May fail a class due to attendance - suddenly an issue. HELP!

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Oh my goodness, bomerr. Are you still on that tangent? I already said that it was clear that what I had done thus far was about as much as I can do. There is no need for you to continue commenting on something that is irrelevant to the discussion whatsoever. I did choose to stay with my father. I did not complain about failing a class, I asked for advice from people that had been in the situation/or had suggestions, not responses from people saying, “Well, I live 15 miles from school…” LUCKY YOU! There are THOUSANDS of students that would feel PRIVILEGED to live just 15 miles from school (I am one of them)!</p>

<p>Some people have to live great distances from school so they can afford a place to live. Some people have to have reliable transportation (which only accounted for a day or two across the board in all of my classes) to and from school for reasons other than “convenience,” do you understand what I am getting at? I am a nontraditional student. For a normal student (18-22 years old, may or may not work a job, relatively healthy parents, etc.) these issues would be irrelevant and/or hard to relate to.</p>

<p>My father is not in the hospital for migraines or a ruptured appendix. He is extremely ill. Yes, as a 26 year old adult, I chose to be with my elderly father over attending lecture. Who in the hell would choose school over being with their dying parent? That is just a ridiculous notion and makes no sense. No one in their right mind would even think twice. Are you kidding me? Just stop. I cannot even take you seriously anymore.</p>

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<p>Today, I spoke with a student who has on multiple occasions withdrawn from school/taken failing grades/endured hardships in order to deal with his father’s medical issues. His grade point average has suffered. Clearly, his graduation has suffered - it’s already been several years beyond his initial anticipated date of graduation. On more than one occasion, he has begun the semester and been forced to withdraw because of family issues.</p>

<p>What I find refreshing is his open acknowledgement of reality. He is delighted that he is still able to be enrolled in a class that he has already tried to take - twice - and has flunked because he had to drop out later in the semester. He knows his GPA is in the basement, but he is thrilled because his family member is currently able to live independently. He accepts that his life circumstances have played havoc with his registration for classes. He is willing - enthusiastic even - to deal with the demands of a classroom situation rather than the life threatening challenges of a family emergency,</p>

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<p>That student is lucky that he is able to graduate at all. This is not about an anticipated graduation date or a delayed graduation - I will not be allowed to graduate at all. I am delighted that in the face of mental illnesses, domestic violence, two dying parents, a 6 year old daughter, whilst - that I have beat the odds and made it to my senior year at a public ivy. </p>

<p>I face reality every day when I wake up at the crack of dawn and take care of my daughter, take care of my parents, take care of school, and maybe have a few minutes at the end of the day to lay my head down. </p>

<p>My father will never be able to live independently. So, that student should be enthusiastic. I am glad that student has a positive outlook. However, if my only concern was a delayed graduation date, I would be enthusiastic, as well. Thank you for your response, however; and I am glad to hear that the student is thrilled with a terrible GPA, failed classes, etc. Hopefully he can find a career to pay back the some of the loans he has taken out to fund his education, with a history like that, though. How is it that he slid by? If your GPA is terrible and you are not at completion rate (67%), you are typically not eligible for financial aid.</p>

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<p>Can you use the summer session to finish up the requirements to graduate as a poli sci major?</p>

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<p>My financial aid doesn’t cover summer sessions. Even though I have an EFC of 0, I was only awarded enough aid to cover 75% of the Fall and Spring semester. Thus, I would have to pay out of pocket for a summer session (and the reason why I took up a side job as a tutor for expenses my financial aid would not cover). </p>

<p>I have already looked at all of those options. I also do not have a cosigner for a private, student loan and have already applied for several on my own and got denied for all. Thank you, though.</p>

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<p>So you live twice as far. So what? There’s not a very drastic difference between commuting 15 miles to school and commuting 30 miles to school.</p>

<p>Did you notice that I said I DO NOT HAVE a car? Your little predicament is my everyday. I get rides to school from a lot of different people. My ride schedule is pretty complex. I still manage to make it every single day. I live in a small town of 16,000 people. We don’t have any public transit. I don’t have a bus to fall back on or anything like that either. </p>

<p>As others have said, you had a choice to either stay with your dad or go to school. You chose to not go to school. </p>

<p>Given how stressed out you are over it now, I’d hazard a guess that you probably made the wrong choice. It sucks having family members in the hospital. Believe me, I know. But I can assure you that your dads recovery would not have been stifled by your not being there for a few hours out of the day. As I said, it’s an excuse. Not a reason. The syllabus is your contract. You broke the contract. That’s really all there is to it.</p>

