<p>My DD left her college on a medical leave 2 weeks before the end of the semester. She is a junior. She will be able to finish some, but not all, of her classes from this semester. I am wondering whether I can get some help thinking about whether transferring is an option when she gets better, because her present college is on the opposite coast from home and I'm not sure that we or she will think it is a good idea for her to be so far away from home again.</p>
<p>She is a computer science major at a "tech" school. Was a top student in HS with a very high GPA and near perfect SAT scores. Her college is one that practices grade deflation and her college GPA is not quite a 3.0. Her average in her major is somewhat better, but not much. She knows many professors at her school well, and I assume she could get good letters of recommendation.</p>
<p>She is in good standing and her college would have her back. Does she have any options? Would any college take her as a transfer student? Would most colleges make her take 2 more years at the new college? Would our state flagship university take into account that her grades are from a heavy-duty school, or would they just reject her as a transfer student because her GPA is too low? Would the fact that she is on a medical leave be held against her?</p>
<p>I'll be grateful for any guidance and suggestions. Thank you.</p>
<p>Colleges vary in the number of transfer credits they will accept.</p>
<p>Just want to mention that we know a student with a similar situation, who took a medical leave at the same point in her college career. She was at a college across from the country from her home, as well.</p>
<p>She took summer classes at a university near her home, to catch up on some courses. The college where she was actually enrolled, accepted most of those, so she could catch up.</p>
<p>With continued medical issues, believe it or not, the college she was matriculated in, ultimately let her take her final year plus a few courses from junior year, at the university close to home, but still gave her a diploma.</p>
<p>The motivation may have to do with retention and/or graduation rates in the rankings, who knows.</p>
<p>I have a child who has taken medical leave in the past, and continues to have medical problems, and sympathize. The last few weeks have been pretty white-knuckle and we are still not sure she will finish. However, I cannot imagine what this would be like if she were across the country.</p>
<p>It would be well worth losing credits for a course or two, for her to move, but losing a whole year with a transfer would be something to think about, I guess. However, our feeling is that health and safety come first.</p>
<p>I think the other post is much more hopeful than my own experience. My son had to transfer for similar reasons as your daughter. He was able to finish his classes with an extension. When he transferred, he had to lose some of his credits, so he’d have to have about 60 credits at the new school. He transferred without any difficulty and the new school didn’t ask about many details, including the mental health issue. It helped that he was going to be living at home for the first semester.</p>
<p>In the end, I just sorry he waited so long. He should have gone to the school right from HS. He was miserable at the first school and needed to be close to home in a smaller environment. Finally he has succeeded and will be graduating in a week.</p>
<p>Does she want to return to her tech school? If so, find out if she can get extensions. Perhaps an extra term/semester at this school would be easier than a transfer.</p>
<p>Thanks for in the information provided. Perhaps at the end of the summer (depending on how she is doing) I will see if the school would consider allowing her to take her senior year near home but still earn a degree from their school. That would be quite a nice solution (although I don’t think it is too likely they would agree; it can’t hurt to ask). She would really like to have a degree from her current school; she feels she has earned it, and it would serve her better in the long run than a degree from our state flagship university.</p>
<p>She does want to return to the school, but she is being fairly unreasonable right now. She wants to finish the 3 courses on which she has extensions, then take 2 classes locally in summer school, then return in the fall and graduate on time with her class. Unfortunately, she is not well enough to do any of that right now. The college has already said they would prefer that she not come back until spring semester. What they have in mind is that she would re-take this semester a year from now and then take her senior year in 2011-2012 and graduate a year late. For social reasons, she finds that plan objectionable.</p>
<p>Other than the finances, I don’t have any objection to the college’s plan in theory, but due to the risk of a relapse, I hesitate to have her so far away from home again.</p>
<p>Any thoughts on the type of school that would see through all the problems here and find the brilliant young woman beneath them and take her as a transfer student?</p>
<p>It sounds like the school thinks that the medical problem warrants a fair amount of time off and that you agree somewhat. Do the courses with the extensions offer sessions in the fall? Some schools have a senior project sequence that can make it hard to start in the spring semester.</p>
<p>Do you have any close relatives in her school area that could provide support?</p>
<p>Going the local state u might sound bad due to the extra year but she could expand the breadth of her major or take graduate courses.</p>
<p>Inaquandary, I am so sorry for your girl. Big hugs. I have been in this situation as the mom and as the child. </p>
