Motivation: origin, contributing factors

Parent Cafe
1

<p>All,</p>

<p>This subject has surely been asked and answered in other threads. If there is an existing perfect thread, please direct me to it. Otherwise, let's have fun in this thread, with this subject.</p>

<p>MOTIVATION - within our kids. Where does it come from? </p>

<p>What contributes to it. What detracts from it? Is it inherited, it is learned? Can a parent really have any influence at all? </p>

<p>Some children born to highly successful, and highly motivated parents, follow in the footsteps, and are motivated, go to good school, get good grades, move into successful careers, etc. </p>

<p>While other children, with motivated parents, turn out just the opposite (lazy, selfish, etc. - or at least, not highly motivated). </p>

<p>And on the flip side, children born to parents who are not motivated, sometimes end up being highly motivated. While many, born to parents who were not motivated, follow in their footsteps, and likewise are not motivated.</p>

<p>Makes me think that there is no coorelation to the parents and the children. What say you?</p>

<p>How about "parental involvment"? Some say that children who are raised by "helicopter" parents (hover very close, watch over every homework assignment, encourage children to go out for every sport, etc.) end up being very successful. Others argue just the opposite, that those who grow up with overly involved parents - end up losing their motivation (maybe just to spite their parents). </p>

<p>I realize that there is no 'certain' answer to my question. But i would really like to hear from parents, and students, as to your opinion. </p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

2

<p>Based on my own experience, I don’t think the quality of “being motivated” is either inherited or determined by nurture. I think it is innate, though. I believe this because my eldest is incredibly motivated, my middle is motivated by certain things, and my youngest appears to be completely unmotivated to achieve at anything. Both my H and I would probably be considered “highly motivated” and fairly to very competitive.</p>

3

<p>^^Exactly like our three children…do we want to consider order of birth?!</p>

4

<p>First you have to define “motivated”. Not all parents have the same goals for their children, and will define it differently.</p>

<p>Birth order has been proven to be a factor.</p>

<p>What you do with your child the first two years of his life has the most influence. However, it is a combination of nature and nuture.</p>

5

<p>Bay: </p>

<p>So it’s not nature or nurture. What else is there?</p>

<p>margieG:</p>

<p>Can you expound on birth order? I too believe that is a factor, but there are obviously other big ones out there.</p>

6

<p>I have talked to many parents about birth order as to how it affects internal motivation with the common scenario of the youngest as the least motivated.</p>

7

<p>ee,</p>

<p>I didn’t say it wasn’t nature, I meant that I don’t think it is an inherited trait. Rather, I think it is an innate personality trait. I think there is a difference, isn’t there? Or are all innate characteristics considered “inherited?”</p>

<p>What I’m trying to convey is that I believe all of my three children emerged from the womb with their particular propensity to “be motivated” or not.</p>

<p>Our eldest was naturally motivated and intensely competitive. She is now at H.</p>

<p>With my unmotivated third child, we tried encouragement, positive reinforcement, bribery and finally threat of punishment and punishment (in the form of withholding privileges). Nothing seems to motivate him to increase his achievement level. I’ve pretty much given up and now I accept his performance as it is.</p>

8

<p>I believe there are many factors, but it seems to me that temperament is evident at birth. Our DD’s displayed very different personalities as early as their first days in the hospital. Older D was relaxed, content, easy-going. Second was very alert and feisty. Hasn’t changed much.</p>

<p>While I think we shape our children, it seems the material may be different from the start.</p>

9

<p>Bay - we cross posted, but it seems we have come to very similar conclusions.</p>

10

<p>I don’t know about motivation, but I can say for certain that my son spent 17 years watching me be organized and always doing things before they are ‘due’, and he seems to have not picked up on that skill. OTOH, he can write me under a table and there are many many other things he is way better at than me so I really think that nature trumps nurture.</p>

11

<p>Since i started the thread, i will answer the question on what i mean by “motivation”. Primarly what i mean is - how much the individual is motivated to do things (on their own, without being told to do them) such as (1) get a job during the summer, or, (2) do what is necessary to get good grades in school - either high school or college, or, (3) to try out for sports, join clubs, run for offices, etc.,. In the aforementioned, they are areas that most of us parents feel will “help in the long run”. Many kids don’t think much beyond today, while others are aware of, and base some of their actions, on ‘the future’. </p>

