<p>S is a soph at a school, Rollins College, outside of Orlando, where there are many wealthy people. Still, he has many friends, and they spend lots of time doing activities on campus and low cost activities in the local area. S wasn’t interested in joining a frat, which is where I suspect many of the more wealthy students hang out. He works on campus, as do several of his friends. I know that some of his friends do travel extensively during school breaks, but S hasn’t seemed concerned about those things. </p>
<p>When I was in college, one of my close friends was complaining about having to go tour Europe with her family over the summer. Another spent most of winter vacation touring the Soviet Union. I realized that they had lots more money than I had, but since they did the same kind of low cost things that I did on campus and in the community, the income disparity between us didn’t inhibit my relationship with them.</p>
<p>The many very wealthy students at the public university in the city where I currently live are far more ostentatious about their wealth than were the wealthy students who went to my Ivy alma mater.</p>
<p>I grew up middle class but clueless about money. In college I met a student who had to work to pay his own tuition after his scholarship. I probably came across as one of those students in GFG’s school (not the gold toothbrush though), someone who couldn’t understand that kind of personal responsibility at that point in my life. Far from looking down on him though, I was in awe that someone my age could be so mature.</p>
<p>We live in an inequitable society and we need to learn to deal with that fact. I personally think financial diversity is just as important as any other kind. There are important lessons to be learned about value, meaning, and the kind of life you want to lead. Sometimes a little friction is good for our kids.</p>
<p>I wonder if this will change considering the economy? Some of these students who have had lots of money to spend until now may be forced to cut back.</p>
<p>What concerns me about many expensive private schools is the absence of the middle and upper middle class – there are plenty of the mega wealthy full-pay students and the low-income 100% financial aid kids, but the middle is thin. (And when some of those middle and upper middle class kids go to less expensive state schools, many then have the cash to spend on cars and TVs and nights out.)</p>
<p>While there may be colleges where the bulk of the student body is going shopping and clubbing and spending a ton of money, I think there are frugal and money-conscious kids at every school. Since it can be a matter of luck what dorm you live in and who you meet freshman year, different kids can have different experiences at the same school. </p>
<p>I’ve been amazed at how little money my daughter is spending at her expensive Ivy – her friends, some of whom are upper middle class or affluent, seem to prefer doing cheap or low-cost activities. The one exception seems to be going out to dinner to celebrate birthdays – although I know my daughter has declined several dinner-out nights to eat in the cafeteria, just because she doesn’t see the reason to pay money for a restaurant when she already has paid for the food plan.</p>
<p>After reading all these post, my only comment is, “Welcome to life!” There will ALWAYS be someone with more $$$ than you, someone who can afford things you can’t, someone who can travel to places you’ll never go. D makes wise choices about her money, and says “No” when she needs to. If someone looks down on her for not having the money to do something, she knows this is someone she doesn’t want to spend time with anyway. I can’t imagine having her choose another school because there may be too many “rich kids” at her top choice. She’s wise enough to know that in many ways her 4 years in school is life in a bubble – but, IMO, the same can be said for 4 years at any college.</p>
<p>The first thing my girl said when she came home from her admitted students’ weekend was “Everyone wore flip flops and sweats!” She loved that. Her school is one mentioned above as having an expensive lifestyle for students but she seems comfortable with the family’s decidedly lower middle class, blue collar income. She earned her spending money and is frugal about using it, more so now than at the beginning of the year. She is eating the dining hall’s notoriously atrocious food and finds she can hang out with friends cheaply anywhere on campus but she has enough cash to enjoy outings as well.</p>
<p>Her suburban h.s. had a mix of incomes but the majority were from homes worth mega millions. Her best friend has a house with 11 bathrooms. College hasn’t been much of a culture shock for her.</p>
<p>This is more a rural/city/suburban campus issue, in my opinion. My daughter spent much more when she was at an urban school than she does now at a rural one. Not that she has tons to spend anyway. That said, I’m sure it can be challenging to have less than the majority of one’s friends.</p>
<p>I know people with lots of money who have no problem flaunting it, and others who you would never know had it. It’s not the money, it’s the person.</p>
<p>My kids both attend rural LACs with plenty of wealthy kids. We live in a poor area and they had never been exposed to this kind of money.</p>
<p>At one school, the number of kids driving expensive cars and wearing popped collars and pants with little animals on them is staggering. At the other, I’ve never noticed anyone looking much different than my middle class kid.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, my kid at the ostentatious school is more sensitive about the money difference than the other one. She still, as a senior, will comment on some of the “bratty” students at her school. But she has close wealthy friends, too, and knows that money doesn’t make the person; it only sometimes exaggerates one’s characteristics. </p>
<p>The kid’s personality and the school’s environment combine to determine how the student will react to others of a different economic class. It’s not so easy, however, to anticipate the reaction.</p>
<p>I agree with Heron, that it isn’t a money thing, it is a person thing. My daughter goes to a school that they say has wealthy kids, but she finds everyone is pretty low key and on a budget. So maybe she is not hanging out with the right people, lol! Going to clubs, are you kidding me? Not on my dime.</p>
<p>I agree with the poster that said the disparity is more the problem than having a cross-section of incomes. If only the two extremes are present there is probably more problem. We are truly in the middle in the grand scheme. Because we are full pay there isn’t a lot of expendable income around here. </p>
<p>As a family, we live fairly well, but we do not do fancy vacations and are merely fortunate to have some good places to go that includes visiting family… skiing out west, Arizona for sun and Western NY on a lake in the summer, San Fran, etc. In other words, not cheap necessarily but not exactly luxury rated.</p>
