<p>Seems to me that DadII is equally stressed out & demanding for both his kids – with similar standards of perfection for each. While I don’t particularly cotton to his parenting style… its pretty clear that it is largely cultural. So I think it’s fair for us to gently remind DadII that he is going overboard… again … but he’s not going to suddenly become a different person. </p>
<p>As to the issue of what Dad II is willing to pay… well I would feel the same way. I’ve attended a state university, my son has attended a well-regarded LAC and a state college, & my daughter is studying at Barnard – and there is a huge difference in many aspects. That doesn’t mean that a student can’t get a good education from a less selective college… or even that a different college wouldn’t be a good fit – but that doesn’t preclude an overall analysis of value. It makes a lot of sense to look for merit aid at safety level colleges – certainly my kids were offered merit money at safety-level colleges.</p>
<p>I’d expect to pay more for a BMW than for a Honda – that doesn’t make the Honda a bad car. My kids were offered merit aid at their safeties, so I think it is reasonable to expect that.</p>