<p>Wow. I was gone for a few days and lots of conversation…ok trying to think of how to respond and help clear up any questions. </p>
<p>First-I DO NOT BLAME THE SCHOOL!! Mental illness is tough on everyone and hard to see. I guess I wish his friends would have seen the changes and called us saying wow he is struggling. Knowing how he was though, he had probably pushed them away or just isolated himeself so much that they didn’t think much about him. Heck they are kids. There was no RA. Adults struggle with these issues when their friends change…is something wrong? Am I being too pushy, invading privacy?</p>
<p>My S was an incredibly bright, motivated, independent student. He had attended our public U nearby almost exclusively senior year in hs and handled himself fine. He had handled his schedules for years on his own. He was someone who was sooo ready to be on his own. While in hs he read a book that struck a chord in him, met the harvard prof who wrote it, then was discussing career choices in email for months with him. Enough…just to give you some idea of where he was when he left for school…</p>
<p>We talked to him frequently but typically initiated by us. He would be friendly but he was always busy and we spoke for 5 minutes at a time. His first year he lived in a dorm and we got to know the roomie and family. Second year he lived in a co-op. It was a series of 3 br apartments that opened up onto a common area. We really didn’t get to know the kids there much as we typically saw him when he came home soph year and we lived 7 hours away.</p>
<p>He fell apart after we spent tons of time with him winter break of soph year. I did talk to him frequently. He would seem ok but rushed. He ended up dropping all classes but one that spring but it’s not like anyone tells you that. We didn’t know. </p>
<p>When he came home we were frankly too stunned, shocked, appalled and overwhelmed to deal with the school. I can guarantee he did NOT go to the health center. He has since been diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. The last thing he would do was trust strangers (or friends probably for that matter).</p>
<p>Onset of schizophrenia is described like this:
"In some people, schizophrenia appears suddenly and without warning. But for most, it comes on slowly, with subtle warning signs and a gradual decline in functioning long before the first severe episode. Many friends and family members of people with schizophrenia report knowing early on that something was wrong with their loved one, they just didn’t know what. </p>
<p>In this early phase, people with schizophrenia often seem eccentric, unmotivated, emotionless, and reclusive. They isolate themselves, start neglecting their appearance, say peculiar things, and show a general indifference to life. They may abandon hobbies and activities, and their performance at work or school deteriorates.</p>
<p>The most common early warning signs of schizophrenia include:
Social withdrawal, Hostility or suspiciousness, Deterioration of personal hygiene
Flat, expressionless gaze, Inability to cry or express joy, Inappropriate laughter or crying,
Depression, Oversleeping or insomnia, Odd or irrational statements, Forgetful; unable to concentrate, Extreme reaction to criticism, Strange use of words or way of speaking". </p>
<p>Part of what we have going against us I feel is because he is so smart, he has been able to hide some of this when he felt he needed to. Even when he says he is fine and nothing is wrong and he doesn’t need a doctor or meds, he has to be aware how he appears to others. </p>
<p>We have come to the conclusion after 3 years that he will definitely NOT get better on his own. He may show flashes of himself but it does not mean he is getting better (that’s hard to accept). We involuntarily committed him in March. Basically it was a disaster of a system where each system involved failed to share info with the next. He escaped (with no coat in 40 degree weather) just as he was told he would have to stay and was found after 6 hours (11PM) 8 miles away. That may have been the high point. </p>
<p>We are now going to court to try to get Mental Health power of attorney. </p>
<p>My family is kind of a mess. I have gained weight, house is a mess. My husband is the one mainly involved with my S as he is able to be the least emotional and he is very analytical and thoughtful. He handles the emotion from our S the best…not taking it all so personally. I have lots of trouble with that. It’s hard to deal with when he calls me a fat b**** and I have spent the whole day doing things either for or with him. Our lovely 17 year old D is able to get away more and is outgoing smart and athletic. She I think spends her time protecting me and being 17. She has anger about it but is dealing pretty well. She will get away in a little over a year which is great for her…sad for us.</p>
<p>Lastly, we have done NAMI family workshops, read everything we can get our hands on trying to find our S in a book. I have gone to counselors, attended support groups, taken S to doctors briefly when he would agree to go. I wrote to Oprah telling her she should do stories on this and how prevalent it is. </p>
<p>I got a PM from a person going through something similar saying they don’t feel sad and I should not feel that way. We go through the cycles of grief over and over as we are constantly adjusting to each change. Sadness is dominant with me. I do feel hopeful, but we are truly struggling.</p>