Tyberius – Thank you for the feedback. Yes, I feel better knowing that someone else has the experience of no team building exercises. He has made some friends with other freshmen on the team, plus some other kids in some of his classes. I do agree with the adjustment from club teams to college teams. I was very hesitant to call the coach because I don’t think that would be in my son’s best interest. I just wanted to get some feedback on what to do since this is new for us. Again, thank you for the feedback. Did it take your son long to adjust?
Fallen Chemist – Got it. Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it. Yes, he wants to continue playing soccer and he knows he has to earn his stripes. Believe me, the last thing I want to do is get involved, which is why I asked for some guidance. I don’t think the problems are huge, considering the team has consistently performed well at the national level. The assistant coach is new in terms of being a coach. He graduated from the school a few years ago. He also played on the team so he knows how things work with the coach.
Hstill adjusting to not getting the playing time he hoped for. The coach had said during recruiting that he had no returning players playing the positions my son plays, but in fact he has two returning player in those positions now. Maybe they played other positions last year, but I feel a bit deceived. Coach does not sub much (contrary to what coach said) so it is tough to get playing time. Son’s roommate plays all game every game, but that hasn’t been an issue as they play different positions. Academics have also been a concern as they scheduled my son for one of the hardest classes he will ever have to take for his first term of college, while the team is in season.
I think that what has helped is my son’s friendship with his roommate and with another player who was the roommate’s teammate in England. The three spend a lot of time together off the field. It also helps to see that a lot of his former teammates have not seen the field at all. He realizes he is not the only one in this situation. I do wish that he would establish more relationships away from the field in case he is no longer part of the team at some point.
If your son has an injury and is seeing the training staff the trainers may keep the coach up to date on your son. At this point I would not take the coach’s lack of interest in your son personally.
“To me that is exactly the wrong life lesson to take from all this. Sure, let’s just take my ball and bat and go home, the first sign of things not being what I hoped I will just quit on all my teammates. Horrible reaction to a very mild adversity.”
Is he going to be a professional soccer player?? If not, why waste A LOT of time on soccer in college? Know when to say when. Your cheese has been moved. Don’t sit around stewing. Move on - be a student and prepare well for your after-college career. Don’t senselessly beat your head against a wall in a pointless activity.
“Guess what. A lot of bosses in corporations and small companies are like this too. Might as well learn to deal with it now.”
I’d say lesson learned at this point. Stop throwing good money (and time) after bad. Make an assessment - this is no longer an activity that is contributing positively to future life goals. Restrategize, move on. So again, unless he is trying to be a professional soccer player, what is the point of sacrificing a large chunk of a college education for this sub par experience? Don’t be a bad driver who refuses to stop and ask for directions. You’re going the wrong way. Turn around.
The question is, is there ANYTHING your son likes about playing soccer, if he isn’t a starter and isn’t getting playing time? He is a freshman now, so either he will be retained or he will be cut. If his academics are being ruined, that is a factor to consider.
There are some really bad coaches out there, but as for team building, can at least the freshmen he is friends with bond?
I hope also that he has plans to play U20 soccer in the summer with a club, and plans to try out. This can be through the college or through a team local to your home. The teams my son’s team has played against were B teams for pro clubs.
I have seen at some colleges, the fraternities have major control over club sports and influence the varsity sports as well. This has to be taken into account if it is becoming apparent - join or become an outsider.
@OneLove2- Maybe I missed it, but is your son on the roster this season, or is he red-shirted? That would change things significantly.
My son plays for a D2 team, and what you are describing in not the norm for his team, although we have seen it with other teams. In any case, I would absolutely NOT talk to the coach. While I know that our kids are supposed to be adults, we all know that there are situations where parental intervention is still sometimes necessary- certain serious medical situations, possibly a legal situation, etc. However, when it comes to college sports, I can’t think off the top of my head of any situation where I would ever get involved. Coaches at this level do not want to deal with parents and might even hold it against the player if a parent got involved. We didn’t even talk to the Coach of our son’s club team about team strategies the last few years of Club as we felt that our son needed to learn to deal with it at that level.
