<p>It’s also important to realize that there is no one at college who is like a parent. Roommates, RAs, friends do not know the student’s schedule and regular habits nor keep track of whether the student is attending class.</p>
<p>Professors will send students warning notices if they are flunking classes at midterms, but if students decide to skip all classes, it’s not the professors responsibility to track them down and find out what is going on.</p>
<p>If the studentis obviously doing something dangerous to themselves or others, then the college would be likely to get involved – if the college administrators become aware of that, which would depend on how public the dangerous behavior was and whether the observers recognized the danger.</p>
<p>College is an intermediate step between living at home and living completely on one’s own while being self supporting. If someone stopped going to work and stopped bathing, the employer likely would fire the individual, not call their next of kin. Colleges may do more, but still aren’t able to do what parents would do.</p>
<p>Actually, NSM, in a work situation, an employer might suggest an employee utilize the employment benefit of counseling and some jobs provide workshops, etc. on managing anxiety, etc. It depends on the job. Colleges still have a ways to go, I think. Virginia Tech is a tragic example of how the system failed within a college. There have been other incidents like that and suicide on college campuses happens far too often. A friend’s daughter had a roommate who was behaving in a really disturbing manner which made my friend’s daughter feel unsafe. She went to the RA about it – more than once I think – and the RA shrugged it off as a roommate issue. It wasn’t. Someone with more training would have recognized that this was abnormal behavior that might be indicative of a developing problem. I don’t know what ended up happening because the school year ended and my friend’s kid got far away from her. But the point is, with more training, the RA would have picked up more than she did. If they are the frontline and college is when many mental illnesses surface, then maybe they need to have more training and maybe they need to have someone to go to if they are unsure about whether a student’s behavior seems off.</p>
<p>Trust me, RAs are trained in mental illnesses. They suggest the same resources that you described employers as providing: </p>
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<p>The larger problem is that adults are not required to utilize these services. As adults, there isn’t anything illegal about being bipolar or depressed or anxious. Other than suggesting, a RA or an employer or the police or anybody else cannot do anything to fix the problem. </p>
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<p>However, the friends D didn’t try contact the roommates parents either, right? Again, this is because parents are not seen to be the solution when a student is at college.</p>
<p>kdos, my heart aches for you. Please keep us informed on how you are and on any updates regarding this debilitating illness and nightmare you are living with. We have a friend whose son graduated recently in the same shocking state of total break with reality…after his college career. They have done extensive inpatient treatment and are only beginning to find improvement but his illness is bipolar.<br>
I worked for several years for the Mental Health Association and our board was full of wonderful adults who were parents or siblings of loved ones hit with brain disease. They took a great deal of solace from each other and in raising money and holding professional conferences that focused on research dollars and treatment for families. I am sure you have already gotten well acquainted with NAMI, the National Association for the Mentally Ill. NAMI Meetings helped deal with stigma, isolation and pain and time with other people going through this helped each other with day to day challenges re housing, employment, day treatment, medication ups and downs.<br>
The stigma is Ignorance, pure Ignorance. I hope you have a circle of friends who refresh you and help you when you are tired. I pray for your son’s compliance with meds and for the day he sees that medications, though onerous, can be his friend. </p>
<p>Please come to this thread and let us know how things are going. No meds for him…we know means a very rough existence for all. Your son deserved so much better that getting dealt these cards. Please take very good care of yourself.</p>
<p>Kdos posted: “Freshman year was great! Looking back there were a few incidents that were a bit out of character that occurred Fall of sophomore year…he was talking about students in his co-op coughing just to keep him awake or interfere with studying…profs who were picking on kids…Christmas break was fine. We don’t live near WASHU and didn’t see him (we did talk on the phone) from late January until he called me to pick him up from school 1 week before finals were scheduled to be over.”… My S looked and acted like a homeless person who has lived in a cave alone for months. He was fearful, confrontational, dirty, long beard and hair.</p>
<p>"Kdos, we feel your pain and wish you the best in this situation. I’m sure many of the parents here have also kids far away, so we really sympathize with you and wish you strength in dealing with your son and family.</p>
<p>Would you please help me to understand a little better the situation?
1-May I assume your son’s health started to deteriorate in the spring of his third year of College?
2-Did you check the number of times he visited the Health Clinic? Did you ask for copy of his college medical records? (You don’t have to answer this questions): What kind of research was he involved? Did you check his credit card, if any, any unusual expenses? Did you meet any of his friends or the roommate? Did you interviewed him?
3-I’m in shock that the university did not contact you previously?
4-Universities, housing RA’s have meetings with the students periodically, how is that no one noticed so drastic changes. Have you contacted the Housing office? The Dean? Did you visit the university’s HClinic? Any explanation from that end?
