Made horrible decisions at community college. Losing control of academic life.

I’m 19 and I’m soon to be a second-year student at a community college in my hometown (college is CCSF). When I first graduated from my high school with decent grades a year ago, I was looking forward to becoming a great student at community college, soon to transfer to undergrad at a UC. I came into college with a mechanical engineering / comp sci double major in mind… was looking forward to creating a fantastic college career for myself, followed up by a thriving job and happy personal life.

What I created for myself instead was a slew of terrible decisions that have now fallen apart on me.

I think I have always had depression – undiagnosed, but very awful depression that more than a few times had me considering a very… poor option as a permanent answer to a short-term problem. Because of it, immediately off the bat, I withdrew from a summer chem class required for basic college chemistry. No matter, I had taken honours chem in 12th grade and easily passed the placement exam for the basic college chem course.

Come first semester, I was determined to do well. I signed up for seven courses, against the advice of my mother. In my mind, I was convinced she was setting me down a path of failure by choosing a low number of low-level courses that would never fulfil the engineering transfer requirements for any of the UCs I looked at. They would only work for medicine, which at the time I vehemently did not want to do. I set up my own courses, texting my cousin about how to sneak the classes I wanted into my schedule and talking smack about my mum.

As luck would have it, halfway through the semester, a bad depression hit me. It fed a cycle of procrastination and self-pity and near complete lack of functionality, and I came out of the semester with only three classes in which I performed well: intro to engineering, political science, a tutoring course I only took for pass/no-pass credit. I scored a C in online health science at another college, having completely forgotten about it in my depression.

Foolishly, I brushed it off as a one-time thing. Next semester, I signed up for the same amount of classes, give or take a couple. I started off strong, keeping up with all my courses. I was convinced I would pass with all A’s, as is the only acceptable grades in my family who want me to go to medical school.

And I withdrew from all of them, as well as “fail/withdrawing” one (worse than withdrawal) due to missing it when I was withdrawing all my courses.

The second semester, I had somewhat of a reason. Though it was an excuse to feed my negative emotion – my family were breaking apart and in great tensions due to the discovery of my father having an affair. Unexpectedly, it led me to a complete breakdown.

But none of my family knew about any of this. I lied about taking courses, and about how well I was doing. I lied about finals while living under the roof with my own family. I could not bring myself to tell them what I had done. Meanwhile I continued to convince myself I would have more chances later on, and I continued to be dishonest and to mislead them.

And now, two semesters earlier and during my summer classes, I have realised that I was depressed and anxious but, rather than overcome, I used these issues as my excuses for not doing well. I was not only the things I listed, but I know now that I’ve been manipulative and deceptive, growing lazy and stuck in my listlessness.

My family discovered the entire situation today by reading all my texts with my cousin. Though I had convinced them a couple weeks earlier to let me stay an extra year in order to fix my academics and to start over, they are now very angry (understandably at my deception and laziness). Now they question whether I should be in college at all, or whether I can salvage any chance at medical school or even engineering, the option they had hated. Perhaps, they say, I should quit and find a job.

As for me – I want to improve. I am embracing all that I’ve done and I know that was not anyone’s fault, or the mental illness. It was my fault for taking the action I did. I wanted to share these experiences with the forum to, firstly, provide backstory for my questions and, secondly, to admit my failures and to warn others of falling down the same rabbit hole.

Now, with that out of the way: I want to change. I want to salvage my college career, and start fresh.
My question is how it should be done at the college I am currently attending. I now have two years left, the original amount of time I was going to stay at community college. I would approach my education in the same way, but I have some doubts about how efficient this method would be.

Before I go to speak with any counsellors that may be present during the summer semester, I wanted the advice of the CC forums. Is there any hope for me to apply for either of the professions I once wanted? Is it possible for any university to take me, seeing that I have all these withdrawals on my transcript? How is it possible to improve my transcript other than taking the courses that I have withdrawn from and finishing all the credits I can for my transfer? And most importantly, how can I better approach my studies and academics?

Change must happen starting with me, that I’m aware of. However, the help of the community is much appreciated in sharing any advice that I may then take action and carry through with.

