Looking for recommendations, unique kid

College Search & Selection
1

Full pay student and cost is an issue. No hard and fast cost constraints, but would prefer to not pay much more than in State flagship, around $25,000.

Near 4.0 GPA, 30 ACT, may be able to increase that a bit this summer. Not great ECs.

Prefers bigger state schools, but probably only because she had heard of them.

I realize that narrows it down to hundreds of schools.

Here is the real issue. Socially akward, doesn’t really have any friends. ANY. She needs a fresh start. Reminds me of an akward band or theatre kid personalitywise except she is into sports (watching, not playing, including golf) not theater or music, so they don’t want to hang out with her either. And she doesn’t fit in at all with the athletes either. She hasn’t find her tribe, if it even exists.

Any ideas? I’m thinking somewhere where everyone is their own kind of weird and everyone accepts that.

2

There might not be many fellow sports watching fans there, but New College of Florida might be a place to look. It attracts an unusual, diverse, awkward, accepting student body and with her stats I think she’d get substantial scholarship. But she won’t have heard of it and it’s not big.

3

Do you have a geographic area in mind? Reciprocal arrangements might come into play from a financial standpoint. S

4

What are her academic interests? With her passion for watching-not-playing sports, would she be someone who might find her niche as a manager of a college team, and maybe even going for a degree program in sports management? https://www.nassm.com/node/128 Whether or not your d is on the autism spectrum herself, she might have a better shot at finding her tribe at a school with a spectrum support program that attracts a lot of neuro-atypical students. Even if her issues aren’t the same, the fact that students with those issues are welcomed and integrated into the student community might indicate a diverse/accepting environment and better odds of her finding her tribe. A number of the big state schools that have a big sports culture and sports management degree programs also have substantial spectrum support programs. U of Alabama hits all these benchmarks in a big way, and would offer her automatic merit. (Out of state students are now in the majority there.) Also Rutgers, Marshall, and Towson. Also look at Drexel, which is a large public with a substantial neuro-atypical population/program (also a sports management degree program with a strong co-op component, placing students with pro teams and venues, sports governing bodies, and so on). She could probably get merit there, and it’s likely to have a higher percentage of “quirk” than most large publics - the co-op model attracts students who are seeking something non-traditional.

Quirk-wise, Reed comes to mind but wouldn’t hit your price point. RIT deserves a close look - despite the “Technology” name, they have a wide range of majors and a very diverse and accepting student body (big neuro-atypical program & population, and also fwiw one of the largest concentrations of deaf students and specialty programs related to the deaf community). Your d would be a good merit candidate at RIT. Not a sports-focused place per se, but they have Div III athletics.

5

OP,

As for schools that will be a good fit for a unique, idiosyncratic person (aren’t we all???), I’ll show my bias and say that small private colleges are great for these types. LACs often attract quirky students because, well, only 2% of college students graduate from LACs, so you sort of have to be different to choose this very different educational environment. I’m an LAC grad who went on to graduate school at large public universities, and I loved those environments and students as well. Others will disagree, but I just didn’t see that much difference between this public flagship and that public flagship, though, of course, given the much larger student population, you’ll certainly find all types (the theatre kids, the indie kids, the SJW kids, and so on).

Really, though, you might at least talk to your D about considering a small private school. If there’s one in your area, take a look at it, even if you’re not interested in it, just to get a sense of what a smaller school feels like. Go to the library and check out one of two Loren Pope books: “Looking Beyond the Ivy League” and “Colleges that Change Lives.” Both books are excellent overviews on liberal arts education and small private (mostly) colleges. Pope is definitely biased; he doesn’t understand why anyone would ever not go to a LAC. But have your daughter read the first few pages. She’ll tell you if it’s not for her, and then you’ll move on. The college choice is hers, after all, not yours or mine. I do think that if she’s open to an LAC that it might be the perfect fit, given her personality. Smaller classes. More access to, and attention from, professors. Many more students who didn’t quite fit in in HS. Many students who wanted a different path than State U.

Cost-wise, you’re in a tough spot, and I sense that you already know this. Getting college COA down to 25K means your D will need huge merit (if you’re considering private or OOS public). The general rule of thumb is that you will receive your largest merit amounts at schools where your child is significantly above the typical admit in terms of GPA and test scores. Clearly, your D is very bright. Her GPA and her ACT score are outstanding. Sadly, though, she falls into that odd area: very bright but without the super-elite credentials that will lead to huge merit at selective schools. Of course she’ll be in line for sizable merit. In general, private schools have more merit money to dish out, but you need to identify schools, public or private, that give out significant merit. Many schools’ FA pages will list scholarships and the basic requirements needed.

And if she prefers bigger state schools, just let her go to the flagship, which you say checks in at 25K. Or are you sort of hinting that you would like to cast a wider net but are unsure about getting the costs down to what you can afford?

6

hampshire college in Amherst ma.

7

She might like some of the Florida schools like FIU, FAU, SFU. They are all D1 with big football, but also golf (lots of golf), tennis, soccer, etc. I like the idea of getting involved in sport team management, training, etc.

There are also the states where the flagships aren’t that big like Wyoming, Missouri, Idaho, Montana. My daughter attends Wyoming and I find everyone very friendly. And I find some kids odd or single focused, but they seem to fit in too. If I had a complaint it is that my daughter met a lot of kids who played video games too much so she did too. She’s over that now (new boyfriend who isn’t into games). The cost for OP would be well under $25k because of the Rocky Mtn. Scholars merit money, about $7k for tuition, $9k for r&b. Other western schools would be similar (South Dakota, NM, Idaho).

