Message to Caltech: Go Away!

College Search & Selection
1

<p>Dear Caltech,</p>

<p>Hello. My name is princessbell. But I'm sure you already know that, considering the College Search Board gave you my name, along with my address, and email. Don't be scared; I'm not going to beat you up. I told them it was okay. I checked the box!</p>

<p>What's not okay is you, well, frankly, stalking me. Every week, some times multiple times a week, you send me a letter! And another! And another! Please stop!</p>

<p>I have not responded. It's rude, I know. They tell us in manners school to always send letters of appreciation, and thanks. So I apologize for being so uncouth. But really, Caltech, where are YOUR manners? Didn't they teach you anything in Ivy Wannabe School?</p>

<p>Okay, I'm sorry- that was uncalled for. You're a great school, I've heard so much about you! Your'e highly ranked, in a great location (Cali- wowzer!), and I've even heard rumors that everyone who attends you has an 800 on the SAT Math IIC! I probably couldn't even dream of pulling a score like that.</p>

<p>Which brings me to another thing- you're mean. You know my GPA isn't a 3.9 UW. You know I scored lower on the PSAT junior year than I did sophmore year. I'm ashamed! I can barely show my face in public, and here you are, taunting me! With your stupid impossible math problems scribbled all over your envelope -you know I suck at math!!!! For God's sake, Caltech, I checked INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS as my major! You don't even OFFER THAT!</p>

<p>So, please, Caltech. Stop. We cannot be friends, we cannot pass go, we cannot collect $200. And I definetely do not want to "explore new problems", or whatever the hell your uncatchy catch phrase is. </p>

<p>(Okay. I lied. It was catchy. But I digress)</p>

<p>Sincerely,</p>

<p>princessbell</p>

2

<p>
[quote]
Which brings me to another thing- you're mean.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I lulz'ed.</p>

3

<p>That was...brilliant. One of the best rants I've ever read.</p>

<p>Truly, truly awesome, OP.</p>

<p>Gah! I hate math!</p>

<p>Ed.: Not really. It just...grrr...</p>

4

<p>*you could just email them to get off the mailing list. But go ahead and keep complaining.</p>

<p>And don't call them Ivy-wannabe. They are quite distinctly superior in their fields of interest than any Ivy. MIT is the only school that can compete. If I wanted to do Physics or something like that, where else would you ever want to go? Obviously you don't, so don't go there. I'm a business kid who has gotten TONS of mail from Illinois Institute of Technology. They would struggle to be 5th in Michigan(my state) at any field. And would be more expensive. Explain that one.</p>

5

<p>I think it was a joke.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
MIT is the only school that can compete. If I wanted to do Physics or something like that, where else would you ever want to go?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Sorry to shatter this illusion, but other schools do compete quite well with Caltech, if not surpass it. For example, in the NRC rankings, Stanford and Berkeley are ranked right around it, and very often are ranked higher than Caltech in physical sciences, biological sciences, and engineering. The same can be seen in US News rankings, Gourman rankings, etc. True, Caltech is easily one of the elite -- but MIT isn't its only competitor.</p>

7

<p>
[quote]
For God's sake, Caltech, I checked INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS as my major! You don't even OFFER THAT!

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Haha, amen. This part was really familiar to me - I got endless spam from Caltech, and I indicated my major was Classics. Talk about hopeless recruiting.</p>

8

<p>Don't worry, it happens the other way too. Even after scoring a 510 on my SAT II Writing I was still getting all these stupid mailers about schools that didn't even offer halfway decent engineering or science curricula.</p>

<p>Just be happy you guys get lots of stuff through e-mail. I used to fill up boxes full of these mailers from schools I wouldn't ever consider. Many even continued to mail me stuff after I returned their letter asking them to stop!</p>

<p>I also have to say, possible the most persistent school (but not necessarily in a bad way) out there was RIT. I got accepted there for undergrad and decided not to go. Every year they'd send me a happy birthday e-mail, and then, during the winter of my last year, they started sending me info about their masters/PhD. programs. I'm just waiting for them to send me post-doc opportunities after five more years go by.</p>

9

<p>I've been getting so darn much mail from the University of Central Florida. I don't get it...not at all. Heck, one of the messages began: "Dear [this is my name so it's not going to be said], I'm surprised you haven't responded yet!"</p>

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<p>Hahaha at NewEngSocSciMan, I'm at the library and laughed out loud at that.</p>

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<p>As our slogan was back in my college days: "Disregard and Discard" Luckily it is easier today to delete emails, send it to spam or unsubscribe from lists. Not any worse than the Dating Websites, Canadian Drugs, or Please help me to get $15MM out of Surinam.</p>

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<p>"Not any worse than the Dating Websites, Canadian Drugs, or Please help me to get $15MM out of Surinam."</p>

<p>Or the dozens of offers I receive daily to purchase "tool enhancement" concoctions...</p>

13

<p>this is wonderful! i feel your pain, believe me,</p>

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<p>haha, I know I can unsubscribe, I'm just being facetious. I'm only slighty more bothered by the Caltech mail than the other thousands upon thousands of envelopes I recieve weekly.</p>

15

<p>LOL! LOL! :p
My daughter actually tried to solve one of the math problems....unsuccessfully!</p>

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<p>Same here as quaere. My PSAT major was Classical Greek and Caltech is still trying to drown me with mail. Yet nothing from MIT--maybe they have a better algorithm to pick people.</p>

17

<p>^^^^^
Tulane's algorithm is the best; it involves spamming a whole state. There is not a single competent student in Arkansas who has no received spam from Tulane.</p>

18

<p>lets not give Tulane a bad rep here. Remember where they are located and then realize the difficulties of trying to get students into the area, let alone parents thinking how wonderful for my child to be in New Orleans during the first semester (hurricane season).</p>