Thank you,
-a struggling student.

I’d focus on short term plans first. Get your health in order, then you can discuss your options with the school counselors. When you do return to school, don’t overload your schedule.

I don’t see how changing colleges will help you. You pretty much brought this on yourself by overloading against all advice.

@austinmshauri I hope this can happen, yes. My family mentioned the possibility of gettinge a therapist, and I hope it’s something they can follow up on when the reaction of anger tides over. The reaction is fully deserved on my part.

@intparent I don’t intend to change colleges. At the time I was very emotionally troubled and at constant conflict with my mum, and I did have some recommendations to take on more courses due to my performance in high school. I should have clearly dropped in advance, so I own up to this. Now I plan to stay at this college and work on repairing the damage done more than anything else. But I fully understand your response, and thank you for it.

I don’t know a student alive that I think should take SEVEN courses a semester. Do not listen to whoever told you that! But honestly, you should have known the second semester that it wasn’t a good idea. I’d go back and take a shot at FOUR and see how it goes. I suspect it is hard to untangle what was being overwhelmed by the heavy academic load, your possible tendency to depression, and conflict with your parents. Most people struggle mentally and in relationships when they are ridiculously overloaded.

You need to see a doctor immediately and get into treatment for your health issues. You show signs of having some mental health issues - everything you wrote here, from the highs of signing up for too many classes even though that hadn’t worked for, to the lows of forgetting you’d even signed up for that one class - you absolutely must get into treatment so you can get those issues under control. If you do not, you’ll repeat this cycle. It’s not enough to just want to do better next time - this is a health issue, it’s not a personality flaw. Please seek treatment.

You’re also an adult now. You need to be in treatment. You don’t need to wait for your family on this, or for them to agree. Go see a doctor now. Get into therapy and other forms of treatment. Arrange it yourself. It’s time for you to take control of this. Do so.

I very strongly suggest that you take a break from school for now. Get your health in order, then return. When you return, it is entirely possible that you’d do well again, because the health issues that are doing things like making you overschedule yourself, then crashing and burning, will be under better control.

Once your health is in order, consider returning to school. You can return to this very community college. Retake any classes you bombed. Do well in the classes you take. Get your full associates, to show universities a record of success. Work with the transfer advisor on campus to determine which unis you should apply to. Then go to uni and do well there as well. By taking a break, then returning and doing well, you’ll show a clear break between before (health issues) and after (health issues under control), which you can show to unis and to med schools. This clear break, and strong performance after treatment, will boost your chances at unis and med schools significantly. So you really need to get into treatment, get your health under control, so you can return strong.

This isn’t a race. It’s better for you to take time off and get your health in order, than to return to school quickly, where you simply risk repeating this cycle. Get treatment. Get healthy. Then return to school.

I agree with the post above me. Your mental health is the first step to this long journey. Take a GAP year if you need to support yourself mentally. Second to answer your question you can only retake the clssses to improve your transcript. Try taking a first year college skills course at CC. I’m takinf it now and it’s assisting me in controlling what is expected in college. Third, don’t try to chase a dream your parents have. Do why you desire because it’s your life. Your parents shouldn’t have access to your education schedule at this point because there is a law protecting you since you are over 18. Fourth, A UC isn’t your only option in Cali because CSU are the exact same thing just w/o the research. I feel you could go to a CSU like Cal Poly and achieve your same dream. When applying for a transfer all you have to do is comment under the application what has been happening in your life.

I cannot stress the importance of seeing a mental health counselor, therapist or psychologist. You are over 18 and you have a right to a medical professional w/o your parents consent. Your parents won’t know what you do at the doctors because your protected by HIPPA

Sometimes quitting, moving out, and finding a job is what you need to get your head straight. That’s what I did. I ended up dropping out/failing out of comm. college with a 1.1GPA, and after a few years in the workforce I finally figured out what I wanted to do, and that I didn’t want to work minimum wage jobs.

Good luck lud. I agree with the other posters. Please do not wait for permission from your parents to seek mental health support. Pursue some autonomy/ boundaries with your parents, then you may have more clarity. And, of course you can still reach whatever dream you have if you put in the work.