<p>I'm a high school senior with a 4.0 GPA and a 30 on the ACT. I'm also Korean, with a single mother dead set on me going to an Ivy League, for obvious reasons but also because my dad went to Harvard. I applied to the standard Ivy League schools and several state schools (having moved in my high school years, I also considered schools in my previous state since I was thinking about moving back). My essays were pretty good in my opinion, as well as in my English teacher's opinion, but I have been diagnosed with Asperger's and pretty much bombed the interview Stanford had set up for me with an alumni. I worry that might have been why I failed to gain admission to "good" schools.</p>
<p>In any case, I got rejected by Stanford, Harvard, etc. as well as University of Chicago, and got into several minor state schools like University of Illinois. I was wondering whether this will doom me for life, as I've been led to believe my entire life, and how to break the rejection letters to my mom, who would be heartbroken and angry once she finds out. Does anyone have any advice?</p>
<p>Alumni interviews seem to have very little influence on admissions… they are more to make the alumni feel involved than to truly evaluate students, IMHO. Of course this will not doom you for life. You just need to tell you mom. Get it over with, you need to figure out where you are going and send in a deposit by the end of April. Since paying for this is probably a family decision, you can’t delay sharing your results. Tell her that you are disappointed, too, but ready to move on to make a decision among the schools that accepted you. You could print out the results and hand them to her if you don’t feel comfortable just telling her. That might help her accept it more readily if she sees it in writing (and might turn some of her unhappiness on the paper decisions vs. on the messenger!).</p>
<p>@intparent: </p>
<p>That’s a relief to hear, though I suppose it then places the burden on other things (I guess I just messed up somewhere else). Thank you for that. And as for the advice, I got an EFC of 0 on my FAFSA report so I’m wondering how all of that works out - deposits and such - considering that. I will tell her asap in any case, since you are right, it is a family decision. Printing it out and giving it to her is a great idea, I’ll roll with that.</p>
<p>I doubt you messed up somewhere else – there are so many qualified applicants that they far out number the available spaces at “top” schools. In spite of what your mom thinks, you can have an equal, if not better, college experience at a lower ranked school - the ranking prestige of “top” schools is about the name as much or more than the actual quality of the education. A school that fits your needs – academic, financial, social and geographic is much more important than the name of the school. I agree with intparent – print the results and let her read them. Good luck, and I’m sure that you will have a fantastic experience at the school you choose (don’t forget, you are the one going to school, not your mom!)</p>
<p>@PetraElise:
Thank you so much. I personally am fine with going to a state college, but I am mainly worried about crushing my mom’s dreams and the like. I will print out the results and let her know, thank you! I apologize for how big a deal I made out so common a problem, though. </p>
<p>Don’t feel bad. And don’t look back on what you could’ve done or should’ve done. I know that sounds easier than it is and I’ll probably find it difficult to do next year when I hear my decisions. But look into the schools you got into and be excited for them! Do research and figure out which one you want to go to. And just do your best as an undergrad and maybe you’ll get into a top graduate program!</p>
<p>@xFirefirex:
Thanks! I’ve narrowed it down to two of the state schools I got into and hopefully will be able to pick one after discussing my results with my mom. I appreciate all the advice in this thread!</p>
<p>If you’re going into engineering then U of I is not a minor state school. People choose it over private schools all the time (like me). Top 5 nationwide is not bad…
But anyways best of luck to you!</p>
<p>@TenMore:
I didn’t realize it was that high-ranked a school, huh. I’m considering going into medicine, so I don’t know how it ranks then but in any case, it’s all good.</p>
<p>Thank you!</p>
<p>2 things:</p>
<p>There are always transfers if it really doesn’t work out.</p>
<p>BA is not a terminal degree anymore. Once you find what you really want to do, chase down a fabulous grad school. Just make sure that you’re hitting the cover off the ball where you go to undergrad.</p>
<p>If you are considering medicine then you will be fine. Your strong work ethic will help you keep the gpa you will need for medical school and you will have a chance to be a standout. Good students succeed wherever they go. You are managing the disappointment very maturely and it just isn’t a personal reflection on you. The parents who know best on this forum say over and over than medical schools don’t care about your undergraduate college prestige. It is mostly about the GPA and the MCAT scores. Try browsing the medical school forums here.</p>
<p>@AVagrant – no worries – to you, it is a big deal, because it’s a big deal to your mom. But at some point, you have to let go of her expectations, and realize that what you are achieving is wonderful, and worthwhile. We each have unique family situations, and it’s impossible for me to know every thing about yours – but I do know that you are the one who is starting this adventure, and you are the one who needs to thrive – so make the choice that best suits what you need. Obviously economics may come into play and affect the choice, but other than that, it’s your ballgame not your mom’s. And I’m a mom, so I know a little bit about having to let go of my dreams, and let my girls have theirs. </p>
<p>I see you are considering medicine – there is the chance to be accepted at a higher ranked college for graduate school, especially if you do really solid work in undergrad. And it’s to your benefit to have less debt now at a state school, in preparation for more expenses that will come up for grad school. </p>
<p>@camilli:
I was considering transferring as another option too, thanks for suggesting it! I think I will put it down as a definite possibility. </p>
<p>@BrownParent:
I kinda needed to hear this since it is difficult to shake off the fear-mongering of “If you don’t go to X school…!” so thank you for all of that post. I wasn’t aware there were med school forums here and will definitely go give them a look now. </p>
<p>@PetraElise:
Hearing this from a mom is comforting since I am told the same by friends, but it’s hard to internalize. I will sit down and talk with her about this, since I agree that it is my path, and I think it may ease some of her worries that she messed me up or somethign similar.</p>
<p>That is an extremely solid point, and I will bring that up with her. Right now she’s at work, and won’t come home till tomorrow morning, so I’m glad I have a chance to cobble together some things. I would ask for tips on what to do in undergrad to sort of pave the road to graduate school, but I think the medical school forum might help out with specifics for schools and such. Thank you!</p>
<p>College admissions have changed dramatically since your parents were applying. I got into Penn when it wasn’t really all that big a deal-- NMF status and decent grades would do it. Nowadays they would probably rip up my application and grind it under their collective heels, coupled with hoots of laughter. </p>
<p>While I know how hard it is to give up dreams on your baby’s behalf, I get a little annoyed at parents who fail to remember how lucky they are to have healthy, hard-working kids who are gamely doing their best. You are so NOT doomed at 18 because you didn’t get into an Ivy League-- at that rate, something like 99.98 percent of the country is doomed, which we hope and trust is not the case. Chin up.</p>
<p>@Demeron2:
I didn’t think about the difference in admissions then and now; interesting comparison.</p>
<p>I was being a pretty big baby about it in my op, I gotta admit. Taking into consideration what you said, I’ll try to put all of that together into something to present my mom when I tell her (to soften the blow). Thanks!</p>
<p>…suck it up and move on - life is full of disappointments…</p>
<p>Honestly AVagrant, you sound like a delightful young person, intelligent and well spoken. I’ve no doubt that you will excel where ever you end up. Your mom should be very proud of you</p>
<p>“Your mom should be very proud of you”
I agree! Good luck! You’ll have a great future!</p>
<p>Parents really do have unrealistic expectations. My Asian parents think that getting a at least a 700 on all sections guarantees you can get into a top 20 school, but they were so wrong. Anyway, you do seem like an intelligent and mature young woman, thus I am sure you will do well wherever you go! Your mom will get over it!</p>