyday and ahh, this is turning into a desperate and dramatic rant. </p>
<p>Any tips from people who have had a similar situation? What can we do?</p>
<p>(sorry if this came off as overly dramatic or emo, but I just got really sad thinking about it)</p>
<p>don't let someone else change the school you go to. once you start making decisions based on where other people will be located then you start losing out on opportunities that would have been there had you gone to where YOU wanted to go. you have no guarantee that this relationship will work, even if you feel it will. if it doesn't then you're stuck in a school studying something you didn't want to study originally and where you didn't originally plan to go to.</p>
<p>out of curiosity why didn't you both apply to the same schools?</p>
<p>Don't make your college decisions just based on your boyfriend/girlfriend choice of college.</p>
<p>I personally haven't been in this kind of situation, but I know people who are. In one case, they are MUCH farther apart than you and your girlfriend, one's in maine, one's in indiana, but it's working well for them. I guess if you really do like her as much as you say (and vice versa) you can make it work too.</p>
<p>Well her stats weren't "up to par" with Berkeley's standards and yea.</p>
<p>However, it's not that I don't want to go to Davis, I don't mind going to either Berkeley or Davis..hell, I'm probably going to grad school so maybe going to Davis for a higher GPA is even better. I just don't know what to do, what my parents would say, and with the May 1 deadline coming in, I'm going crazy.</p>
<p>Except that shuttle doesn't operate on weekends.</p>
<p>The thing is..I don't even know what major I really want yet either. See, if I went to Davis, I could change my major into bio in hopes of going into med school easier? And I want to go to grad school for engineering, and I've heard from many that it'd be better going to an "easier" school to grab a higher GPA. These are the things that have me thinking that going to Davis would be a legitimate choice.</p>
<p>The thing is, I'm not really sure what to do. Berkeley engineering is Berkeley engineering, even if I plan to go to grad school. sigh</p>
<p>your trying to come up with reasons in favor of going to her school. don't do that. there was a reason you chose berkeley, so start going back to those reasons.</p>
<p>if you and your girlfriend are meant to be, you will survive long distance. or, you may decide the best thing is to be apart and be together when you can see each other. or to break up and then get back together after college (or not). however, you can't not go to the school you chose bc you are scared of not being with her.
i never would have let me boyfriend go to ___ rather than ___ just to be close to me. I never could have forgiven myself for being so selfish. for letting him be so shortsighted. college is 4 years. you both need to time to grow. don't you want to see if you can stand the test of time? if you never test yourself and your relationship you will never know how strong (or not strong) it is. distance relationships are hard. you take them day by day. you break up. you get back together. you go on a break. you play it by ear. it sucks and its terrifying to hear, but you can't put your life on hold for the person you love. youll regret it and take it out on them. you either grow up together or you grow apart. you can PM be about this if you want. i've been through a year of it and sometimes its good and sometimes its bad and sometimes you want to be with someone else and sometimes you think you want to marry the person on the other end of the phone. it's tough. but it's okay for something to be messy.</p>
<p>whoaaaaaaaaah, danger will robinson. this is the worst reason to base your college decision off of - especially when that davis-berk bus exists.</p>
<p>Well I think I'm going to Berkeley after all. I don't think my parents would allow me to go to Davis anyway. I'm pretty positive that our relationship will not change, but the fact that she's going to be away is just saddening. I know 1.5 hours is actually quite close for a "long distance relationship"..i don't even know if its considered one haha, but it just bothers me. And the fact that she's probably going to grad school after means that there might be more time away..unless I happen to go to the same grad school. However, she is going to try to transfer to Berk..so maybe that will work out. </p>
<p>But even so, how can I cope and what can we do to help our relationship?</p>
<p>i hate to say this but i think that its best that i do. </p>
<p>it is college. she will probably meet someone else. instead of being in a small hs pond she will be in the ocean with a vast variety of potential breeding partners. you are not there to monitor her every move. she will be drunk at parties and have guys hit on her. hit on her from her classmates, clubmates, dormmates, majormates, fraternity mates. everywhere she goes people will hit on her.</p>
<p>the same applies to you as well. you will move on and will probably find someone new. and you will hit on girls.</p>
<p>When I went to college back in the dinosaur era, I'd just started going out w/ BF. We went to college 2 hours apart, and initially didn't anticipate continuing to see each other. But, we kept talking (days of big phone bills, since the Internet didn't exist yet :( ) Each of us did some other dating on campus (him more than me :( ) we started by seeing each other once a month, then more frequently... By sophomore year, we were "exclusively dating" each other.....got LOTS of miles logged on the Greyhound bus and shared rides on weekends. Neither of us ever considered switching colleges, altho one summer he took summer school classes at my school. By senior year, we saw each other almost every weekend. He added a 5th year onto his undergrad experience, so it was 5 years apart. We got married after he graduated in late summer. </p>