<p>This year (Son’s senior year) is the only year I’ve felt somewhat badly we arent all going to mexico or soemthing, but typically we haven’t done spring break with a bunch of other senior families. And too, the kids have always traveled with their teams through HS for at least a week of that time (we have two weeks). Son’s team isn’t even doing that this year though. :(</p>
<p>I am of the thinking that rural schools have less expenses for kids because frankly, there’s very few places to go! My husband went to a school where the propensity to party at the bar scene was huge (Tulane). He said he would get a job almost every semester to offset the social expense. The problem at small rural schools is that a lot of the jobs are reserved for work study students and kids who just want to work for the money aren’t “allowed” to work for the school. When that’s all there is, kinda hard to earn extra income beyond the summer.</p>
<p>Both my kids ended up at private colleges where they are among many wealthier students. For D, who went there due to a full tuition scholarship, the adjustment was a little rough. She was also sensitive to the differences and occasionally resentful that she couldn’t afford the spring break trips and the CLOTHES. She found “her people” and made it through just fine. But she did take that “sense of entitlement” environment into account when she chose her grad school…it became a piece of her final decision. She didn’t particularly want to be in that environment again.</p>
<p>S also has friends with “jets” and fancy vacation homes. He’s always been a minimalist, so it seems to have less affect on him. He has observed that he’s “probably the poorest student he knows.” That said, he has also observed, as DadofB&G mentioned, that money most definitely doesn’t make the person a better one.</p>
<p>Well, as you know my S is among the other half who is on financial aid at that school. He wouldn’t even consider doing any of those things, because he knows that at this stage we just don’t have the money, but nevertheless seems to think he’s having a perfectly fine time and doesn’t seem to be feeling under-privileged. The likelihood is that your S has been spending time with other kids who are accustomed to and can afford to spend significant $$ on things like eating out, lift tickets, airplane fares, etc. Kids who can’t will have quietly drifted away and found other company. If asked to go out to eat somewhere other than a pizza place or the like, or fly to Asia, they are likely to say “No thanks,” rather than “I can’t afford it.” After a certain number of refusals, people naturally stop asking and bond with those who like to do what they like to do. (No criticism of your S is meant. He may be a little naive about how the other half lives. )</p>
<p>I went to a college where there were people with serious money (daughters of Latin American dictators, Iranian oil barons, publishing empires, et al), many upper-middle to middle people, and a minority of low-income people. The minority of girls who could go to Saks on the weekend and return with shopping bags full of expensive clothes and have their jeans dry-cleaned–and who wanted to do so–tended to gravitate towards each other’s company. The majority of the upper-middle class girls from towns like Grosse Point and New Canaan and Wayzata and Chevy Chase and Bronxville did not get that kind of spending money from their parents. Many, if not most, of them were expected to make most of their own spending money with a summer job, even though the parents could have afforded to give them an allowance, although the family might go on ski vacations or trips to Europe. Virtually no one had a car.</p>
<p>In reading DadofB&G’s post, it occurs to me that some of the issues discussed in this thread are a matter, not of money so much as the culture of the school, the type of kids it attracts (not in terms of $$), and (the dreaded term) “fit.” At some schools the economic levels are virtually unseen because of the culture of the school, how students tend to dress, what they tend to do for recreation. Other schools have more “popped collars” and fancy cars. That, more than the $$, seems to be the important factor. Good case for visiting!</p>
<p>I went to Colgate in the 80s. It was a wealthy schools, probably still is today. I was a poor kid on campus - never knew what preppy was, didn’t know guys culd wear pink, had no idea what a fat farm was (spa, where many of my friends went with their moms over breaks), never had wine and cheese before. </p>
<p>Instead of retreating, I decided to get as much out of it as possible. I worked 20+ hours a week, so I would have spending money to go out. If I really didn’t have money, I used my schoolwork as an excuse (double major in math and econ). Many of my friends in school didn’t know I was on FA. I learned a lot from my friends and it opened a lot of doors for me, but it didn’t change me as person.</p>
<p>My D1 is in a different boat than me. She is the one that needs to be sensitive to others, which is also a good thing.</p>
<p>I don’t think I would view it as a negative to go to a wealthier school. There is nothing wrong in getting out of one’s comfort zone and able to navigate through it. No matter how wealthy you are, there will always be people that are wealthier than you. It is good to learn from young age that money shouldn’t define who you are inside.</p>
<p>It has always been my husband and my opinion that even if we could afford to give our kids the best of everything and an endless supply of dough, we wouldn’t do it. It just wouldnt be best for who we hope they will be. As Michelle Obama recently said in regards to WH staff doing stuff for her children, “they’re children, their lives shouldn’t be easy.”</p>
<p>I have to agree with consolation about the monied folk gravitating to the monied. If you can jet set around, you’re more likely to be included. Once I said I thought the senior family spring break to Mexico was an expense I’d prefer to avoid, we were kind of off even the information train. But that it might of interpreted that we couldnt afford it, was unfortunate because when other kids and families found other more reasonable trips, we werent really brought into that loop either.</p>
<p>What I think people miss is… I CHOOSE to not afford certain things and choose to afford others. It puts us in a more fortunate situation than some and not as fortunate as others. And it’s true… there will always be people with more money than you, even if you are the child of Bill and Melinda Gates. But what becomes “normal” for a family like that – even humble by what they COULD afford – might still be ridiculously over the top.</p>
<p>As for the private plane thing… yep, I agree. I know a few who don’t own their own plan but have contract hours with private plane companies. They cut way back on those flight hours this year.</p>
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