<p>Tonight was a senior family dinner at the school for all the families of the seniors who are graduating this year. It was very well attended. One of the moms said that she heard about 6 or 7 of the kids who graduated last spring have already returned after only one semester away at college & are here at the local state U. One had been accepted by nearly all the schools he applied to & chose UCLA but was miserable so enrolled in local state U for spring. I guess that works out to about 3% of last year's senior class of about 240 seniors.
I'm surprised (& disappointed) that the kids didn't at least stick out an entire year before coming back home & enrolling in the local state U, but who knows what situations each faced that weren't working out.</p>
<p>I'm guessing weather and distance were the top two!</p>
<p>If I lived in Hawaii, I'd come home, too ;).</p>
<p>Seriously, that is a bigger adjustment than most of our kids have to make, plus unlike a lots of American kids coming from DODs or 3rd World countries, they have a choice - the state uni. </p>
<p>What %age of the class went to the mainland? I bet that it is much nigher than anyone else in the States can report of seniors going 3000+mile from home - except maybe Harvard-Westlake.</p>
<p>Thanks for starting this thread! There have been a surprising (to me) number of kids that have returned home in our town after one semester or one year at college. Many have transfered after one year. There have been all kinds of reason - too much partying, bad grades, drug infractions, cheating, social problems, depression, but to tell you the truth in most cases I don't know the whole story. (very few have felt the need to return to "paradise" :) ) The real point is, this is not something that parents tend to brag about. Most of these kids just show up around town and their parents say nothing to nobody so the gossip is pretty sparse. Parents and kids should know that there are more out there than they might think.</p>
<p>99% of the kids from my kids' HS go to a 4 year college. Of these, I think the % of kids who go to colleges on the mainland US is about 80-90% of all seniors. I guess considering all of that, having 3% come back because they were miserable isn't all that high.</p>
<p>The child I know who returned was at UCLA, so the weather wasn't all that different, but it is a huge school compared to the HS they graduated from where there are about 240 seniors who graduated with them & everyone knows everyone. He was brilliant (I believe one of the class validictorians or similar & won a national contest), so I'm sure grades & academic rigor weren't a factor.
Folks are speculating that after some time at the local state U, they'lll probably apply as transfer students at a better match & do fine. We'll see--the kid I know who returned has a sister who is a senior this year (also likely to be a validictorian) & perhaps it will affect the family's deliberations about her choice of college campus.</p>
<p>The school librarian said that she thinks that the class of 2005 was unusually close & "homebodies" so that maybe they missed being home more than prior graduating classes when they reached college? At least that's her take on it. She thought the number of kids who returned (especially after only one semester) was high for the school. I don't really know. Her son & mine are seniors & trying to figure out what lessons to learn from those returning.</p>
<p>One of my sister's friend's kids came back after 1st semester of her sophomore year at UC Berkeley quite miserable. Wouldn't talk about it or enroll at in-state U for quite a while. She finally did enroll at in-state U & is happy there & now has a nice boyfriend, but from what I've heard still isn't talking much about how bad things were in CA for her.</p>
<p>A cousin had both son & daughter return after a year away. Son had been at Santa Clara U & daughter at Boise State. Son said SCU was too commuter & daughter just didn't feel she fit in at Boise State & was unhappy. Both are now at in-state U.</p>
<p>Do you think the type of OOS school the kids are attending is a factor? I can imagine that UCLA or Berkeley, while excellent schools, could be a little intimidating. Are you aware of any kids at smaller LAC types of schools? I know that Santa Clara University of smaller, but still has over 8000 students. And I believe that Boise has around 18,000 students.</p>
<p>My son--who spent only two years on the Big Island at his boarding school--has missed Hawaii deeply. Last June he chose to blow his entire savings to be there for three weeks. He's trying to figure out how he can get back this year. Several of his friends have transferred from their mainland schools as well. It is a special place!</p>
<p>However, I think it's not just that--our local kids who go east to college often find the culture and attitudes just too different and come home after a few years. (Bill Gates is a notorious example.) Places are different, and cultures are different, and sometimes people just don't want to assimilate.</p>
<p>You know HiMom, I think 3% actually seems very low, although the counselor would know for certain what the school's experience was.</p>
<p>The majority of kids at my children's high school stay in-state or go to an immediately contiguous state. But, they can be anywhere from 3-8 hours from home and be in-state or immediately contiguous - think about TX, you could be in-state and have a plane ride!
My point is they have more options that are more comfortable for most kids than the HI students do.
I can certainly see how being thousands of miles from home at a commuter school would not be fun at all! Actually, I would want my child home under those circumstances.</p>
<p>It is good that your son and his friend are taking their friends' experiences to heart, and thinking about what leaving will be like. They may have a totally different outcome than last year's seniors, but the important thing is that they think about what kind of school will make them feel at home - the process is as important or more important than the specific school each ends up with - does that make sense?</p>
<p>The flight from the islands to the mainland is soooo long!<br>
So the kids are not only in a very different environment, which in the case of UCLA and Cal is very high-energy and chaotic, but going home is an ordeal. They might as well be coming from a different country.
To me, anything lower than 15% would be a positive outcome.