My son was red-shirted his freshman year. As such, he and the other red-shirts were of course not allowed to practice or take part in some of the team activities. His coach was very good about trying to involve them somehow- filming games, etc, and did keep in regular contact during that first season. As a red-shirt, he did play in their spring tournament season which was nice. Not all coaches are as nice. In addition, D3 teams seem to carry a larger number of players on their roster, and as a result, not all new players get much attention, especially if they are not getting much player time. It is a big plus that your son loves the school otherwise. I would tell him to try to stick with it for the year and see how it goes next year. He should continue to touch base with the coach, keep up a really positive attitude and hope for more next year. No one is really going to do anything if a player curses at another player on the team unless it is a regular thing that is impacting the team a lot. Parents are better off not hearing a lot of what happens on the field- much of it can be pretty “inappropriate” but is not unusual.
I’m really sorry he is not having a good experience. It may be partly because of a new coach figuring things out. I hope it improves for him!!!
@takeitallin – I guess he’s redshirted, but they never called it that so I don’t know for sure. He is not overly in love with the school in general but he likes the rigorous academics. There’s not much to do, but then again, it’s a small college town. He made friends with some other freshmen from the team and they hang out together a lot. I keep telling him to keep a positive attitude and try to tough it out. He talks to the head coach more than to the assistant coach, who is new. He also had a rapport with the previous assistant coach who left to take a HC job in another state. So, I know that was an adjustment of sorts for him.
Thanks for the insight about your son’s experience at the D2 level. I agree about not all coaches being as nice. I have talked to the parents of some of his club soccer buddies who are now playing college soccer as well. The coaches’ interactions are much more personal and there seems to be a lot more emphasis on team-building. But I guess every coach has his own style.
@rhandco – He loves to play soccer and I think it’s a big adjustment for him to watch from the sidelines being injured. He has been playing nonstop since he was seven years old. He’s okay with not being a starter. He understands that he has to earn his stripes.
Thanks for mentioning the U20 teams. I will certainly have him research the ones in our town to see when tryouts are. He would definitely want to keep playing over the summer break.
Because the school is in a small town, there isn’t much to do and the Greek scene is pretty big. I am not sure if the guys on the team are in a fraternity. I will have to ask him about that. The feedback has certainly been enlightening. Thank you so much.
Since there are no scholarships involved, I am not sure there is any red-shirting involved. I suppose there could be in that there might still be eligibility issues to play after 4 years involved, but it doesn’t sound like that here.
Because the discipline, teamwork and other life lessons involved are very hard to get elsewhere, at least as efficiently as they are presented in sports. It has been extensively documented that NCAA athletes from non-revenue sports have more success in the workplace later, and most of them attribute their experience in working with others, responding to authority, discipline to a task, and especially the attitude of winning for the team as being the major contributors to that success.
And contrary to your other assertion, the lesson apparently hasn’t been learned, because part of the lesson is learning to deal with bosses like that. That means sticking with it, not turning tail and quitting. Besides, despite appearances, those bosses are not always wrong, but it takes time to see that sometimes. In any case, it sounds like what you are advocating is just quitting anything you are not going to do professionally. That seems absurd to me. If your argument instead is that this takes a disproportionate amount of time given he won’t be a professional, then my answer is that A) The OP has already stipulated he enjoys soccer a lot and is likely to get much more playing time in the future; and B) as I already said these experiences, both positive and negative, inevitably contribute strongly to future behavior and success. As far as A, once he becomes a regular on the team, and maybe even a team leader, he can be in a position to advocate for change, if he still thinks he is right. But after 2 months in school you think he has learned all he can from being on the team? Not even close.
It actually concerns me a bit more that being in a small college town might not be a very good fit for him, but after only a couple of months it is hard to get too concerned. But if that continues it is hard to see how anything could change that would make it better for him. But hopefully as his circle of friends solidifies and the situation on the soccer team stabilizes (as I expect it will), he will be content where he is, even if never thrilled about the location.