<p>Motivation could also include things like doing chores, keeing one’s room clean, seeing where one could be helpful and offering help (but those type of things go beyond pure motivation, and include traits such as selfishness and/or selflessness.</p>

<p>Maybe another way of looking at the issue is, what issue/things does each individual consider important, or not important? And why do some students consider grades, jobs, sports, clubs, etc. important, while others do not? </p>

<p>I suppose it could be argued that certain students are not motivated in areas such as grades, jobs, ECs (areas that parents consider important) but they are motivated in video games, friendships, skateboarding, etc. </p>

<p>I have a very difficult time,personally, viewing the two different areas as “equal but different”. I think the area of {grades, jobs, ECs} falls into an area of "not easy to do NOW, not fun to do NOW, but necessary NOW for rewards in the FUTURE. Whereas, the second area {motivated to become good at video games, motivated to have friendships} fall more into an area of “fun NOW” but nocessarily related to, or associated with the FUTURE. </p>

<p>Hopefully, i have not lost eveyone in this discussion, in the process of attempting to clarify. :-). </p>

<p>To take it back to where I started this thread, I have two kids with certain amounts of motivation. Also, I have several nephews and nieces (some are highly motivated, some are not). I have several neighbors with kids (some are very motivated, some are not). And, in all of the cases, i know the parents. </p>

<p>I have been puzzled for years, wondering why some kids are very motivated, and some are not. So far, I have not seen or found a coorelation between the parents and kids.</p>

<p>To reveal my situation, both of my kids are very smart (academically), but neither of them are overly motivated. My son scored a 34 composite in the ACT (very good score), and was one of only 3 students, in his graduating class, to have obtained better than a 4.0 in all 16 quarters in high school. Yet, his good grades come more because he is so smart, and doesn’t require much effort, then due to being highly motivated. (in some ways it is a curse). My daughter is not quite as smart as my son, but she is much more motivated. She has an 3.86 her freshman year (not quite as high as my son’s GPA), yet she spends far more time studying -then my son ever did. Yet, even she does not do much more than she thinks is necessary. Neither of them are/were motivated to participate in competitive sports - yet some of my nieces and nephews can not get enough of sports. I am an die-hard baseball fan, and avid golfer, but it did not carry down to spur much interest in either my son or daughter. With a couple of my nephews and one niece, thier parents are not very interested in sports and don’t play any, but both nephews and the one niece have a passion for all sports. </p>

<p>It just has me curious, what motivates kids to do well (academically) or to become involved in sports, clubs, etc.</p>

12

<p>It may be true that being motivated to be good at video games or skateboarding does not equal grades or sports etc. but I think that’s an overly-determined dichotomy. I think someone can be motivated to make the life they want, and do so successfully, without being overly motivated towards grades, sports, job success, etc.</p>

<p>Everyone needs to be able to support themselves. Anything more is a lifestyle decision. My D was motivated enough to get a 4.0 in HS, a very high SAT, and do great in a top LAC. But while there, she participated in things that interested her (activism stuff, gamelon, etc) but did not do internships, get-ahead summer jobs, anything like that. She was Phi Beta Kappa, but eschewed the Honors Thesis choice. Now she canvasses for an eco organization. Many of her coworkers doing the same job don’t have college degrees. She makes little money but supports herself and loves her life. Has thought about grad school, but just not interested enough. Is she unmotivated? I think not, just differently motivated.</p>

<p>My S is much lke your S. Great GPA, stellar SAT (higher than his sister’s with one hand tied behind his back), got himself into an Ivy. Had a fantastic GPA there for two years, then a, let’s say, uneven one, the next year and a half, then withdrew. He’s now also working at canvassing.</p>

<p>Was he unmotivated? Again, a complex question. Was motivated enough to make Dean’s List most semesters, until he didn’t, emphatically. STill the same kid, but with a different sense of direction. The path lost its meaning for him.</p>

<p>Motivation itself loses its meaning, I think, when we define it as “grades and sports and ECs”. I think the question is, what do you want out of life? If you know this, then what will it take to get there–maybe for some people the answer will be 25K a year as a canvasser. And if you don’t know, then the answer might be, some floundering, some exploring, some miss-steps, but hopefully the wisdom to start recognizing those mistakes, and be willing to double back, start over, try a new path. (Why should a kid *like *sports? Is a steep career ladder *really *necessary?)</p>

