Looking for someone to critique my essay

Hi, I’m new but I’d love to have someone critique my common app personal statement, asap would be great. If you’re interested, please respond here and I can email it to you. Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

<p>lol, okay so im pretty desperate. itll take less than five minutes (500 word essay) and i really need an outside opinion. thanks again</p>

<p>Where are you applying?</p>

<p>Mary Washington (VA), Christopher Newport (VA), Xavier (OH), Allegheny (PA), Furman (SC) and American (DC). Are you interested in looking at it?</p>

<p>:::::bump::::: i really want to send my app is soon, i just want the opinion of someone who isn't familiar with the writing style typical of my school</p>