<p>Hi all, I'm having some trouble at the moment.</p>
<p>My mother and I have never had the best of relationships but we've managed for most of my childhood. (Dad is completely out of picture). However, we are fundamentally different people and I can't stand her overbearing, intrusive behavior anymore. I stood up to her, under threats that she would cut me off entirely. This would obviously include my college tuition. I go to an OOS public school. After scholarships, it's roughly 22K a year. I'm only a freshman in my first semester so it's not as if I only have a couple of semesters to go and can loan it the rest of the way. If I indeed lose my financial support, what are my options? I don't qualify for federal aid because her income is too high, and I only have 3K of my own savings. Do I need to quit college? Is there anything I can do here?</p>
<p>If you had asked a year before, someone would probably have pointed you to the list of full ride merit scholarships (with no dependency on parental financial aid information)…</p>
<p>You may want to see on their web sites if any of the full ride scholarship schools you qualify for with your high school credentials and have your major will not force you to be a transfer student if you have one semester of post-high-school college credit (or if you withdraw before completing the semester). Look carefully, since these thresholds are often not easy to find.</p>
<p>Otherwise, you may have to wait until you are 24, married, or a military veteran before continuing your college education, since that is the threshold for being seen as independent for college financial aid purposes. However, you may have other hurdles; some schools will see you as dependent forever if you started as dependent, while transferring to another school tends to limit scholarships.</p>
<p>You might have to suck it up until you graduate.
You might suggest family counseling.
You might talk to your dean about options.
You might want to work and go to community college.</p>
<p>My mother is very similar to the OP’s, in the sense that she is overbearing, and intrusive in my personal business. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I got straight A’s, was on the honor roll, did sports, and always did what I was told (coming from a military family, that’s how I was taught and raised). I did have a slip up with depression, but I had just come to accept that that’s how some parents are. It’s their way of doing things. Now, I am not saying that the OP has a perfect “record” or anything, because we don’t know that, but my mother is the type of person who would become infuriated and outlandish if I told her to back away from my personal business.
“Being a nicer kid” isn’t always the fix all solution. </p>
“nicer” means being more diplomatic. HOW u say something to someone is just as important as WHAT u say. Kids will use a rude tone to their parents that they will not use to other adults.</p>
<p>Maturity is about learning to deal w all kinds of people. U will learn that in the workplace you’re going to have to work w some jerks. If u want your mother to continue to fund u, then just deal w it.</p>
<p>Fix the problem with your mother. You can say ANYTHING you want to say; you just can’t say it in a rude and condescending manner. That is a critical lesson to learn. You can fix this, most likely. A mom would sooner cut off her arm than her daughter, so I suspect you are fueling this fire, at least in part. Not knowing either of you, I still suspect mom’s behavior you perceive as intrusive is just her way of trying to feel a part of your life. Include her in small ways…send her a photo of you and your friends. Tell her something interesting you read. When you start treating her as a potential friend instead of an enemy to conquer, you will see results. </p>
<p>I agree with the above that fixing your relationship with your mother should be your priority. If you fix that situation, not only will you have better family situations to go home to, but you will have a less stressful financial situation. Now, I agree that things can’t always work the way you want it to. When I was younger, I had a parent who threatened to cut off art lessons (something that I was deeply passionate about) every time she wanted me to do something. This became a terrible and vicious cycle. But being at least courteous and kind to them goes a long way.</p>
<p>You will have very few options, so to take a stand against someone who is paying for you seems like poor judgement. You are even out of state, how about you just suck it up until you are out of college? Otherwise you will have to get a job and go to work and try to take a few classes at a time. Or you could join the military.</p>
<p>I know nothing about your situation, but I know what it’s like to have a narcissistic mother who criticizes your every action and wants you to do everything her way. I don’t know if that’s what you’re dealing with or if you are indeed just being snotty, but if it’s the former, I sympathize with you.</p>
<p>Additionally, I commend you for finally sticking up for yourself if you’ve always just let her tear you apart, but I also have to say that it’s a foolish thing to do when you need your mother’s money. As much as you hate to admit it, you need her. And she knows you need her. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the way it is. She still has power over you as long as she’s paying for your tuition, so until you graduate, you have to suck it up and do what she wants.</p>
<p>Remember that the end goal is to get a degree and get the heck out of your mother’s house. If you have to play her games to get there, then that’s what you have to do. Be grateful that you’re OOS and don’t have to see her all the time. That’s a grace most children of narcissistic parents don’t have.</p>
<p>Now, if your mother isn’t actually that bad and if you just disagree with her about a couple things, then you need to grow up and learn that she’s your mother and she’s also being gracious enough to pay for your schooling when she doesn’t have to. </p>
<p>If she were to cut you off, then you’d have no choice but to quit going to your current school. You can’t take out 22k in loans by yourself. Like the others said, you’d have to most likely get a job and go to CC part time and then take classes at a university near you. And this would be even harder if your mom didn’t let you stay with her and if you had to rent your own place.</p>
<p>We don’t know if the situation is a truly toxic mom (e.g., narcissist, sociopathic) where it doesn’t matter what the OP does…the person just wants control
Or is it a case where the mom wants 'the best" for the OP and is too intrusive about it?</p>
<p>If the former, you have to figure out how to get out of her control.
If the latter, you have to figure out how to control her.</p>