<p>Please let her attempt to solve this in her way first. She has a plan. It may not work out completely. It may work out half way. Support her and think through some contingencies. If her plan isn’t going to work it will become apparent rather quickly. Summer school moves at a very quick pace. She will need to wrap her head around it. It will be sad for her. You need to be her cheerleader. Please try to show her the long view. Focus on who she will be at 30 not 21 1/2. </p>
<p>So much of being ill is the loss of control. For you and for her. I have been her. I have been you. For her: The fact that she is committed to having everything work out on the same schedule is positive in many ways. She has grit, resolve and she is showing an inner strength that will ultimately be critical as she moves forward. The fact that she is exhibiting some “magical thinking” ie denial, is normal. Be supportive.</p>
<p>For you: I can hear the stress in your post. You want her home. You want her to finish at a school that will take care of her. You want her near you. Your child is sick, hurting and far away. Here is my advice. Slow down. Don’t go to the dark places. Do not try to solve one year from now. Solve now. Break it down into three month increments. Be as flexible as you can and model that behavior for her. I think that really helped my daughter. </p>
<p>Finally, what I did. I transferred after my sophomore year in college. It took me five years to finish college. It was a bitter pill to swallow. So much of my identity was wrapped up in being a smart, successful student. I had to withdraw from classes twice and it really took a toll on my confidence. My family was not really all that helpful after I moved back to the coast I was from. It really was the only decision I could have made.</p>
<p>For my child. My husband and I dropped her off at her CA college after four hospital stays and two surgeries in the in the spring and sumer of her senior year of high school. We were committed to letting her try to have the college experience she wanted. As we flew home I doubt we believed there was even a 50/50 chance she would be able to stay. She did. She is finishing her sophomore year and her disease is well managed. </p>
<p>Why not allow her to look for a local job in CS field for next year? She would be building a resume, less stressed than at any school, and have a chance for a real recovery?</p>
<p>Many schools will require to take 50% of courses at their school in order to give a diploma (that is why transferring as a senior is near-impossible…</p>
<p>A low GPA may hurt her as well, since state schools tend to have very strict cutoffs.</p>
<p>Maybe now she is too disappointed, and too upset to see the situation clearly. She certainly needs to take care of her health and well-being first. Maybe after that she will reconsider the plan that her school offered and find it less objectionable.</p>
<p>@BCEagle: Yes, there is a senior project, which needs to be done fall/spring. Spring/fall will not do it. So if she cannot make it back this fall, I think it only makes sense to take the whole year off and go back the next year. Sometime over the upcoming school year she could make up the two courses she lost at a local college.</p>
<p>Relatives, not really. Some in their upper 80s. I don’t think they are up for this, and they hardly know her.</p>
<p>@infrmdmom: Thanks for your btdt advice. I really appreciate it. I am letting her try to do it her way. That is why I am here talking to strangers and using a pseudonym, so I can get my own thoughts together. I am a planner, so I like to have Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc in mind. I know she has a plan in mind for how she wants to do this, but right now it is a plan with no follow up, no action. She has lots of time on her hands, and she tells me she feels well enough to do some work. So if she is serious about going back in the fall, she should be doing some work on her incomplete courses. I understand that she needs to feel in control of her life, and I will go along with that as long as I don’t think she is endangering herself (which right now she is not). Oh, and I didn’t mention yet that the college says if she doesn’t finish the incomplete courses before fall she will get F’s on her transcript for them. I suspect we can negotiate more time if needed, but I would not like to get to that point.</p>
<p>@bookworm: I think working is a really good idea, especially if she ends up taking off the entire next academic year. I certainly don’t want her sitting around playing computer games in her pajamas for a year. </p>
<p>You all are really helping me clarify my thoughts. Thank you so much.</p>
<p>One option to keep in the back of your mind is University of Maryland University College. UMUC accepts up to 90 transfer credits (three years of college-level work), and offers several majors in Computer and Information Science [Undergraduate</a> Programs - Academics - UMUC](<a href=“http://www.umuc.edu/programs/undergraduate.shtml]Undergraduate”>http://www.umuc.edu/programs/undergraduate.shtml) Since the coursework is offered on-line, your daughter might be able to complete the specific classes she needs in order to catch up on a schedule that works for her.</p>
<p>Would it be possible for one parent to move out with her for enough of the summer to finish her incomplete courses and then stay there for fall and spring semesters? This sort of thing is sometimes done for job moves where one parent stays behind to sell the house or where job issues require parents living in separate cities for a while.</p>
<p>I also support working. That is what I did for the nine months I could not be in school. It gave me time to get a little better. I took a reduced load for the first year I returned full time. First semester four courses (that is a full load now, wasn’t then) had two incompletes and finished everything over winter break. Second semester four courses, no incompletes. </p>