<p>You’re lucky that you didn’t simply get dropped from the class. Many professors will withdraw you for missing more than x number of classes; no questions asked. A lot of them don’t care if there were extreme circumstances. Several of my current professors made that quite clear at the beginning of the semester.</p>

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<p>I guess I will reiterate again that my car issue was only 1-3 absences across all of my classes. I do not know why you keep zooming in on the car issue. Do you have a child? No. I wouldn’t have missed school over my car breaking down if I didn’t have a child, either. I am not stressed out as much as I was - as I stated in a previous posts. Perhaps you should try reading them. </p>

<p>Also, I do not know what school you go to, but out of my 5 professors, only one of them has given me any grief over my situation. And all of my courses have strict attendance policies. I said in a previous post that I am more relaxed about it now, given my meetings with my advisor, speaking with my therapist, and speaking with Dr. B’s previous students. </p>

<p>And, no, honey…it doesn’t “suck” to have your father dying. It’s more like life-altering, heart-shattering, aching to the very bone. So, please, stop. Just, stop. Thank you.</p>

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<p>I believe in the link someone else posted it said that you could petition to stay a ninth semester if they were admitted summer 2009 or later (as a junior transfer), which I’m assuming applies to you? I know it’s very worse case scenario, and even if they rarely make exceptions, they do have a system set up for it and it has to happen for some people. Given your circumstances, your professor’s reputation, and only needing one additional class to graduate, they may make an exception for you to stay the extra semester. Also does your school have a means to petition to take a higher course load for a semester? Some schools allow students to petition to have a higher course load, especially if they need it to graduate. Even if they don’t advertise it on their website or anything, your adviser may know of something you can do.</p>

<p>It’s not necessarily that no one can relate to your situation. It’s just that all of the situations that I know of that were similar to yours were handled differently. For instance, at one point when I was an undergrad, I was helping to care for my grandmother who couldn’t live independently. She was in a different state than my school so I would travel to be with her on weekends. She knew I was a student, and that was literally all I could do. She wanted me to be at school, and I wanted to see her so I had to compromise. I also worked nearly full time to make ends meet. These are hard choices, no one is saying they aren’t, but you have to be prepared to live with the consequences. I wasn’t a mother so I can understand how that makes your situation more difficult, but the big difference between our situations was that I only missed one day of class and one night of work to attend her funeral (again, in a different state). I had another friend that had frequent absences (including missing exams) because she had a recurring illness that caused her to be hospitalized, but she took an incomplete, instead of failing the course. I had another friend who had a recurring health problems that caused absences and missing work, but she took a medical withdrawal for the quarter. Even if those would have been options for you before (and I don’t think they were), it’s too late now.</p>

<p>All you can do is talk to your professor (again, I advise trying to document everything in writing even after you meet in person so that she can’t change anything she says later on), talk to your adviser (ask about anything you can petition for–staying an extra semester, taking a higher courseload, etc, or advice), ask any counselors or mentors you might have for help (again, the disabilities office may have counselors who are particularly good at working with professors to help their students out so they may have tips or advice), and hope for the best. They may be able to work with you given your situation, or they may not. But you don’t have much to lose by just asking, at this point.</p>

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<p>You really need to drop the “woe-is-me” attitude that you have. It’s not really going to get you very far.</p>

<p>How do you know I don’t have any kids? You just automatically assume that I don’t? I’m not a fresh out of high school student. I’m 27. I know how life goes. As it happens, I actually don’t have any kids. I have plenty of friends that do though. and they still seem to make it to school all the time.</p>

<p>I know how it is to lose a parent. I have lost one. When my dad was dying I still made it to school. I didn’t miss a single day. You seem to think that your situation is somehow unique. It isn’t. Not in the slightest bit. I feel you…it’s a rough situation. It really sucks. But, you’re still the one that makes the choice. You’re making it sound like nobody could ever have possibly had it as rough as you have. I can assure you that’s not the case.</p>

<p>So none of your other professors have given you any grief over your absences? Congrats. You’re quite lucky then. At many schools, mine included, it is policy to withdraw you from a class if you’ve missed 6 days. No exceptions. Some professors say that’s too generous and cut it down to 3.</p>

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<p>^ Dude. Learn to empathize. People handle situations differently. Your dad died too. Cool story, bro. But people handle deaths differently and people put priority over different things. I sure as heck would withdraw in a class to be by my mothers side every day if she were ever to be hospitalized because culturally family comes before everything and anything. </p>