<p>Yes, some people are “lazy.” but before we start labeling, let’s look at our assumptions. What looks like non-motivation for some, may just be a different kind of maturity in others.</p>

13

<p>Great topic!!! I have wondered same. I do know that one reason my younger son has not been motivated to do many EC’s is that he is a gentle introvert, and has been one since birth. He’s a great student, gets high marks, has done all his work with no pressure since early grade school, but comes home to nap every day after school. The very last thing he needs after 8 hours stuffed in a building full of talk and buzz is more of the same. Unfortunately, I think the EC craze puts this type of kid at a bit of a disadvantage, but the good news is he’s such a great kid - such a kind soul - that we know he’ll bloom where he’s planted. But it has been interesting to watch his temperment affect his motivation. And the other DS is more extroverted - so has been motivated to join a few more club type activities. Genetic? Perhaps - but far more complex than blue eyes / brown eyes. Soul stuff? I kinda think so!</p>

14

<p>

</p>

<p>I think motivation often does not correlate with what one considers important. I am not a super motivated individual in a lot of areas (very motivated in others). But, sadly, some of the things that are most important to me are areas in which it’s difficult to motivate myself. Laziness? Probably. They are the harder, less pleasant things I have difficulty with. But they are still important to me.</p>

<p>S1 is a worker bee just like my H. He goes outside and does hard work (we live on a farm) just because it’s the thing to do. He lines himself up summer jobs, make top grades, etc. Some of these things aren’t so much important to him as they are things that just need to be done.</p>

<p>S2 is more like me…enjoys his computer time, etc. :wink: He has many things that are important to him, but he spends a lot of time trying to think of an easier way to do them…which often means they don’t get done.</p>

<p>D is adopted, and she isn’t like either one of us. In her case, if something is important to her, she is motivated to do it. Motivation correlates to importance.</p>

15

<p>“Primarly what i mean is - how much the individual is motivated to do things (on their own, without being told to do them) …”</p>

<p>Whoa, this I could “induce” with a cattle prod. When I think of motivation I think of what moved Cool Hand Luke to behave the way he did.</p>

16

<p>Wow! Two threads on personality, one of my favorite topics and one I that I feel I can help others with my contribution at the same time. Most believe that one is born with a set of preferences. One of these preferences (judging in MBTI) is living a structured, organized, scheduled and accomplished life. Judgers naturally “work first, then play”. The opposite side of this coin are perceivers - those who prefer a more open, flexible, sponstaneous, adaptable life. They “play first, then work”. </p>

<p>There are positives and negatives to each. Judgers, while accomplishing a great deal, sometimes make decisions before gathering enough information and sometimes focus so intently on their goal they miss seeing a need to change direction. Percievers are great at researching and studying the problem and they are excellent at adapting. However, they sometimes study the problem so long they miss the deadline and often they focus so much on staying open that they never settle on a plan.</p>

<p>In addition to these two preferences, it is interesting to note that most people have preferences that make certain activities not feel like work. Some athletes never feel that “working out” is work - it feels like play to them. (Not me - never found the “high” from physical exertion) Others, like many of us on CC, don’t feel it “work” to research colleges. If we follow our preferences, motivation is generally not a problem.</p>

17

<p>

</p>

<p>Interesting, reflectivemom. So, rather than prioritizing things because they are important to us, we prioritize them because we prefer them. That makes a lot of sense!</p>

<p>That was a lightbulb moment for me. I do work on things…but they are things that don’t feel like work to me. Like you said, researching colleges…that’s playtime for me! Actually, researching anything is playtime to me. So, I don’t guess I need the test to know that I’m a perceiver!</p>

18

<p>Well, timely, you can love researching colleges and be a perceiver or you can love researching colleges and be a judger. Is researching colleges your “main work”? If not, do you research colleges before you get your “main work” done - and lose track of time at the expense of the “main work” (perceiver)? Or, do you get your work done and use the computer on a schedule or after your work is done as a reward (judger)?</p>

19

<p>

</p>

<p>guilty as charged :)</p>

20

<p>

</p>

<p>Yup, I think that sums up my kids pretty well. Lack of motivation may be motivation itself.</p>

<p>“What we’ve got here… is failure to communicate.”</p>