Mommy Dearest writing me a LOR?

<p>So I posted a similar question yesterday.</p>

<p>I had skin cancer my freshman year of high school and my family and I decided to keep the news to ourselves so as to avoid drama and gossip (the best decision). I was just starting a new chapter of my life I didnt want to be labeled as the sick kid. I handled the situation really well, had a very positive attitude so teachers never had reason to be concerned about me. Yes, my grades were lower than the rest of my years, but nothing too drastic, kept above a 3.2. </p>

<p>Anyways I got better soon enough and just had some stitches where they excised the tumor. In short, I got better - thank heaven. </p>

<p>Basically none of my teachers, counselors, advisers, or even friends know about it. But I wrote about it in my common app essay because I want to dedicate my life to cancer research. I did mention in my essay that only my parents know about my cancer.</p>

<p>I really don't want schools to call my counselor to confirm with her because she doesn't know and I don't want her to know due to the fact that she is very gossipy and I don't want her telling kids "oh __ only got into that college because she had cancer." </p>

<p>Plus it's in the past and I don't want to resurface unnecessary drama, friends asking me "why didnt you tell me?!" its personal. Would schools call her, you think? I'm applying to big schools - Notre Dame, Cornell, UChicago. </p>

<p>Would it be odd to have my mother right me a LOR just confirming my illness? Or is this unnecessary...I think the fact that I signed my name certifying that everything on my app is truthful should be enough and I don't want to trouble my mom with work, she's in law school at the moment.</p>

<p>Give me your thoughts!</p>

<p>I think you should talk to your GC. Explain why you didn’t tell people, and ask her to please not tell people now. She is an adult and should be a professional about this if you ask her to please not share it unless a college asks. Tell her if she needs more information or confirmation she can talk to your mom.</p>

<p>Meh, it is just so weird talking to people about this, especially her. If you think that’s the best thing to do though then maybe I’ll just allude to it, I don’t want to draw attention to myself. </p>

<p>In your opinion, do you think colleges will really call her? Or is this quite a rarity?</p>

<p>I cannot imagine any reason for a college admissions office to call your GC to verify whether or not you had had cancer. This isn’t the kind of thing that they are going to check up on.</p>

<p>Don’t worry about this.</p>

<p>That is relieving, I would actually find it sort of insulting if I heard a school did call, it would make it seem like my admission was hinged upon something that was out of my control
:/</p>

<p>What is within your control is whether or not you write about it in your essay. If you think it will cause problems that you’re not willing or prepared to deal with, then write about something else. If you’ve already submitted your essay, then this is something that you should have resolved earlier.</p>

<p>I don’t think it will cause any grave problems. I’m just being hopeful that I write about it and no colleges call my guidance counselor and none of my friends find out.
which i think is likely to happen (?)</p>

<p>Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. I can understand not wanting to make a big deal out of your illness with friends and teachers, but so what if they know about it? Why does it have to be a secret from those who know you the best?</p>

<p>Eh I really don’t know. But that speaks of a different issue about my personality and trusting of others, not what my original question is about. Thanks for your concern though.</p>

<p>Also, my friends are very dramatic. I’m afraid “knowing” and “making a big deal” would be synonymous. As for teachers, at this point it seems irrelevant because I’m no longer their student, plus they already are very fond of me wouldn’t wan them to think I want pity. To just knock on their doors and say “Oh I had skin cancer as a freshman” would seem random. Just my thoughts though.</p>

<p>Maybe you can attach some time of note from a doctor confirming your diagnosis, if that is possible.</p>

<p>Thanks for your concern though.</p>

<p>I hope that you’re not being sarcastic. Look, I know it’s tough for a 9th grader to get a diagnosis like that and battle through, and good on you for winning that battle. But it seems like you still have serious issues three years later that are causing you anxiety about including the cancer information in your college essay. You’ve got two threads going about this issue because you’re so worried that teachers and classmates will find something out. What are you worried about? That they’ll find out you had cancer three years ago and are now fine, or that you wrote about having cancer in your college essay? If you wanted to keep it a secret then you should have kept it a secret. From everyone.</p>

<p>That wasn’t sarcastic, I just didn’t add an exclamation point.
The main purpose of this thread was to ask: should my mother right a letter explaining my circumstances?
I think I am coming off much more worried than I actually am. If my friends find out whatever, not the end of the world. I am being a drama queen right now. Just wanted to restate my previous question in a different way.
Can we be finished, though? I mean that in a positive way, not trying to be snarky.</p>

<p>Also, my friends are very dramatic. I’m afraid “knowing” and “making a big deal” would be synonymous. As for teachers, at this point it seems irrelevant because I’m no longer their student, plus they already are very fond of me wouldn’t wan them to think I want pity. To just knock on their doors and say “Oh I had skin cancer as a freshman” would seem random. Just my thoughts though.</p>

<p>To be honest with you, you’re the one who sounds like a drama queen. You don’t have to knock on doors and announce that you had skin cancer three years ago; no one has suggested that you do that. But stop all this excessive worry about whether or not people will find out. If a friend or teacher finds out and mentions it to you, just tell them that it was three years ago and you’re healthy now. No big deal. If a friend is upset that you didn’t confide in them back then, explain that it was a personal matter that you wanted to keep within your family. How easy is that? You are not special or unique. Getting a cancer diagnosis is not uncommon, unfortunately.</p>

<p>I think the parent letter isn’t a great idea. It draws attention to the issue and makes them wonder why you wouldn’t tell your school. The flip side is that they may call your GC. It is not unheard of for a college to call a GC to get more info on an applicant (maybe related to something else in your essay), and they could bring this up in the conversation. Then… your GC may start asking people (not you first!). </p>

<p>I really think your best bet is to come clean to the GC and tell her you would appreciate it if she would not share this, but you want her to know because you are putting it in your essay and want her to be aware if a college mentions it. Or don’t write the essay about it at all. This is not something that needs to be a deep dark secret, especially since you are now in remission.</p>

<p>Can you please leave me alone? I don’t mean this in a mean way either.
I have asked nicely.
You are not answering my original question. I didn’t ask if I was “special or unique” and I don’t appreciate you accusing me of being a drama queen based off a post I made on an internet forum.
I realize now that my worrying is stupid, let us move on.</p>

<p>Thank you I have decided to make that my agenda, I’ll tell her on Monday and really stress that we keep the information confidential.</p>

<p>I think they will trust that no one is going to make this up as a story. They aren’t going to be trying to chase down various students stories and verify them. This is likely a non issue.</p>

<p>But, if you happen to go to a school that is in touch with admissions officers, it might be a different situation. I know that one college told my daughter’s GC that they particularly liked her essay, and to pass that on. If that was you and they may say something about complimenting you on your surviving cancer story and then your GC says “cancer”? This isn’t likely to happen, is it? And you did mention in your essay that you kept it to your family.</p>

<p>While I don’t think writing a note should be too much work for your mother, she shouldn’t be writing a LOR. Don’t have her write anything that looks like an LOR.</p>

<p>fyi, “Mommie Dearest” is a title of a memoir written to describe a controlling and abusive mother. I don’t think that’s what you mean to imply about your mother, for future reference.</p>

<p>I agree, they will trust your word, knowing that no one would make up such a story.
I dont think schools really check up on personal statements, if they check up at all.
If you feel comfortable, tell her. If not no big deal.</p>

<p>^ interesting factoid about Mommie Dearest too
I didn’t know that either</p>