It's hard to leave a place like Hawaii - even for us who just go to visit!</p>
<p>I'm in a upscale section of Connecticut where 95% of hs grads go away to college. I don't think we see 3% back at home -- but we certainly do see a significant number not return to college after the first semester. </p>
<p>I have a former employee that didn't even stay at her first college until classes started -- came home before that and went to the local cc. It happens --</p>
<p>I have a very strong opinion of the events of recent years. I think that as parents have become so involved in their kids day-to-day activities that kids have become very dependent. Prior to the era of being a great parent, supporting (through attendance, coaching, mentoring) all the activities of kids. The youth were more independent in thought, and action. Kids moving back home is almost an epidemic today. At age 16-25 I didn't want anything to do with mom and dad, gained independence and found my own path. Seems like peculiar justice for those parents who need to live their childhood twice. While nobody wants their Johnny, or Jane in a unpleasant setting bailing them out only reinforces their dependence.</p>
<p>When you think about it, to have people change their minds about something is not so unusual. I mean, people leave jobs, move apartments, change relationships, change classes, etc.</p>
<p>So its not always a question of bailing out...it could be that the awe and PRESTIGE, which we hear so much about on this site, can overwhelm a young person who may not be able to see all the issues that come up and think, well everyone says it great I am going, so it must be</p>
<p>I also think expectations of what it is going to be like can fall short of reality</p>
<p>I think 3 % sounds low too.
When I was talking to friends about my daughter taking a year break last year, they all chimed in with stories about their kids taking time off, or their own college careers where they changed schools, changed majors and took their own time.
Most kids do at least finish the year, but a lot do transfer.
One friend ( my age) is fairly typical. She went to a small college in a rural midwestern location, felt smothered- finished the year but had been saving money with another friend to go to Europe. Went to Europe, friend went to Germany, she went to Paris and stay for a year as an aupair and eventually came back to the States( after hitchhiking through mexico) and finished her BA and MA at a different school.
after that route, my daughter taking time off and going back to the same college sounds relatively tame ;)</p>
<p>It's probably a combo of factors. A friend's daughter went to Willamette with her dad but returned home before the 1st day of classes, unable to face going to college there. It's taken her 18+ months to start talking about going to local CC now while she works part-time as a teacher's aid for a special ed kid (a job she only recently got).
I go agree that kids nowadays are less independent than I know I was at their age (you know, walking uphill thru blizzards both ways to get to & from school--only partly joking). Actually most of us came from larger families than our precious smaller families now & our parents honestly couldn't hover over each of us the way we hover over each of our few kids now.
I know that the summer after 8th or 9th grade, I flew from HI to Kentucky with a stop in Chicago by myself (had to change planes too). I had never been out of state before & on the way home, I stopped in LA to visit a friend for a week. I had a wonderful time & was never homesick a moment. When I went to college as a transfer sophomore to UOregon (HUGE campus & student body), I was also never homesick a minute, but felt guilty that I was having such a good time. <grin> Didn't come home again until the summer (had planned to work as a camp counselor in OR but parents insisted I come to HI).<br>
I agree that our generation was raised in a different world than the current generation. Each has had different life experiences and challenges. Each will succeed on its own terms.
Yes, I agree that expectations can fall far short of reality. I know many who merely "endured" their college & grad school experiences rather than relishing & savoring the time & experiences as I & many others did.</grin></p>
<p>Any idea why didn't she like Willamette?</p>
<p>She actually loved Willamette but she wasn't ready to be at college we think. She had a lot of health & mental health issues that she's still resolving; brilliant young woman but chronic health issues that her docs weren't adequately addressing.</p>
<p>HIMom, fwiw, there are many positives about both Berkeley and UCLA but both can be very intimidating and are, compared to some other choices, easy for a first-year to get "lost" in.</p>
<p>The independence/dependence issue is an interesting one. The "correct" formula is probably different for every child. Check that, there's also more than just one "correct" formula. On one hand, eventual independence was something in mind from infancy, promoting and developing skills that would leave to same. Otoh, some things, like learning to drive or applying to college, we were very wired in.</p>
<p>Speaking of driving, my D said that she's the only one of her friends that hasn't had an accident or ticket. Shudder.</p>
<p>Thanks--I have some familiarity with UCB & UCLA as we visit LA a lot & I have many friends who attended there. I went to UCDavis Law School & we went to UCB whenever we had a chance & we toured UCB with my son recently.</p>
<p>It is true & scary that many kids get accidents & tickets--my sister whose kids are all driving now says that each of her kids except the youngest all had an accident in the 1st year after getting their license (youngest hasn't had it a year yet). Juveniles do make mistakes when they drive & do get tickets (adults do too for that matter). </p>
<p>The real scary thing is when you hear kids talking casually about wrecking/totalling their car because they were just too exhausted & fell asleep. It really bothers me that they drive when they're that tired & it takes a wreck for them to realize that they're that tired! My son is too tired to even practice driving much & has no particular interest in getting his license any time soon (he has a permit, which he's had for nearly 2 years now). I'm glad he makes good choices & recognizes that it does take energy & attentiveness to drive, especially in high volume traffic, which we have a lot of in HI.</p>
<p>HIMom--I went to UOregon too and there were a lot of Hawaii kids there, even back then. Of course they had to ride pterodactyls over to the mainland, but even then it was a tough, tough adjustment for them. Mainland culture is so different and the weather was cold and gray. Lots dropped out and went home after winter quarter.</p>