5- When you picked your son up did you meet with the Dean?
I’m in pain, upset and in shock …that could happen to any of the parents in this board. What kind of university will allow this situation?</p>
<p>You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!</p>
<p>The kid can ask for his own medical records. Also if she takes the kid to another doctor, the new medical facility can request a transfer of the records.</p>
<p>One of my kids signed a released document authorizing me to see the university records, midterms, transcript, financial…at this time not sure if the “release” covers the medical aspect, but I will be checking…</p>
<p>I’m not sure what you are referring to as “this situation.”</p>
<p>Are you talking about developing a mental illness? No college can prevent that from happening. If so, a lot of people would go to that college.</p>
<p>Or are you referring to not making him seek treatment? Honestly, and it’s been said before, it is not illegal to be mentally ill. The university cannot force anybody to seek treatment. And as others will say, it is very hard for a mentally ill person to seek treatment because their illness makes them fearful of others.</p>
<p>Your questions sound like you’re trying to blame someone else for not helping. That’s unreasonable. Nobody can prevent a mentally ill person from being ill, and nobody can make them get treatment. Nobody!</p>
<p>bigtrees; Oh yes…you better believes me. Did you read the description of the OP: “My S looked and acted like a homeless person who has lived in a cave alone for months. He was fearful, confrontational, dirty, long beard and hair.”</p>
<p>This couldn’t happen overnight…not unreasonable at all to be upset and to blame the university!
Do you have children? Not attacking you, but the story is sad and raises big concerns about how the situation was managed…</p>
<p>bigtrees - Your responses are not at all helpful. The previous poster is shocked that someone at the university observed the state that the student was in and did nothing to intervene. It is true that a student cannot be forced to accept treatment unless s/he is a danger to themselves or others but the overwhelming majority of parents would intervene long before that in an attempt to keep their child safe.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that you find my posts to be not helpful. I personally found Greenery’s post to be not helpful because he asked for information that the university cannot provide. He wanted the university to talk to the parents, which is not allowed under FERPA. And if the student is not cooperative, I don’t know that he would be willing to sign a release.</p>
<p>The point is that if the posters son suffered from paranoia, there is very little that a university can do because they can’t force a student to seek treatment. And being paranoid isn’t illegal under our laws. That’s something we all should keep in mind as parents. Universities are not parents and can’t ground students or make students to certain things, and that is especially true if the student hasn’t broken rules.</p>
<p>A person who has paranoia must be forced on meds in most cases to get better because they see the meds as the cause of evil in their life. They feel that people around them, even loved ones, are evil because of the disease that they have. If the OPs kid is suffering from paranoia, which it sounds like, it is a very complex situation. </p>
<p>There is little that a person can do until they get forced into treatment which requires a court order an a guardian. The conditions have to deteroriate significantly for that to happen.</p>
<p>The OP originally said that he wanted parents to be aware, and I agree with that. It is good to be reminded of what can happen. The OP was never trying to blame the school, the roommate, or the guys friends.</p>
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<p>How does a government entity “intervene” if a person is not doing something illegal and is not deemed to be a threat to himself or others?</p>
<p>When I was a staff member at my alma mater, we had a mentally ill person who was not a threat to herself or others. She had many mental problems. There was nothing we could do because she didn’t break university rules and wasn’t a threat. We all knew that she had issues, but as an adult (she was 26-30), our hands were tied.</p>
<p>“there is very little that a university can do”</p>
<p>I disagree with you and I would not want any of my children to attend a university with that type of attitude or mentality. Again…just a thought.</p>
<p>Greenery, what do you think that a university can do? I can’t think of anything except for making the student leave, but even then, the university could not notify the parent, so if the student didn’t, the student would be turned out on the streets.</p>
<p>Yes, I would like to know how the university treated this kid… any counseling, any referral to the clinic, any support…any compassion.