<p>It wasn't easy, I missed him terribly. However, I wasn't a big partier, and it certainly made it easier to get a lot of studying done, during the week, and on weekends sitting in the Greyhound terminal. I'd try to get all my work done to minimize how much I had to worry about when we were together.....so, it made me be much more efficient with my time. My friends w/ oncampus bfs had a lot more chances to NOT study. Personally, it made our relationship very strong, and we were never the leechy---"I can't live without you" types. Even now, after 25 years of marriage, whether it's business or pleasure, we usually take time away from each other, which is actually very restorative. </p>
<p>D and bf have already decided that they are going to break up before they go to college (PA vs. MD). I'll believe it when I see it....</p>
<p>I'm in this situation with girlfriend - approximately one hour away. And we see each other pretty much every weekend. It's far far better than you think it would be in a world of lots of cell phone minutes, webcams, instaing messaging, etc. If it's such a huged eal, try to get a car. Or get to know some people who travel to the same place who also have a car - at big public schools, there's no way there aren't a few people in the same position. Sometimes they can help you out.</p>
<p>I'm sick of hearing "don't choose your college based on your girlfriend" on here constantly. The way things sound with you two is pretty serious. I would say a relationship can be just as important if not more important than what college you go to. Her school isn't that different than yours, if that what you both want, I don't really see the harm. You want to spend the rest of your life with this girl, that's worth a small sacrifice.</p>
<p>You may be tired of hearing "don't choose your college based on your girlfriend," but its true.</p>
<p>It is rare to see a HS relationship remain strong during college..or result in a marriage for that matter. I am not saying yours wont, and Hope for the best on your situtation. I mean colleges usually change ppl (ie make them better or worse). She will start seeing new ppl and so will you. Both of you guys will learn amd try new things. UCD and UCB are in different enivronments. Distances really damage relationships as well.. the thought of not seeing on a girl you like on a daily/weekly bases hurts. Thats why I dont do long distance relationship. I got a friend who is staying a year at local college so he can be close to his gf... i thought it was a bad idea but thats my opinion</p>
<p>Anyway, to answer your "how can I cope and what can we do to help our relationship?" Make sure you both are commited to the relationship. I can see you are and I dont know much about your girl's perspective. Also, communication is key and set up known dates so you got something to look forward. Spend a lot of time with her now since you aint going to see her much in college. Oh yeah, dont let a gf at another college stop you from doing new things (ie parties and concerts)</p>
<p>No, she won't hit on other guys and find someone new. I can say this with confidence..I trust this girl immensely and this isn't like any other typical HS relationship that you can see would break up from the start. And she's not a crazy party girl that hits on a lot of guys.</p>
<p>But besides that mushy stuff, I want to get the college crap settled. If I plan to go to grad school, does it matter if I go to Berkeley or Davis? If I go to Berkeley then I'd stick w/ engineering and if I go to Davis, then I'd try to go with premed. Considering I didn't exactly choose to go to Berkeley (my parents want it), I don't mind which school I go to. I'm just worried about what my parents and peers would think.</p>
<p>defecit, i know how ure feeling. i thought of transferring to indiana to be with my boyfriend. we are in a pretty serious relationship too. my school is 7.5 hours away from him by car.... so i guess it's more long-distance than yours is haha. we are adamant to make it work out. and im pretty sure it will. i mean, there's always webcam, calls and texts right? besides, 1.5 hours isnt that far!! you guys could buy a house right in the middle and travel 45 minutes each to school haha. okay just a thought. </p>
<p>anyway, whats im trying to say is go to ucberkeley. college is a place for growth... self-growth. i know you want to grow with this girl, but college could be a time to shape your perspective and stuff like that. berk is a better school too. and once again, 1.5 hours is NOTHING. seriously.</p>
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I know that this is the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.
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<p>Go to Berkeley. That kind of delusional attachment is not healthy for any relationship. Your barely, if even, 18 and you're sure of your life partner. I have a strong feeling this is the first relationship you've been in where you're really "in love." I know no one who has had multiple serious relationships that would say "I'm going to spend my life with this girl" who are under 25. And I don't believe them until they're over 30. Something like 60% of people get divorced now, which suggests that maybe you aren't right.</p>
<p>My take: whether or not you both go to UCSD, she'll end up breaking up with you in the fall after she contrasts the obsessive relationship with careless college life. I'd bet $$ something to that effect happens.</p>
<p>Go to Berkley, y'all won't be that far apart. </p>
<p>My brother and his finace met about 3 years ago through a mutual friend, and her school is about an hour away from his...and if you can't tell that it's worked out fine from the 'finace' part, then just take my word that it has been difficult for them to be apart so much but they're great together and have always worked it out.</p>
<p>Last, screw the divorce rate. Some blind statistic can never determine the true chances a couple really has at making their marriage work. I hate when people bring that up as a, "YOU only have this much of a chance," sort of thing, because it's just not true.</p>