<p>And yes I understand where you’re coming from with thinking OP has “woe-is-me” attitude. I have a coworker who called out of work and stressed everyone out (since we are understaffed) on the anniversary of her dads death. But I realized people handle deaths differently and you just need to learn to empathize. Sometimes losing a father means losing the entire world for some people.</p>

<p>Basically the attitude I get from you is something like “hey well my dad died and this happened to me and xyz and I was only absent this many times. If I can do it, why is it so hard for you to?” which is ridiculous. People handle situations very differently. It sounds to me like the timing of OP’s situation was one after another after another. I can understand that completely and how it can take a toll on you. Now OP is trying to see what options she has. I don’t see why it’s necessary for you to point out irrelevant things in this topic. You should drop the “I lack sympathy and empathy” attitude. It’s not really going to get you very far.</p>

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<p>^ That doesn’t change anything. If I had an employee that was grieving over a dead family member for a month I’d understand. I’d still fire them too. Part of life is learning to juggle different obligations. </p>

<p>I agree with the other poster. Instead of owning up to her CHOICE she is playing the victim card. Her 'woe-is-me" whining attitude is very annoying. If she’s pulling the same card with the professor I would totally understand why prof would lie about having a cat with a UTI. </p>

<p>O.P. Handle the situation like an adult. Take responsibility for missing class and apologize. Ask the prof if you can workout anything. If not try to get an extra semester or just accept that you made a mistake. Life isn’t fair.</p>

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<p>^ IMHO, it does because college =/= real world workplace. Although I understand that colleges treat students like adults and prepare students for the real world, college is still college and it is still school. It is an institution of education, not a workplace. I am sure if OP was in the real world workplace, the consequences would be worse and therefore she would’ve thought more about her actions. However, I have found that school policies, even on syllabuses, TEND TO BE MORE FLEXIBLE than the workplace because (a lot) of teachers understand students are have a wide range of situations outside of school such as working to attend school, parenting, family issues, etc.</p>

<p>Workplaces generally have strict policies in regards to the law and employment such as taking a FMLA for serious things. I know for my workplace (a large corporation), we allow an unpaid leave of absence for things like this for up to a month with documents. For grievances, it might be up to ~1-2 weeks for here but OP’s father is dying, not dead. If a lot of workplaces I know allow this kind of stuff, why not school? School is NOT equivalent to the actual workplace at all. I would assume family matters, especially a dying father, is a “special case” that can be discussed with the dean or whatever and see if any exceptions could be made. </p>

<p>With that said, I think you’re missing my point. My point isn’t that I agree with OP in that her excuses are okay. My point is that you all are extremely harsh and NOT empathizing with her situation. You guys fail to see that OP has a lot on her plate and is young. So instead of being so rude and saying that she is whining, why not just point out that in the real world these things normally don’t fly? </p>

<p>TL;DR MY POINT IS: The way things are expressed in this thread towards OP is rude, harsh, and completely unnecessary. It’s one thing to slap her on the wrist and tell her she should be responsible, but it’s another to (not you, bomerr, but I feel like comfortablycurt is doing this) compare your life situation to OP’s when everyone reacts to situations differently. </p>

<p>As OP already recognizes her faults, it is no use in bashing her some more. Rather, why not offer actual helpful insight? (Again, not you bomerr, I am mostly referring to comfortablycurt’s post in the sense of “well my dad died and I am fine” attitude).</p>

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<p>Yes, but the point is that these professors have already demonstrated quite a bit of flexibility. All of the other professors are not giving her any grief over it.</p>

<p>The professor in question wasn’t either, until OP acted impatiently toward the professor. Calling the department head over the professor saying she couldn’t talk to you right then and there was a bad decision. It’s quite likely that it was this that set the professor off in the first place.</p>

<p>I’m not trying to compare my situation to theirs and say “well I handled it this way.” I’m just saying…the situation is not unique. Every single person in the world loses their parents someday. It’s a rough ordeal to go through. I can’t help but feel like most parents would have wanted their kid to still make it to class.</p>

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<p>I feel bad for the person’s father that has a nonchalant attitude about his death. “Oh, okay. This sucks, but oh well.” Yikes. </p>

<p>I do not have a “woe is me” attitude. Wouldn’t you think that, if I did, I would have posted about all of the other crappy things going on in my life (as I had mentioned in later posts). However, I didn’t, because those things were not affecting my attendance - being with my father was. I could have stated in my first post that I was a single mother, suffered with mental illnesses, my mother has lung cancer for the third time, etc. I have made compromises with my mother - I take her to treatments on Fridays (my day off), and her other children help out. My dad doesn’t have another kid that will help him (now that my sister is down here for my mom, she decided to step in so my dad wasn’t alone) because he was a pretty crappy father to his other children. </p>