@fallenchemist – I agree with you 100% about the discipline with regard to non-revenue sports.I have taught him that you don’t cut and run. You have to face all kinds of personalities in the workplace and the earlier you learn how to deal with others, the better it is for you. I also agree that two months in a school isn’t enough time to learn a lot. Thank you so much for your feedback. I have certainly learned a lot today. As I said, this is all new to me and I wanted to hear from more knowledgeable commenters. Thank you!!!
You are wise to reach out to others, @Onelove2. Reassurance can be a very powerful thing. I wish you and your son the very best of luck. I hope he gets to enjoying the college town experience more. My son was at a VERY rural campus in Missouri, minimum 2.5 hours from a “real city” and 1.5 hours from a big college town (Columbia, MO). Pigs outnumbered people like 1000:1, that kind of thing. He liked it most of the time, but he was lucky enough to have a car. I would say at the end of 4 years that was just enough for him. My D on the other hand was in New Orleans, so you don’t get much more different experiences than that! It is an adjustment to go to the small town if you are used to more.
Not thinking when I replied-fallenchemist is correct that there is no red shirting in D3. It sounds like this team doesn’t always utilize their freshman players, which is not unusual. The asst. coach leaving may have had an impact depending on how the coach utilized him. Sounds like that may be the case here. I hope your son sticks with it one more season as things may improve. At some point he may have to decide how important soccer is and how much fun he is having. If the school has a club team, an option may be to play club soccer instead. As far as frats having an influence on the team, I can’t imagine any coach letting a frat dictate how he runs his team- never heard of that. If he stays w/ the varsity team, be sure he checks with his coach before participating in summer clubs. My son’s program is pretty much year round with summer team building events. The Coach may want to be asked just as a courtesy.
Takeitallin, could your son really not practice with the team while redshirted? I thought the rules just prohibited playing in games.
My daughter had, at least in part, the opposite experience. Her coach had them do too much bonding and DD just wanted to get on with college! She lived in a suite with 3 other freshmen players, with another 5 living nearby. At times it was just too much togetherness. She had made other friends and wanted to spend a Saturday with them at the beach or just go out on a Friday night with others, not the same 15 kids she worked out with at 6 am and had a meeting with at 6 pm and sat at study tables with from 7 to 9 pm. I guess the coaches are damned if they do, damned if they don’t host bonding events.
Most kids who play in college were the top on their high school or club team, and it is hard to share that spotlight. My daughter made a different choice in that she chose a new team which meant she’d probably get to play more (in fact she got to play 100% of the time) but she knew they were going to lose a lot. One other problem that we didn’t anticipate was that with few experienced players, there wasn’t a lot of leadership on the team. Several of the upperclassmen were transfers, so no one could really organize big bonding events as they were just learning the ins and outs of the school too. The coach was new to the school, the asst coach too, so everyone was just doing what they thought was best.
She did have some conflicts with the head coach and felt the asst. coach was easier to approach. There were times when I didn’t think she’d go back this year, but she did and it is a lot better because she’s living with other athletes who aren’t on her team, she has a boyfriend and escapes to his apartment, she’s figure out how to balance her team time and school time and other social time better. She also realized that a lot of her friends who went to big D1 programs hadn’t had much playing time as freshmen and she looked back on her experience and decided she’d had a pretty good year. It is not fun to not play, especially if he was used to playing in most games. My DD has 5-8 on her team who rarely get to play a minute - I don’t know how they stay motivated. In fact one freshman decided not to be on the team this year, and another who did get playing time but complained about the amount was dismissed for behavior issues this year. Being a student athlete isn’t easy.
Onelove2, as others have suggested, I suggest your son speak to the coaches (I think parents should not get involved).
The school has great athletics programs – including soccer – and being a member of the team is quite an accomplishment unto itself. Congrats to your son!