Working hard in school should be its own reward, but even if you didn’t see it that way, going to NCSU for undergrad wouldn’t be “a waste” of your hard work. The point of AP classes isn’t supposed to be to help gain you admission to elite colleges; it’s to prepare you to do well in college no matter where you go. Engineering is a difficult major everywhere, and by taking AP classes you’d have exposed yourself to higher-level material that should make it easier for you to adjust early on.
Elite colleges aren’t a reward for working hard, as there are so many reasons students who are hard workers might not get admitted to elite colleges - a family crisis, lack of funds, simple lack of awareness, etc.
It’s a bit early to be worrying about all this if you are a high school sophomore, but yes, the way that your mom could “stop” you is by withholding financial aid information from you. However, if your dad is on board with you going away to college and your parents are married, your father could simply complete the financial aid forms for you.
@RandyErika broaching UVA with her would be easier since I have family in Virginia and she would be more lenient toward letting me go near that area. Thanks!
@juillet Working hard is only good (in my opinion) if you are doing it for a reason, whether that reason is to learn more, be better at doing something, or gain favor with someone (like a manager) or any other reason like that. But I personally don’t see anything intrinsically motivating about working hard just for the sake of working hard. I’ve seen way too many people in my family who worked so hard in their life with no clear purpose for doing so and didn’t end up any better off than those who didn’t work as hard but had a clear mindset of what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go (in life, not in school). I (and basically everyone else I know at my school) who work harder and take these higher level classes do it because we want to go to better schools and have our parents promise to help buy new computer parts/gaming consoles (and yes that is an extremely large and serious reason for a lot of us taking these classes). Oh and we take them because we know that our 5% legitimate gangster population don’t take those classes and the other 25% wanna be gangster population don’t take those classes either. None of us work harder just because we enjoy the sleep deprivation and extra mental strain unless its in a topic area that we actually enjoy.
The government isn’t going to help you pay for more than a small fraction of either one. The largest grant the government offers is ~$6k/year, and you’ll only receive that if your EFC is $0 AND your parents file the FAFSA.
It sounds like your parents can’t afford OOS schools and aren’t willing to borrow to pay for it. If your parents can’t contribute anything, you need a full ride. Those aren’t easy to come by. Instead of complaining about where your mom will let you apply, why don’t you spend your time figuring how you’re going to pay for it?
@austinmshauri well contrary to everything you just said, both of my brothers had financial aid FULLY pay for their schools and with the tuition calculators that schools offer for estimating tuition, the range it is in is doable for me. Now maybe if you read my post completely and the comments afterwards you would understand what I am complaining about and why. It’s usually a good idea to read everything before giving advice just a quick fyi
You have time – you don’t need your mom’s moral support now. You will want your mom’s moral support in 2 years, but 2 years is a long time. Given that your dad is supportive, I’d suggest that you simply drop the discussion with your mom for now. There is no reason at all for you to even discuss it with her again until fall of your senior year when you are sending in college apps… and even then if she is resistent you can manage the application process on your own – and just get your dad to sign off on the financial aid forms.
After you know where you have been admitted and – more important – where you can afford to go — in April of your senior year, if you have the option of an out-of-state college and your mom is still resistent… then maybe your dad will be able to help her come around to be more supportive.
But if you argue about it now you will only tend to make the situation worse-- lines will be drawn and you are likely to prod her into becoming more firm and attached to her position.
And bottom line - it may end up that you don’t have any affordable out of state option in any case. So why argue about something that may not ever actually become an issue?
In order to get any college to provide significant amounts of need-based financial aid, your parents will have to complete their part of the FAFSA. If you think your father will go against your mother’s wishes, and complete it for you, then your mother has no real way of preventing your for attending school out of state. That said, parents often provide more than just financial support. If you attend MIT or Harvard, where do you intend to live when classes are not in session? You will have 2-3 months when room & board are not provided, plus you will need to work to pay the taxes on the taxable portion of your scholarships (likely to be around $2,000 or more per year) along with summertime expenses, plus whatever your EFC is. Even schools that provide significant merit based aid will want you to complete the FAFSA, so the government can pay a share of the cost via Pell Grant (most of the money comes from the school).
You need to identify why your mother doesn’t want you to go out of state - did your brothers stay by choice, or because of a similar edict from her? Does she think it’s unfair for you to do so, because they didn’t? She can’t stop you, but leaving the state may be significantly more difficult than you realize, without her support. Consider your local options - your education will be what you make of it. Maybe stay near home, do well, and leave the state for Grad School, when you won’t need her support in the same ways.
Basically, it is now a power struggle that you cannot easily win, even if you are right (i.e. you find a cheaper out of state college than in state choices), since she has most of the power. Who is right and what actually makes sense is no longer relevant.
@calmom You are suggesting that OP spend the next two years hiding his plans from his mother? Not only does that sound like bad advice from a relationship perspective, but it wouldn’t allow for much planning or college visits in other states, should she come around at the last minute.
@CTScoutmom my brothers stayed because they wanted to go to state and had no further realistic (grade-wise) aspirations. I hadn’t considered where I would stay during the summer/winter breaks. As for her reasons why, I haven’t been able to get an answer out of her because to my mom, she thinks “because I said so” is an appropriate answer that ends the discussion, which in reality resulted in so many decisions from both brothers being made just to spite her, resulting in a stronger authoritarian parenting style which led to more decisions (you know classic teen rebellion AKA smoking anything) which led to an infinite loop until they were both old enough for it to not matter. But now I have to deal with her lack of trust towards them even though I’m still somehow trusted the most.
TL;DR my mother thought “because I said so” was sufficient reasoning, both brothers rebelled, I have to deal with their consequences for a few more years
@RandyErika – 0 EFC students whose parents aren’t paying for college generally don’t do “college visits in other states”. That’s a rich kids’ game. No point throwing away $$ to visit a college that may not accept the student and may not be affordable even if the student is accepted. And I certainly wouldn’t expect parents who aren’t paying for college to be financing pre-college application tourism.
Sorry, but I don’t buy that either. 0 EFC families go on vacation too. College visits a gas tank away are not cost prohibitive. If he can’t get into a place that will meet all financial need, that’s a different matter.
If your brothers got full rides, they weren’t paid for by the government, which is what I said. The money you get from the federal government won’t pay for residential college.
I did read your posts. Your state schools were good enough for your brothers, but they’re not good enough for you. Your parents are low income and would have to take “massive loans” for you to go OOS, which your mom isn’t willing to do. But you don’t have any OOS acceptances yet, so arguing with her is a waste of time. But carry on if you think it will help you reach your goals.
Doing well in high school is not “wasted” if you do not get into a reach-for-everyone college like Duke, Harvard, MIT, etc. that you have a low chance of admission to even if you work as hard as you possibly can. The better you do in high school, the more likely you will do well in college – any college. This is especially true if you want to study a major which is rigorous everywhere, like engineering majors (note also that some colleges like NCSU have a secondary admission process to get into engineering majors after enrolling at the college).
This is a separate issue that you need to think about, independent of the power struggle with your mother.
“The best of all your siblings?” You might have a different view of yourself than your parents have. Wasted working hard in high school? For starters, you are only half through high school and the easy part at that. Judging how hard other kids work is actually quite difficult. You don’t know what they are dealing with behind closed doors. Taking AP’s aren’t a waste. If you go to a state school, you may be able to graduate early or double major. Good things if you are paying for yourself.
You are a sophomore and have a whole year to show your parents how mature and reasonable you can be. That would go further to convince them of your ability to leave the state.