<p>The truth is there are many ways for this to play out. Transferring after junior year is not a great plan. Until it is the only one left on the table. Is distance learning an option? You said she has good relationships with professors. Perhaps she could enlist their support and ideas. My professors were extremely supportive when they knew what was going on. College administration , not so much. But my parents really did not try to go to bat for me.</p>
<p>@BCEagle: DD is home now and the college only gave her incompletes in the courses that could be completed from home, so she does not need to go back to finish the incomplete courses. As for a parent spending a year on the other coast with her, I don’t see how that works. DH and I both have jobs here and we have younger children at home in high school. I definitely can’t risk my job right now because I have the health insurance.</p>
<p>The options are shaping up like this to me:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>DD’s plan: Finish everything on the incomplete courses, perhaps take a course later in the summer to catch up. Return in the fall, possibly needing one course next summer in order to actually graduate.</p></li>
<li><p>Stay on leave for all of next year. Over the course of the year, make up the two missing courses. Get a job. Get well. Go back for senior year in the fall of 2011 and graduate in 2012.</p></li>
<li><p>Convince college to let her take senior year at state flagship university but still issue her a degree from her college. </p></li>
<li><p>Transfer to state flagship sometime next year (maybe for spring semester) (if they would take her). I have checked and state flagship will transfer 90 hours. Also, her college did not give her any credit for AP classes and state flagship would give credit, so she may need only one full year to graduate from the state univ.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>inaquandry, just wanted to send some hugs. glad your DD is home. </p>
<p>My S is a senior in college(a tech school & he’s a CS major) - this should be his last quarter. He has become depressed and has been unable to focus on his work and I was just made aware of it 3 or 4 weeks ago. I’ve been holding my breath for the past 3 weeks or so waiting to find out what is going to happen - can he catch up? take incompletes? will he graduate in June or maybe he’ll need to do another full year since many of his classes are the third term of a full year class so they won’t be offered until next Spring). So I have some idea of what you’re going through. I only wish my DS was home. </p>
<p>I don’t want to hijack this thread, but your situation sounds so similar to mine. It sounds though like there are options for your DD. Wishing you both the best.</p>
<p>I and one of my relations are big planners. We like to KNOW so we know how to organize everything else in our lives (when to get plane tickets, when to reserve hotel room, etc). </p>
<p>This may be one of those times when you say “let’s take this one day at a time.” By all means support your D in graduating with her class – but it’s also ok to tell her that you are worried about the stress of the pace she is suggesting (which makes it YOUR problem, not hers). </p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with saying “I think you are amazing to work so hard to rebound so quickly. I will support you as best I can. I am very nervous about the pace that is required and I will be worried about your well being during the next few months. If you want to look at some other paths, I will support that too. Either way, I am so glad you are my kid.”</p>
<pre><code>I think that you are doing an excellent job nailing down all the options for your daughter. When you get all the answers you can present them to your daughter.
Your daughter has been making her own decisions in her life for the last few years. She might be very surprised to find out that you believe you should have a part in her decision on how to continue. It’s a tough age. You are both working toward her independence. Her illness should not be seen as a regression to the old"parent-child’ dynamics of high school.
You are lucky in that she needs to complete her courses from this semester. Her ability to do this will help you both get a better bead on how capable she is in moving forward. She may be surprised to find out she cannot do what she thinks she can. Better her finding her limits than you imposing them on her. In turn she might handle it very well, surprise you, and carry on back to school as she would like.
It will be the healthiest path for your relationship with her to allow her to make decisions about her life. It will also allow her to know she can move forward with you in her corner.
</code></pre>
<p>Whatever the path look into tuition insurance. My d had a medical relapse ( the first time we only asked that she be allowed to be released from her housing contract so she could commute) and the school refused to give her a medical leave and would not refund the semesters tuition stating “she should not have come back until she was completely healed.” It was wrong on their part but we did not have the emotional/financial resources to fight it at the time.</p>
<p>Good luck. It’s a journey so take it one step at a time. That’s all anyone can do.</p>
<p>I’m also a huge planner – it is where my comfort level is, even when the plan changes down the line. But I’d concur with Olymom and Infrmdmom – at the moment you need to be very short-term oriented. In a few months you and your daughter may have enough clarity to plan out a college endgame, but right now the focus is on getting her healthy. Depending on what happens with her health, different options may be viable. </p>