Does anyone have suggestions for how a grad student in a doctorate program can make more friends? My D is in a program with about 15 new students a year, only 3-4 typically women. She has no problem with male friends, but the guys in her dept mostly seem to want to date her, not just be friends no matter how much she clarifies. She goes to a lot of dept parties, game nights, etc. But it is always the same group of 40 people or so. Her classes are all with people in her program, too. She’d like to branch out and meet some more people, but isn’t sure how.
The undergrad suggestions we usually give (get a job, meet people in the dorm or classes, join Greek life, etc) don’t make sense for a grad student. She feels like the campus clubs are almost all undergrads, so that isn’t helpful. Her campus has 5,000 grad students on it. The question is where to meet them (esp the ones who aren’t married, and are looking more for friends than romantic partners). Any one have suggestions?
The mods kindly moved this to the parent forum for me. Bumping to see if anyone has suggestions. Would like to add that my D hates sports (as that is an area to explore if she had even an iota of interest in it…, but alas she does not). I’m stumped, and she asked me to ask you guys.
She loves to bake. She has been trading recipes with a guy in her classes, and he asked if she wanted to get together to bake before a dept game night. She said, “Sure, just as friends.” He said, “Of course.” Then proceeded to cook her dinner and treat it like a date when she arrived. Sigh.
She runs, but probably not with a group. Not much interested in music.
I’ll suggest volunteering to her, that is a good idea.
My kid runs in half marathons…and she has also volunteered to work at a couple. She also goes to her gym…and there are people there too. For a while she was a member of a swim club too.
If your daughter likes to bake…maybe there is a cooking class she could take.
The other thing my kid does and she really loves it…she volunteers to walk dogs at the animal shelter.
Not sure she has made any BFF but it gets her out!
Does her school have any grad student organizations that involve students from multiple departments? When my DS was a first year grad student, he got involved with his department’s student leadership group which has really broadened his horizons.
He has met students and professors from many departments in the course of organizing social gatherings, campus programs, and community service activities.
I did that in grad school too. Shelters are also desperate for volunteers to play with cats. I didn’t make many friends that way (most other walkers were elderly retired folks), but it was extremely therapeutic and often a much-needed break from work.
@intparent Has she tried [url=https://www.■■■■■■■■■■/]■■■■■■■■■■[/url]? I found a lot of board game groups, hiking groups, volunteer options, etc. that way. Once you make a few friends, you can branch out from there. Getting involved in student government (if her university has a grad student association or something similar) can be a good way of meeting people from other departments. Sometimes universities sponsor social events for grad students, so I’d keep an eye out on Facebook for local or campus events.
Personally, I socialized less and less with my (rather small) department over the years. When you see the same people for several hours each day, and you’re all similarly stressed out and irritable, hanging out “after work” just isn’t that appealing. My non-grad school friends were a blessing during my dissertation stage.
Is there a grad student association or committee she could join? A law or business school library she could study in? Is organized religion something she has any interest in? Public library or bookstore book group? Alumni group from her undergrad college/sorority? My D has also had to work at making new friends in two different cities since graduating and will probably be moving again next year. It can be tough.
Well… she is an avowed atheist (won’t even go to UU church with me), so that is a non-starter. And… ahem… hate to admit this, but she hates dogs. She won’t admit it, but I think it probably goes back to an incident when she was young when her grandma was bitten by one while she was there. She (believe it or not) does not even like puppies. @-) But she might like to play with cats. And maybe she could find some other volunteer activity. She always liked volunteering at our local food bank during HS (and we even went to one in our new city and volunteered over this past winter break because I knew she would like it). She never had much interest in student government in the past, so doubt she’d want to get involved there.
I just perused the whole list of clubs on her campus. If she were an undergrad, I’m guessing the Amphibian and Reptile club would top her list. Maybe the “Feral Cat Alliance”? They spay & neuter feral cats in the area, and are associated with the vet school… (seriously – I mean it that she might like it). And I see an interdisciplinary grad school club – I’ll suggest that one to her. I see there is also a Longboard Club – maybe something to try, even if it is mostly undergrads. I also see a Materials Research Society - not her exact major, but closely related. I’ll pass on these suggestions.
If she’s at all political, she could join off-campus political organizations – Democrats, Indivisible etc. – that’s a great way to meet many amazing people, especially these days.
You know, she is active in terms of voting and contacting her reps. But I think actually doing something with people about it might be something she’d balk at. Her sister and I are very active politically (like SUPER active), but she has never agreed to go with us to any political event. So I kind of doubt it… but for anyone else whose kid is looking, could be a good suggestions.
She is, unfortunately, in a flat state with few outdoor parks or scenic areas nearby. Unless you like to hike in cornfields. She would enjoy it were she in a place with more of those opportunities, I am sure!
I ran, went to the gym, and took tennis and golf. The computer lab was also a good place to meet people (a thousand years ago). That said, I was mostly friends with those in my program, as we spent a lot of time hanging out in our lounge.
My son chose to live in grad dorm for 2 years, and served as social chair for his floor. It pushed him to meet and greet all the new students. There were also charity events that he had to chair. He tried Hillel, but the girls were all UGs. Then he tried on line dating, and that was successful. He also joined a Bookclub for awhile, and has taken cooking classes here and there. He also bought a good bike and went with people on bike trips. For goodness sakes, he even bought ski clothes and went with grad student outing to ski weekends. I don’t know what else, but he put effort into finding a comfortable place for himself.
It’s not easy. My D got a part time job off campus and made some friends there. It was very low key—10 -12 hours a week at a gym but lots of young people. As the year progressed and she started seeing the same kids in her classes they formed study groups, then might go out for a drink afterwards. Now that she’s doing her clinic hours she’s met some kids from other programs with similar interests. (Don’t know if a clinic rotation applies to you.).
She can also expand her outlook beyond school. There must be at least some young working adults in their twenties in her town, and she could do more outreach in the community to meet them. Grad school isnt always like undergrad-many consider it more like a job and are not necessarily looking to socialize with classmates. If there are professional schools at her university, try there too.
She is in a doctorate program. They are actively discouraged from taking another part time job. But for some programs that might work. She is seeing plenty of the kids in her classes – they are pretty much all from her department, so they all have the same classes. She just wants to branch out beyond them. She has made a real effort to be friendly and gets along fine with all of them from what I can tell. But she is hoping to find some friends beyond this group.
She also is living with people who aren’t in her program. She has a single room in an apartment shared with three other young women. But one is very focused on her grad program and doesn’t speak much English. The other 2 are out of college and working in the city – don’t seem to have much in common with my kid in general, although they all are cordial. She is looking for different housing next year, and hopes to live with other grad students who are not from her program. Someone mentioned grad school dorms above. Unfortunately, her school doesn’t seem to have any housing specifically set aside for grad students (otherwise she probably would have lived there this year partly as a way to meet people).
She would enjoy it were she in a place with more of those opportunities, I am sure!