<p>My professor actually told the entire class that she was not holding office hours because of her cat’s UTI. It was not specifically to me. I quickly asked her after class if she would be able to advise me (and other students were asking her other things, no big deal, it took all of 60 seconds) and she said she didn’t have time to discuss it. TL;DR she didn’t want to talk to ANY of her students and thus lied to get out of talking to her students. I called the Chair because I have that choice and needed advice. Lol. It’s a small department - calling the Chair of Women’s and Gender Studies is <em>not</em> a big deal. </p>

<p>And comfortablycurt, THANK YOU! That is EXACTLY what my post was pretty much asking, if that is what made her flip a switch (my calling the Chair). However, I had already been in communication with the Chair - it had nothing to do with Dr. B whatsoever! I honestly feel that Dr. B thinks I called to tattle on her and I didn’t. Dr. B <em>did</em> get caught fibbing to her students so she wouldn’t have to speak with them the week prior to registration - pretty crappy if you ask me, considering this class is so important to every person in the class. I guess the Chair felt the same!</p>

<p>Also, I highly doubt any parent would rather their children go to lecture than to be by their side. My mother has asked me a few times if I could take her to her to appointments over my sister (my sister’s driving makes her car sick) and I have literally cried on the way to school because I wasn’t able to miss any more school and thus could not give my mom what she wanted. So, yes, I prioritize. I feel like the world’s worst daughter when I have to tell my mother no. I wish I could drop out of school and be with my parents every second of the day, but I also have a daughter to think about. I hope she is like me when she becomes of age and prioritizes her family over all else. In the end, family should always comes first. I am sorry some of you were raised to think otherwise. There is really no point in continuing with this thread, since all it is a bash the poster for caring for her father rather than attend lecture. I had <em>no</em> idea that this forum was like this. Then again, I typically don’t bother asking for advice on a forum. Thanks for those that have given me some advice. </p>

<p>As far as petitioning for another semester - I can’t. I don’t have any financial aid left after this year. The max limit is 20 hours. You have to petition to take more than 17 hours. There is no way they would let me take 22 hours. They only let seniors take 20 hours in their last semester. I have spoken with advising, financial aid, etc. for those kind of options. I emailed Dr. B 5 days ago and have yet to hear back. I will keep waiting, I guess. Thanks, y’all.</p>

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<p>Winter session?</p>

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<p>I wasn’t putting school before my family. I’m simply able to realize that there isn’t anything that I would have been able to do that a trained medical staff couldn’t. </p>

<p>I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have been there for him. That is your choice to make. But, now some of the repercussions of that choice are coming back to you. </p>

<p>Honestly though, I feel like you should have waited to call the department chair. If the professor said they didn’t have time to discuss it ‘right now,’ that didn’t mean that they didn’t want to discuss it at all. It simply meant they were in a hurry. I don’t know if that’s what set the professor off or not, but it kind of sounds like it was. If that’s the case, then the professor seems to be acting quite childish about it.</p>

<p>I’m sure there’s a way that you’d be able to make the class up. Even if it means overloading next semester, or taking a summer class or something. Talk to the financial aid department or your adviser. Most schools are not going to leave you without a single option in a situation like that.</p>

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This irks me. It’s not that being by someone’s side on their death bed is really “medical treatment” anyway. It’s a support thing. A love thing. </p>

<p>If my mom was diagnosed with XYZ I would spend time with her not because I think it would help her get better but because I LOVE her and want to soak up all the time I have left with someone I love. </p>

<p>A trained medical staff does not provide the moral and loving support a daughter or son could.</p>

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<p>Most parents probably don’t want you to jeopardize your future either. My school is 15 miles away from home. Leaving for a few hours and coming back wasn’t exactly “abandoning him.”</p>

<p>By missing classes, you are potentially jeopardizing your future. Something that the OP is finding out now.</p>

<p>Would my dad have wanted me there? Yes, I’m sure he would have loved it if I hadn’t had to leave. I didn’t really want to leave either for that matter. But if I’d tried to stay, he probably would have made me leave and go to class. He was incredibly supportive and encouraging of my getting an education, especially because I’m the first person in my immediate family to go to college. </p>

<p>Bottom line-there was a choice to make. You made the decision. Only you can determine if it was the right or wrong one. You seem to believe that it was worth it, and given that fact, it should be clear that you made the right choice. For me personally, skipping lectures would have been the wrong choice.</p>

