<p>hallas:</p>
<p>I just want to say that the internet can be pretty cruel. I’ve posted similar issues on forums such as reddit and gotten similar harsh attitudes. I’d hope that people would be more empathetic, especially if they’ve been through similar situations, but I guess that’s not always the case. A lot of people become jaded because of what they’ve been through, but I believe that you have the potential to become a stronger person for what you’ve been through. Not that other people are not strong. I think it’s impressive that people deal so well in the face of adversity, but that doesn’t mean there are not stumbling blocks on the way to reaching that point. People forget that they were once in your position, or at least in a similar way. Adversity makes you stronger in the end but just because you are struggling does not make you any lesser.</p>
<p>You have an idealistic attitude towards people (hoping for empathy and understanding) and I think that’s really a rare trait to have that more people need to possess. I have no doubt that you are trying your absolute best, and are not having a “woe is me” attitude; rather, you are dealing with your grief (compounded by mental illness, which is no easy feat) in your own, individual way, which is just different from other people but not necessarily worse. I am proud of you for everything you’ve been through and how you are trying your absolute best. You have a lot to be proud of.</p>
<p>People are too stringent about “rules”; I don’t think mental illness is making excuses or using a woe is me attitude. Would people say that having hypoglycemia from diabetes was just in their mind and they should just suck it up? No. It’s the same thing, but people don’t have to deal with altered mental status, so they assume that you have the same capacity for resilience that they have. </p>
<p>I also suffer from mental illness, so I can understand how hard it is for you. You’re not in your right mind, you’re limited in what you can do, and things like grief over a loved one hits you so much harder. Mental illness is still so misunderstood and stigmatized. Things need to be changed.</p>
<p>At my last school, I was registered with the disability office for my mental illness(es), and because of my doctor’s recommendations for accommodations as per the ADA, I was allotted consideration for absences and extensions on assignments because of my condition. It’s not making excuses, though people may not understand, but rather leveling the playing field so that things are equal for you as they are for others. For example, I would often have panic attacks at the thought of going to school. However, I am now excelling, having found the right meds for me, and am continually told how intelligent I am; I have it in me, as do you, but for the time being, the playing field for you needs to be leveled.</p>
<p>Maybe you can see if you can appeal things (re: absences) if you get documentation from your doctor (assuming you have one?)? At my old school, you needed to have accommodations in place at the beginning of the semester to be considered for things like that, but it’s worth a shot.</p>
<p>When I needed to miss class (from being so depressed that I didn’t shower for days on end and slept for 16 hours straight), I did what you did, when I missed class: I kept in touch with my professors, I did all the assigned reading, and you know what? I got mostly A’s (4.0) and nothing below a B. Just because there are rules in place doesn’t mean that they’re correct, the absolute best, and should apply to every single person. Rules should be challenged and an individual approach needs to be taken. Given some people’s attitudes, rule bending has the propensity to be taken advantage of (e.g, people missing class just because it may be allowed in certain circumstances), but you legitimately, with all your heart, are doing what you believe is best and I think that needs to be taken into account. I do not blame you at all for wanting to be by your parents’ sides. You only have one mom, one dad, and every moment you have left with them is precious. School can wait, rules can be bent, but parents who are dying will only be there for a while. And, as a nursing student, I so agree with you that hospitals are no place for comfort and love; nurses are so busy that patients are left feeling lonely and isolated, and depression occurs in most patients. It’s no way to spend the rest of your life. It’s incredibly heartbreaking.</p>
<p>You know, the world does not comfort you when you fail, but why should that be acceptable? Why should people just accept that the world is a cruel place, with no place for feelings and individual circumstances to be taken into account? Maybe my head is in the clouds, but I believe that everyone has the potential for goodness (which is relative, but I define it as being compassionate and loving), but that the systems we have in place severely limit the amount that people can reach it. There is a place for idealism in this world and I believe that empathetic people such as yourself make the world a better place. Life beats you down continuously, but that’s no reason for people to treat you the way they have because they’ve become jaded and don’t question the rules. People here do not know you. They’re limited in the knowledge of what you’re posting and are just going by the rules. Perhaps you should be reaching out to people who know you personally to solve your problems in a more individual way, but maybe you don’t have that right now because your support system (family) is struggling through so much already. It’s hard to stay strong by yourself without support. I say this, having become one of the strongest people I know after all I’ve been through (and now this year I have yet to miss a class except when I had to go to the ER).</p>
<p>Everyone copes differently at different stages of grief and life. It doesn’t make it any better or worse. Every person is precious and deserves to be loved and understood, even those who believe things are hopeless and they deserve to do things such as walk hours to work because they don’t have buses or a car, etc. It’s not fair that you’re expected to cope with difficulty in the face of real life responsibilities. Sure, things would be more chaotic if people fell apart at everything and didn’t contribute in the way the world is set up (by going to work, paying bills, following the rules), but people are continually growing and you are just maybe at a different stage of growth than others here. Yes, having an attitude that you are limited by your circumstances makes life feel more difficult (but you truly are limited), but you need to take the time you need to grieve. The way you’ll overcome this experience will just give you so much potential for growth and make you a better person. Perhaps you’ll have to learn the hard way that life doesn’t comfort you when you fall, but you should fight as hard as you can and not give up on what you believe is right for you in this moment. People need to be more understanding, loving, and sympathetic.</p>
<p>I wish you all the best. I wish I had more practical advice for you, but I just felt like you needed to be built up after being torn down; if you’re anything like me, it will surely eat away at you and you need any positivity you can get. Good luck. <3</p>