8

OP,

I know Mizzou well. I went there for graduate school. I also know U of AL (started there as an MFA student but finished somewhere else) and Ohio U., a school with a gorgeous campus that is half the size of Ohio State. I can def. discuss non-LAC/non-private options as well! I’m also a passionate college football fan. :slight_smile:

9

I’d start with the financial end. If you want to keep the money in line with a state flagship I think you have to look towards in-state options as well as schools that offer significant merit aid which she will qualify for. What state are you in?

Many many people do find their “tribe” in college. My S was very quiet through HS and found a really lovely, much bigger group of friends in college – hope the same will happen for your D.

10

Thanks for the advice so far. I wondered about LACs, but thought that the smaller group might make it harder to find her people. But maybe the mix they have would be good, along with more forced social interaction.

My nephew is at the large flagship and struggling with friends as well. He’s always been a social kid, but always had been surrounded by peers and teammates and never had to try to make friends before. Totally different issue, but I can see how a kid not sure how to proceed can just hole up in their door room.

11

Not really interested in staying in State, plus am already familiar with those options. I think making a clean break, where there is literally no one who knows her from high school, would be very beneficial.

A girl I went to HS with (long ago) went from a small town in the Midwest to UNLV. No idea how she picked it, but I’m pretty sure she was the first ever from our little town to even apply there, and maybe the only one from her class to leave the state. I don’t know if she had any friends either, and I figured after HS she would get a menial job and end up living down the block from her mom and be a recluse cat lady. Instead she flourished. She just needed the opportunity to hit the reset button where no one had her pegged as the weird girl you don’t want to be associated with.

12

There are a lot of LACs that attract “quirky” kids to begin with. Reed and Knox are two that come right to mind. But I understand the size issue (I myself am a fan of big schools.) With her stats, Honors programs at the bigger schools could be a solution: on many campuses it’s a school-within-a-school, giving kids an instant tribe at a place with lots of other options. Which state are you in? What are her academic interests?

13

My daughter went 2000 miles away and was in the same dorm as a boy from her K and joined the same sorority as another girl from her K (K was only 150 miles from the university). The following year a girl from her high school also went to Wyo (so 2000 miles from the high school).

You don’t get to call dibs on a university.

A friend who sounds like your daughter (smart, very few friends, no interests in common with any group) went to a top ranked school about 1500 miles away. Didn’t go well and as you suggested, she just stayed in her room even though she was part of a LLC in the dorm. Didn’t work. She now goes to the big urban U, lives at home and commutes, but still doesn’t know more than 5 students from her hs, and doesn’t interact with them. She’s thriving academically but not socially. I think the difference is that she doesn’t really want to have a gang of friends and OP’s daughter does want to have a group. Not sure distance is the magic formula.

14

Fair point on “dibs”, but the vast majority of our high school stays in-state. Guaranteed to have kids you know at any of those places. Maybe there are a few at other schools, but few and far between. Much easier to avoid.

15

I’m not thinking so much of huge flagships as much as the directional and state colleges. The OOS sticker prices tend to price out closer to your range, not counting any merit aid or reciprocal agreements that might apply. They also tend to be smaller-not necessarily small-and don’t tend to attract a lot of out of state students. They almost always have active athletic programs.

Depending on what is out-of-state for you, places like Youngstown and Cleveland States in Ohio, University of Wisconsin-Whitewater, Oshkosh, Eau Claire, Stout (any of 'em, really), Frostburg in MD, Marshall in WV, Ball State in IN and Wayne State in MI (those last two might come in over budget if no merit is awarded) could be possibilities. A bunch of the PAASHE colleges in PA have reduced tuition for out-of-staters who meet certain criteria.

Your daughter is lucky to have you looking out for her interests. I wouldn’t be overly worried. She’ll likely find her way, learn to function in a social setting, but might always be a loner. Nothing wrong with that. I wish both of you luck in finding a good place for her college career.

16

I was very shy, and my son is too. And my experience tell me that is more easy find friends
In a small Lack than a huge University, if you are shy, you prefer talk in small groups, a huge campus is just an option to hide in the crowd.
Good luck.

17

If you’re shy or a bit of a loner, being at a small school makes everything easier. Being at a large university when you’re not outgoing can be extremely alienating. However when choosing a small (-ish) school you must be aware of its ‘personality’. The CTCL website and the Fiske guide will be extremely helpful.
Based on your description, she’d probably like colleges such as Hendrix, Beloit, Knox,
Kalamazoo, NCF… The problem is that sports aren’t a big deal there (unless quidditch and frisbee count). You can certainly go and watch, there’ll be a tight group, but most students won’t be very aware of the games. They have lots of scholarships.
U Vermont may hit the sweet spot - slightly offbeat + sports fans. However it’s unlikely to be affordable…

18

If she has a particular favorite sport, she could visit a couple universities with strong teams for that sport, attend a game, and check the place out. That would start the college-looking process.

19

Or one can find there is no where to hide at a small school.

We looked at a few and I found them claustrophobic. My daughters wanted smaller schools (that’s why we looked) but also began to see how limiting they were in course offerings. A friend started at a smaller school but it was a disaster socially which bled into her academics. She had to transfer to a large school which is better academically but not so much socially. Guess there was no perfect solution for her but she needed to succeed academically.

20

You are totally describing my kid, but a point higher on the ACT. I wish I had the answer.