<p>Two students at my D’s high school had Julliard tryouts scheduled for the day of a school choir concert. Not competition, just a run of the mill concert-for-your-parents-because-no-one-else-comes concert. They told the choir director as soon as they heard their dates, but he would not let them out of the concert. They offered to do other makeup work of some kind, but he was adamant. They went to their auditions and he kicked 'em out for the remainder of their senior year. I don’t think a single other kid in the choir or parent in the audience begrudged them the reason they had to miss. Not like the OP’s situation, but saintfan’s story reminded me of it.</p>
<p>intparent, as I said upthread, I’m a stickler for showing up and knowing your part…but the choir director is and ought to act like an educator. If your seniors are getting Juilliard auditions, you hug them and celebrate and excuse them from the show. That story makes me think the director is pissed s/he didn’t get the Juilliard audition back in the day.</p>
<p>intparent: that is not appropriate at all from the director. shameful.</p>
<p>saintfan: it I was that band director and that student going for a big scholarship asked me for a recommendation, I would happily write him a less than stellar one.</p>
<p>In her opener the OP really poses the question not of what are the ramifications for the “offender” but how do others respond. How does a student who has been let down or stood up rally, make the best of it and move forward? What does she tell her son? My feeling is that there isn’t much point stewing or dwelling too much. It’s water under the bridge. While it can feel good to vent and fume about the injustice of it and the irresponsibility, I think that even if the feelings are valid a kid who is wallowing in the unfairness of it all isn’t as likely to take charge and give their best performance or learn how to pull it together and find a way to make it work. Whatever the reasoning was for the transgression your kid needs learn how to focus on what they can control.</p>