Hi everyone. I transferred colleges in the fall and I still haven’t made any actual friends. I have plenty of acquaintances that I talk to in class, but it never goes beyond that. I also somehow keep talking to people I realize I have NOTHING in common with and we don’t mesh well at all. (I eventually come to realize they only want to drink/do drugs/talk ab hooking up w 3 ppl at one party lol, etc etc— which I don’t care if they do that stuff, but that seems to be the only stuff they’re interested in/ want to talk about?) when I DO find somebody I think is cool, idk what to do… the coolest person I’ve met so far is a guy and I’ve never hung out with a guy one on one and I’m scared I’ll sound like I’m asking him out. Any tips/advice on how to fix this?
My teacher once said prop your dorm door open, play some music, and people will just have an instinct to peek their head in. It’s like bugs attracted to a light. This is how you make friends.
Try not to think about what the guy is thinking and just be in the moment. Just be yourself and be friendly. In this day and age most people have both guy and girl friends. You have a ways to go before the implication is that it’s something else.
Transferring can be tough - maybe try rushing in the fall and see if there is a Greek group for you. It can be a fast way to make friends and have a place you belong on campus.
Hang in there. Real friendships take time.
I’m a huge fan of talking while doing. It takes all the pressure off the conversation when it’s secondary to an activity you enjoy. So what do you enjoy? If you like running, join your school’s club running team. If you enjoy writing, connect with the school paper, literary magazine, or academic journal in your interest and get involved. While writing seems like an individual pursuit, you’ll have story meetings, editorial meetings, etc. Like outdoor adventure? Get thee to the student rec center or outdoors club and signing up for kayaking, rafting, etc. Not sure what you want to do? Grab your favorite drink and start reading your school’s list of club’s and activities. You can even go to a particular club’s web page to check out the vibe. Even volunteering can be fun if it jibes with your interests —my sons joined club swim and they then joined a subset of those kids in coaching a local kids’ swim team.
And, yes, you can invite the guy to grab a coffee or a smoothie without creating an immediate romantic vibe. You even have the perfect conversation starter — I transferred here X months ago and I’m looking to get involved in campus life. Based on your and your friends’ experiences, any activities you’d particularly recommend?
Join a club or group that interests you, heck join more than one. This is a great way to meet people that have similar interests. Put yourself out there and it will pay off. Hang in there it will get better!