Where was the people that could “see” what was going on…a kid that started clean, studying, attending classes, and turned 360 degrees in his “second” or “third” year…and no one did anything!</p>
<p>“OH MY GOD!” There is not empathy these days…your questions my friends are offensive to the human being!</p>
<p>I still want to know, Greenery, how the university would have known what was going on.</p>
<p>It’s not unusual for students to start skipping class, and then to drop out. Professors probably had no idea that the student was skipping all of his classes. At most, professors could send warning grades, but it’s unlikely they would have known about the student’s paranoia, hygiene (especially since the student wasn’t going to class) and other problems.</p>
<p>The student may not have had a roommate who noticed what the student was doing. The student could have had a single or could have been rooming with someone who was actually living elsewhere – such as with their girlfriend. That’s not uncommon.</p>
<p>Even if the student had a roommate, that doesn’t mean that the roommate knew that the OP’s son wasn’t going to class. </p>
<p>RAs don’t do bed checks. Dorms aren’t like private homes. If the OP’s son were staying to himself, it’s very likely that no one would have noticed his problems.</p>
<p>I am not trying to be offensive. I’m somebody who has a lot of experience with mental illness with close friends and family members. I realize how devastating it can be, totally, but I don’t see how the university can prevent it.</p>
<p>If somebody falls into mental illness while in college, I think that friends are the most likely to notice. A professor – maybe if the class is small or the student has already developed a close relationship with the professor. Otherwise, the professor deals with a lot of students and doesn’t know the difference – especially if they don’t have the kid more than once. How would they see the difference between freshman and junior year if they only have the kid during junior year? With RA’s it’s similar, you probably won’t have the same RA twice. And other administrators – I am about to graduate from college and I don’t know any administrators and I highly doubt that any of them would notice what I did.</p>
<p>I do think that some universities and colleges do a particularly poor job of handling these issues, and I have seen that. There was a case at one university where a student killed herself after speaking to several people who worked for the university about how upset she was – and nothing was done. There was a paper trail of emails. I think that help should certainly be available and be offered, and be good, but there really is only so much that a university can do. </p>
<p>So if the student does have a close professor or adviser, the professor can talk to them and recommend counseling. The professor cannot force the student to go or call the student’s parents. The counselor also cannot call the students parents; nor can they make the student continue treatment if they don’t want to. </p>
<p>I do think that there has to be more awareness of mental illness in our society in general. I think that that would help friends, in particular, to pick up signs. Mental illness is so often brushed under the rug and I think that people tend to ignore quite overt signs because it really doesn’t occur to them that it could be mental illness. I guess that I just think that having free counseling and health services, and RA’s and advisers who can talk to people and offer support is compassion. I think going beyond that would be babysitting the student.</p>
<p>One thing I think parents should keep in mind is that colleges really don’t know who the legal guardians of the students were (when they were under 18) or who the responsible adults are.</p>
<p>On at least some applications, you have to put down the persons name who claimed you as a dependent in order to qualify for in state tuition. If you attend out of state, you don’t have to put that down. But that person may or may not be the right one to contact in case of a medical concern. So when people say that the “University should contact the parents”, they have to know who they are! With divorces, remarraiges, etc, etc, it is very difficult for the school to keep track if even if they did have a reason to contact parents. (The one person who does get contacted is the in case of emergency contact, but that could be a friend, sibling, cousin, old high school teacher, and may not make regular contact with the student.)</p>
<p>One thing that people should remember is that some students actually have restraining orders against their parents! That or those parent(s) defintely should not be contacted about student problems.</p>
<p>“I do think that some universities and colleges do a particularly poor job of handling these issues, and I have seen that.”</p>
<p>Too much excuses and hypothetical…you guy are fired! A life is essential…and your excuses are pathetic and not acceptable!</p>
<p>Not that this question will be an excuse for the omission of any university, but anyone here asked your kid to sign the “Release” form authorizing you as a parent to access your child’s records?</p>
<p>No parent wants to be the last to be informed about a drastic health problem their kids could experience in college such as the one described by “kdos,” Kdos has been extremely kind to alert other parents. </p>
<p>Post your ideas- Parents far away of children:</p>
<p>-Verify with your child’s college if they have a policy to “release” information concerning your student. Usually the student grants permission to the parent to access several services…
-Be sure you added the POC in the university files (Emergency contact)
-You as a parent can add your student to your medical plan. You will receive a list of deductibles, cost, drug name, and amount you will pay. This will give you the opportunity of knowing about your kid’s health.
-Know the roommate and parents. The first day of moving in, I changed telephone numbers with roommate’s parents and I let them know how much I appreciate open communication if it is necessary.
-Call your kid at least once a week, notice any change or strange comment.
-Get a Skype.</p>
<p>This only works if the student wants you to have access to this information (depending on your state). In Washington State, anybody 16 or older can block this information from the person who takes care of the plan. Yes, high schoolers can use Mom and Dads insurance to pay for STD treatment and Mom and Dad will never know what their insurance was used for.</p>
<p>Back to mental health, if the student is sharp and remembers this (they may or may not), they can revoke it if they no longer want Mom and Dad to know. And with paranoia, they may have reasons they feel very good to hide this from Mom and Dad. </p>
<p>If they are seeking treatment, hopefully they will share this information with parents. In the OPs case, I don’t think the student ever made it to start treatment.</p>