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<p>Great, glad we cleared it up that every single person has different feelings toward the importance of being by a parent’s side when said parent is dying. Hospitals are the absolute worst. I would never want to leave my parent there, for any amount of time, and so I didn’t. Until my sister, or anyone, could help me in staying by his side, I was with him. I would have been no other place. I have said time and time again that I know that I made the choice. I think you realize that your theory on why I am wrong and you are right has been clearly defeated - as every single person in this world has different values, morals, and belief systems. </p>

<p>As far as bugging the professor. I find this to be kinda weird. How do you bug someone that you literally pay to teach you? -_- I have made As and Bs on all assignments, I have never turned in an assignment late, had never asked for an extension, nor have I ever done anything to make myself seem desperate, special, or unique. I did what the Dean of Students advised me to do. I did what I felt were the right things to do. Those things were to email, let the professors know what was going on, and then meet with each of them in person. At the meeting, I explained my situation in more detail, offered to do whatever necessary to stay in the class, and noted that I was well aware of the negative effects this would have on my grade - but that I was dedicated. My work in the class (all of them) has proven my dedication. I have not made less than a B on any assignment this semester - across all of my classes. After meeting with each professor, I emailed in advance to let them know if I were going to miss a class. Shortly thereafter, my sister came and everything was cleared up. How this is considered “bugging” a professor isn’t clear to me. However, as stated previously (multiple times…) I had ALREADY been in contact with the Chair. It wasn’t me “going above Dr. B’s head,” I had already expressed to the Chair that I had not facilitated strong relationships with any Women’s and Gender Studies professors due to my being a double major and taking mostly cross listed courses (courses that count toward both of my majors). She advised me to speak to Dr. B since I was in her course this semester. Whew. I do not know where people are getting the idea that Dr. B is somehow in the right of being peeved that I contacted the Chair - I had already contacted her PRIOR to talking to Dr. B. I think the Chair put me on hold to ask her why her students were told she was going to be out of the office when she actually wasn’t. Which is why I felt that she was ****ed off at me and thinks I tattled on her (in reality I said she didn’t have time to speak to me because of a personal emergency) and because this was a new process to me, I asked who else I should speak with. The Chair directed me to my advisor and I got everything straightened out on that end. I do not need Dr. B for anything as far as sponsoring my internship or advising my ind. study. </p>

<p>Moving forward - </p>

<p>People have constantly brought up overloading, an extra semester, a summer session, retaking the class, etc. I have addressed all of these in previous posts. However, since there has been useless posts of myself defending the choice of missing class to be by my father’s side, here goes: </p>

<p>This class is a pre req for a class I <em>have</em> to take next semester to graduate. I cannot retake it. It is not offered in the summer, neither is the Senior Seminar class that is also required of my major. Also, my financial aid does not cover summer school. As I have mentioned before, I am a single mother, on a limited income, and was not awarded maximum financial aid for my EFC as it is.</p>

<p>I <em>am</em> overloading next semester. I am taking 19 credit hours (as long as I pass this course). I cannot take over 20 credit hours. Only a senior is allowed to take 20 credit hours. Anything over is <em>NOT</em> an option. If I do not pass this class, I will have to take 22 credit hours and thus will not graduate. If I were able to take 22 hours, I would. I would do anything necessary (which I made clear to my advisor when I brought this to her attention, however; it is not possible). </p>

<p>Transfer students are not allowed to continue past the 4th semester. It is a UNC-CH policy. I have thoroughly explained in previous posts, if an explanation is necessary. </p>

<p>I have thoroughly considered all of my options, spoke with all outlets (fin. aid, advising, etc.) I am not an idiot. I have been in college for some time, however; had never had to deal with missing lectures → failing a course. Thus, why I am on this forum. Big mistake. :stuck_out_tongue: You live and you learn. Have a good night.</p>

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<p>Sounds like you’re totally screwed then eh?</p>

<p>Have you checked with the professor to see what your grade is…like I suggested a while back? Has it been confirmed that there is no possible way for you to pass this class? If your grades have been kept up like you say they have, and you have not been removed from the class…I fail to see how you could even potentially fail the class. Perhaps it would be a good idea to get a grade report. As has been suggested several times.</p>

<p>Additionally, I never said that “I was right and you were wrong.” I’m simply pointing out the facts and trying to show you how you could have handled the situation a bit differently. We all have different priorities.</p>

<p>And on that note, I’m stepping out of this thread. Good luck with your predicament. If you talk to the right people at your school, I’m sure something can be done for you. Policies are not always set in stone. They are flexible. Schools don’t want to kick you out when you’re 1-2 classes away from finishing your degree.</p>